
Rnnk ^ <^ US' 

By bequest of 
William Lukens Shoemaker 



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1^ 






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7> 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



A SATIRE. 




THE GULF OF OBLIVION 



THE 



O B L I V I A D: 

^ Satire. 

WITH NOTES. 



TOGKTHER WITH 



Additional Notes, Preface, 

AND ■ ' 

Supplement, 

BY 

THE AMERICAN EDITOR. 

AND 

The Perpetual Commentary 

OF 

THE ATHEN^UM. 



A^dri KaTeve/x-fidriffuv. 

Dioin. Scliol., ajnid Bent. 

ws ore Tix <puis 
IIsTpjj iwl Tpo0\T)Ti Ka9-fifi(vos, lephf Ix^'^v 
"E/c Tr6yTOio ^vpa^t Kivta ;caJ ^Vojrx x""^"'"'- 

Iliad. Lib. xvi. v. 406. 

Sed nos oblilerata quoqiie scrutabimur : nee deterrebit qiiarundiim rcruir 
hiimilitas. . Pliu. Hist. Lib. .\iv. Prcoem. 



NEW YORK : JAMES MILLER, 779 BROADWAY. 

LONDON : B. QUARITCH, 15 PICCADILLY. 

MDCCCLXXJX, 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1879, by 

Dr. WILLIAM LEECH, 

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 

am 
W. L. Shoemaker 
7 S '06 



Trow's 

Printing and Took binding Company. 

205-213 East Tinei/t/i Street, 

New York. 



TO 



^ DiONYSius Lardner Boucicault, Esq. 

DEDICATION. 

IN one respect at least, I may, without impu- 
tation of vanity, claim kindred with Boileau ; 
who said of himself, jc sai peu loner : for, just 
now, I am not i' th' vein to praise. To be 
plain, could I find a better, to him I would de- 
dicate in place of Boucicault ; the Congreve, 
or shall I rather say, Southerne of the age, 
who, after a long interval, has again raised the 
price, not only of plays and prologues, but of 
wit. I have declared war against the block- 
heads of the day, and naturally seek an alliance 
with the foremost of the opposite powers ; for 
when it is known under what conduct I take 
the field, I cannot fail to enlist on my side 
whatever there is of genius and erudition in 
the nation. It is now upwards of half a cen- 
tury that the dullards have it all their own way; 



DEDICATION. 

Still, even thus, am I willing to bring- the mat 
ter to the last arbitrement, which is ridicule, 
that weapon of aH others the most formidable 
to the dunce, as it is to the knave and hypo- 
crite. Cut, thrust, and parry ; if I fail, let it, 
at all events, be confessed, that I drew pen in 
a worthy cause, and that I had the counte- 
nance of 

BOUCICAULT. 

" Nec tam 
Tuipe fuit vinci, quam contendisse decorum est." 

The Author of the Obliviad. 



NAMES 

OF PERS.ONS CELEBRATED 

IN THIS POEM. 



The first number shews the Book ; the second, the Verse. App. Appendix. 
Supp. Supplement. 



' I would have the Names of those Scribblers printed indexically, at the 
bcg-inning or end of the Poem, with an account of their works, for the 
Reader to refer to ; " [which account, in the Obliviad, will be found in 
the Notes.] 

Swift, to Pope, 

Dublin, July i6, 1728. 



For an Index, including, with the Names, the principal Matters in 
the Poem, turn to the End of the Volume. 



A. 

Accius Labeo, i. 140. 
Ainsworth, J. S. i. 253. 
Ames, Mrs. iv. 313. 
Arnold, Mathew, i. 157. 
Arnolds, iii. 399. 
Aristarchus, iv. 143. 
Arthur, King, iii. 109. 
Ass, Full-bred, i. 268. 

, passim. ' 

Athenaeads, ass above. 
Atreus, iv. 61. 
Attila, the. Hun, iv. 146. 
Aytoun, iii. 243. 

B. 

Baboon, the Raw, iv. 17. 
Baines, Edward, M.P., i. 219. 



Bancroft, Poet and Historian, iv. 

224. 
Barnard, ii. 103. 
Barnum, iii. 267. 
Bats, iii. 264. 
Bavius, i. 46. 

Baxter, Wm. Ed., M.P. i. 219. 
Bear, German, iv. 174. 
Beecher, Mrs. Stowe, iv. 281. 
The Rev. H. W. iv. Supp. 



16. 
Berkley, The Hon. G. &c. i. 179. 
Besaleel, ii. 81. 
Blackmore, iii. 1 10. 
Blockheads, passim. 
Boeotians, iii. 60. 
Bootblacks, iv. 26. 
Boulton, iv. 364. 
Bourgeois Gentilhomme, iii. 162. 



PERSONS CELEBRATED IN THIS POEM. 



Braddon, Miss, iv. 58. 

Brentano, iv. 354. 

Bret, vid. Harte. 

Brigham Young, iv. Supp. 10. 

Brougham, iv. 361. 

Brooks, iv. ibid. 

Browning, ii. 276. iii. 260. 

Buchanan, Robt. i. 137. iii. 186. 

Bull, John, iii. 211. 

Bullfrog, iv. 41 1. 

Bulvver, The Rt. Hon. i. 61. iii. 

70. 
Burdell, Mrs. iv. 326. 
Burritt, Elihu, i. 202. 
Butler, iii. 398. 
Byron, Hen James, iii. 395. 
Byron, Lord, iv. 281. 
Byron, Lady, ibid. 

c. 

Calcraft, the Hangman, iv. 70. 

Caponsacchi, Priest, iii. 289. 

Cardinals, iv. 394. 

Carlyle, Thos. iv. 143. 

Carpen, Mr. R i. 193. 

Catiline, ii. 236. 

Chaos, i. 1 13. 

Chariclea, i. 254. 

Choerilus, iii. 124. 

Chorley, the Melodious, ii. 327. 

Close, the Poet, ii. 211. 

Cockney, ii. 283. 

Codrus, i. 225. iii. 412. 

Colonna, Guido, ii. 72. 

Cora, vid. Crutch. 

Coyne, iii. 395. 

Critick, who hanged himself, ii. 

313- 
Cromwell, iv. 153. 
Crutch, Emma, /«/«///, iii. 17. 
Cumming, the Rev. i. 157. 



D. 

Day and Martin, iii. 174. 

Delian Diver, iii. 176. 

Dennis, Critick, i, 124. 

Dick, vid. Dickens. 

Do. vid. Dixon. 

Dickens, iv. 11. 

Dinah, Miss, ii. 33. 

Dixon, Hepworth, hero of the 

Vo^xn, passim. 
Doggerel, ii. 34. 
Dogs, Educated, ii. 303. 
Domitian, iii. 403. 
Donkeys, ii. 303. 
Dore, iii. 144. 
Dunces, real names, i. 4, 
Dundreary, iii. 205. 
Dun, the follower of Gregory, iv. 

70. 

E. 

Eggleston, the Rev. Ed. iii. 387. 
Eliot, Miss George, iv. 104. 
Ephemera, i. 67. 
Erebus, iii. 141. 
Eumenes, King, i. 222. 

F. 

Falstaff, iv. 460. 

Fagin, i. 374. 

Famine, iv. 453. 

Farnie, iii. 399. 

Ferret, i. 88. 

Field, Miss Kate, iv. 319. 

Eraser, of the Magazine, i. 179. 

Froude, i. 158. 



Gilder, the Sonnctteer, iii. 397. 
Garroter, ii. 409. 



PERSONS CELEBRATED IN THIS POEM. 



Ill 



Genseric, the Vandal, iv. 146. 

Gladstone, iv. 392. et infra. 

Gleigh, The Rev. i. 157. 

Geese, i. 270. 

Goose, ii. 188. 

Gosling, ibid. 

Goth, i, 331. 

Gran Virtuoso, i. 248. 

Gregory the Great, iv. 70. 

Grubs, i. 65. 

Gyon,frisetir, ii. 173. 

H. 

Harte, i. 168. 

Hay, ballad-monger, iii. 397. 
Head, Sir Francis, i. 158. 
Helmbold, iv. 245. 
Hemerobion, i. 67. 
Hepvvorth, vid. Dixon. 
His Reverence, iii. 387. 
Hog, i. 269. 

Holland, Josiah G. iii. 360. 
Hollingshead, John, ii. 113. 
Holmes, Mrs. iv. 319. 
Hottentots, iv. 247. 
Houghton, Baron, iii. 399. 
Howitts, i. 94. 
Hudibras, iii. 176. 
Hughes, Thos. MP. i. 217. 

I. 

Ignorance, Goddess of, ii. 51. 
Judy, iii. 176. 

K. 

Ketch, Jack, iv. 70. 464. 
Kinglake, i. 179. 



Lady Waiters, iv. Snfip. 20. 
Lais, the Courtezan, iii. 17. 



Launcelot, App. 24. 
Leming, the Rat, i. 90. 
Lemon, Mark, iii. 396. 
Lilliput, Prince of, iii. 424. 
Locker, Frederick, iii. 186. 
Locusts, ii. 96. 

Longfellow, Wad. i. 164. iii. 410. 
Lully, Raymundus, ii. 295. 
Lytton, Ed. Rob. Bui. i. 142. 

M. 

Mackay, Charles, LL.D. i. 141. 

Mackheath, the Highwayman, 
iii. 77. 

Maelstrom, i. 145. 

Magruder, Dennis, iv. 419. 

Manning, Miss, iv. 104. 

Mark Twain, iv. 41 1. 

Marsyas, iv. 540. 

Massey, Gerald, ii. 112. 

Mayhew, Henry, i 93. 

Mayor of Liverpool, iv. 50. 
Do. of Manchester, ibid. 

Medea, iv. 62. 

Melville, Geo. i. 179. 

Melley, i. 217. 

Mercury, iv. Supp. v. ult. 

Merlin, App. 28. 

Mill, Jno. i. 217. 
Miller, Joaquin, stibfin. 

Thos. ii. 1 12. 

Minnows, i. 70. 
Mole, i. 74. 
Moloch, iv. 456. 
Moulton, iv. 309. 
Monmouth, Geof. ii. 71. 
Morris, ii. 81. 
Moses, Jew, ii. 389. 
Mormons, iv. 305. 
Moxon, ii. 212. 
Mudie, ii. 75. 



PERSONS CELEBRATED IN THIS POEM. 



Mulock, Miss D. RI. i. 93. 
]\Iummy, i. 223. 

N. 

Nasby, iv. 361. 
Nealc, The Rev. i. 179. 

o. 

Oblivion, the Goddess of, i. 115. 
Onan, iv. 299. 

Ouida. Miss Ram, ii. 34. 83. 
Owl, iv. 443. 



Pamphile, Modiste, ii. 214. 
Pardee, iv. 365. 
Peck, Ibid. 
Pentheus, i. 314. 
Peter the Great, ii. 355. 
Petronius, i. 283. iv. 513. 
Pilgrim Pastors, iv. Siipp. 18. 
Pio Nono, iv. 394. 
Plummer, iii. 393. 
Poet Close, ii. 1 1 1. 
Pompilia, iii. 295. 
Preceptor, in Lucian, ii. 300. 
Proctor, Mrs. iv. 309. 
Proctor, Barry, i. 142. 
Proculus, iv. 308. 
Punch, iii. 169. 

Q- 

Quixote, Don, ii. 76. 

R. 

Rachel, Madame, iv. 465. 
Rag Pickers, i. 93. 
Ramage, ii. 178. 
Rat, Norwegian, i. 90. 



Reade, Jno. Mund. i. 137. iii. 

393- 
Reade, Mr. Charles, iv. 440. 
Reeve, iii. 399. 
Reid, Capt. Mayne, i. 93. 
Romance, i. 287. 313. 328. 
Roosevelt, iv. 364. 
Raskin, i. 158. 



Sabin, Joe, i. 43. iv. 375. 

Sala, i. 350. iv. iii. 

Saltus, iii. 334. 

Saunders, the Unsocial, iv. 329. 

Sears, iv. 242. 

Settle, iv. 40. 

Sewell, C. Missing, iv. 104. 

Shang, iii. 336. 

Sibyl, iii. 262. 

Silius, iii. 103. 

Sin, i. 290. 

Sir Tristan, App. 24. 

Slawkenbergius, ii. 152. 

Snakes, i. 57. 

Southcote, Johanna, iv. 325. 

Swinburne, Alg. ii. 217. 276. iii. 

207. 
Sylla, the Illiterate, iv. 441. 



Taine, the Sensation Hist. iii. 

341- 
Tars, King of, ii. ']1. 
Taylor, Bayard, i. 93. 
Tennyson, Laureate, i. 10. ii. 

278. iii. no. 142. 
Thersites, ii. 47. 
Thornbury, ii. 1 13. 
Tilton, iv. Siipp. 20. 
Timotheus, the Musician, ii. 90, 



PERSONS CELEBRATED IN THIS POEM. 



Toads, i. 57. 

Tonens, Wm., M.P. i. 217. 

Trimalchion, iv. 25. 

Trollope, Anthony, iv. 193. 

Trowbridge, iv. 414. 

Turpin, ii. 71. 

Turk, iv. 430. 

V. 

Venus Meretrix, ii. 212. 

Do. the Various, iv. 517. 
Vermin, i. 75. 
Vulture, iv. 57. 

w. 

Walt. vid. Whitman. 
Warner, iv. 413. 



Whang, iii. 336. 
What- Is-It ? iii. 267. 
Whitman, iii. 334. 
Wood, Mrs. Henry, i. 94. 
Worsley, i. 140. 

Y. 

Yankee, i. 163. 

Yonge, Charlotte, iv. 104. 

z. 

Zoilus, i. 44. iv. 541. 

* * * ^-, i. 374. ii. 413. 

* % *, ii. 415. 

* -x-, ii. 417. 



LIST 

OF 

WORKS QUOTED, AND OF AUTHORS NAMED, 

IN THE OBLIVIAD. 

TITLE, TEXT, NOTES, PREFACE, 
AND DEDICATION. 

Sumpsi, non Surripui. 

" In order to assist those who may wish to verify my references, and also 
with a view of indicating the nature and extent of the materials which I 
have used, I have drawn up the following list of the principal works quoted 
in the present volume." — Buckle's History of Civilization in England. 
Ostendere, non Ostentare. 

\For Atithors reviezved, constilt Index ^ 

Academy, The. A Weekly Review of Literature, Science, and 
Art. 4to. London. 

Addison, The Right Honourable Joseph, Works of. 4to. 4 vols. 
Tonson, London, MDCCXXI. 

.(Eliani Variae Histories libri XIV. cum Interpret. Justi Vulteii, 
et Notis Variorum. 8vo. Argentor., 17 13. 

.(ESCHYLI Tragaedioe Septem. Gr. cum Versione Latina. 8vo. 
2 vol. Fojilis, Glasguae, 1794. 

Alexander. Cy comence Ihystoire du tres vaillat noble preux 
et hardy roy Alexadre le grat. 410. Lyon. Sans date. 

Alison, Archibald. History of Europe, from 1789 to 1815. 
8vo. 10 vols. Edinburgh, 1 840-1 842. 

Aluredi Beverlacensis. Annal., sive Historiae de Gestis Regain 
Britannice, Libris IX. Ed. Hearne. 8vo. Oxon., 1716. 



8 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

Arbuthnot, John, M.D., The Miscellaneous Works of. 8vo 
2 vols. Glasgow, 1 75 1. 

Idem. In Pope's Correspondence, Works, by Warton. 8vo. 
9 vols. London, 1797. 

Apollinis Versiculi, sen Dclphorum Oracula, quae supersunt. 

Amstelodami, sine Anno. 
Ariosto. Orlando Furioso, con Nuovi Discorsi di G. Ruscelli, 

nel principio de Canti. 241110. 2 vol. Venet, 1561. 

Aristobuli. Vit. Alex. apud. Athen. Deipnosophist. ex edit. 
J. Schweighaeuser. 8vo. 14 vol. Argentorati, 1801. 

Aristophanis Conioediae Novem. Gr. et Lat. cum Emendationibus 
Jo. Scaligeri. i2mo. Lugd.-Bat., 1624. 

Aristoteles. Apud Athenaeum, De Deipnosophistis. Not. Var. 
Schvveighasuserus. Svo. 14 vol. Argent., 1801. 

Aristotelis de Poetica liber, Gr. et Lat. Versionem refinxit, et 
Animadver. illus. Tyrwhitt. 8vo. Oxon., 1806. 

AtheNjEI Deipnosophistae, cum Not. Varior. et Animadvers. 
Schweigheeuseri. 8vo. 14 vol. Argent., 1801. 

Athen^UM. a paper, with Reviews of Novels of the Week, and 
Advertisements of Writers out of place. London : near the 
Strand. 

AUSONII, D. Magni, Opera Omnia, ex Ed. Bipont. In Usum 
Delphini. Not. Var. Valpy, Londini : 1823. 

Bacon, Francis, Lord, Works of. Edited by Basil Montagu. 
With a New Life. Svo. 17 vols. London, 1825. 

BAPTlSTiE Port^ Phytognomonica. Fol. Neapolis, 1583. 

Basilii St. Op. Om., Gr. et Lat. Opera et stud. Gamier et 
Maran. Fol. 3 vol. Parisiis, 1721. 

Bavle, Dictionnaire Historiq. et Critiq. 3°. edit, corrigee et aug- 
mentee. Fol. 4 vol. Rotterdam, 1720. 

Beattie, James, LL.D. Essays on Truth, Poetry, Music, and 
Classical Learning. 8vo. 2 vols. Dublin, M-D,CC,LXXVI1I. 

Beecher, Ward, The Rev., Trial of, on Charge of Crim. Con. 
/ 2 vols. Svo. New York, 1876. 
i 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 9 

BehN, Mrs. Aphra, Plays by. The Second Edition. 8vo. 2 vols. 

London, 17 16. 
Belgravia, a London Magazine. Piccadilly. 
Belot, M. Jean, Les CEvvres de, contenant la Chiromence, I'Art 

de Memoyre de R. Lulle, &c. 8vo. A Rouen, M.DC.XL. 

Bentley. a Dissertation upon the Epistles of Phalaris. With 
Answer to Boyle. 8vo. Bozvycr. London, MDCCLXXVII. 

Bergeri, Io. Gvilielmi, Stromatevs Academicvs. 4to. Lip- 
six, CO I3CC XLV. 

Beuys, Sir, of Southampton, the Son of Guy Erie of Southamp- 
ton. 4to. 

BiBLlA Sacra Polyglotta, ex vetustiss. MSS. Edidit Brianus 
Waltonus, S.T.D. Fol. Londini, 1657. 

BiCHAT, Xav. Recherches Physiologiques sur la Vie et la Mort. 
8vo. A Paris, An. XIII. 

Blackmore, Sir Richard. Prmce Arthur : an Epic Poem, in 
Ten Books. Fol. London, 1696. 

Blue Laws of Connecticut, Quaker Laws, &c. Compiled by 
An Antiquarian. i2mo. Hartford, 1838. 

Boccaccio. II Decamerone, Nuovamento corretto, e con diligen- 
tia stampato. 4to. Firenze, 1527. 

BOCCALINI, Trajano. La Secretaria di Apollo. Che segue gli 
Ragguagli di Parnaso. 24mo. Amst., MDCLIII. 

BOILEAU Despreaux. Ses CEuvres, avec des Eclaircissemens don- 
nes par lui-meme. Brossette. Fol. 2 vol. Amster., 1718. 

Boisrobert, Francois Metel de. Recueil de Contes. Let- 

tres. Paris. 
BosiO Antonio. Roma Sotterranea, Opera Postuma, nella quale 

si tratta de' sacri Cimiterii di Roma. Fol. Roma, 1632. 

Bossu, Le Chanoine. Traite du Poeme Epique. Nouvelle Edi- 
tion, reviie et corrigee. i2mo. Paris, M.DCCVIII. 
BOSWELL. Life of Johnson. With Additions, and Johnsoniana. 
By Crokcr. 10 vols. i2mo. London, MDCCCXXXiX. 



10 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

BouciCAULT, DIONVSIUS Lardner. London Assurance, A Co- 
medy in five Acts. London, 1841. 

Boyle, The Hon. Charles. Bentley's Dissertations on the 
Epistles of Phalaris, Examined by. 8vo. London, 1698. 

Brent ANI Opera Omnia quae extant. Pol. Vol. 17. Novi 
Eboraci, 1878. 

British Essayists, with Prefaces, Historical and Biographical. 
By A. Chalmers. 45 vols. i2mo. London, 180S. 

Brut-Y-Brenhined, or The History of the Kings of Britain. By 
Tyssilio. In Welsh Archaeology. 

BuFFON, Qiuvres Completes. Daubenton. Nouvelle Edition, 
par Lamouroux. 40 vol. 8vo. Paris, 1824. 

BuLWER, Edward, Lord Lytton, Novels. 28 vols. London, 
1876. Poetry and Miscellaneous Pieces, in many volumes, by 
several. Publishers, in various places, at different times. 

Burton, Robert. Anatomy of Melancholy in Three Partitions. 
By Democritus, Junior. 8vo. 2 vols. London, 1806. 

Butler, Joseph, D.C.L. , Right Reverend Father in God, 
Bishop of Durham, Sermons by. 2nd ed. London, 1729. 

BvRON, Lord, George Gordon Noel. Works, with his Life and 
Letters. Moore. i2mo. 17 vols. London, 1833. 

Cadmi Literce Sexdecim, cum Lit. IV. Simonid.e, et Epi- 
CHARMI Lit. quatuor. Fol. Ex Cod. MS. 

Calcraft, The Hangman, Letters of. Printed, published, and 
sold, in Wellington Street, Strand, London. 

Carew, Thomas. Poems, Songs, and Sonnets ; together with a 
Mask. 8vo. Edin., 1824. 

Cass.andre, Roman, par La Calprenede, (Gautier de Costes, sicur 
dc). 8vo. 10 vol. Paris, 1642. 

Catullus, Tibullus, et Propertius. Interpretatione et Not. 
a Silvio. In usum Delphini. 4to. Paris, 16S5. 

C^SARis, C. JULii, Opera, studio Montani et Scaligeri. 8vo. 
Amst., 1670. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. TI 

ChariCLE/E, (Dc Amoribus) /Etliiopum Regis Filiic, et Thcagcnis, 
Libri X. Gr. ct Lat. 2 vol. Argent., 1798. 

Chesterfield, Earl of. Letters to his Son, with other Pieces. 
Published by Mrs. E. Stanhope. 8vo. 4 vols. London, 1774. 

Chorley, H. F. Twenty Opera-Books, paraphrased from the 
French, German, and Italian. London, by the Thames. 

Christian Doctrine in the Second Century. i2mo. London, 
1824. 

Chronicle, The London, or Universal Evening Post, with Intro- 
duction by S. Johnson. January, 1757. 

Ciceronis Opera, ex ed. Oliveti ct Ernesti scdula rcccnsione ac- 
curata. i8mo. 12 vol. Londini, 1820. 

Clarissa Hari.owe. The Complete Works of Samuel Richard- 
son, Mangin. Svo. 19 vols. London, 181 1. 

Cleop.ULUS. Septem Sapientum et eorum qui cum iis adnuine- 
rantur, scite dicta, Consilia et Pra^cepta nimirum, Cleobuli, 
etc. 8vo. Parisiis, 1551. 

CoLEKiDGK, S. T. Specimens of his Table Talk, compiled by 
Thomas Allsop. 8vo. 2 vols. London, 1835. 

Coi.MAN, George, Junior. My Nightgown and Slippers. Quarto. 
London, 1797. 

COLONNA, Guino de. Historia destructionis Troie composita 
per Judicem Guidonem de Columna. 4to. Lovanii. 

Confucius Sinarum philosophus, sive scientia Sinensis latine 
exposita. Studio PP. Soc. Jesu. Fol. Parisiis, 1687. 

Congreve, William, The Dramatic Works of. i2mo. 2 vols. 
London, 1773. 

Courtezan, Life of, by H D . Printed, and to be found, 

in Holywell Street, and in jlnothcr Place, near the Strand, 
London. 

Crantz, David. History of Greenland, from the Dutch. 2 vols. 
8vo. London, 1767. 

Cretensium, seu, potius, MiNOlS, Leges. Codex Vet. in /Ed. 
Vat. Sine anno el loco. 



12 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

Critical Review. 8vo. London, 1756. 

Dacier, Madame. Des Causes de la Corruption du Goust. i2mo. 
A Paris, M.DCCXIV. 

Defoe, Daniel, A Journal of the Plague Year : By a Citizen 
who continued all the while in London. 8vo. London, 1722. 

Demosthenis Orationes Philippicae. Gr. et Lat. Ex recensione 
Jos. Stock. 8vo. 2 vol. Dublini, 1773. 

Dennis, John, The Select Works of. 8vo. 2 vols. London, 

1718. 
Derby, Edward, Earl of. The Iliad of Homer rendered into 

English blank verse. 8vo. 2 vols. London, 1864. 

Dictionary of the English Language, with a History and Gram- 
mar. Johnson. Folio. London, MDCCLXXIIL 

DiODORl SiCULl Biblioth. Histor. Gr, et Lat. Interpret. L. Rho- 
domano. Fol. Hanovis, 1604. 

Diogenis Laertii de Vitis, Decretis, et Responsis, celebrium 
Philosophorum, Lib. X. 8vo. Stephanus. 1570. 

Diomedes Scholasticus. MS. in Royal Library. 

DiPHILUS apud Athen. L. ii. c. 46. Fragmenta Comicorum 
Grajcorum, col. et dis. Meineke. 8vo. 4 vol. Berolini, 
MDCCCXXXIX. 

D'Israeli, Isaac. Curiosities of Literature. Seventh edition. 
8vo. 6 vols. London, 1824. 

Dixon, Hepworth. Works, in 27 vols. Besides those which he 
is daily Inventing. Thames, London. St'c Index Vitandorum. 

Don Belianis. El valeroso e invecible principe Don Belianis de 
Grecia, hijo del emperador. Folio. Burgos, 1587. 

Don Quixote De La Mancha. Compuesto por Miguel de Cer 
vantes. i2mo. 4 vol. Burdeos, M.DCCCIV. 

Dorset, Earl of, Poems by. In Minor Poets. Two volumes 
Dublin, MDCCLI. 

Dryden, John, The Poetical Works of, with Notes by Rev. 
Joseph Warton, Rev. John Warton, and others. 8vo. 4 vols 
London, 1811. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 1 3 

Idem, The Prose Works of, with Notes, Illustrations, and Life. 
ByEd. Malone. 4 vols. 8vo. London, M.DCCC. 

DUBoS. Reflexions Critiques sur La Poesie, et sur La Peinture. 
i2mo. 2 vol. A Paris, M.DCCXXXIII. 

DUNCIAD, The. With Notes Variorum, and the Prolegomena of 
Scriblerus. The second edition, with some Additional Notes. 
i2mo. London, 1729. 

DuPLEix SciPlON. L'Histoire de Henry le Grand. Fol. Paris, 
1632. 

Encyclopedia Britannica, with Supplement. Seventh edition. 
21 vols. 4to. Edinburg, 1842. 

Epicuri Fragment, lib. II. et XL, de Natura, in volum. papyrac. 
ex Herculano eruptis reperta. Orellius. Svo. Lipsias, 1818. 

Ennii Fragmenta, ex edit. Hieron. Columnje, accurante Fr. 
Hesselio. 4to. Amstel., 1757. 

ESPRIELLA, M. A. Letters from England. From the Spanish. 
i2mo. 3 vols. London, 1807. 

EUMENIS, Pergami Regis, Codicis Mss. chart, pergam. nuper 
defodit et emendavit Schliemann. Londini, 1877. 

EURIPIDIS Opera Omnia. Lat. interpret. Scholiis Ant. et Eru- 
ditorum Observat. Svo. 9 vol. Glasguae, 1821. 

EuSTATHll, Arch. Thes. Commentarii in Komeri Iliadem et 
Odysseam. Fol. 4 vol. Rom?e. 1542. 

Faust. Goethe, I. W. von, Werke. 8vo. 60 vol. Stuttgart, 
u Tubingen, 1827. 

Fielding, Henry. History of the Adventures of Joseph An- 
drews. i2mo. 2 vols. London, 1742. 

Flecknoe, Richard. Miscellania : or. Poems of all Sorts, with 
divers other Pieces. Svo. London, 1653. 

Fletcher, John. The Captain, a Play. Dramatic Works of 
Beaumont and Fletcher. With Notes, by Colman. 3 vols. 
Svo. London, 1811. 

Franklin, Thomas. The Tragedies of Sophocles, from the 
Greek. 2 vols. 4to. Loudon, 1759. 



H LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

Eraser's Magazine. A Monthly. 8vo. London. 

Galatonus, apud ^lianiim. Junii de Pictura Veterum lib. Ill 
Fol. Roterodami, 1694. 

Galli Cornelii, sen potius Maximiani Etrusci, Elegise. Ex 
Recensione et cum Notis Wernsdorfii. 8vo. London, 1838. 

Garth, Sir Samuel, M.D. The Dispensary, a Poem, with- 
a Play. Fifth edit. 8vo. London, 1703. 

Gay, John. The Beggars' Opera. 410. London, 1728. 

Gellii Auli, Noctes Attica;, cum Notis, et emendat. Grcnovii. 
8vo. Lugd.-Bat. , 1687. 

Gesta Romanorum. Ex gestis Romanorum Historias notabiles, 
de viciis virtutibusque tractantes. 4to. Lovanii, sine anno. 

Gibbon. History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. 
8vo. 6 vols. Dublin, M.DCC.LXXXIX. 

Gifford, William. The Baviad and Maeviad. The sixth edi- 
tion. i2mo. London, 1800. 

Gladstone, The Right Honourable W. E. His Interview, at 
Tea, with Pio Nono. Brentano, New York, 1875. 

GoODNATURED MAN. A Play. By Oliver Goldsmith. 4to. 

London, 1768. 
Gray Thomas, The Works of, with Memoirs. By Wm. Mason 

and T. J. Mathias. 4to. 2 vols. London, 18 14. 

Idem, The Letters of, with Memoirs, by Wm. Mason. i2mo. 
2 vols. London, 1807. 

Greene, Robert, The Arcadia or Menaphon of. Camilla's 
Alarum. Quarto. London, 1587. 

Guy, Earl of Warwick. Cy commence Guy de Waruich, 
Chevalier d'Angleterre. Folio. Paris, 1525. 

Hall, Joseph, Satires by. With Illustrations of Rev. Thomas 
Warton, and Notes of S. W. Singer. i2mo. Chiswick, 
MDCCCXXIV. 

Haywood, Mrs. Eliza. The Secret History of the present In- 
trigues of the Court of Caramania. 8vo. London, 1727. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 1 5 

Heir at Law, by George Colman, the Younger. 8vo. Lon- 
don, iSo8. 

Herodoti libri novem, quibus Musarum indita sunt nomina. Ex 
Reccns. Aldi Manutii. FoL In domo Aldi, 1502. 

Ejusdem Homeri Narratio de vita, cum Vallae interpret. Folio. 
Excud. H. Stephanus. Anno M.D.XCII. 

Hesiodi Opera quae extant. Gr. et Lat. Not. Op. et Stud. 
Heinsii. 4to. Ex offic. Plantinoraph. , 1603. 

Heywood, Tho. The Hierarchie of the Blessed Angels. (A 
Poem in Nine Books.) Folio. London, 1635. 

Hill, Fanny. By John Cleland, Gent. With Pictures, taken 
from Nature. Pocket Edition. Wellington Street, Strand, 
London. 

HiPPOCRATIS Opera, Latina Interpret, et Annot. lUustrata. Anu- 
tio Foesio. Fol. Francof., 1595. 

Hogarth, WiLLLAM, The genuine Works of. 119 plates. Atlas 
folio. London, 1820. 

Holmes, Dr., On the Physiology of Versification. New York, 
1875. 

Homeri Ilias. Ex Recensione et cum Notis, Samuelis Clarke, 
Nova Editio. 8vo. 2 vol. London, 1832. 

Ejusdem' Odyssea. Gra^ce et Latine. Edid. Samuele Clarke. 
Editio secanda. 8vo. 2 vol. London, MDCCLVIII. 

HORATll Opera. Interpret, et Not. illustravit Desprez. In usum 
Delph. 8vo. Dublin, MDCCLXXIX. 

HUDIBRAS, by Samuel Butler, with Annotations by Grey. In 
two vols. 8vo. London, 1799. 

Huet, Pier. -Dan., Eveque d'Avranche. De Origine Fabularum. 
Paris. 

Hume, David. History of England. With the Author's last Cor- 
rections. In 13 vols. i8mo. London, 1794. 

Hunter, John, F.R.S., The Life of. By Drewry Ottley, Svo. 

London, 1835. 



l6 LIST or WORKS QUOTED. 

Jeffrey OF Monmouth. Galfridi Moncmutcnsis dc Origine et 
Gcstis Rcgum Bntannorum. 4to. Paris, 1508. 

Jenner, Ed., M.D. An Inquiry into the Causes and Effects ol 
Variolic Vaccinas. 4to. London, 1798. 

Johnson, Samuel, the Works of, edited by A. Murphy, with 
Life. 8vo. 12 vols. London, 1792. 

Joseph Andrews, History of the Adventures of, by Henry Field- 
ing. i2mo. 2 vols. London, 1742. 

JULiKN Stanislas. Exercises Pratiques d'Analysc, de Syntaxe 
et de Lexigraphie Chinoise. 8vo. Paris, 1842. 

Junius, the Letters of, including Letters under other Signatures. 
Edited by Woodfall. 8vo. 3 vols. London, 181 2. 

Juvenalis Junii ct AuLl Pkrsii Satiric, ex edit. Rupert, et Kce- 
nig. 8vo. Londini, 1830. 

Koran, The, or Alcoran, from the original Arabic ; with Notes. 
By G. Sale, Gent. 2 vols. 8vo. London, 1825. 

La Bruyere. Les Caract(!;res. Ou, Les Mtcurs de ce Si<!;cle. 
Edition collationee sur celle de 1696. Paris, 1866. 

La Fontaine, (Euvres Complcttes, PrdcddcSes d'une Nouvelle 
Notice sur sa Vie. 8vo. 3 vol. A Paris, M.DCCC.XIV. 

Lancilotto DAL Lago, Lillustrc e famosa Istoria di, e di Molti 
altri Cavalieri. 8vo. 3 vol. Venezia, 1557. 

Langbaine, Gerard. An Account of the English Dramatick 
Poets. i2mo. Oxford, An. Dom. 1681. 

Lardner, Dionysius, D.C.L., The Electric Telegraph Popular- 
ised. i2mo. London, 1855. 

Las Cases. Memorial de Sainte Holt;ne. i2mo. 9 vol. A Paris, 
1840. 

Latham, Rot.ert Gordon, M.D., F.R.S. A New Edition of 
Johnson's Dictionary. London, 1870. 

Latimer, Hugh, Bishop of Worcester. Works, edited by Rev. 
G. E. Corrie. 8vo. 4 vols. Camb. , 1845. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 1 7 

Lavater, John Casper. Essays on Physiognomy, from the 
French. Engravings. By H. Hunter. 4to. 5 vols. London, 
1789. 

Livil Pativini Historiarum ab urbe condita Libri qui supcrsunt. 
i2mo. 6 vol. Londini : ex Officina J. Tonson. MDCCXXII. 

Locke, John. An Essay concerning the Human Understanding. 
8vo. 2 vols. London, 1731. 

London Times. Folio. Printing-house Square, Blackfriars, in 
the City of London. 

Longini de Sublimitate Commentarius. Nova Versione, Notis, 
et Fragmentis. Zacharias Pearce. 8vo. Londini, 1794. 

LUCANI Pharsalia, cum Not. Hug. Grotii et Rich. Bcntleii. 4to. 
Strawberry Hill, 1760. 

LuciANI Opera. Gr. et Lat. Schol. ac Not. Varior. Cura Hcm- 
sterhusii ct Reitzii. 4to. Amstelod., 1743. 

LuCRETll Cari de Rerum Natura, Lib. vi., cum Animadvers. 
Ric. Bentlcii. Wakefield. 4to. 3 vol. London, 1796. 

LULLI Raymundi Opera Omnia, per Baccholium collecta, et 
edita per Yvoncm. Salzingerum. Fol. 10 vol. Moguntias, 
1722. 

Macaulay, T. B. Critical and Historical Essays contributed to 
the Edin. Review. i6mo. 5 vols. Leipsig, 1850. 

Maginn, William, LL.D. Writer in Eraser's Magazine. 8vo, 
London, August, 1836. 

Maillard, Cordelier. Sermon prcche, et iousst', le 5e dimanche 
de careme, en la ville de Bruges. 4to. 1500. 

Malthus, T. R. An Essay on the Principle of Population. 
3 vols. 8vo. London, 181 7. 

Manley, Mrs. De la Riviere. Secret Memoirs and Manners of 
several Persons of Quality of both Sexes. i2mo. 4 vols. 
London, 1741. 

Marolles, Michel de. Memoires. Fol. 2 vol. Paris, 1656. 

Martialis Epigrammatum Libri XIV. Interpret, et Not. Illus. 
Vincent. Collesso. Londini, M.DCCXX. 



l8 LI-ST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

Marvell, Andrew. Poetical, Controversial, and Political 
Works. By Ed. Thompson. 4to. 3 vols. London, 1776. 

Mathias. Sec Pursuits of Literature. 

Menagiana, Ou, Les Bons Mots de M. Menage. Nouvelle Edi- 
tion. i2mo. 4 vol. A Paris, M.DCCXXIX. 

Menandri et Philemonis Reliquiae. Gr. et Lat. cum Notis 
Hug. Grotii et J. Clerici. 8vo, Amstelod., 1709. 

Men of the Time, containing Biographical Notices of Characters, 
(Good and Bad), of both Sexes. Eighth edition. 8vo. Lon- 
don, 1S72. 

Menzini, Benedetto. Satire, con Annotazioni di Salvini, Biscio- 
ni, ed Altri. i2mo. Londra, 1820. 

Merlin, I'Enchanteur, Le Roman de. Remis en bon fran^ais, par 
M. S. Boulard. i2mo. 3 vol. Paris, 1797. 

Milton, John, The Poetical Works of, with Notes of various 
Authors. By Thos. Newton, D.D. 8vo. 4 vols. Dublin, 
MDCCLI. 

Minos, Rex Gretas et Quaesitor Inferorum. 

Mitford, Mary Russell. Our Village; Sketches of Rural 
Character and Scenery. 8vo. 3 vols. London, 1835. 

MONBODDO, Lord. Ancient Metaphysics ; or, the Science of 
Universals. 4to. 6 vols. Edin., 1779. 

Idem. Of the Origin and Progress of Language. 8vo. 6 vols. 
Edinburgh, 1773. 

Montague, Lady Mary Wortley. Letters and Works. 
Edited by Lord Wharnclifife. 8vo. 3 vols. London, 1837. 

Montaigne, Essais de, Avec Les Notes de M. Coste. Nouvelle 
Edition. i2mo. 10 vol. A Geneve, M.DCC.LXXX. 

Montesquieu, Monsieur de. Saying of, in Anecdotes of Books 
and Men, by Spence. 8vo. London, MDCCC.XX. 

Mori, de optimo Reipublicas statu, deque nova insula Utopia, 
libri II. 8vo. Glasguae, 1750. 

Motte, Antoine Houdar de la. LTliade, Poeme, avec un 
Discourj sur Homere. Paris, 1714. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. I9 

Nash, Thomas, in Preface to Greene's Arcadia. 

Nknnii, Abb., Historia Britonum, apud Gale, Script. Quinde- 
cim. Fol. 2 vol. Oxonite, M.DC.XCI. 

NiCEPHORi Callisti Opera. Fol. 2 vol. Paris, 1630. 

Ogilby, John, Homer his Iliads, translated, adorned with Sculp- 
ture, and with Annotations. Folio. London, 1660. 

Oldham, Mr. John, The Works of, with his Remains. i2mo. 
London, MDCLXXXVI. 

Omar, Second of the Caliphs or Successors of Mahomet, Sur- 
named Al-Farouk, the Divider, from his skill in distinctions. 

Ovmn Opera. Interpret, et Not. Dan. Crisp. Helvet. Ad usum 
Delphini. 4to. 4 vol. Lugduni, M.DC.LXXXIX. 

Palingenii, Marcelli, Zodiacus Vitas, id est, de Hominis Vita. 
Lib. XII. Lugduni, 1608. 

Pall Mall Gazette, a daily paper. Northumberland Street, 
Strand, London. 

Palmerin d'Angleterre, Fils du Roi, D. Edoard, Histoire de. 
Trad, du Castillan. 8vo. 2 vol. Paris, 1574. 

Palmerin L'Olive, L'Histoire de ; traduit du Castillan, par 
Jean Mangin. Fol. Paris, 1546. 

Paracelsi Bombast ab Hohenheim Opera Medico-Chemico- 
Chirurgica. Fol. Vol. 2. Genevas, 1658. 

Parent du Chatelet. De la Prostitution dans la ville de Paris. 
Svo. Troisieme edition. Tom. II. A Paris, 1857. 

Pausanlb Grcecias Descriptio. Edidit, Grieca emendavit, 
&c., Carolus Godofredus Siebelis. Svo. 5 vol. Lipsis, 
MDCCCXXVIL 

Perrault, Charlies. QEuvres Choisies, avec les memoires de 
I'auteur. Par M. Collin de Plancy. Svo. Paris, 1826. 

Persh Flacci Auli, Satirarum Liber. Ex Editione Casauboni. 
4to. London, 1789. 

Peter Pindar, Esqr., the Works of. By John Wolcott, M.D. 
Svo. 5 vols. London, 1794. 



20 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

Peters, Samuel A. A General History of Connecticut, from its 
first Settlement. 8vo. London, MDCCLXXXl. 

Petit, Leges Attic^e. Gr. et Lat. cum observat. P. Wesselingii. 
Fol. Lugd.-Bat., 1742. 

Petronii Satyricon. Cum omnibus Omnium Not. et Commcn- 
tariis. Excud. Johannes Mercerius, M.DC.XXIX. 

Philobiblion, The,^ a Bibliographical Journal. By G. P. Philes. 
4to. New York, 1862-3. 

PiNDARI quag extant Opera, Grasce et Latine. 8vo. 2 vol. 
in asd. acad., Glasguae, 1779. 

PiO NONO, his Holiness, Interview at Tea, with the Rt. Hon. W. 
E. Gladstone. Brcntano, New York, 1875. 

Platonis Opera Omnia. Gr. et. Lat. Annot. Stephani. 11 vol. 
8vo. Valpy, Londini, 1826. 

Plinii Historite Mundi. Libri XXXVII. Cum Indice totius opcris 
copiosissimo. Fol, Lugduni, M.D.LIII. 

Plutarchi Opera Omnia quae extant. Gr. et. Lat. cum doct. 
vir. Not. Fol. 3 vol. Lutetiae Par., M. DC. XXIV. 

Pope, Alexander, the Works of, with Notes by Warburton, 
Warton, and others. 8vo. 9 vols. London, 1797. 

Porsoniana, by Maltby. In Table Talk of Samuel Rogers. 
8vo. London, 1856. 

Port/E Baptist^E Phytognomonica. Folio. Neapolis, 1583. 

Propertii Sexti Aurelii, Carmina, emendavit et annotavit 
Carolus Lachmannus. 8vo. Lipsiae, 18 16. 

PUBLIUS Syrus. Phaedri Fabulas, et Publii Syri Sententiae. 24mo. 
Parisiis, 1729. 

Pursuits of Literature, A Satirical Poem, with Notes. Eighth 
edition, revised. 8vo. London, 1798. 

PUTEANI, Eryci, Pietatis Thaumata in Protheum Parthenicum, 
unius libri versum, et unius versus librum, stellarum numeris 
sive formis 1022, Variatum. 4to. Antuerpine, 1617. 

PUTTENHAM, GEORGE. ®1)C QVttC Of (!EllC|li5l) POjeslC Con- 

triued into three Bookes. At London, 1589. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 21 

QUINTILIANI de Institutionc Oratoria lib. XII., cum Notis var. 
Burmann. 4to. 3 vol. Lugd.-Bat., 1720. 

Raleigh, Sir Walter, Works. Now first collected. Life by 
Oldys and Birch. 8vo. 8 vols. Ox., 1829. 

Ram AGE, Craufurd Tait, LL.D. Beautiful thoughts from Greek 
Authors. i2mo. Liverpool, 1873. 

Rehearsal, The, with Notes, and Critical view of the Authors 
exposed. By Villiers Duke of Buckingham. i2mo. Edin., 
M.D.CC.LIV. 

Richardson, Samuel, The Complete Works of. By Rev. C. 
Mangin, M.A. 8vo. 19 vols. London, 1811. 

Romant de la Rose, commence par Guill. de Lorris, et acheve 
par Jean de Mean. P'olio. Paris. 

Rubeta, Vision of. By L. Osborne. 8vo. Boston, 1838. 

Sabini, Josepht, quae supersunt omnia, Libri, Fasciculi, et Cato- 
logi. Vol. 365. Novi Eboraci, in vico Nassau, 1878. 

Saint Evremond, CEuvres Meslces de. Seconde Edition, Rc- 
veiie. 4to. 3 vol. Londres, Tonson, MDCCIX. 

Sallustii qune extant, in usum Delphini, recensuit et Not. addi- 
dit D. Crispinus. 4to. Parisiis, 1674. 

Salvini, Anton. Maria, Abate. Lettera Scritta d'ltalia. 4to. 
Londra, MDCCXXI. 

Sanadon. Horatius O. Flac. Poesies, traduites en Francois. 
4to. 2 vol. A Paris, 1728. 

Sanazzarii Opera omnia Latina scripta, nuper edita. 8vo. Vene- 
tiis, in ffidib. Aldi, 1535. 

Scarron, Paul, Anecdote of, in Curiosities of Literature. By I. 
DTsraeli. 

Scientific Review. London. 

Scott, Sir Walter, The Works of. Novels, Tales, Romances, 
Poems, &c. 8vo. 17 vols. Abbotsford Edition. 

SENECiE L. Ann^i Opera omnia ; ex ult. Lipsii et Gronovii emen- 
dat. i8mo. Vol. IV. Lugd. Bat. Elzev., 1649. 



22 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

Senk.c. Tragocd. cum Notis J. F. Gionovii. Rcccnsuit I. C. 
Schrodcrus. 4to. Dcli)lus, M DCCXXVIII. 

Settle, Elkanah, City Poet. The Triumphs of London, on va- 
rious occasions : and other Works. 4I0. London, 1 671-17 18. 

Idem. Plays, being nine in number, Poems, tS;c. London. 

SiiAinvELL, Thomas, Esquire. Poet Laureat. The Squire of 
Alsatia. 4to. London, 1688. 

Shakespeare, The Phiys of. Piy Johnson, Steevens, Reed, and 
Malone. The sixth edition. 8vo. 21 vols. London, 18 13. 

SlIERLEV, Sir Anthonv, his Relation of his Travels into Persia. 
Penned by Sir A. Sherley. London, 1613. 

SiLll PrALICI Punicorum lib. X\'II., cum Notis \'ariorum, curante 
Arn. Drakcnborch. 4to. Traj. ad Rhcnum, 1717. 

SiSMONDl, J. C. L. de. I)e la Littcraturc du Midi de I'lunope. 
Troisi^me edition. 8vo. 4 \()ls. l\iris, 1829. 

Slaukenbergii Haeen. de Nasis Fabella. 8vo. Londini, 1780. 

Smith, Adam, LL.U. An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the 
Wealth of Nations. 8vo. 3 vols. London, MDCCLXXXVI. 

SOPHOCLIS Tragxdiix; Septcm, ex edit. Prunck. Grece et Latine. 

8vo. Vol. 3. 1786. 
S0UTHERNE,Th0S., Works of. 2 vols. i2mo. London, MDCCX.XI. 

SOUTHEV'S Common-Place Pook. lulited by his Son-ln-La\v, 
John W. Warier, ]>.l). 4 \ols. 8\o. London, 1849. 

Spectator, The, In I5ritish Essayists. Py Alexander Chalmers, 
F.S.A. 8 vols. i2mo. London, 1808. 

Spence, Rev. Joseph. Anecdotes of Hooks and Men. Published, 
with Notes, by S. W. Singer. 8vo. London, MDCCCXX. 

Squyre of Lowe Dec.re. 4to. London. " Strange and whim- 
sical, but genuine I'.nglish performance." Ritson. 

Stanihurst, RlCHARP. The First Four Ikiokes of Virgil's 
yEneis, Translated by, into English heroicall verse. 8vo. 
London, 1583. 

Stowe, Mrs., \'indicated. With photographs, from Nature. 
Ed. 15. 8vo. 2 vols. Poston, 1878. 



LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 23 

Srowi;, IlARRIlcr IJkI'CIIKR. Lady IJyrou V^indicatcd : A His- 
tory of the Hyroii Controversy. 121110. IJoston, uSyo. 

Straisonis Rorum (leographicaniin Lil)ri XVII. (ir. et Lat. 
Cum Variorum Animadversi(5iiilji.is. 2 vol. Fol. Oxon., 
1807. 

Swift, Jonathan, the Works of, witli lafc and Notes, l)y Scott. 
8vo. 19 vols, luliii., 1814. 

Tasso, Torquato, La Ccrusalemmc Liljcrata di, con Ic Anno- 
tazioni di (k'ntiii e di Cuastavini. Fol. Roma, MDCCLVIL 

ThacKKRAY Fran. The History of Pendennis. 3 vols. 121110. 
Leipsig, 1849. 

Theobald, Lkwis. The Persian Princess ; or. Royal Villain : 
a Play. 121110. 1715. 

Thucydidis de Bello Peloponnesiaco Lib. oct. C,r. et Lat. Ex 
reccns. Wassii et Dukeri. 8v(). 8 vol. Clasgua', 1759. 

TlSSOT, sur rOnanisme. i2mo. Lausanne, 1791. 

Tribunk, The. A Newspaper, published daily, Sunday excepted, 
in New York, U. S., N. A. 

Tristan, llisloire du Tres-vaillant, Noble, et excellent Cheva- 
lier. Redigcc par Luce, Chevalier. Fol. 2 vol. Rouen, 
Mil. CCCC.IIILXX ct IX. 

TURI'INI de Vita Caroli Magni et Rolandi llistoria, emendata et 
illustrata a Sebast. Cianipi. 8vo. Florentiiu, 1822. 

Idem. Archcvcsquc de Reims, La Chronique de, faisant inention 
de la conqueste de Trebizonde. 8vo. Lyon, 1583. 

Ul.PlANI DoMITll quic vocant Fragmenta. Curavit Custavus Hugo. 
8vo. Perolini, 1834. 

Varronis, M. Tkricntii. Opera quic supcrsunt. Jos. Scalig. 
Kxcudebat II. Stephanus, in-8. Anno 1573. 

VlD/IC CrkmonKNSIS, de Arte Poetica, lib. 1 II. Poeniat. Didasc. 
emcntl. ()li\et. 121110. Vol. 3. Parisiis, 1813. 

Vigneul-Marvii.1,1.;. Melanges d'llistoire et de Litterature. 
Nouvelle ICdition. 121110. 3 vols. Roiien, M.DCCL 



24 LIST OF WORKS QUOTED. 

ViRGlLll Maronis Opera. Interpret, ct Not. Riueus. Secunda 
editio. 4to. Amstclodami, M.DC.LXXXX. 

VlTRUVll de Architectura libri X., cum Notis variorum. Joan, de 
Laet. Fol. Amstelod., 1649. 

VOPISCUS, Flavius, apud Hist. August Script. Sex. Isaacus Ca- 
saubonus ex vett. libris recensuit. 4to. Parisiis, M.DCIII. 

Walpole, Horace, Manuscript Note on Bayle. voc. Brachmans. 
Philes, Philobiblion. New York, 1862. 

Warton, Joseph, D.D. Essay on the Genius and Writings of 
Alexander Pope. 8vo. 2 vols. London, 1756. 

WiNKELMANN. Histoire de I'Art chcz les Anciens, trad, de I'alle- 
mand. 4to. 3 vols. Paris, 1802. 

WORMll Olai Danica Litteratura Antiquissima, cui accessit de 
prisca Danorum Poesi Disscrtatio. Fol. Hafniie, 1650. 

Ejusdem. Hist. Animal, quod in Norvag. e Nub. decid. i2mo. 
Hafnias, 1653. 

Young, Edward, The Poetical Works of. i2mo. 4 vols. Lon- 
don, 1774. 

ZoiLI, Homeromastigis, Opera Omnia, in Oblivione recondita. 
Tamesis. Olymp., VC. 



CATALOGUS VITANDORUM. 



Dixon, W. Hepworth. Spiritual Wives. 2 vols, 8vo. London : 
1868. 

Dove of St. Mark, in Songs of Italy : by Joaquin Miller. 
i8mo. Boston : 1878. 

Fanny Hill, or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. John Cle- 
land. 2 vols. i2mo. London : 1750. 

Harlot, History of, with the Names of the principal Pimps 
and Puffers in her pay. 4to. Wellington Street, Strand, 
London : 1868. 

LauS Veneris, and other Poems and Ballads. By Algernon 
Charles Swinburne. London : M DCCC LXVI. 

Petronii Lusus Diversorum Poetarum in Priapum. Cum notis 
varior. 8vo. Leipsiae : 1781. 
2 



THE 



O B L I V I A D 

A SATIRE. 



PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR. 

THIS Satire was put to press a few years since in 
England, but, before publication, was suppressed, 
by influence of some of those therein ridiculed. The only 
copy saved, and this even in detached sheets and proofs, 
having come into the possession of an American gentle- 
man, himself an author, and who then had some business 
in London, he thinks the present a good opportunity, 
and desires now to offer it to the world, as a work it 
would willingly form a judgment of: from which, as well 
as from another recent instance, it would appear, that 
America, long the refuge of patriotism, is now also likely 
to become that of wit. 

Precisely in this way, as the Reader doubtless remem- 
bers, came out also the first edition of the Dunciad ; of 
which the editor writes, " How I came possest of this 
Poem, is of no concern to the Reader ; but it would 
have been a wrong to him, had I detained this publica- 
tion : since those Names which are its chief ornaments, 
die off daily so fast, as must render it too soon unintel- 



28 PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR. 

ligible. If it provoke the Author to give us a more per- 
fect edition, I have my end. Who he is," the editor 
concludes by saying, " I cannot tell, and (which is great 
pity), there is certainly nothing in his style and manner 
of writing which can distinguish or discover him." But 
the curious part is, that both Dunciad and Obliviad, 
having been written in London, should have appeared, 
thus anonymously, in remote countries, the one in 
America, the other in Ireland ; at that time, for every 
purpose, considering the operation of steam and electri- 
city, at as great a distance from England as America is 
now. 

Why the Author, whoever he may be, should thus 
have wished to keep his name concealed, it is not diffi- 
cult to conjecture ; besides the Dunciad, many other 
satires have come out in this manner, among which I 
may mention Young's, and the Pursuits of Literature,* 
with Rubeta, a Production of our own ; an anonymous 
publication may be used to give an impulse to curiosity, 
but chiefly to screen the author, who may have ridiculed 
friends as well as enemies, and might not wish to double 
the number of the latter, by an offence given to both ; 
which is often not the less felt though but a jest be in- 
tended ; for, leviter volat, sed graviter vulncrat. Some 
eminent names have been mentioned ; but very much at 
a venture, since the Author has taken the most effectual 
way to conceal himself by writing in a style not at all of 
the present day, but rather in that of what is sometimes 



* Pursuits of Literaiure.'l The author of which work writes tlnis of the 
author of the " Baviad," an Imitation of the fir.it Satire of Persius : 
" He has divulged his name imprudctitly. Such compositions require 
secrecy for their effect ; especially if they are published at an early period 
of life, and still more if the poet commences his career with satire." The 
Pursuits of Literature. Am. Ed. 



PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR, 29 

spoken of as the classical period of our language : at 
least, so it appears to me. 

It is now more than half a century since any thing 
of this description, with some trivial exceptions, has 
been published ; on which account, Literary Satire is 
little familiar to the present age, though very much 
needing it, by reason both of the immoral tendency of 
some writings, and the degeneracy of taste in all. As it 
was necessary to find a hero for the piece, which is 
formed upon a fable, that man especially was chosen 
who was most conspicuous as well in one of these 
respects as the other ; one, let it be remembered, who 
has been outrageously disrespectful to ourselves, and 
whose only excuse for the indecent views of life he has 
drawn, is, that the Americans sat for the picture. He 
it was, as editor of the ^'leading literary jonrjial" in 
England, with the wealthy owners of it, who endeavoured 
to strangle this Publication in the cradle : he has been 
here recently, and given lectures ; but his real business 
was to collect materials for new books and new insults. 
Against him the Author appears in a particular manner 
incensed ; and, indeed, he is used very much as was the 
keeper by the elephant he had goaded, who trampled 
him under foot, and, as if for his sport, tossed again and 
again into the air. However, not this man only ; 
Browning, Swinburne, Dickens, with a host of others, 
occupy the view ; and, as in the Iliad, through whole 
books the principal character is withdrawn ; until, in the 
end, he receives the coitp-de-grace, with the well-merited 
chastisement. 

In fact, as a general perversion of taste is assumed, so 
the Author attacks all modern writers almost indiscrimi- 
nately, American as well as British, male and female. 
He sees them all sinking into one common pool of Obli- 



30 PREFACE OF THE AMERICAN EDITOR. 

vion, and drags them up, one after another, to examine 
and describe them. His opinions entirely coincide with 
my own, and, I am satisfied, with that of the large mass 
of the PubHc. Almost every thing published is a novel, 
or assumes the form of one ; people are allured to read, 
and then speak of the "trash" which they have read. 
The times, therefore, are propitious for satire ; since 
there wants but ridicule to give an edge to that censure 
already present in the minds of all of us. 

Ridicule, as elsewhere styled by the Author, that last 
resource when argument and reproof have failed, is in 
the very essence of satire ; this tends to exaggeration, 
as we view grubs in a microscope ; plainness of lan- 
guage adds to the effect, and images apparently coarse 
are sometimes found necessary to complete it. This is 
said lest the Author should be exposed to an undeserved 
reproach ; from which, further, he is amply defended by 
the example of Dryden, Pope, and Swift : authors with 
whom in this, as well as in other respects, we must com- 
pare him (though it be but iuipar congressns,) if we 
would know what he is, or assign him a place in the 
ranks of the Invective. 

The numerous Notes attached contribute to vary the 
Reader's entertainment, a sort of side dishes, or hors 
(Tcetivres, shall I call them ; to which Notes the Editor 
has added a few, subscribed Am. Ed., with the design 
of explaining London localities, and of illustrating some 
passages. Side by side with these, the Commentaries 
of the Athenaeum will also be found, in loc.^ with Ed. 
Ath. below. 

A few interpolated passages, when not marked by 
inverted commas, the anachronism will' readily distin- 
guish. 



PREFACE 

THE FIRST; OR, SERIOUS 



AT no period, I believe, in the history of our Litera- 
ture has it been at once so popular and so worthless 
as at present. Such, in fact, is the infatuation of both 
writer and reader, that Reason addresses them in vain, 
and there is left us but the last resort in Ridicule, This 
once felt, the way is open for proof; and it is then, 
with united forces, both of our light and heavy, that we 
carry the point. In a word. Satire takes the field, inodo 
tristi, scBpe jocoso ; but if she too fail, and that national 
taste, like national spirit, once debased, can never after- 
wards be restored, there is no help for it, but admit the 
Vandals. Prepare, therefore, to see our monuments 
overthrown, our Universities shut up. Pope and Addison 
neglected, and, since things are coming to the worst, 
Browning and Bulwer read. 

"Literature," said Napoleon, "has become the food 
of the Vulgar, while it ought to have been reserved ex- 
clusively for people of taste. " That which once, indeed, 
while it entertained the scholar, disdained not to teach 
others, now addresses itself entirely to the crowd, and 
falls to the level of their deficiencies ; for such have at 
length become by far the largest body of readers, Th^ 
result is that every thing is careless and incorrect ; hastily 



32 PREFACE THE FIRST; OR, SERIOUS. 

compiled ; and with an eye more to the quantity than 
the dehcacy of the feast. A three volume novel of the 
most inartificial construction, false to nature, or follow- 
ing her with a mechanical servility ; a book of travels, 
written in a few weeks, and made up of the most trivial 
particulars ; a poem which is but a romance in verse, 
with enough perhaps of the uncommon and fantastic to 
make a mode : these are the belles-lettres " of the peri- 
od ; " and the once famous union of elegance with know- 
ledge and instruction can no longer be endured. The 
pride of our literature is, in fact, sneered at by those of 
the new school ; which if any one doubt, let him ask Mr. 
Anthony Trollope, or hear him speak at those public 
dinners of which he appears to be so fond. 

The Chinese, as we know, have two species of religion ; 
one, a grosser superstition, with many idols, for the 
multitude ; another, formed on^ the precepts of Confu- 
cius, for the few. Such is the utmost I can hope for the 
condition of the nation at present ; that we have yet a re- 
spectable body amongst us who revere the great doc- 
tors of our learning, religiously peruse their books, and 
view with a mixture of disdain and pity the abject fol- 
lowers of Dixon, Dickens, Morris, and the rest. 

But if there is a decay of Taste, have we not the ad- 
vantage, you say, on the side of Morals ? Youth is now 
early introduced to vice, and made to know the world. 
So that when he enters upon life, the betting-room and 
the brothel, among other things, are familiar by antici- 
pation, and he knows already to distinguish a jade in 
the one place as the other. Elopement, bigamy, incest, 
intrigue, adultery, poison, manslaughter, murder, de- 
bauchery, theft, forgery, with all such, are made easy in 
the novel, as Miss Braddon, for example, has written it, 
and the mind receives no distaste for study. Or if, hav- 



PREFACE THE FIRST; OR, SERIOUS. 33 

ing passed youth without this advantage, one desires 
simply to lead a virtuous life, has he not a couple of 
volumes which shew, among other things, that to debauch 
his neighbour's wife, is, by " higher law," no breach of 
the commandment ? so easy is it, by the new way, to be 
good. 

The objection is ingenious ; but before proceeding to 
reply, perhaps I had better await a new book on a " high- 
er law" for taste also, by the Author of the two just 
mentioned volumes, of which he weekly gives us some 
specimens, and examine both together, as well to obtain 
time to arrange my remarks, as for the sake of brevity, 
of which I am willing to shew a very necessary example. 



PREFACE 

THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL 



SINCE acknowledged universally tliat " this nineteenth 
century" has surpassed all others, and left them be- 
hind, as it were, in the race of merit, as of time, the only 
desire is that an ample memorial be kept of it, and a com- 
plete record compiled, before too late, of the illustrious, 
but chiefly of our* authors, whose numbers so increase 
that few or none can recall their names, to say nothing 
of their works. I confess that, so far as I am concerned, 
having naturally a bad f memory, though without the 
excuse of being a wit, I find myself bewildered in the 
throng of excellence, and have written out, in alphabeti- 
cal order, a list of authors, until commencing with Ains- 
worth, I can already repeat as far as Browning. In ad- 
dition to which, since the Cretans:}: put their laws into 

* But chiefly of our Au//iors.] Of whom, the Author might have added, 
to justify his undertaking, Ur. Johnson declared, that the renown of every 
nation rested chiefly upon them. Am. Ed. 

I A bad memory. \ 

" Wits have short Memories and Dunces none." 

DuNciAD, B. iv. V. 620. Am. Ed. 

\ The Creta)is\ An instance judiciously selected, as tlie Cretans were 
fnmous for legislation, especially under Minos, who afterwartls was elected 
Judge of the Supreme Court in the Lozver Regions. Am. Eu. 



36 PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL. 

verse, and that the Germans* set the alphabet to music, 
I have sought some method of this sort, that the ear 
might assist the understanding, and have with that aim 
expressly composed the following poem, into which I 
have inserted as many of the freshest and most modern 
names as it could possibly hold.f Which poem repeat- 
ing often, sometimes as I lie wakeful at night, I can now 
sing off some six thousand names, over and above those 
which, with aid of my catalogue, I had before attained 
to. 

What, therefore, I propose is, that, with assistance 
from Government, or, that failing, with patronage of 
some wealthy Publisher, having completed my alpha- 
betical list, (a thing of years), it shall be made the main 
end of education, in primary schools, upper schools, and 
Universities, to con it over, to the neglect of all other 
parts of study ; that scholar being esteemed most learned 
who can call most names, as he is in China J who can 
repeat the greatest number of letters : and that, mean- 
while, and subsequently also, the verses which I have 



* The Ger>iians.\ Another instance of judgment, as the Germans are 
renowned for Music ; whence it used to be saiii, that the nations ruled wrlh 
a divided empire, France the land, England the sea, and Germany tlie air. 

Am. Ed. 

f Possibly hold.] I have already quoted from Dr. Johnson, the great 
Minos of criticism ; let me quote him again, where he says, that the chief 
merit of a Compiler is to put into his book all it can hold. Am. Ed. 

X As he is in China, &'c.'\ The exact number of characters, or letters, in 
the Chinese Dictionary, or alphabet, is 42,718, of which it is deemed suf- 
ficient to know 9,cxx), to fill the place of Imperial Historian ; as we learn 
from M. Stanislas Julien, Exercices Pratiques de Lexigraphie Chinoise. 
Avant-propos. Whence our Author might have taken a hint, and instead 
of requiring the student, however industrious, to commit to memory the 
entire list, should have deemed tlie one-fifth, or a selection from theclioicest 
names, sufTicient, as is the usage among tlie Chinese. Am. Ed, 



PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL. 37 

arranged to the same end, that is to say, the following 
Poem, be universally studied, and stowed away in the 
cranium of each, to the extent of his capacity, 

" Nocturna versate manu, versate diurna." 

The toil of which if great, let us weigh the advantages. 
First, this question of education * is finally settled. Se- 
cond, that other dispute of the Classics f is put to rest 
also ; for setting aside that we surpass our predecessors, 
Ancient as well as Modern, and therefore have no use 
of them, our time is little enough for ourselves. Third, 
since merit, like water, can not mount above its level, 
and that we have already reached the highest, there is 
no need for new Authors, who, in vain attempts to as- 
cend, must only knock their heads against the impossible. 
Nor need, (I may add, as a corollary to the foregoing,) 
of other books than the list above described, and the 
Poem, which, like the Koran, J as they contain all that is 
essential, the remainder are superfluous, and may be 
destroyed. 

I expect objections to rny proposal. Some, in the 
pride of popularity, may imagine that it requires noth- 
ing adventitious to keep them in recollection ; as if there 
were no limits to the human mind, and that every man 

* Question of education^ (S"^.] Namely, whether education should he 
extended among the Public, and what it should consist of: questions in 
English politicks. Am. Ed. 

\ Disftite of the classics i\ Wlielher they should not be dispensed with 
altogether; a heresy first moved in Scotland, and lately in England. 

Am. Ed. 

X Like the Koran, (i-=^.] We learn, on the authority of Abulpharagius, 
that the Caliph Omar consigned the famous Alexandrian Library to the 
flames: for, said he, if the books agree with the book of Ood, they are 
superfluous; if they disagree, they are pernici(nis, and ought to be tle- 
stroyed. Am. Eu. 



38 PREFACE THE SECOND; OR, IRONICAL. 

was a Syrus, who could call the roll of his soldiers, or a 
Scipio, who could salute by name all the citizens. 
Others, out of a suspicion natural to such, may fancy 
that I design but a sort of satire upon them ; when, in 
reality, I write but as the politic French understand 
raillery, a seeming censure, but real compliment ; in-so- 
much that the following, especially, had better be styled 
a Complimentary Poem, into which are hoisted only the 
most deserving names, and the prime favourites of the 
Public. Of whom the more discerning must soon be 
conscious how much they are indebted to me; who 
otherwise had sunk into a long night, where the God- 
desses of Oblivion were certain to seize them : 

" carpere lividas 
Obliviones." 

With more reason do I fear the reproaches of each 
who, with equal claims, finds no remembrance ; and who 
having written himself doivn* a thing it has been said 
which none but the author can do for himself, discovers 
that I have made no effort to write him up, an art quite 
in the power of another, as the reviewers and puffers of 
the day can all testify. To lessen whose chagrin, let me 
inform such, and all those who on looking at the Index, 
miss their names from it, that it is my design to add 
a fifth book to the Obliviad, as a fourth f was added to the 



* IVritteu himself down, S^c.\ When, in the famous controversy be- 
tween Bentley and Boyle, on the Epistles of Phalaris, the opponents of 
Bentley threatened to write him down, he replied that to write an author 
down none could do but the autlior himself. Am. Ed. 

f As a fourth ivas add^cf to the Duticiad\ At the suggestion of War- 
burton ; whereby the unity and coherence of this famous Satire, through 
introduction of foreign topics, were much injured; a warning to our Au- 
thor. Am. Ed. 



PREFACE THE SECOND ; OR, IRONICAL. 39 

Dunciad, that all may be treated alike, and that it shall 
be in the power of no man to accuse me of partiality. 
For in this matter, I repeat, I am entirely disinterested, 
having neither friendship nor enmity to gratify, and aim- 
ing only at general * approbation. 



* Aiming only at general approbation.\ Modest enough, it must be 
allowed. Am. Ed. 



ADVERTISEMENT. 

REWARD. 

If any Person be possessed of a more perfect 
copy of this Work, or of any Fragments of it, 
and will communicate them to the Publisher, we 
shall make the next Edition more complete ; and, 
moreover, a Reward is hereby offered, for every 
recovered verse, £'^. o. o. ; for every hemistichy 
£\. o. o. ; and for every separate word^ ly-; 
payable by us on delivery, and no questions 
asked. 



THE 



O B L I V I A D. 



BOOK THE FIRST. 

ARGUMENT. 

" / ^HE Muse having been invoked, and tJie purpose of 
the Poem signified^ the brood of Scribblers is at once 
ijitrodnced, their nnmbers stated, and kinds described. 
Alarm is then expressed lest the whole land be overrun 
with them, as with rats or other vermin, and even the po- 
tency of Satire is doubted. But here the Poet vindicates 
Providence, and explains her plan : Deep in the centre 
of the Earth, beneath the bed of Thames, are vast vaults, 
called of Oblivion, into whicJi all the crew of Authors, 
witJi their ivorks, sink, as they appear, and are got rid 
of. Of these a flood, as for awhile it choked the cloaca 
maxima, is described, and the names given of some of tJie 
minor sinks. By so wondrous a contrivance only as this 
of Oblivion, with its tributaries, could the refuse of mind 
be got rid of, with the prodigious accumulations of paper. 
All have turned authors, taught and tintaugJit, to the 
ruin of our prosperity. But here again is Providence 
defended : For if Writing, as the Poet itnagines, be a 
Pestilence, it drives out a worse, defecates the Brain, 
and gives vent to Tacit7irjiity. The various epidemics 



44 



ARGUMENT 



ivJiicJi Jiavc ravaged the Ear t It rccou)itcd ; all ivJiicJi have 
succi'ssivtly (lisa/>/>i-arc(f, cxci'pt the InJlNeiiza, and this 
of U'riti//g, eoinplainfs having a close analogy. Further^ 
all are shown to have eotne from the East, ineluding 
Koinauee, ivhose /^ersou is deserihed, the allurements she 
mak-es use of ^ the prodigies whieh foretold her coming, 
and the darkness which accompanied it. Nourished, 
like a weed, in barren places, she is herself poisonous, 
and, which ends the Bo(^', the Poet cautions us against 
her. 




THE OBLIVIAD. 



Book tiik Imrst. 



Ol'' Man's cliirf f()ll)% thciici' the fiiiits which s[)rin}j^ ; 
VVhal waiil, what vanity, and hiiii- hrinj; ; 
What Authors rise to earth, how next they fall, 
Those auth<,)is' names, ami what the entl of all ; 



Nor KS . 

TuK. Oiii.iviAi). I 'riicir iiii!.;lil have Iiecn a lime for Salirc; Imf tli.at 
lime is pas^-il ; and, in I lie |iicsciil ailviviiceil iljjo, il i-., .iiii|il\', cuil ol ilalc ; 
a |)riir(K'al>lc aiiiii'liroiiisiii, if xvc may coin an i-xpiossion. Tojio wiole in 
his <lay; hut we i|iu's(iini if the hcst tbfit I'opc penned, infitllible as lie was 
then tiioui^hl, wouiii pass niusler, hefme a ciilieal Maitiiiel, with us. Kor, 
in the liist phu'e, for wil, essential to this species ol' i-omposition, iheie is a 
vulj;.uily alxMit it, that we leave to our cah-nien ; and as for vij^our, wo 
leave that, with their daily slan^j, to our pcnlers : nuxlcin dcliraiy will not 
endine it. And, hcsidcs, liu'ic is a reiinenienl, a soilness, a siinplicily, in- 
fantile sonietinu:s though it i)e, an etiiereal elevation, and aiiscncc- ol all 
gross matter, whicli places our writers beyond the shaft of the Saliiist, who 
has then notliinjj to aim at ; for, as Smart said, in his lloiace, the censurer 
strikes a^jainst the solid, so we say, he j^riisps at the impalpahie. 

We have heen at the pains to (.jo over these four Hooks, as Satire is so 
much a novelty, a sort of rara <i7>is, these many years past, and iind in it 
no evidence whatever of j;enius, unless we so call a continued irony, and luir- 
lci>c|uc, on utir host authors. Some uKcuptional passages, it is true, risua 



46 THE OBLiviAD. Book I. 

Sing, Muse, that dost in Grub street sinks delight, 5 
The tuneful staircase, and the breezy height ; 

NOTES. 

above the rest ; after which, he sinks again, into his own Oblivion. What 
he evidently aims at is, to bring us back to a pedantic and obsolete period, 
when Boileau and Dryden, with the writers of Anne, studious of the An- 
tique, thought it excessively clever to fleer at and contemn writers with more 
nature than themselves; as, for instance, De Foe; — to an age, when the 
Wits and Scholars had it all their own way, and Reviewers were unknown, 
at least in the modern sense. We can tell him that although he had the 
ability to reproduce the Dunciad itself, it would not avail him, or make us 
overlook the tameness of Tennysonian verse, the naive of Browning, or 
the nature of Swinburne. It is easy to raise a laugh, and nothing is out 
of the reach of ridicule, but euvy will appear at the bottom, and despair, 
by dint of sense, of equaling that inaffable fineness, and, what shall we call 
it, indefiniteness, of the New-School ; wherein every latitude is given to 
fancy, every license to thought, and no censure to the absence of it, pro- 
vided the language be fine. What we now want is colour, contrast, free- 
dom of pencil, and breadth of canvass, with originality of drawing; possess- 
ing which, all that used to be called correctness, grace, manners, and moral, 
are things "stale and unprofitable," as Shakespeare expresses it. 

As might be expected, in a writer that aims at the classical, we find an 
abundance of allusions to both Ancients and Moderns, and of scraps from 
their writings; but, we are confident, that all of them are at second band, 
and are determined to make inquiry, and send a literary detective, to fish 
out the thefts : a task reserved for our Second Notice, in a future no. And 
this, although he has, in an underhand manner, in a letter, covering an en- 
closure, with a design to corrupt us ; (now waiting to be called for, at our 
desk, as we never return communications;) — and, notwithstanding those 
many complimentary remarks interspersed throughout his pages : in number 
three hundred ; a voluminous writer, forsooth ! 

Editor of Athen.'eum. 

Ver. I. Of Man''s chief folly ^ cSr^^.] This parody on the noble intro- 
duction of Milton, if it serve no other purpose, will at all events, serve to 
show, how a great poet can be degraded by a small one. Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. chief folly, ^ Namely, writing, which everyone thinks himself 

capable of, whereas it is certain, that not above one or two in an age are 
blessed with ability for this purpose ; as demonstrated, and explained in 
full, in Book II. of this Work, which see. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 47 

Or if those liv'ried haunts more please thy view 
Where scrawls my Lord, and scrawls my Lady too ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 2. What waut^ ivhat vanity, and lucre bring ;] Tliat is to say, 
if I rightly understand the Author, what books are written to relieve the 
writers thereof from want, what out of vanity, and what to make money by. 

American Editor. 

Ver. 4. Those authors^ names,'] "Again," said Swift, in a letter to 
Pope, "I insist, you must have your Asterisks filled up with some real 
names of real Dunces." In the first, or Dublin edition, asterisks only were 
used. 

Swift's lecommendation is in accordance with the primitive license at 
Athens, until the law Mtj wo/tarl \eyeti/ was put in force, and Menander 
reformed the stage. Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. r. Of Man^ s chief folly ^ cSr'c] 

" Of Man's first disobedience, and the fruit 
Of that forbidden tree, whose mortal taste 
Brought death into the world, and all our woe." 

Paradise Lost, B. I. v. i, 

Ver. 5. Si7ig^ Muse, that dost in Griib street sinks delight. 
The tuneful staircase, and the breezy height ; 
Or if those liv'ried haunts more please thy view 
Where scrawls my Lord^ and scrawls my Lady too ; 
T/unce thee I call, and by Oblivion'' s brink. 
Teach me, teach^ with Tennyson^ to si7ili ;\ 

*' Sing, heavenly Muse, that on the secret top ; 

Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire 
That shepherd, who first taught the chosen seed, 
In the beginning how the Heav'ns and Earth 
Rose out of Chaos : Or if Sion hill 
Delight thee more, and Siloa's brook that flow'd 
P"ast by the oracle of God ; I thence 
Invoke thy aid to my advent'rous song, 
That with no middle flight intends to soar." 

Paradise Lost, B. I. v. 6. 



48 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Thence thee I call, and by Oblivion's brink, 

Teach me, O teach, with Tennyson, to sink ; lO 

NOTES. 

Ver. 5. Sing, Muse,'] In this exordiirm are given the various topics, 
and purpose, of the Work, with the invocation, agreeable to the practice 
of the great poets, and to the precept of Vida, in particular. 

•' Vestibulum ante ipsum, primoque in limine, semper 
Prudentes leviter rerum fastigia summa 
Libant, et parcis attingunt omnia dictis, 
Quae canere statuere ; simul coelestia Divflm 
Auxilia implorant, propriis nil viribus ausi." 

Poeticorum L. ii. v. 17. 
Am. Ed. 
Ver. 6. The tuneful staircase, &'c.'\ Images sufficiently familiar to 
those who mount the shady steps, and inhabit the unceiled garrets, of Grub 
street, that famous abode of authors; where an unfortunate sous-a-liner 
must have sojourned, who, not long since, writing to Paris, described thus 
the whole London metropolis, and honestly told but what he saw, or, what 
he heard, if the Athenoeum will so have it. Am. Ed. 

Ibid. the breezy height,] Where the Zephyrs are felt, as in the 

Poet: 

" high in Drury-Lane 
Lull'd by soft Zephyrs through the broken pane." 

Ver. 10. teach, with Tennyson, to sink ;] Not with the design of 

sojourning there, but of searching for those therein lost, as expressed in the 
next couplet. 

Ibid. with Tennyson^ to sink ;\ Had he said, with Tennyson to 

soar, it had been more to the purpose ; but, unfortunately, the word sink 
was enforced by the necessity of the rhyme, in this rhymer, to give him his 
true name. 

And, now that we are in the humour of criticism, and are not dazzled by 
great names, Milton himself, in the passage above quoted, might have writ* 
ten sacred instead of secret ; sacred top. Again : 

"first taught the chosen seed 
In the beginning,''^ 
is mere tautology. And, 

" how the Heav'ns and Earth 
Rose out of Chaos," 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 49 

There through thick night to grope my doubtful way, 
And thrust up each vile scribbler into day. 

NOTES. 

is flatly opposed to fact ; as the Scriptures informs us, that "God created 
the heaven and the earth," which, therefore, did not rise out of Chaos, or 
any thing else. 

" Siloa's brook that flovv'd 
Fast:' 
When, for the second time, the Bible contradicts him : " The waters of 
Siloa's brook that go softly," or sloioly. Might it not have been said to this 
"prince of poets," as mothers do to their children, "Go, and read your 
Bible, sir." Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. to sink ;"[ It is not at all unlikely that the hasty Critick, such 

as he especially of the Athenceum, who had so often decided on the merits 
of Works of which he had read but a few words at the beginning, cr pos- 
sibly had read none at all, may boast of his justice in not condemning this 
one until he had toiled as far as the end of the tenth line, where the Author 
asks the Grub-street Muse, to teach him to " sink." 'Tisall from Horace, 
said the critick in Pope's day; 'tis all from Pope, says he of the present. 

The art of Sinking in poetry, is that of the false sublime, when the author 
descends to as great a distance as others ever rose, before inverted rules 
were invented: the primitive hint of which is in Falstaff, witty himself, 
and the cause of that wit in other men. " I have a kind of alacrity of sink- 
ing," said he ; "if the bottom were as deep as hell, I siiould down." (MER- 
RY Wives, Act. 3, Sc v.) From Falstaff it passed to the Earl of Dorset, 
in his verses to Howard : 

" So, in this way of Writing without thinking. 
Thou hast a strange Alacrity in sinking." 
From Dorset, Swift and Pope next took it ; since whose time it has be- 
come so trite that the Author of the present original performance is parti- 
cularly desirous of contradicting any possible report that he has taken it up ; 
full evidence of which can not be wanting to any Student who reads in this 
book a few pages further. 

After all, perhaps this "alacrity of sinking" is in Homer, that (^'ommon 
upon which all authors, by immemorial usage, have the right to pasture ; so 
that no one takes any thing from any one else, but from Homer, which is 
as if lie took it from Nature. 

Et 5i7 iron Kol iruuTCj) fV lxQv6evTi yei/oiro, 

3 



so . THE OBLIVIAD. Book T. 

But chiefly thou, maternal Duhiess, show 

Whence all the scribbling crew, and where they go ; 

NOTES. 

TloWovs tiv Kopecreifv au^p oSe, Trjflea ^LcpSuv. 
"Urihs atrodpiiffKitii/, ei Kol SvffireixcpeXos etrj' 

Iliad. Lib. XVI. v. 745, 

When a man, being hurled headlong from his chariot, An :ictive person, 
truly, said the otlier; how niml)Iy he dives ! That fellow, I v arrant, had he 
been at sea, would have brought us up an abundance of oysters ; with so 
much skill does he sink : iis pua KvfiiffTo.' how nimbly he dives ! It has more 
point in Homer than in any of the rest. 

To show how much the poets were indebted to Homer, the painter Gala- 
ton represented him in the act of vomiting, while all the rest were busy col- 
lecting what he had throv;n up : an image better left hid in the Greek. 

TaKaToiv Se 6 ^wypapos ^ypmpe rhu /xev "Onripov avrhv ifiovvra, rovs 8e 
aWovs iroirjTas ra i^r\p.i(TiX(va apvo/xei'ovs." 

^LiANi Var-IIist. Lib. xiii. cap. 21. 

Ibid, Tennj'son] As it is the main design of this Work to call to 

memory the names of certain authors, already sunk, or rapidly sinking, into 
Oblivion, I intend to give a short sketch of the chief of them, among the 
Notes, in addition to what is said in the Text, that the Reader may not be 
at a loss ; and, commencing with the Laureate, here make known that he 
wrote, was applauded, and is forgotten. 

These " Biographical Notices," however, as they are generally overcharged 
and llattering, the Reader very likely conjectures, what is the truth, that 
they were written by the authors themselves. There is an annual Publica- 
tion called " Men of the Time," from which is sent to the various Writers, 
and other distinguished persons, throughout Christendom, and beyond, 
a Circular, with blank spaces, to be filled ; as here follows : 

BLANK CIRCULAR. 

Mr. Mrs. or Miss, (as may be,) please fill up the enclosed, and return it 
to us, for Publication. 

Name; or, if you have reason to hide it, your assumed name, and aliases 
Date and place of birth ; garret or cellar 
Head or breech presentation 
If boin with a caul 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 5 1 

Thou, from the first, wide o'er the lumpish earth 15 

Sat'st brooding, goose-Hke, and gave each to birth : 

NOTES. 

Father (if known) 

Mother (if known) 

Sucked, or bottle-fed 

If ever sent to school 

Whether taught to read and write 

What College it was designed to send you to 

To what trade you were put 

At what date you ran away 

If charged with theft or other offence 

When and where you fell into the company of Writers for the Press 

How you were first taught to pick up scandal 

First book that you wrote 

How damned 

When put into jail for debt, or other cause 

How often you visited at the Work House, as near as you can remember 

The garrets you were successively driven out of 

State, particularly, when you commenced to tipple 

The Gin shops you frequent, and have frequented 

What induced you to turn Reviewer 

The nature of your connexion with the Athenoeum, or other sheet of the 

sort 
If publickly horse whipped 

Successive dates (week and month) of your later Publications 
Titles thereof, briefly ; as, the " Pocket-Picker j " <' Prostitution Unveiled," 

&c. 
How often you were given a dinner 
How often you went without one 
Date of Pension, with amount 

Ver. 13. maternal Dulness,\ As it has been said of the gods of 

Homer, that they have ever since been the gods of poetry, so has the Dul- 
ness of Pope been to the Satirist ; but as Homer did not create his deities, 
so neither did Pope, for we find Addison, many years before, speakin;^ of 
the god of Dulness, in his papers on Wit. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 15. Thou^ from the first, tSr^c] In this passage I have followed 
Milton, who followed Moses, Gen. Cap. i. v. 2 ; yet have I kept closer to 
Hesiod, a profane author, as was proper, considering the subject I am 



52 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

An evanescent as a worthless breed, 
Brought immature, and to the ditch decreed ; 

NOTES. 

writing on. And now here, I wish to call to mind what was once said of 
a book, that it had not learning enough to keep it from putrefaction ; a 
fate which, in my own case, I shall take care to prevent with as much Attic 
salt as I can possibly strew over my pages, and here by a bucket of the 
rock-salt of learning itself, which I have found ready quarried in Rawleigh's 
History of the World ; but which salt, it is certain, he never put a pickaxe 
to, but got a certain Dr. Robert Barrel, Rector of Northwall, to do it for 
him. 

"After the creation of heaven and earth, then void and without form, 
the spirit of God moved upon the waters. The Seventy Interpreters use 
the word suj^erferebatur, moved upon or over : incnbabat or fovcbat, saith 
Hierome, out of Basil ; and Basil out of a Syrian doctor ; ' Equidem non 
meam tibi, sed viri cujusdam Syri sententiam recensebo,' (saith Basil) : which 
words, inctcbare or fovere, importing warmth, hatching, or quickening, 
have a special likeness. ' Verbum translatum est ab avibus pulliliei suae in- 
cubantibus, quamvis spirituali, et plane inenarrabili, non autem corporali 
modo : ' The word is taken of birds liatching their young, not corporally, 
but in a spiritual and inexpressible manner." — Rawleigh, Hist. B. i. c. i. 
s. vi. 

This passage, most likely, Milton had read, and took from it his image 
of brooding on the abyss, which is a mighty sublime one, and very proper 
for me to imitate, with that alteration which the nature of the brood made 
necessary. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 15. Thou, from the first, wide o'er the lumpish earth 

Satst brooding, goose-like, and gave each to birth.] 

" Thou from the first 
Wast present, and with mighty wings outspread 
Dove like satst brooding on the vast abyss 
And mad'st it pregnant." 

Paradise Lost, Book i. v. 19. 

a,u.j.J Se Fa/j; 
'l/nelpwy <pi\6Tr}T0S ev(ffx,eTO, Koi ^' (Tavvffdrf 
HdyTT). 

Hesiod. Tiieog., v. 176. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 53 

Misshapen things which from the parent fall, 

Or live just long enough to give a squall ; 20 

Sink from a blow, or when much clamour made, 

While some, like sickly plants, but bloom to fade. 

Yet, numbers perishing, a crowd you meet, 

And still the brainless claim their own the street : 

For Dulness, teeming in her monstrous womb, 25 

Gives birth to more and still for more has room ; 

To each in turn her vile embraces lent, 

At once conceiving and parturient ; 

Of favour'd prostitutes in this the first, 

And in an idiot offspring only curst. 30 

NOTES. 

Ver. 23. numbers perishing, '\ The mutaljility of Authors is obviously 
a necessity in the plan of nature. If creatures were never to die, the world 
would soon be overstocked ; and if all writers were to live, where could we 
find museums, book-stalls, back-rooms, and bedlams to contain them? 
Thus it is that they pass away successively, and that new successions of 
Dixons and dunces crowd upon the earth. 

Ver. 24. the brainless\ Lest it should discredit the writer, let it be 

known that human creatures have not only lived without brains, but been 
born without them, sucked, cried, and performed various other functions ; 
and, also, that among other races of animals, whole families are acephalous, 
and consequently as devoid of brains as the vermin in the text. 

Ver. 28. At once conceiving and parturient ;] The wonder of this is 
lessened, if we credit the statement in Pliny, that mice, which surpass all 
creatures in fecundity, have been found pregnant while yet in the womb : 
" Apud Persas vero prsegnantes et in utero parentis repertas." 

Plin. Hist. Lib. x., cap. 65. 

Ver. 29. Of fa7iour'' d prostitutes in this the first, \ 
Notwithstanding a few examples to the contrary, of which Buffon furnishes 
one, physiologists are of the opinion that superfoetation is shut out by the 
laws of nature. 

Ibid. favoHr\i prostitutes.] Although, as a rule, it is true that 

"prostitutes" do not conceive, yet, of our oiun knotvledge, could we shew 
a case '''' to the contrary.,^'' q{ ■a. favoured prostJute. Eu. Ath. 



54 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Nor less had nature from the first dcsign'd, 

Who saves her sons e'en in the meanest kind, 

That the dread void might find a fresh supply, 

Replcnish'd from this vast fecundity. 

Earth to her inmost depths in all parts full, 35 

Or vacant only in the critick's skull ; 

Where thought nor learning in the dark recess, 

But noise alone, which speaks its emptiness ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 33. t/ie dread void, &^c.] On this principle, for instance, tlic great 
natural tlieologian Pailey accounted for the vast hordes of mice in the waste 
of Tartary, tiiat every part niigi)t be full. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 36. Or vacant only, ^c.\ 

Exceptio probat regulam. 

Ibid. vacant only in the critick's s/cull ;] According to the Pcripate- 
ticks, nature has implanted in all bodies, over-and-above their other attri- 
butes, an especial horror of the void, as of annihilation itself; for if this 
vacuum should spread, and interpose between us and the inlluence of the 
stars, nothing less than the entire destruction of this fair creation must fol- 
low. The vacuum in the critick's skull, therefore, being nothing less than 
an impassable space, the inane prof iinduin of Lucretius, set between us and 
the heavenly inlluence of the productions of genius, there is a universal hor- 
ror and dislike of such, as tending to plunge us into total ajiathy and dis- 
taste. Why men take, naturally, such a pleasure in knowledge, and aim 
so incessantly to attain it, is, on the principle thus explained, made manifest 
enough ; since knowledge is nothing else than the plenum, or the apjiosite 
to the vactutm, flying from whrch, we are thence hurried into the other 
extreme. But, since nature makes nothing in vain, and that vacuity itself 
is a part of her plan, jierhaps we must look upon the critick in the same 
light as we regard the Evil Spirit, or, that through hate of which, and avoid- 
ing it, we are made to hasten towards and admire all that is good. And, 
in point of fact, what is an arch Critick but an arcli Demon, that would 
enter Paradise, and deprive us of all that is pleasant and beautiful? " We 
have now," said Johnston, *' amongst other disturbers of human quiet, a 
numerous body of Reviewers." Preliminary Discourse to the London 
Chronicle. 

Ver. 38. noise alone] Whence it would appear that the critick's skull 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 55 

Merc idle voices made all sense to mar, 

That puzzling sounds may seem oracular. 40 

But not all times have sent an equal brood, 

Or countries claim'd the loathsome multitude. 

In ancient Greece scarce seen the spawn to spread, 

Save when some Zoilus had shown the head. 

Not so in Rome ; increased the blund'ring throng, 45 

And Bavius blind brought all the blind along. 

In Louis days again they burst to birth, 

Till Boileau rose, and swept the slime from earth. 

Then Pope appear'd, and braved the grov'ling band. 

Nor left, unlash'd, one dunce in all the land; 50 

The Dixons of those days saw sneak to view, 

And to their native kennels kick'd the crew. 

NOTES. 

is not a vacuum coacervatuvi, or utter vacuum, as noise had a place in it, 
but disscininatiuii ; for of these there are two kinds. 

Vi'iR. 40. That puzzling sounds may seem oracular .^ AUudhiL^ to the 
oracles at Delphos, which were written with studied aniljii^uity, tiiat the 
prediction mijjht still quadrate with the event. Am. Eu. 

Vkr. 43. /// Ancient Greece scarce seen the spawn to spread^ 
Save when some Zoiliis had shown the head.] 
Greece was the only country in which Literature flourished for any numlicr of 
years, everywhere else appearing but as an exotick and deciduous plant. Even 
this Zoilus was not an author, but acritick, and not of Athens, (although he 
studied there, as Sabin at Oxford,) but of Alexandria, where, however, he 
got so little encouragement that he was like to starve : the model of all 
succeeding detractors, a wretch who desired only to insult, censure, and 
make himself hateful. "Hpa Se wyoptvuv kukus, Ka\ avex^o-VicrQai iroWols 
o'XoA^j' e'x*) '^"^ ^oyepo'i ^v 6 KaKoda'fiODi/. 

yTii-iAN. Var. Hist. Lib. xi. cap. 10. 

Vkr. 46. And Bavius blind, cS-r.] Mr. Dennis, r^/f^^rrt/^^/critick of a 
past age, ventured a doubt tliat Bavius headed in Rome no inconsiilerable 
party against Virgil, as Settle in London against Dryden ; a thing but too 
probable. 



$6 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Propitious times; but since what swarms arise, 

Spread wide o'er earth, or shut out all the skies. 

Not sut-drops sent upon the growing blast 55 

From some foul furnace, ere the smoke act past ; 

Not showers of toads, not snakes which sometimes seen 

To fall, and hateful hiss along the green, 

NOTES. 

Vi:k. 51. T/ie Dixons 0/ t/iosc' iiavs, &'c.'\ Some friends have somewhat 
ofl'icionsly suggested, that from the frequent mention of l)ixon in this epic, 
I should rather entitle it the Dixoniad ; while others would style it the 
Hepworthiad, as more Iieroic; while others still (for people are very fond, 
as I have ascertained since I commenced author, of expressing a dilVerenoe 
of opinion,) are for calling it the Athenivad ; but I myself have rather in- 
clined to Obliviad, for reasons which will appear by-and-by. 

The present Dixon, '• of an old Puritan family," (how it runs in the blooil !) 
was author of a tragedy which can not be said to have been forgotten, for 
it was never kno»vn, except to "a few friends," who damn'd it in silence, 
as Drydeu's expression is; wrote "Literature of the Lower Orders," with 
a design to prove himself one of them, which he was ; sunk, it was thought, 
to the lowest, when he became Editor of an obscure sheet called the Atlie- 
nanini, until his " Spiritual Prostitutes'''' came on the town, beneath which 
is nothing. 

Dixon is of Manchester ; which sometimes has made me exclaim, when I 
have heard some Cockney inquire, if there were anything new in literatoor? 
Atyeral ti Kcuv6y ; yfuoiro yhf) iv ti "Kaivdrtpov, tj MuKtSuy aviip 'AdT)valovs 
KaravoXfuoi'v, koI rh ruv 'EWiivtev SioiKwv ; Of which the following is a close 
translation : What new ? Can anything be more new than that a man of 
Islanchester should rule the Press, and give law to Literature ? — We used, 
formerly, in Lancashire, to speak of a Utntliftiau from I^iverpool, but of a 
Alan from Manchester: also, of ayr/A>7(' from liollon ; wherein as there is 
no College, it was a fellow of Dixon's sort. 

Ver. 56. ///£• sniol'i: act\ An .\ct in England to compel those burn- 

ing large quantities of coal to consume the smoke, and thus abate the sut- 
drop nuisance. Am. Eu. 

Ver. 57. Not s/ioioers of toaiisy^ " Toads, as we all know," says the 
histoiian, "are filthy in their aspect, live in damp, obscure, dark places, 
and crawl out only by night : " are " looked upon with great aversion by the 
majoi part of mankind." Of the genus tana there are more than fifty spt- 



Book I. THE 0I5LIVIAD. 57 

In numbers such ; nor such the maggot breeds 
When crawls the carcass in the mass it feeds ; 6o 

Not e'en when copious Bulwer writes the book, 
And reams on reams supply the pastry-cook. 

N O 1" K S . 

cies : Maxima^ the great to^cl ; variabilis, tlie changeal)le ; ridibunda, tlie 
jocular, with a voice human ; bombina^ the laughing toad, for there is more 
than one such ; boaii, the bull frog; vctitricosa, the tumid ; cum viultis 
aliis ; salsa, Uie salt ; miisica^ the musical ; venenata, the envenomed ; 
biifo^ the coniinon toad : full blown Bufo, said Pope ; this he applied to the 
patron ; but the resemblance, in general, is more to the writers, or rather 
reviewers, (with the exceplion of iniisica, claimed l)y the poets,) as the 
naiues sufliciently indicate ; of which additional evidence may l)e found in the 
following: "This toad, tlien, who iiad taken up his residence unjler a hol- 
low stone in a hedge of blind nettles, I used to watch for iiours togcliier. 
It was a large, lumpish animal, that squatted on its belly, and perked up its 
hideous head' with two glazed eyes, precisely like a Critical Reviewer. ^^ 
GU'KORn. 

How these creatures fall in showers is as much a puzzle to philosophers as 
how animals crept first out of the earth, agreeable to the hypothesis of 
Epicurus : 

"Cum prorejjserunt priniis aninialia tcrris." 

II OR. Sat. L. i. S. iii, v. 99. 

By tlie way, there is a Satire, voluminous too, entitled Riibeta, after a va- 
riety of toad, the ruddock, from which a species of poison is extracted, 
as we read in Juvenai, : 

" Occurrit matrona potens, quiv: molle Calenum 
Porrectura viro miscet sitiente riibetain." 

Sat. i., V. 69. 

Ver. 60. IV/icii crawls t/ie carcass'] I knew an Anatomist who got a pre- 
sent of a whale, which he dissected, and left in an open place, intending to 
cut all away, except the bones, for a skeleton. But, on returning after 
some days, an enormous mass of maggots had got possession of it ; which 
first devoured the whole carcass, and then one another, until all disajipearcd. 
Where they came from, said he, for the scieiTce of Histology had not then 
made much progress, or where they went to, is ecjualiy strange; but gnaw 
away they did, like so many reviewers on a folio, and so vanislied. 

Vkr. 61. copious Bul7('er] It was the wonder of the Age in which lie 
lived how this aullior found time for any thing else than 7vritiug, (to call 
3* 



58 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

So num'rous they ; but, more, the scribbling kind 
Assumes all shapes, and to no name confined : 

NOTES. 

things by their prevailing names;) for, certainly, if his works merited the 
reading, a student would require no other books, as, with that degree of at- 
tention demanded by good authors, Bulwer alone would occupy the most 
diligent all his days. I have made the most indefatigable search for them, 
on stalls, in the waste paper shops, and the Museum, (not having, at that 
time, those otiier means of dredging for dead books,) and have ascertained 
the number of nine thousand, nine hundred, and ninety-nine, being only one 
volume short of the whole numlier a great scholar allowed to a complete 
library. Yet did this, the most industrious of men, make, in addition, ex- 
cursions on horseback and on foot, deliver himself of speeches, marry, beget 
an author, and perform all the ordinary functions of an animal creature. — 
O J le gran virtuoso. 

Ver. 62. supply the pastiy-cook.^ We think we had heard of the 

pastry-cook before. Kd. Atu. 

So had I. Horace has il, in cflfect, though he but speaks of the grocer; 
" J3eferar in vicum vendenlem thus et odorcs, 
Et piper, et quicquid chartis amicitur ineptis." 

Epist. Lib. ii., i. v. 269. 

In which he is followed by Persujs : 

" Linquere nee scombros metuentia carmina, nee thus?" 

Sat. i. V. 43. 

To the grocer Martial adds the fishmonger, as others the pastry-cook ; 
•* Ne nigram cito raptus in culinam 
Cordyllas madida tegas papyro, 
Vel tluuis piperisque sis cucullus." 

Lib. iii, Ep. ii, v. 3. 

" Quod si non scombris scelerata poemata dones." 

Ibid. Ep. L. V. 9. 

" Si damnaverit, ad salariorum 
Curras scrinia protinus licebit, 
Inversa pueris arande charta." 

Id. Lib. iv, Ep. Ixxxvii, v. 9. 

Perhaps, when Martial speaks of wrapping salt mackerel and spices, in 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 59 

Now grubs on eartli, these next ascend the sky, 65 

Wing with the breeze, hve their short day and die ; 
Ephemera best styled, though men insist 
Upon a borrow'd name, the Novehst ; 

NOTES. 

this way, he means it in a triendly sense, as thereby to pi-eserve these 
accursed compositions, as he calls tliem: scelerata poemata. 

Ver. 66. Wing with tke breeze,^ Id est, go witli the crowd. 

Ver. 67. Ep/ieinera] Otherwise, the hemerobion, for the same reason, 
that it lives but a day. The life of longer lived insects of this kind, says the 
Naturalist, is regulated by the multiples of seven : thus, the gnat and the 
maggot prolong their days to three times seven ; while others reach an ex- 
treme old age at four times this number, being viviparous, like the human 
creature, the life of which is also thus regulated ; some of this species drop- 
ping off at three, and some at four, times seven, the grand climacterick 
being reached when it is multiplied by nine, at which time, or at 63, in the 
course of nature, man,* like the others, shrivels up, and dies. Consult 
Pliny, Hist. Nat. 

Ibid. Ephemera best styled, though men insist 
Upon a borrowed name, the Novelist ;] 
To correct this passage, rather read hebdomadal ; Hebdomadal best styled ; 
for the novelists appear weekly, anti, in the Alhena;uni, " Novels of the 
Week " is always an article by itself. Ed. Ath. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 62. reams on reams supply the pastry-cook :'\ The modern 
Italians continue the usage of their forefathers, and wrap fish in printed 
paper, which with them is alga vilior ; as with us, since our fish women 
laid aside the straw and zueed. At this desecration of the fish, U^ov Ix^vv, 
held sacred by the Ancients, Apollo, writing from Parnassus, thus ex- 
presses his regrets, through his Secretary BOCCALINI : Essendo grandissima 
vergogna, che la tnaggior parte de' libri, cKoggidl si stavtpario, vadaiio 
per le inani, non de' litterati, ma di coloro, che vendono ,1 caitiale. cd il 
pesce cot to. 

Al Cai-dinal Bembo, ed al Boccaccio, Reuisori nostri. 

To the devil with those who said all our good things before us ! or, in 
other words, 

" Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.'' 



6o THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

These, light and nimble, more affect the flood, 

And mingle with the minnows in the mud : "JO 

These microscopic in the sink you seek, 

That to the magazine are swept each week : 

Untiring some through antiquarian ground 

Grope their blind way, and with the mole are found : 

A vermin breed, some take a sick'ning name, 7$ 

And feed and fatten on the imps of fame ; 

While sounds discordant many more betray. 

The hoot, hiss, howl, the chatter and the bray ; 

'Mid whom each mongrel whelp his treble tries, 

That but some cynick critick in disguise : 8o 

These, with what else capricious chance can bring. 

The kind equivocal, and two legg'd thing, 

Spawn'd, dropp'd, and litter'd, farrow'd, hatch'd, extend. 

And all the land befoul from end to end. 

Vast hordes of mice defaced his fair domain, 85 

These Smintheus banished to their caves again ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 70. viitiinnvs in t/ie mitd :\ For as minnow conies from mini- 

ma, tlie mud is the projier place to find it, agreeable to the Law, " Semper 
in obsctiris quod ntiniinnin est sequimur." — Ulpian. 1. 9. de reg. Jur. 

Vek. 75. A vermin brc€J,\ Said the illustrious physiologist Hunter, 
when told of some criticlv on his researches, All creatures are natinally fed 
on by some species of vermin ; classing the critick as the vermin of the 
man of genius ; though vermin was not the word that Hunter used, a 
Scotchman, who spoke out plain. 

Ver. 82. t'f)o legg'd thing^ Plato's definition of the creature 

man, a two legged thing, without feathers. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 85. Vast hordes of mice'\ This year all western Asia, Roumelia, 
and Thessaly, have been overrun and devasted by successive armies of mice ; 
a very ancient pest in these countries, and anterior to the time of Homer. 

Ver. 86. These Sininfheiis, &^e.'\ I do not pretend to inform a man of 
William Ilepworth Dixon's learning, editor of ihe Leading Literary Jour- 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 6l 

From Enna wide the rabbit swarm'd about, 

But soon the ferret drove the nuisance out ; 

Once Britain pester'd by her native rat, 

Him the Norwegian gnaw'd, and him the cat : 90 

NOTES, 

nal, &c., why Apollo was called Smintheus, from fffxluOos, n rat ; the best 
explanation of wliich is, that the rat, being the primitive symbol of niyht, 
Apollo, tlie god of day, drove him to his lurking place : just as criticks, 
being also of the gnawing, vermin, hated, hungry, and midnight breed, 
seek concealment, and skulk before tlie beams of knowledge, of which, of 
all creatures, they are the most intolerant. 

Veu. 87. Fi'om Enna ivide the 7-abbit swarni' d about, "[ The "Omphalos 
of Town," said Bulwer, affectedly. As he was at the trouljle of a])pending 
a note^ he might have added, tliat Enna was thus called, as being the navel^ 
around wliich all the other parts of the Island were convolved : ain(pi(\l(r<Tw, 
circuiiivolvo. Delphi, situated, as the Ancients supposed, in the middle of 
the Earth, was called tcrrcc umbilicus. 

Ver. 88. the ferret drove the nuisance out ;] Not so in the Ba- 

leares, of which the natives begged of tlie Emperor Augustus the aid of an 
army to exterminate tiiem. " Certum est, Balearicos adversus proventum 
eorum auxilium militare a Divo Augusto petisse." 

I'LIN. Hist., Lib. viii, cap. 55. 

Ver. 90. the Norivegian'] These rats, known, in the language of 

the country, as the Leming, are said to fall in showers on the plains of 
Norway, where they devour all that comes in their way, and attack the in- 
haliitants. Pestem Locustarum simillimam, said Scaliger. In despair of 
all other means, the priest at length routs them with an 

EXORCISMUS. 

" Exorcizo vos pestiferos vermes, mures, aves, seu locustas aut animalia 
alia, per Deum patrem omnipotentem, ut confestim recedatis ab his campis, 
nee amplius in eis habitetis, sed ad ea loca transeatis, in quibus nemini 
nocere possitis: sitis maledicti, deficientes de die in diem in vos ipsos et de- 
crescentes, quatcnus reliquice de vobis nullo in loco inveniantur." 

Ol.Woum. Hist. Anim. quod in Norvagia quandoque e Nubibus decidit. 
Of which passage the following may be accepted as a translation : 

All ye, I exorcise, pestiferous vermin, reviewers, rcjitiles, poetasters, and 
other scribblers, and nibblers whatever, in the name of your common Pa- 



62 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

But, say, what ratsbane, in our last defence, 
What potent purge can scour these scribblers hence ; 
How Muloch, Mayhew, Taylor chase, and Reid, 
With Wood the Howitts, and how stop the breed ; 

NOTES. 

rent, which is the Devil, that forthwith ye depart from these places, nor 
any longer infest them, but that ye sneak off into your, native holes, where 
is nothing to gnaw but yourselves, like rats, which ye are: be ye accursed, 
wanting in pen, ink, and paper, and turned out of doors from this very day ; 
in-so-far that no remains of you shall be found in any court, corner, or lane, 
in these kingdoms, whichsoever. Amen. Oremus. 

Ver. 93. Miilock,'] Miss Dinah Maria, who published, in 1849, her first 
novel ; her second, and her third, and her fourth, and her fifth, and her 
sixth, and her seventh, and her eighth, and her ninth, and her tenth, and 
her eleventh ; I am out of breath ; her twelfth, thirteenth, and her four- 
teenth, fifteenth, sixteenth; I really cannot repeat how many more, in suc- 
ceeding years, to the latest date. Obtained a " literary pension," that is, 
a pension miserably small, in '64; in '65 married Mr. George Lillie Craig, 
who died in '66; fast work, that identical year in which Miss Dinah sent 
four books to the press. O! la gran virtiiosa. 

Ibid. Mayhew,] Henry, spent a short time at Westminster School, went 
off to sea, and was articled to a solicitor ; a sea attorney, I suppose, as 
Byron called it. Accomplished youth, he now writes for the Magazines ; 
brings out Farces ; discloses the " Wonders of Science ;" tries " Tricks of 
Trade ; " shews " Whom to Marry, and How to Get Married ; " compiles 
"London Labour and London Poor;" and, was last collecting materials, it 
is said, for the " Rag-Pickers of the Press." 

Ibid. Tayl0r'\ Bayard ; early courted the Muse, by whom he was jilted ; 
wandered away "Afoot," with a "Knapsack and Staff;" "became ^o«- 



I M IT ATIONS. 

Ver. 92. What potent purge ^ 6-r.] 

" What rhubarl), senna, or what purgative drug. 
Would scour these English hence ? " 

Macbeth, Act v. scene 3. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 63 

WIiAt best on Earth the grievance to expel, 95 

Or, Heav'n against us, how to move all Hell. 
The Publick sure might well the funds advance, 
As last year 'gainst the cockchafers in France ; 

NOTES. 

ftected \v\\.\i The Tribune newspaper ; " wooed the Muse once more "Down 
East," and again sought consolation in "Travels." 

Ibid. and Reid,\ Captain Mayne. After five years tuition among 

the savages of Missouri, and a course of military in Mexico, was carried off 
to the common sink of Oblivion near the Thames, therein to cast "Rifle 
Rangers," " Scalp Hunters," "The Young Yiigers," *' Bruin, or tlie Grand 
Bear Hunt," with some fifty works besides, all deserving. 

Ver. 94. fVood,] Mrs. Henry ; " whose father, being head of a leading 
glove manufacturing firm at Worcester, (famous also for a piquant sauce,) 
she inherited his literary taste, and at an early age married Mr. Henry 
Wood, a gentleman connected with the shipping trade." Aborted first in 
the New Monthly and Bentley's; since whicli, prolific as a princess, she out- 
numbers with her offspring the years; thus: in i860, twins; in 1S61, trip- 
lets, besides an abortion, for so 1 may call a small book issued for the bene- 
fit of the " Lancashire Operatives;" in 1863, quarter of a dozen; '64 en- 
tilled her to the Queen's Bounty, for besides certain Daughters, she gave 
two Males and an Heir. In the following year we find but one registered ; 
however, she conceived again, and dropped twins, in '66; being now, as I 
am informed by a Man-Midwife, I mean a Publisher, gravid again. A well- 
sown furrow, to use the term of Euripides, (rirejpe tskvoiv &\oKa; for a com- 
parison between the fecundity of which, and that of the earth ; " fecunditas 
muliebris, cum Agri fertilitate comparata ; " consult Bekgerus, Stromateus 
Academicus, cap. xviii. 

Ibid. T/ie Howitts,^ What an inveterate weed is Romance ! The Quakers, 
of whom Mrs. Howitt is one, could not grub it from their garden. Besides 
romance, toiled at poetry and the drama ; gave, in conjunction with Mr. 
Howitt, many children of the brain, as well as of the body, all literary. 
Father, mother, daughters, an entire progeny to the press. 

I*M I T A T I O N S . 
Ver. 96. Or, Heav'n against its, how to move all Hell.\ 

" Flectere si nequeo supcros, Acheronta movelio.'' 

ViUG. x'Eneii!. vii v. -512. 



64 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Or must the nation 'ncath the curse be brought, 

And Satire in her age assist in naught ? lOO 

Rash reader, doubt not ; Providence o'errules, 

Who keeps apart some Hmbo for her fools; 

From ill apparent draws substantial good, 

.\nd but to wash our sins invoked the flood; 

Removes herself the mischief she began, 105 

And vindicates the wisdom of her plan. 

NOT ES. 

Ver. 97. Thf Piiblick sure mig/it well the funds <j</r ■<;//< y,] As if our 
(axes were not heavy enough already ! See our Pamphlet on this subject. 

Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 9S. As lost year Against the cofkihafers in Frame ;] In a single 
day, reports a Journal of Amiens, upwards of two millions of these insects 
were brought to the Town-Hall. Price, lof. tlie hectolitre. Mixed with 
lime they make a manure. 

In England tlie great swarm this sunnncr was of ants, which pierce<.l the 
surface of the earth, and spread ail over tlie country. Advancing across 
Waterloo Hridge, they were met by the great steam roller, and crushe<i in 
great numliers ; but in vain. These industrious creatures were winged and 
wingless ; for so are authors, part destined to lligius, tiie poets, part to 
drudgery, the prosers, and all to Oblivion. 

Vkk. 106. vindicates the 7i>!sJom of her />lan.'\ 

The impiety of the above verse, from Virgil, receives a rebuke, as the 
Autlior manifestly intended, in this vindication of Providence. Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 102. lim/>i> f>r her fools;] The Limbo of Fools is on the 

backside of the world; but not so this place which I am about to describe. 
"All these upwhirl'd aloft 
Fly o'er the backside of the world {.\r off 
Into a Limbo large and bro.id, since call'd 
Tiie Paradise of Fools." 

rAU.\i)iSE Lost, Book iii. v. 493. 



I?()()k I. TIIK OIU.IVIAI). 65 

'Neath Thames' fi)ul bed, a vault (vow hum. in si^ht 

Hides its vast concave in the reahiis of iiii;ht ; 

No deep-sea drcd^ings here have bottom foiuul, 

And, as no H^ht finds entrance, heard no sound. i 10 

Here her wide Catacombs Obhvion keeps, 

And, where no news disturbs her, Lethe sleejjs ; 

To C'haos next yawns this eternal Cave, 

And thence if things [)roceedet!, this their grave. 

The Gockless here, a Shape that secm'd of (iloom, i 15 
And like some solemn statue on a tomb, 
Fix'd on a throne, with an unchani;ing mi(Mi, 
Where all lay deail, throughout that dismal scene : 
VcW was lu-r f.ice ; wlu're I'ride some joy yet cast, 
'Ihat all must yiekl to her strong sway at last, I20 

When I'^une has ceased to utter, Life to stir, 
And ICarth itself but one vast sepulchre. 

N o r K s . 
Vku. 113. '/V C/itJos next, &'c.'\ 

It was an ()|)ini(Mi of (lie l''|iiruroaiis, tlial all llic 7tw^'s (ominous sound !) 
of Natuie would, in the end, descend into Cliaos ; hut as to all the works 
of those antipodes to Nature, the sciihblers, for them, in the end, tiiat is to 
say, next week, Oblivion is the proper recepl.acle. 

Chaos, the classic student need not be informed, sij;ni(ics to yawn, x'^'«'» 
hisco ; thus, chaos yawns; and Oblivion yawns; the i)ublic yawns; and all 
nature yawns; at mere mention of the massof the stujjid : whence it appears 
that the day of doom approaches, and that one wide yawn must soon jirove 
the opinion of l'",picurus, al)ovc mentioned, to be correct, (hat in cliaos, (or 
a yawn,) all things shall terminate. 

I M 1 r Ar I oNS, 

Vkk. 112. Li'llii- sl,;f>s ;\ 

" (^uam juKta Lelhes tacilus pnelabltur amnis, 
Inferuis, ut fama, trahens Oni.iviA venis. " 

i.ucAN. I., ix., V. 355. 



66 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Here hastes incessant all the waste of mind, 
Through sinks unseen, but in the depth design'd ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 124. Through sinks unseen^ Dennis, in his " Remarks on the Dun- 
ciad," objected in particular against tlie "high heroic games," exhibited on 
the Strand : "For is it not monstrous," said he, "to imagine they could 
take place in the master street of a great city ; a street eternally crowded 
with carriages, carts, coaches, chairs, and men, passing in the greatest hurry 
about private and public affairs?" To this we find the counterpart in the 
following : " Sinks unseen ; unseen they certainly are ; in opposition to 
which, we confront the fact, that they have never been met, whether in 
the laying of pipes for gas or water, or in the digging of "drains, to carry 
off all the other kinds of refuse. But not this only ; according to him, (the 
author,) to the remotest corners of the earth, these channels of his are 
present, and make part of the original foundation of it!" — En. Am. — A 
thing to shock credulity, I do not deny; but wliich, yet, is not at all more 
amazing than a matter in Science, at present familiar to every one; namely, 
that, as used in sending messages by the telegrajih, a current courses zigzag 
in the earth, through channels unseen, and whicli, moreover, have never 
been countermined or intercepted l)y any pij'cs, drains, courses, or obstruc- 
tion whatever. 

"Of all the miracles of science," said Lardncr, "surely this is the most 
marvellous. A stream of electric fluitl has its source in the cellars of the 
Central Electric Telegraph Office, Lothbury, London. It flows untler the 
streets of the great metropolis, and passing on wires suspended over a zig- 
zag series of railways, reaches Edinburg (or any other remote place,) where 
it dips into the earth, and diffuses itself upon the buried plate. From that 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 114. And thence if things proceeded, this their grave. ] 
Lucretius says of the Earth, 

" Omniparens, eadem rerum commune .sepulcrum." 

L. v., V. 260. 

The universal parent, as the common sepulcre of all things. Which Mil- 
ton applied to Chaos, 

" The womb of nature, and perhaps her grave.'' 

And which I have altered, to suit the modern system of the Universe. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD, 6/ 

With their dead works the race of writers go, 125 

And, spite of well-paid puffing, sink below ; 

(For though the tall plumed hearse, the parish cart, 

May bear*, 'tis not their unimmortal part ;) 

The mass of matter and the motley throng, 

As through arterial drainage, thrust along. 130 

NOTES. 

it takes flight through the crust of the earth, and finds its o%vn way back 
to the cellars at Lothbury!!! " 

"The Electric Telegraph," By Dionysius Lardner. p. 25. 

The greater wonder, indeed! for this "stream" that we are describing, 
which, in a like manner, " flows under the streets of the metropolis" un- 
seen, and " through the crust of the earth," fails to find its way back, from 
the "buried plate," to the "central" cellars and garrets of Grub Street, 
but is lost by the way, and sinks into Thames, as can easily be conceived ; 
for, as Mr. Bays said, "nothing so easy when understood." 

Ver. 126, spite of well-paid puffing, sink below i^ Seemingly having 
no power of spontaneous puffing, unlike puppies and other creatures, that 
generate wind, and float, some days after submersion. 

Ver. 128. their nnimmortal part ;"\ The Ancients had a notion that 
man was fourfold : the flesh, the shade, the manes, and the spirit ; of which 
the ground took the first, the second hovered around the tomb, the third 
sought the lower regions, and the fourth those above ; as in these verses, 
attributed to Ovid : 

"Bis duo sunt homini; manes, caro, spiritus, umbra: 
Quatuor ista loci bis duo suscipiunt. 
Terra tegit carnem, tumulum circumvolat umbra, 
Orcus habet manes, spiritus nslra petit." 
But we, the Moderns, have changed all that ; and divide this creature man 
into three, of which the mortal part seeks the earth, the immortal, vari- 
ously, the higher regions and the lower, but this third, or uniminortul^ 
part, Oblivion. 

Ver. 130. As through artt'rial drainage,\ A very exrejitionaljle phrase, 
since the word arterial comes from aer, air, the early anatomists having 
supposed that the arteries were filled with it, like the windpipe, or arteria 
aspera, as they called it, whereas we now know that these vessels contain 
the life blood itself; whence an additional impropriety, as our artificial 



68 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Heavens ! what a crowd had choked the common sewer, 
When crowds on crowds impell'd the mass before, 
Till last week's heaviness by this push'd on, 
Gave forth one gurgling sound, and all was gone ; 
No record left of all the worthless list, 135 

Those that full puff'd by praise, and those that hist. 
Buchanan, Reade, like dogs, have had their day. 
And, with the Laureate, then passed away ; 
Then Homer, when three thousand years were pass'd, 
Press'd by the weight of Worsley, sank at last ; 140 

Then Mackay, too, contemn'd of all the Nine, 
Then Lytton all thy works, and Proctor thine : 

NOTES. 

channels carry off, principally, but the refuse and waste of the body, in the 
same manner as those other sewers of Oblivion do those of the mind. 

Ibid. arterial drainage^ To free the Thames from the filth of the 

Metropolis, two capacious drains had just then been constructed, and 
run parallel with the river, into which disembogue all the tributary sinks. 

Am. Ed. 

Ver. 137. Btic/ianan,'] Robert ; spes altera Romre, heir to the Laurel; 
writer and reader of verses, the delight of Hep. Dixon, to whom he has 
dedicated ; candidate for Oblivion in a new piece, puffed of the metaphysi- 
cal sort ; of whom, and his writings, more anon. 

Ibid. Reade,'] Jno. Edmund, verseman and proseman, produced " Cain 
the Wanderer," "Catiline" and "Italy," after wliich " Tlie Deluge," 
with a chaos of " Drama," " Vision," " Revelation," " Paradise," " Lyri- 
cal Poems," and "Laureate Wreaths." 

Ver. 140. Worsley} One of the vtodertt translators of the Iliad, who, at 
present, number three hundred and seventy, being three hundred more than 
the famous "Interpreters." One of the ancient translators of the Iliad, 
was named Accius Labeo, a famous man, in Persius : 
" Non hie est Ilias Acci, 
Ebria veratro?" Sat. i. v. 50. 

Ver. 141. Maekay,] Charles, LI>. D., wrote, among other poetical 
pieces, "The Hope of the World," " Voices from the Crowd," "Legends 



Book I, THE OBLIVIAD. 6g 

Review, book, author, undistinguish'd duck'd 
In common sink, and to the centre suck'd. 

Nor other. Maelstrom, do the waters glide 145 

Where thy vast vortex cuts the Norway tide : 

Around and round concentric currents draw, 

Till half the ocean gather'd to his maw. 

And sailor, cargo, ship, together go. 

Ah, hapless sight ! and seek the gulf below. 150 

Chief from the Row the midnight floods begin, 
While some supply the thick and some the thin ; 

NOTES. 

of the Isles," and " Four Lyiicks " : In prose^ "Memoirs of Extraordinary 
Popular Delusions," among which he might have inserted, that Mackay 
was thought a poet. 

Ver. 142. Lytton'\ Edward Robert Bulwer, Owen Meredith Lytton, 
wrote " Clytemnestra and other Minor Pieces," "The Wanderer, a Col- 
lection of Poems in Many Lands," and a novel, in verse, (for the poet 
would break out in him,) entitled Lucille. 

Ibid. Proctor^'] Poet, born in 1790, or poet born, nascitur non fit. 
Tragedies, Dramatic Scenes, and Songs. 

Ver. 144. common sink^ Not signifying mcaii or despicable, al- 

though this as a secondary signification may be admitted; nor, by any 
means, uncommon, (which would be absurd ;) but general, which you will 
find among the meanings in Dr. Johnson's dictionary, and in which he 
himself used it, when he wrote, 

" The common sewer of Paris, and of Rome." 

Ver. 151. Ch'ef from the Roiu\ The famous Pater Noster Row, occu- 
pied by the Publishers. Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 148. Niato,] This is the barathri in the description of Virgil : 
" Atque imo barathri ter gurgete vastos 
Sorbet in abruptum iluctus." 

^NEID. Lib. iii., v. 421. 



70 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Such who in solid dullness seem to think, 

And such whose driv'lings well dilute their ink 

The great cloaca, from her utmost springs, 155 

(Whose deep foundations long before our kings,) 

NOTES. 

Ver. 155. The g)-eat cloaca,'] Mr. Mayhevv gives a description of the 
"old civic stream" so very much like this of Oblivion, thai I cannot help 
transcribing it : 

" First, then, as to the ramifications of the ancient Fleet outlet." — 
(How capacious! it gave passage to tiie Fleet.) — " From its mouth, so to 
speak, near Blackfriars Bridge, its course is not parallel with any public 
way, but running somewhat obliquely, it crosses below Tudor Street into 
Bridge Street, Blackfriars, then occupies the centre of Farringdon Street, 
and continues until the City portion of the Fleet Sewer meets the Metro- 
politan jurisdiction between Saffron and Mutton Hills. In its City course, 
the sewer receives the issue from one hundred and fifty pulilic ways, (in- 
cluding streets, alleys, courts, lanes, &c.,) which are emptied into it from 
the second, third, and smaller class sewers from Ludgate Hill, and its ]irox- 
imate streets, the St. Paul's locality, Fleet Street, and its adjacent commu- 
nications in Wellington Street and the Strand." — (Wellington Street, 
Strand, London, W. C. Mark that. Reader.) — 

" Some of the sewers are found forty feet below the street, some two feet, 
some almost level with it." 

" The deposit has been found to contain all the ingredients from the 
breweries, dunghills, the gas-works, and the several chemical and mineral 
manufactories ; dead dogs, cats, kittens, and rats ; offal from slaughter- 
houses, sometimes even including tlic entrails of animals; street pavement 
dirt of every variety ; vegetable refuse ; stable dung ; cacata cJiarta, Athe- 
fiiCitms ; the refuse of pig-sties ; night-soil ; ashes ; tin kettles and pans ; ink 
bottles, pens, and paste." London Labour and Poor. 

*• Underground London " is the title of a book by Mr. Holingshead, 
a gentleman deserving of notice, which he shall receive hereafter. There 
is a celebrated work called Ji,>»ia Sotterranea, by Antonius Bosius. He 
descended into the Catacombs, as did Mayhew and Holingshead, with 
this difference, that Bosius came out at the end of the fifth day, while 
Mayhew and Holingshead are likely ever to remain in them. 

[[gf" Nofe of the American Editor. — I find here in the margin of the 
primary "proofs" of the Obliviad the following detached verses, which 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. /I 

Glcigh, Arnold, Gumming, miscellaneous hides, 
Where Froude, Head, Ruskin, in the sooty tides. 

NOTES. 

seem to apply to the work of Mr. Mayhew just quoted, and some other of 
his writings; 

A kind of things whicli neitlier tools nor toys, 

Books that unfitted or for men or boys. 

Some score tf pages in a florid strain, 

Till rats and excrement come in again; 

A mixture such as in the dust-cart seen, 

With garbage, nosegay, and much muck between. 

This, however, is conjectural. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 1 56. ( IVkose deepfottndations long before our kings,y^ 
The Romans assigned their Cloaca Maxima to Tarquin, as we Fleet 
Ditch to our primitive kings ; but as to tliis main sink of 01)livion, it is 
anterior to all history and tradition, and must have been constructed with 
the first foundations of the Earth itself; or, rather, is a remains of Chaos, 
untouched of Creation. Not to know how 'floods' can find a way beneath 
sea, would only discover an ignorance of Ancient geography. 
"Alpheum fama est hue, Elidis amnem, 
Occultas egisse vias subter mare ; qui nunc 
Ore, Arethusa, tuo Siculis confunditur undis." 

^NEID. Lib. iii., v. 694. 

Ver. 157. Ariiold,\ Professor of Poetry at Oxford, himself writer of 
poems, some of which he has been at the trouble, very unnecessarily, of 
withdrawing from the Public. He has written Essays in Criticism, and 
contributed io periodical literature ; but who has not ? 

Ibid. Cumtniug,] The Rev. John, D.D., F.R.S.E., A.S.S. "Voices 
of the Day," "Voices of the Night," and the Oblivion of All Things, in- 
cluding Blockheads and their Books, which absolutely took place, to his in- 
finite credit, just as he had prophesied. 

Ver. 158. Fronde^] "Shadows of the Clouds," "Nemesis of Faith;" 
each severely censured by the University, which much increased the sale. 
"Short Studies on Oreat Subjects;" a title in which an opposition is in- 
tended, which to be exact should read, "Short Studies on Tall Subjects," 
classic slang among the Yankees. Mr. Froude stole this title, but wishing 
to alter it, to escape detection, only spoiled what was scarce worth carrying 



72 THE 015LTVIAD. ]?ook I. 

From Bond, Belgravia, Paul's, Pall Mall, they sweep, 
While putrefaction stinks throui^h all the heap ; i6o 

A wei<4ht of words from utmost Tweed comes o'er, 
Antl blunders many from Hibernia's shore; 
The Yankee ships much crudeness from his shelf. 
Whence Loni;fellow, last year, shipp'd off himself; 
Remote Australia tries the debt to pay, 165 

But sends her hides and wool another way ; 
Where California, thou, thy golden grain, 
While Bret alloy of Bowie-knife and brain. 

NOTES, 

o(T at tlie fust. The ]iliin(lcrctl \vt)rk is called " Small Hooks on Clreat 
Sui)jects. Cliristian Doctrine in the Second Century." A I2nu)., pub- 
lislicd in 1S24, and raised by me out of Oblivion. 

Ibid. Hcad,\ Sir Francis Bond, Hart., K.C.Ii., &c. Knight of the 
Prussian J////A/;;' Order of Merit. Wrote "Bubbles," "Pokers," "Sticks." 
As some have shown themselves slashing critieks on rebellious authors, so 
has he on authors of rebellion, as Canada can testify. Made his way with 
his sword to a tillc, but to a pension with his pen. 

Ibid. Riiskiii,\ Abandoned by the Muse of Poetry, his lust love, on ac- 
count of impotence, took up with her of Painting, who, the younger sister, 
is much the richer ; wrote and spoke on Painting and Arciiitecture, advo- 
cated Pre-Raphaelisni, antl tried his pen on various periodical paper. 

Vkk. iqo. Bond, Beh^tiwia, PauPs^ Pall Man,^ Localities in London, 
where an cvpial nund)er of Periodicals arc publishci'.* that I iicnce severally 
take their titles. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 163. crudcni:ss\ Alluding to the raw material, we suppose ; 

the cotton. En. Aiii. 

Vk.U. 164. Lougfi-l!o'i<\ Henry Wadsworth, the great ./w<7-/<(///. If you 
would enjoy his works, be sure to ask for tlic Red- Line edition, as advertised, 
with the Ro.vburghe binding. 

Ibid. Whence Longfellow last year,] Mr. Longfellow was at this time 
receiving much attention in England. Am. Eu. 

ViiR. 167. IV/iere Cal fornia, thou, thy golden grain. 
While Bret alloy of Boioie-knife and brain. ] 
Golden grain : an ambiguity ; since it may either mean grain of gold, or 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 73 

Thus freed the land from the much mingling tide, 

And still renewing heaps are cast aside. 170 

Else in what dens obscure the masses seek 

Which disappear and which appear each week ? 

Where else those piles of paper hourly writ, 

On which those thousands show their want of wit ? 

NOTES. 

wheat, the golden harvest of the poets, shipped in great quantities from 
California, and ranking, in Mark Lane, with that of Chili. Now, on tlie 
first .supposition; it is true, the alloy, sometimes written allay, would seem 
to come in with propriety, were it not that gold is no longer, as a rule, 
found granular in the country alluded to, but in quarts, (we don't mean by 
measure, as ale or beer, which would convict us of a pun, stolen from the 
inimitable Hood,) from which there is need to separate it by a process called 
smelting. On the second ; namely, that the golden grain signified the wheat, 
in the Greek TrC^by, from TrOp, ignis, on account of its colour, it would bring 
in a confusion of images to speak of an alloy in that connexion ; when the 
verse should rather have run, 

"While Bret his Bowie-knife and smut of brain:" 

the Bowie-knife being put for the scythe, figuratively, and the smut, or mil- 
dew, literally; leaving out that other signification of the word, at present. 
However, since the Satirists, of whom, we suppose, thi.s prosaic person 
counts himself one, sometimes speak of a brain of lead, it is possible the 
meaning may be, that Bret furnished with the iron of his California tooth- 
pick, and that other metal, the alloy to the gold, and not to the wheat, an 
absurdity. Ed. A.TH. 

Ver. 168. Brei\ Notwithstanding the above remarks by the Editor 
of the Athenaeum, and what is said in the text, Mr. Harte, instead of 
being the heaviest, is the lightest of writers, being held down by no weight 
whatever, whether of knowledge or sense, and inflated largely with vanity. 

" A brain of feather, and a heart of lead : " 

But this does not apply to him ; for he wants all ballast, with which even 
balloons are freighted. 

Ver. 169. Thus freed the hutd from the much mingling tide^ It is 
a question among the humorists, where do all the//«j go to ? and, lately, 
where do all ihe tins ? of which, as the heaps don't seem to accumulate, 
4 



74 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Count out each ream the vilest usage takes, 175 

Mandungus wraps, or what supplies the jakes ; 

Of Athenaeums all the heaps untold 

Which printed ev'ry week, and never sold ; 

All Kinglake, Melville, Neale, with Berkeley, blot. 

And left on loft of stationers to rot : 180 

NOTES. 

and are only seen occasionally, glistening on a cart, or in a sink, we must 
imagine some such receptacle for them also. 

Ver. 178. never sold i^ Especially since the Academy began 

in every respect a far superior Journal, whether in point of erudition 
acumen, or taste, but, above all, of lionesty ; when the Public is not de 
ceived, on the one side, and the Author not misrepresented, on the otlier. 
The names of the writers vouch for their resi^ectability ; unlike the Athe 
naeum, which dares not bring forward those obscure scrubs it hires. 

Ver. 179. Kinglake^ Author of " Eothen," an account of his Eastern 
travels ; and an " Invasion of the Crimea " ; books much in vogue, at 
one time. 

Ibid. Melville,\ Entered the army, joined the Turks, and commenced 
writer of novels; among which are "General Bounce," "Good for 
Nothing," "Tilbury Nogo," an "Unsuccessful Man." Contributor to 
Eraser and Blackwood. 

Ibid. Neale,\ The Rev. Erskine ; has written some sermons, but more 
novels, of which some are Christian and some not, as, " Recollections of a 
Gaol Chaplain," " Scenes where the Tempter has Triumphed," " Risen 
from the Ranks," and "My Comrades and my Colours." All which, — but 
de mortiiis. 

Ibid. Berkeley^ Since the day is rapidly approaching, from the great in- 
crease of the illustrious, when all our time will be scarce sufficient to ascer- 
tain, and commit to memory, tlie names of the dead, (as the reader knows.) 
would it not be desirable to omit, say, half-a-dozen of Berkeley's. If, indeed, 
this be not a superfluous piece of advice, as the retrenchment has long since 
begun, and been brought into use generally ; a matter pointed out by Hey- 
wood, who begins with examples of the profusion of the Ancients in respect 
of the high sounding surnames they gave to those whom they deemed de- 
serving of honour ; as here follows : 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 75 

Count out each scribe who hid in cellar sleeps, 
In jail who shut, or whom the workhouse keeps ; 

NOTES. 

" Past Ages did the antient Poets grace, 
And to their swelling stiles, the very place 
Where they were borne, denomination lent. 
Publius Ovidius Naso had the ostent 

Of Sulmonensis added. 

Publius Virgilius likewise had the addition 
Of Maro, to express his full condition. 
Marcus Annseus, Lucanus, Seneca, 
Bore title from his city Corduba." 

This when the world had few names, and the burden was light on the me- 
mory. But, with the increase of fame, it came by necessity, that, not only 
were some of the superadded names dropped, but those that were retained, 
curtailed, until what was Virgilius became Virgil, and Titus Liviiis, Tite 
Live, at which Chesterfield, with all his predilection for the French, was 
so much shocked. A matter thus noticed by Heywood, in the verses which 
come next after the above : 

" Our moderne Poets to that passe are driuen, 
Those names are curtal'd which they first had giuen ; 
And, as we wisht to haue their memories drown'd, 
We scarcely can afford them halfe their sound. 
Mario, renown'd for his rare art and wit. 
Could ne'er attaine beyond the name of Kit : 
Although his Hero and Leander did 
Merit addition rather. Famous Kid 
Was call'd but Tom. Tom. Watson, though he wrote 
Able to make Apollo's selfe to dote 
Vpon his Muse ; for all that he could striue 
Yet neuer could to his full name arriue. 
Tom. Nash (in his time of no small esteeme) 
Could not a second syllable redeeme. 
Excellent Beiu>?iont, in the foremost ranke 
Of rar'st Wits, was neuer more than Franck. 
Mellifluous Shakespeare, whose inchanting Quill 
Commanded Mirth or Passion, was but Will. 
And famous Tohuson, though his learned Pen 
Be dipt in Castaly, is still but Beii. 



^ THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Who in asylums where the wealthy lie, 

With such who rave on public charity : 

Yet these compared how few with crowds untold 185 

Which deep Oblivion holds, and yet can hold ; 

Itself too small, did not the sage confess, 

On trial made, this pit the " bottomless." 

Rich, poor, taught, untaught, in one task unite, 

P^or who for nothing fit, at least can write ; 190 

NOTES. 

Fletcher and Webster^ of lliat learned packe 

None of the meaii'st, yet neither was but lacke. 

Deckers but Tom, nor May, nor Middleton. 

And lice's now but lacke Foonl, that once was /o/in." 

The Ilierarchie of the blessed Angells. The Fall of Lucifer with his 
Angells. A poem in Nine Books. Lib. iv. p. 206. Wrilica by TllO : 
Hkyvvood. 

Let it now, therefore, be sufficient to say, that Berk gave to Fras, of the 
Magazine, a thrashing, and ;i^loo ; money advantageously laid out ; and 
shot Dr. Maginn, into tiie bargain. If our young Nobility, and others, 
should follow the example of the Hon. G., it will then be necessary, as in 
parts of the United States, to keep z^Jit^/itiiisr editor, otherwise the poltroons 
of our Reviews will be liable to constant kicking, in the manner of Fraser. 
Crack liollo ! crack liollo ! a master of stag and fox hounds, was it rather 
a whip? Be on your guard, Hepworth. Wrote " My Life and Recollec- 
tions", with It's lineage ; "' Landon Hall ", " Love at the Lion ; " in addi- 
tion to whicli, so to express it, periodicaled occasionally. 

Veu. 1S8. this pit the bottomless. ^ Which is to confound it with 

another place. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 1 89. Rich, poor, taught^ untaught, in one task unite. 
For who for nothing fit, at least can larite ;] 

" It is not now, as in former times, when men studied long, and passed 
through the severities of discipline, and the probation of public trials, before 
they presumed to think themselves qualified for instructors of their country- 
men There is found a nearer way to fame and erudition, and the enclo- 
sures of literature are thrown open to every man whom idleness disposes to 
loiter, or whom pride inclines to set himself in view. The sailor publishes 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. Jf 

And headless, handless, to the trade are put 
Of senseless scribbling, with a pen in foot. 

NOTES. 

his journal; the farmer writes the process of his annual labour: lie that 
succeeds in his trade tliinks his wealth a proof of his understanding, and 
boldly tutors the public ; He that fails, considers his miscarriage as the con- 
sequence of a capacity too great for the business of a shop, and amuses him- 
self in the Fleet with writing or translating. The last century imagined, 
tliat a man composing in his chariot was an object of curiosity ; but how 
much would the wonder Ixave been increased, by a footman studying behind 
it ? There is no class of men without its authors from the peer to the 
thrasher ; nor can the sons of literature be confined any longer to Grub- 
street or Moorficlds; they are spread over all the town, and all the country, 
and fill every stage of habitation, from tlie cellar to the garret." 

It is a hundred years since this was written, when they could not show 
one author for every thousand we can boast of now ; so great arc the 
advances which the world is making in population, as, also, in prose and 
poetry. 

Ver, igi. Aud headless, handless, to the trade are put 
Of senseless scribbling^ with a pen in foot.l 

As to a man's being headless, we mean, simply, as the expression is, that he 
has no head; no head for business, no head for str:ly, ' fit for nothing,' as 
the text has it ; the thing is known : but if tliere is any Reviewer, tluat is to 
say, inveterate blockhead, who, judging from his own impotence, throws 
doubt on the mechanical incapacity of a man without members, it is because, 
in the bottom of the obscure court where he skulks, he has not heard of 
that Gentleman lately elected to Parliament, who has neither hands nor 
feet^ but only a mouth ; which "he uses with admirable dexterity, not only 
for sucking, chewing, whistling, spitting, mouthing, speaking, and hissing, 
required as member of the House ; but for holding knife and fork, reins of 
bridle, pen, yes, and whip too, you dunce ; for it is plain that you have 
never heard, either, of what Philip of Macedon said of the Athenians, that 
they were like the Mercuries posted in their own streets, «// mouth : for of 
these figures the body was shrunk into a pillar, and the mouth distended ; 
something like the posts, opposite puljlic houses, with figure of horse's head, 
and ring in the open jaws, to fasten your rein to, Mr. Reviewer, when, 
haply you have occasion to make use of this part of your body, that is to 
say, to drink. 

Since this was written I have seen a description of the above mentioned 



7.8 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Old age, in dotage, at the desk is seen, 
And boys compose a weekly magazine : 

NOTES. 

tusus naturee^ which I will here subjoin. " Mr. Kavanah has neither legs 
nor arms! He was born in this unfinished fashion ; and in place of legs has 
but six inches of muscular thigh stumps, one being about an inch shorter 
than its fellow; while his arms are dwarfed to, perhaps, four inches of the 
upper portion of these members, and these are unfurnished with any termi- 
nations, approaching, in the remotest manner, to hands. Yet, you will 
probably be surprised to hear, that he is a beautiful caligraphist, a dashing 
huntsman, an artistic draughtsman, an unerring shot, and the most expert 
ofyachters! a combination of accomplishments, under the circumstance of 
his corporeal imperfections, that is certainly astonishing. 

" His mode of writing is simple, but must have been attended with 
great trouble before he attained the proficiency which he unquestionalily 
has. He holds the pen or pencil in his mouth, and guides its course by the 
arm-stumps, which are sufficiently long to meet across the chest, and by this 
apparently impossible mode he produces a caligraphy, each letter of which 
is distinctly formed, and all withoot any peculiarity, or what is called cha- 
racter. When hunting, he sits in a kind of saddle basket, and his reins are 
managed with an expertness and ease surprising ; but, perhaps, the greatest 
of his achievements is driving 7ifotir-i7t-/iatid." 

To degrade a youth of genius, improved by application, like this, to the 
drudgery of daily scribbling, would be an outrage upon nature. What we 
desire to advise, therefore, is intended only for those who are born block- 
heads, and beneath the common level ; the parents of which are often at 
a loss to determine what trade to put them to, especially when the frame has 
been as carelessly put together as the understanding. For these no other 
means of obtaining a living, handicraft or other, seems at all so wfill adapted 
as this we are speaking of. In case the back is bent, for instance, it only 
brings the boy ready shaped to the desk, for which, otherwise, much loss of 
time, and of health, is required ; if without arms, tlie feet may be educated 
in as short a time as ordinarily is given to the dancing master, or in less, as 
only one foot is taught; if both hands and feet are wanting, it will be but 
slight cost to screw a pen to the stump; if an idiot, again he comes ready 
shaped to the business, as thought is quite out of style, and long likely to 
continue so; but if mad outright, the frantic passages in the sensation 
novels, it is to be supposed, he will do better than any one else, from the 
bent of nature, to follow which is the rule we are insisting upon. 

For further explanation : That part of an organized creature, biped, 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 



79 



From fops to foolscap girls withdraw their looks, 195 

While such who long past bearing bring forth books ; 

Peers, postmen, duchesses, the numbers fill, 

Till all the gen'ral Public plies the quill. 

One from his wearied thumb the shears has cast. 

And one, against the proverb, leaves the last ; 200 

Another on the board chalks his remarks, 

And Burritt from the anvil beats his sparks ; 

NOTES. 

quadruped, centipede, or crawler, which is absolutely indispensable, Cuvier 
demonstrated to be the stomach, the other parts, as we have seen above, 
being, one or other, wanting, on sometimes totally so, when the animal is a 
mere sac, which sucks its own nutriment, and thus dispenses with the mouth, 
Just spoken of. Physiologically considered, therefore, the brain is only that 
which guides (unless it misguides) the rest, the feet to carry to, the hands 
to seize, and the teeth to chew, that pabulum, out of which all those acces- 
sory instruments are nourished, and which supplies to the cravings of the 
mother viscus, situated for the greater convenience, in the centre of them. 
" Ventrem in medio qtiietum, nihil aliud, quain datis vohiptatibus frui ;" 
as Menenius Agrippa, long ago, very well explained, in that apologue where 
the meml)ers rebelled against the stomach ; a constant craver, delighting in 
variety, squeamish, and only then, like the boa, at rest, when gorged, unkss 
seized with a dispepsy, at which time, disquieting itself, it disquiets all around, 
and shows itself the prototype of that creature we are here considering, or 
the human of the naturalists. 

Ver. 194. And boys compose a weekly magazine ;] In the Advertisement 
for which especial care is taken to inform us that none but boys have a hand 
in it ; whence, that which is the special defect in many other publications, 
is in this the special merit, for all \'i puerility. 

Ver. 197, postmen,^ Among whom I may mention Mr. Richard 

Carpen, a man of letters emphatically, known as the Rural Postman of 
Bideford. Received, from the Civil List, a pension of £^0 per annum ; 
afterwards increased to £bo, as his style improved, by a just rule ; for if in 
proportion as the composition declines, the pension is retrenched, authors 
will be more upon their metal, and the Public still get the worth of their 
money. 

Ver. 201. on the board chalks his remarks,-] To show how invete- 

rate the habit is, Gifford used, when a shoemaker's apprentice, to write on 



80 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

While he who curious once could thrums disperse, 

Weaves only now the warp and woof of verse, 

The rattling shuttle skilful then to guide, 205 

But now this other tool from side to side. 

Our cobblers now to critick jobs attend, 

Who if they can not make, at least can mend ; 

When, these except, with one contracted view 

Each writes his book, and is the reader too ; 210 

All industry absorb'd, our commerce dead, 

And wealth and wisdom from the nation fled. 

Some stringent bill might through the House be press'd, 

But that the members mad like all the rest j 

NOTES. 

the lap-board with his awl ; which he tells us himself, for he took pride in 
the trade ; as did Baudoiiin, who, to honour it, composed his learned treatise 
De Calceo ayttiguo et mystico. 

Ver. ^02. Btirritt from the anvil, &=€. ] Not in Utopia itself is it thought 
possible to dispense with War ; for there the scheme is, to make Money, 
wherewith to purchase Mercenaries ; but Mr. Burritt, who is a blacksmith 
by trade, although an author by necessity, would beat the sword into the 
pen, and teach all nations to settle with it alone their disputes. In Ariosto, 
when Discord was souglit, to send her among the Infidels, she was found in 
a Monastery ; yet is a "Universal Brotherhood''^ all that Mr. Burritt re- 
quires. This ingenious gentleman has sent " Sparks from the Anvil," held 
out " Olive Leaves," and lectured on Temperance, which last, in the opinion 
of Cleobulus, dpiffTOv fxirpov, is all yet wanting towards complete happiness, 

Ver. 205. The rattling shuttle skilful then to guide, \ 
O, that is all now done by machinery, and, at no distant day, so will 
writing. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 210. Each -writes his book, a fid is the reader too ;] 
Hyperbolical ! hyperbolical ! ! Who is it, we ask, who can be supposed 
to believe this ? Ed. Ath, 

Ver. 213. Some stringent bill might through the House be press'' d,\ 
As in ancient Rome, where, under Tiberius, certain Members of the 
Senate were appointed, to stop the waste, and regulate the distribution of 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 8* 

Nor likely soon th' excise to place again, 215 

Or heavy tax impose on ink and pen, 

While Hughes, Mill, Melley, Torrens, for the sake 

Of scribbling, cry " our liberties at stake ; " 

Or " untax'd knowledge" Baines and Baxter call, 

Till half the benches echo to the bawl. 220 

NOTES. 

paper : for had not this been done, said Pliny, all society must have suf- 
fered, and the uses of civilized life been restricted in one of the most neces- 
sary articles therein applied ; " chartse usu maxime humanitas vitse constet." 

Lib. xiii., cap, xi. 

Ver. 215. Nor likely soon tK excise to place again,] 
The impost on paper, which was removed some years before, and gave vent 
at once to a flood of cheap publications, making up in quantity what they 
wanted in merit. Every tax, said Gladstone, the British minister, is an 
evil, and therefore every man is pleased when he sees one removed. Yet is 
it certain that b) this change the standard of taste has been lowered, and 
the morality of the press depraved. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 217. Hughes,\ Thos. Hughes, M. P. Wrote of "Tom Brown," 
and a " White Horse" ; whereby he proved himself abundantly qualified to 
guide the councils of this nation. Extended his inquiries into the subject of 
impregnation, and, in morals, was of the modern school. 

Ibid. Mill,] A profound writer, and able hand at settling the "Unset- 
tled," who has gone to the very bottom of Political Economy. " Disserta- 
tions," "Discoveries," "Positivism," " Utilitarianism," " Representativ- 
ism," with an "Essay on Liberty." Showed how to balk nature, and, 
while indulging the vice, prevent the consequences of it ; a disciple of Mal- 
thus, who had observed that the populace, like books, increased much more 
abundantly than the means of keeping them alive. 

Ibid. Melley^] Not much known in either of his capacities, whether as 
Talker or Writer. 

Ibid. Torj-ens,] Wm. Torrens McCuUagh, M. P., who, like his panta- 
loons, when at Trinity, where he was more Sedentary than Peripatetic, has 
often been sealed 3.nd unseated, has written, besides other things, &c., &c. 

Ver. 219. Baines] Tlop(pvpoyevriTOS. I wonder can one say MeAayfVTyro?, 
born in the black ; that is, in the ink. The father of Mr. Baines was, first, 
4* 



82 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Yet e'en in this our final hopes are cast, 
The rags and remnants cannot always last ; 

NOTES. 

printer's devil, and, afterwards, printeu himself, as is the son, who is like- 
wise author, spinner of prose, both "Cotton and Woollen." A radical, 
who would overthrow all foundations, and leave us without law, literature, 
or church. 

Ibid. Baxter^ William Edward, merchant of Dundee, who reso- 

lutely refused to accept of Office, until assured that he could do so on 
"economical" principles. Author of "Impressions, Central and South- 
ern," and of "America and the Americans;" found his way to the " Tagus 
and Tiber," and, at last, to the Tliames. 

Ver. 222. The rags and remnattts cannot always last ;'\ Necessity is the 
mother of invention. When Ptolemy, before free trade was established, 
prohibited, as the Reader knows, the exportation of papyrus, lest Pergamus 
should have a library equal to that of Alexandria, King Eumenes transcribed 
his books on skins, thence called parchvient, after the name of the city. In 
this way, should the supply of paper fail entirely, so that none shall be left 
for any use or necessity whatever, I would suggest that criticks and other 
scribblers be flayed, and their hides dressed ; that, having destroyed so many 
reams, they should be enforced, by retributive justice, to furnish an equiva- 
lent. Cruikshank, the physician, made very good candles from human fat, 
and sugar from diabetic urine ; Macartney, the anatomist, in like manner, 
used to shew the students specimens of leather made with skin of the subjects; 
none of it strong enough for sole-leather, but very good for uppers ; and, 
some, from the skins of ladies, delicate as kid, properly dressed and curried, 
suitable for gloves : which being practicable, why should it shock any one, 
if parchment, a finer article than common sheep or calf, be provided from 
the same material ; especially if the victim should be flayed, satirically, and 
suffered to live afterwards, as beeves in Abysbinia, from which the natives 
are said to cut off a coUop, and then, with admirable economy, permit the 
place to grow again, until ready for the knife, as before : 

" Kill half a cow, and send the rest to grass." 

Peter Pindar. 

In fact, agamst the proverb, you can at once eat your cake, or your calf, 
and have it. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 83 

The plunder'd mummy is already bare, 

And ev'ry beggar brat has sent his share, 

While shiv'ring Codrus so supplies the press, 225 

Left scarce enough to hide his nakedness ; 

Stretch'd on the straw, hard fate ! from night to dawn, 

And his famed blanket sent at last to pawn. 

Some good conceal'd, 'tis true, may thus be sent, 
And folly found us with a wise intent ; 230 

This taciturnity to free from pain. 
And copious defecate the costive brain. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 223. The plunder'' d mtimmy\ We read frequently in the Papers of 
cargoes of rags imported into tins country and England from Egypt, taken, 
as our Author asserts, from the mummies, which were swathed with webs 
of linen and cotton. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 230. folly found us with a wise intent ;\ Here is more of it; 
how can folly, in any sense, be wise ? Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 231. taciturnity\ The national distemper, which appeared 

so inveterate in the famous Spectator, who has informed us, tliat he had 
not spoken three sentences together in his whole life ; as a natural conse- 
quence to which, he must have died of an obstipation, had he not given 
a passage to his thoughts in this vicarious way, and allowed them to pass 
off, as in dropsical cases, through a quill. Tlie quill was formerly in use, 
but now we use a silver cannula, as also a steel pea. 

Ibid. The taciturnity of the English is perhaps constitutional, though 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 228. his famed blanket^ dx'c.'] 

*'de lodice paranda 
AttonitK." 

Juv. Sat. vii. , v. 66. 

As Juvenal mentions, in another place, the Bed of Codrus, I take it as 
most likely that when he speaks of a poet solicitous about a Blanket, he 
means Codrus again, whose poverty was so great as to occasion a proverb, 
Codrc pauperior. 



84 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Not blame but pity thence to weak mankind, 

If scribbling but a malady of mind ; 

On wings unseen the subtile mischief brought, 235 

Or, like the itch itself, by contact caught; 

Whence in the skull a tympany accurst, 

When other way is none but write or burst. 

NOTES. 

a Scotch liistorian has maliciously ascribed it to the reserve forced upon them 
by the Normans ; which may be, or may not be. At all events, wo in this 
country, in throwing olT the yoke, threw off all rcscrz'e alont; witii it. 

Am. En. 

Vkr. 2J2. defecate the costive bniiit.\ " This I aimed at," said 

Burton, " vel ut lenirem animuni scribendo, to ease my mind by writing, 
for I had gravidum cor, foetuni caput, a kind of imposthume in my head, 
which I was very desirous to be unladen of, and could imagine no fitter 
evacuation than this." Anatomy of Melancholy, To the Reader. 

Ver. 237. Whtnce in the skull a tympany, ^c.'\ Paracentesis Capitis 
has been attempted, but only with the design of disengaging water from the 
head; whether, in the same manner, words, that is to say, wind, could be 
let off, remains doubtful : since the secretion of water is slow and gradual, 
but this of words most abundant, and certain to be renewed ar. fast as it 
flows. A disease, therefore, to be alleviated, and not to be cured, some 
vent might be fixed in the vertex, and the peccant air permitted to escape 
npavards, as flatus down'ioards, with crepitus, or without : for so in modern 
hats, an a]iperture for ventilation is made in the crown, with a grating over 
it, for protection. If the operation be tiiought dangerous, let it be borne 
in mind that it is designed only for blockheads. However, extremis malis 
extrema remedia, as Ju|>iter himself discovered, when he felt that intolera- 
ble fulness in his head. "Cut my skull open," said he to Vulcan, "with 
an axe." "Do you think me out of my senses?" replied the other. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 236. Or, like the itch itself, &'c.'\ 

•' Dedit banc contagio labem, 
Et dabit in plures ; sicut grex totiis in agris 
Unius scabie cadit, et porrigine porci." 

J I V. .Sat. ii. V. 64. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 8$ 

But oft on earth, as delegate to seize 

And scourge mankind, has spread some wild Disease. 240 

In Athens first with thirst intense it came, 

And blood-red rancour through the prostrate frame ; 

The eye, the tongue, inflamed, the fauces sore, 

And, for the fetid breath, no critick's more ; 

Then watchfulness began, or, if this past, 245 

A looseness from below dcstroy'd at last : 

E'en authors thus, when studious vigils fail, 

Run in a waste of words, and void a tale. 

NOTES. 

" Strike," said he, like a man, bap^ui/. And, behokl, at the l^low, Mi- 
nerva, all armed, issued at the wound. " A serious matter," cried Vulcan ; 
"nothing less than a young lady on the brain." But, mark the moral: 
the pains of meditation at length ceased when Wisdom had decided ; but 
for the throes of Folly, as they are more dull, so do they recur incessant- 
ly, and, as in uterine disease, are without real issue. 

Ibid. in the skull a tyi)ipiiny\ Tymjiany is a disease of the 

abdomen, when being distended, it sounds like a druin. Whicli, since 
our capacities of skull are not capable of enlargement, like this otiicr cavity, 
where is the analogy ? Ku. Am. 

Ver. 239. But oft on earth, as delegate to seize 

And scourge mankind, has spread some wild Disease.] 
Some Physicians are of opinion that all epidemics are I>ut varieties of the 
same ; the porrigo and scabies, as in the penultimate note, the tinea capitis, 
plague, cacoethes scribendi., influenza, &c. 

Ver. 241. In Athens ftrst.^ &'c.] The famous Plague, as described l)y 
Thucydides, which l)roke out in the second year of tlie Pelopcmnesian War, 
with such symptoms as those in the text. 

Ver. 244. And, for the fetid breath, no critic/i's more ;] 
A fling at us. Eu. Ath. 

Ver. 248. 7'oid a tale.] 

" Notre Ilistorien Dupleix, Auteur fecond, prescntant un de ses Livres 
k M. le Due d'Kspernon, ce Seigneur lui fit d'abord grand accuiiil ; puis se 
tournant tout d'un coup vers le Nonce du Pape qui eloit en sa compagnie. 



86 THE OBLiviAD. Book I. 

In Florence next, in all its fury sent, 

As for man's sins God gave the punishment, 250 

In vain the kennels cleansed, the dung-pits swept, 

And free from all contagious paper kept, 

Big as a book of Ainsworth boils prevail. 

And all the foul infection fills the gale. 

In London, later, men fell down in fits, 255 

And, just like desp'rate scribblers, lost their wits ; 
Some swoon'd outright, some felt a slow decay, 
Or died much musing, in the native way. 

NOTES. 

lui dit : Cape de di, Monsieur, cet Auteur a un flux enrage ; il chie un Livre 
toutes les Lunes. Le Nonce qui n'entendoit pas trop bien le Franfois, pre- 
nant la chose serieusement, s'ecrioit de toutes ses forces, pour faire hoii- 
neur a Dupleix : ! le gran virtuoso. O ! le gran virtuoso." 

Vigneul-Marville, Melanges, v. i., p. 189. 

Ver. 249. In Florence next, &'€.'] Read in the Decameron the Intro- 
duction, addressed to the Ladies, which contains an ampler account of this 
most terrible epidemic, as it broke out in Florence, in 1348. 

Ver. 253. Ainswor/li] Sometimes Novelist, sometimes Publisher, always 
Author, he wrote, with many more of the same sort, Jack Sheppard, the 
most popular and immoral of his works : for, like other men of great genius, 
he has sometimes risen above himself. 

Ver. 255. In London, later, (Sr-r.] These particulars I have from the 
minute and veracious De Foe, who writes entirely from actual observation, 
and rejects all uncertain reports. " We had no such thing," says he, "as 
printed newspapers in those days," (golden age!) " to spread rumours and 
reports of things, and to improve them by the invention of man, as I have 
lived to see practised since." — Hist, of Plague. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 250. As for mail's sijis, &'c.'\ Literally from Boccaccio: '* 
per le nostre iniqite opere.^ da giusta ira di Dio a nostra correzione man- 
data sopra i mortah.'''' 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 8/ 

A pit (how small compared !) dug fathoms deep, 
Close by old Hounditch entrance, took the heap. 260 

Awhile thus raged with epidemick strength, 

Till, satiate of the slain, it ceased at length ; 

Then sometimes sporadic but sought its prey, 

Or pass'd forever from the face of day. 

Not so this fell complaint ; a sickly sight, 265 

Attack'd from year to year, its victims write. 

(The pest at Troy 'mid mules said first to pass, 

But this chief fatal to the full-bred ass.) 

On man the cholera, then filthy hogs, 

Next seized the geese, and last of all the dogs; 270 

NOTES. 

Ver. 259. A pit (/io7v small compared !)] When the Cholera reappeared 
in London, some score of years since, it confined itself almost exclusively to 
the situation of the vast sarcophagus into which those who died of the 
plague were thrown two hundred years before. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 263. sporadic] A term used by Physicians to signify occasional, or 
scattered, cases: the use of which technical phrase, together with one or 
two others, has led to the conjecture, in the uncertainty as to the Author of 
this Poem, that he might have been a Medical Practitioner, like Garth, 
who wrote the Dispensary, a work of great wit, and quite in the manner of 
the Obliviad ; but, in the present day, when every one knows something of 
everything, and nothing of anytliing, such an inference can not thence be 
drawn ; besides that this word is mad-e use of also by the Geographers, who 
write of the Sporades, from ffTreipw, spargo, those islands which are scat- 
tered through the ^gean, as they do of the neighbouring Cyclades, kvkKos, 
for the opposite reason, that they are collected in a circle. Moreover, the 
••Diary of a Physician" is so \.\i.oxo\X'^\\'j professional, that it imposed on 
every one. Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 267. {The pest at Troy ^mid juules said first to pass,)] 

Iliad. Lib. i. t. 50. 



88 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

This likewise pass'd, when but some months endured, 

And but the Influenza all are cured. 

A thin secretion still from head and nose, 

As in this other ill of verse and prose ; 

A dozen handkercJiiefs to take the stuff, 275 

A dozen sheets of paper scarce enough ; 

While heat, nor fever, crisis, comes, but thus, 

From noon to night, a waste pituitous. 

Rhyme, doze, or scribble, as ascends the fit, 

Hawk, hem, and snuffle, clear the throat and spit ; 280 

Morose or melancholy, stupid lie, 

And, head on hand, you neither live nor die. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 269. then filthy hogs,^ Among which, also, chiefly about London, 
and in Middlesex generally, as I now write, the foot and mouth disease is 
raging ; having extended to these creatures from that species of the mam- 
malia under wiiich are classed Reviewers and Hirelings of Athenaeums, and 
known commonly as the haitd-to-mouth malady, though by them dignified 
as the viorbiis literatortim. 

For a description of the manner in which disease may be transferred from 
a lower to a higher breed of animals, see Jenner's Inquiry, 4to. London, 
1798. 

Ver. 270. Next seized the geese,'] This, I fear, is an error of the Au- 
thor, for the symptoms, except the cramp, are not of the cholera, but of 
another epidemic : " The poultry higglers and geese feeders in Surrey are 
sustaining great loss by the outbreak of a disease not hitherto known in 
poultry yards. The geese are attacked as if by a cramp, and roll and ])lunge 
about in giddiness, and within an hour of being attacked by the disease, 
die in apparent convulsions. The old brood geese escape the disease." 
Newspaper. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 273. from head and nose,] In the base of the skull is a depression, 
into which collect both products of the brain, as well the /ituita as the ex- 
cretion of scribbling, which are thence conducted downwards, through cer- 
tain foramina, into the uares, to be therefrom removed, in the manner 
described in the text. 

' Galen., de Usu Partium, lib. ix. , cap. i. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 89 

In the far East, 'tis said, these griefs begin, 
Obscure of nature, cause, and origin, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 282. yoii neither live nor die.] In this correlation of complaints, 
it can not be denied that the Author, in pursuit of the pleasant, disregarded 
the delicate, as too frequent among the Satirists, Garth, Swift, Pope ; among 
whom Young is the only exception, the wittiest of all, and the most decent ; 
the objection against whom, however, is, that he rather raised admiration 
of his wit, than detestation of the offences he satirised. 

In the Art of Sinking in Poetry is a passage by Arbuthnot, not unlike 
this pf our Author, in which the images are as gross, and which yet have 
never been objected to. "I have known a man thoughtful, melancholy, 
and raving for divers days, who forthwith grew wonderfully easy, lightsome 
and cheerful, upon a discharge of :he peccant humour, in exceeding purulent 
Metre." Am. Ed. 

Ibid. you neither live nor die.] Another ! How can we, at once, be 
neither among the living nor dead ? And, indeed, dying itself is only liv- 
ing ; for as long as a man is not dead, he is, logically, alive. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 283. In the far East, "'tis said, these griefs begin^ 
Obscure of nature, cause, and origin, 
Whence some fotil Demon bade them first depart. 
With Tales, and Gothic all belied in Art.] 
Mother of maladies, all the great pests have come from the East : that of 
Athens, which Thucydides erroneously supposed to have begun among the 
" blameless .^Ethiopians " ; that of Florence, which Boccaccio derives from 
the Levant ; with many others, including Letters, carried by Cadmus from 
Phoenicia ; the Plague, Small-Pox, and Cholera, which broke out at Jessore 
in Bengal, in the year 1819. Nor can there be any question that Gothic 
Architecture, first called by the Italians, in contempt. La Maniera Gotica, 
was in reality conveyed thence, and got among the Saracens by the Chris- 
tians, among whom it assumed a variety of shapes, and displayed many new 
symptoms; while, as to this other contagion, Huet, Eveque D'Avranche, 
gives the true origin of it : " Not in Provincia Romana," says he, " nor yet 
in Spain, are we to trace the beginnings of those diverting compositions 
called Romances; but among the nations of the East, Arabs, Egyptians, 
Persians, and Syrians, whose effeminate and fanciful turn of mind particu- 
larly adapts them to this arbitrary species of fiction, in which they take de- 
light to a degree scarce to be credited ; " as the Scotch are said to do, in 
scratching themselves, for the itch. 



90 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Whence some foul Demon bade them first depart, 285 

With Tales, and Gothic all belied in Art. 

'Twas there Romance, invet'rate ill, took birth, 

The longest and the worst which yet on earth ; 

In meretricious shape which seen advance, 

Alluring child of Sin and Ignorance. 290 

With wanton step and an affected mien, 

Lewd in each look, she swims along the green ; 

From hour to hour transforms the scarlet dress 

That ill-contrived to hide her nastiness ; 

At virtue stares, as her's the just defence, 295 

And puts to blush by dint of impudence. 

With scraps of knowledge sometimes vain to teach ; 

Of metaphors a maze, and florid speech ; 

Then laughs, the first, at such mistakes as these. 

Her art, you know, is not to preach, but please. 300 

NOTES. 

Ibid. In the far East, ''tis said, these griefs begin,] " The origin of 
Learning is tlie East, and of Error too," said Walpole, in a manuscript 
note on Eayle, t^oc. Braclimans. — See Philobiblion, Philes, New-York, 
1862. 

From the East, said Petronius, was carried into Greece a feeble and 
effeminate style of writing ; a sort of windy and unrestrained loquacity, that 
spread like a. plague among the youth ; all of whom, he adds, fed upon the 
same pap, died before the period of maturity: "Nuper ventosa istha^c et 
enormis loquacitas Athenas ex Asia commigravit, animosque juvenum ad 
magna surgentes veluti pestilenti quodam sidere adflavit, simulque corrupta 
eloquentiaj regula stetit, et obmutuit. — Ac ne carmen quidem sani coloris 
eiiituit : sed omnia quasi eodem cibo pasta, non potuerunt usque ad senectu- 
tem canescere." — Satyr, cap. ii. Excud. Johan. Merc. M. DC. XXIX. 

Petronius lived among what he complained of, and made of his work 
a sort of novel, the earliest of the kind in the Latin tongue. 

Ver. 300. not to preach, but please.'] As if one could not preach and 

please, at the same time ! so that, hereafter, we must not say, Such-a-one 
is a 'pleasing preacher.' Ed. Ath. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 9I 

With her the youth, too soon delighted, strays, 
'Mid painted meads, and through enchanted ways ; 
Afar where Fancy feign'd some soft retreat. 
And shades protect them from the noontide heat ; 
Till, lost in dalliance, all the day is spent, 305 

And fatal through the vein the venom sent. 

When Julius died, as in a dismal shroud. 
Earth long lay wrapt in one extended cloud ; 

NOTES. 

Vf.r. 307. When yiiUtts died, &'c.'\ Such were the prodigies which, as de- 
scribed by Plutarch, disclosed to Mankind the displeasure of the Gods. And 
as Natui-e repeats herself, so does she also in her irregularities; for as I now 
write, on the 21st day of June, the longest of the year, a portentous and 
most unseasonable gloom overhangs the Capital, not a strawberry ripe, and 
the harvest doubtful ; all on account, as I fear, of the banishment of Com- 
mon Sense from amongst us, and the murder of Taste, or possibly a dinner 
to Charles Dickens. 

These phenomena fix ihe year, aivl even month, in which this work was 
written ; which, haply, I might be able to indicate, did I not rather wish 
to leave the matter to the ciiticks, in future ages ; that is, on the revival of 
letters, when the j^esent age of Goths, Vandals, Reviewers, and Romances, 
has passed ; which criticks, otherwise, the Scaligers and Bentleys yet to 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 307. When ynlins died, &=c.\ The Reader will have noticed, that, 
regardful only of strict truth, I have followed the historian, instead of the 
Poet, wliom he may examine in that famous passage beginning and ending 
thus : 

*• lUe etiam extincto miseratus Cresare Romam ; 
Cum caput obscura nitidum ferrugine texit, 
Impiaque aeternam timuerunt saecula noctem. 

Non alias coelo ceciderunt plura sereno, 
Fulgura, nee diri toties arsere cometiie." 

Georg. Lib. i. v. 46b. 

For so-a!so he will have observed that, following Thucydides, I haveavoided 
the poetical describers of the plague at Athens, as Lucretius, and others. 
For the poets are notorious liars, and to be rejected in all matters of fact. 



92 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

Pale was the sun, and pale a comet threw [310 

His beam towards earth, as when the Plague was new ; 

In sickly tracts once smiling plains appear, 

Unripe the fruit, and terror ends the year. 

When rose Romance, lo ! what portents begun ; 

As once to Pentheus, shines a double Sun ; 

Six moons at least make cold the midnight air, 315 

As many comets shake their horrid hair ; 

NOTES. 

come, would be grieved to lose an opportunity of showing their learning and 
ingenuity, as so many have done hitherto in the edition of the other Classics. 

It is curious; but the same phenomenon occurred in the time of Dryden, 
who, speaking of the dulness and " perpetual (.iearth of wit " among scrib- 
blers then prevailing, ends with the following : " They are like fruits of the 
earth in tiiis unnatural season ; the corn which held up its head, is spoiled 
with rankness ; but the greater part of the harvest is laid along, and little 
of good income and wholesome nourishment is received into the barns." 

On the " Origin of Satire." 

Ver. 310. as when the Plague was new ;] " In the first place, a blaz- 
ing star or comet appeared for several months before the plague, as there 
did the year after, another, a little before the great fire ; the old women, 
and the phlegmatic hypochondriac part of the other sex, whom I could almost 
call old women too, remarked, especially afterward, though not till both 
those judgments were over, that those two comets passed directly over the 
City, and so very near the houses, that it was plain they ijnported some- 
thing peculiar to the City alone." 

De Foe, History of the Plague. 

Ver. 315. Six moons at least make cold the midnight air,'\ Bacon re- 
marks, in the Novum Organon, that the moonbeams have not a property 
of heat, like those of the sun, but rather of cold, on which account much 
in favour with the poets. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 314. As once to Pentheus^ &'c.'\ 

Ka\ fii}y dp^v fj.oi Svo fity tjKIous Sokw. 

EURIP. Bac. V. 906. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 93 

'Mid heat of summer spreads a waste of snows, 

In depth of winter blooms again the rose ; 

Births premature, as to bad writers, come, 

The mute now speak, and all the rest are dumb ; 320 

Man mingled, monstrous, is both good and bad, 

Grave, merry, in one instant, sane and mad ; 

Time stands stock still, 'gainst Nature's gen'ral laws, 

Or hurries headlong on, while space withdraws. 

As stinking tapers show the spark at night, 325 

But fade, or quench'd and hid away, with light ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 324. Or hurries headlong on^ (!>•<■.] Among those loose, or de- 
tached sheets, which I have already, more than once, had occasion to speak 
of, I find an unusual number of verses, which the Author had orijiiiially 
inserted in this place, or immediately after verse 316, Hook i., but threw 
out, as too numerous, and running too much into the historical. For tins 
reason it is, that 1 have printed them in an Ai'PENlMX, as serving to con- 
tinue the narrative, and make the matter complete; agreeable to the pur- 
pose of the Author himself. Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 316. shake their horrid hair ;\ 

" and from his horrid hair 
Shakes pestilence and war." 

Paradise Lost, Book ii., v. 710. 

Ver. 317. ^ Mid heat of summer spreads a waste of suoivs^^ 
This passage calls to mind Addison's famous description of the Region 
of False Taste, in the Spectator, No. 63. 

The "waste of snows," is from that couplet of Pope which ho avowed 
pleased his ear more than any other he had written : 

" Lo! where Maeotis sleeps, and hardly flows 
The freezing Tanais through a waste of snows." 

The expression " waste oi plains " occurs in the Dispensary, Canto iv. 

Am. Ed. 



94 I'liK oiu/iviAD. Book I, 

So, when through air C'iiniuerian darkness ^rew, 

Shone Inst Romance, and with the dawn withdrew ; 

Her shameless face who now once more disphiys, 

And with the tallow lustre lights our days. 330 

Coeval dread, with her the Goth rush'd forth. 

And emptied all his nursery of the North ; 

Reversed each monument which taste had spread, 

And raised his own fantastic piles instead. 

Again can air breathe forth the baneful gloom, 335 

Or hides Karth still such nations in her womb ? 

N OT ES. 

Ver. 325. .4s stinking to/>it s s/ioui tlu spark at nig/it, 

But fade, or quench'' d and hid away, with light ;\ 

Uniiitellij^ihle, in an age when gas is in universal use. But, in plain words, 
as candles arc not stinlving unless hUnvn out, how can they then sliow the 
spark? unless he means tliat sjiark which remains in the wick, wliicii is not 
clear. — Hid away with light ; so tliat light ///'</f-j' it away. But, enough ; 
were we to write a page, we could not expose the nonsense of this jiassagc. 

lu). Ath. 

Ver. 327. when through air Cimmerian darkness grc-^c,] 

Alluding to the Hark or Middle Ages, with which Ronumce was intro- 
duceil, as acceptable to the ignorance, laziness, and corruption then jire- 
vailing universally. Cimmerian, a name given to certain deeji caverns in 
the coast of Campania, where, according to the I'oets, was the ohscure 
entrance to the Lower Regions. Am. I'.d. 

\ v.K. 3,50. lights onr days,] Romance, acci>rding to this author, must 
be a powerful illuminator, for it enlightens our days. — V.u. Am. The 
fatuity of that remark! Have you forgot the words of your own speech, 
repi>rted vciliatim, (for wliicli see B. ii., v. I2i, oi this Work,) d,irk of 
days f 

Ver. 334. And raised his own fantastic piles, iS^"*".] For although the 
Ciothsdid ni>t luing tliat style of building which bears their name with them 
fron> the North, where were never to be seen any monuments of such, yet 
did they accept, become the protectors of it, and, by adopting, make it their 
own. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 95 

For others this, nor hither such need roam, 

Our Goth and gloom spontaneous things at home ; 

Greece, in her arts, here Rome again o'errun, 

Where thickest fumes from Thames conceal the sun. 340 

NOTES. 

Ver. 338. Our Goth and glojm, &'c.\ I forget, (for, like Montaigne, 
I must complain of a bad memory,) whether it is Allison or Macaulay who 
has remarked, that those Writers who had asked whether some race of Bar- 
barians were ever likely to overrun and darken the Civilized Nations, forgot 
that Society itself miglit generate and nourish such. And without wishing 
to cause any undue alarm or uneasiness, I will venture to suggest to those 
in Authority, that we at this moment may ])ossibly lie reposing in a false 
security; and that the regions of Wa]iping, Billingsgate, and St. Giles's, 
but particularly those obscure purlieus in the ne'.ghhourhood of Wellington 
Street and the Strand^ may hide within them, as m a sink, a breetl of 
Vandals, ready to rise and destroy all that Civilization had established, in 
the long course of so many hundred years. 

You think me jesting? Never was man more mistaken ; never one more 
serious than I am, have been, and intend to be, through this entire Work, 
note and text. The Goth and Vandal are upon us, and shake them off we 
cannot. The novel, the metrical romance, have once more overrun the 
nations; overturned that civilization wliicii Greece and Rome had intro- 
duced; and we are subjected to false taste, beyond our power to be free. 
The general mind is enfeebled ; energy of thought lost to us, and no people 
so much sunk in effeminacy have ever yet, witliout a long series of years, 
and a mighty revolution, recovered that manliness they had before. Tiie 
mind, like the mould, must long lie fallow. We are now emphatically 
without a man of genius. Men feel the degradation ; denounce the barlia- 
rian, and think they can eject him at will ; but the wi.'l they want, and the 
force with it. Beyond the ability of genius, it is beyond the ability of 
learning, to effect the change ; the voice cannot be heard ; the deafening 
steam-press is in action ; there is no publisher, no public. Dickens, Dixon, 
Browning, have their hoofs upon our necks; the Athena;um ])resscs us 
down ; the magazine is before us, as a wall. We make an a]3peal, in vain, 
to our ancestors ; the spirit which animated them is gone : they are dead ; 
and the language which they spoke is rapidly becoming so. Thought, wis- 
dom, dialectic, wit; elegance, nature, fluency in verse and in prose; in- 
struction; good sense, the basis of all excellence, (to say nothing of mora- 
lity, that I may avoid an invidious topic;) a discerning few: these, with 



96 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

As plants oft seen in some dark vault, e'en thus 

Romance, like them, rank, bulky, poisonous ; 

A weed which, fruitless, widely spread o'er earth, 

Of wit nutritious makes this gen'ral dearth ; 

Prolific most where lands neglected ran, 345 

And saved all labour to the husbandman. 

NOTES. 

erudition, were once present in England ; and I am ready to find that ?age 
a place ont of Oblivion who can tell me when they are likely to be united 
there again. 

"O sxclum insipiens ct inficetum!" 

Catul. Car. xliii., v. 8. 

Ibid. Got/i and gloom, &^c.] A London fog is such as a foreigner can 
scarce form an iilea of. It hides the sun, ol)scures the ways, penetrates the 
houses, and produces all the effects of a total eclipse. It spreads so wide, 
that once, when I took rail to escape it, I was compelled to go far into War- 
wickshire, in the centre of the Island, where Sliakespcare and light dawned 
together upon me. The description, from Diodorus, which, at school, I had 
reatl in the Cireek Reader, I fountl strictly applicable in the present time; 
the sun, said he, is invisible through the whole day, 5i' iifxipas oAt/s. 

Am. Ed. 

Vek. 341, As plants oft seen in some dark vault, e'en thus 
Romance, like them, rank, bnlk}\ poisonous ;\ 
Many vegetal)les, as potatoes, for example, if left in an obscure vault, send 
up a bulky stalk, and proiluce a bulb not eatable. The influence of tlie sun 
on vegetation, and even on animal life, is so great, that physiologists are in- 
clined to consider it as entering into the essence of the vital principle, and 
even to be identical with it. So that the Author not inaptly compares the 
growth of books with insufficient light of knowledge to that of vegetables 
shut out from day-light. Am. Ed. 

Vkr. 345. Pr.d:fic most -tvhcre lands neglected ran, ^ It is curious to oli- 
serve that where lands are allowed to lie fallow, the whole surface soon shoots 
up into a wilderness of weeds, which the cattle will not touch, unless it be 
an ass, antl among which many llovvers ilisplay themselves, gaudy in colour, 
and devoid of odour. Another, and not inappropriate, illustration of our 
Author. Am. Ed. 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 9/ 

Alone the novelist no care requires, 
Spontaneous barrenness the talc inspires ; 
Three vokimes in three weeks, the sheets display- 
Whole fields of Sala saved in half a day. 350 
Fatigue of thought, nor serious search of truth, 
The link of circumstance drags on tiie youth. 
In haste to find, when scarce the book begun, 
What artful hid, and if the maid undone. 

NOTES. 

Vkr. 354. What artful Jiiil, and if the ma'd iindo!ie.\ A sufficient ex- 
ample of this kind of skill may be found in one of the oldest and most cele- 
brated of the Greek romances, which opens with the " endangered chastity " 
of the heroine Chariclea, for which a battle had just been fought, and which 
now again being placed in imminent hazard, at the hands of pirates, the 
reader is most anxious to be told of, but which it does not answer the pur- 
pose of tlie author just then to tell him. Ariosto, in his humorous way, 
has carried this art, which is that ol suspense, to the highest perfection, and 
never is in more glee than when he trifles with the imiiatience of the reader. 

" La vergitie a fatica gli risposc, 

Spesso iiitcrrolla da singhiozzi ardenti: 
Le lacj-ime scendeaii ira gigii e rose 
Ciu per le giiance e per li vestimentl : 
Pur alcun poco tanto si compose, 
Che venia seguitando i suoi lament': : 
Ma chi a tujn grado quest 'istoria ascolta 
Diami riposo, e torni un'' altra volla.'''' 

Olando Furiosi), Cant, xii., 94. 
Essay'd the virgin then a faint reply ; 
But scarce the word began than broke the sigh ; 
While from o'erflowing founts twin streamlets led, 
Coursed her fair check, and o'er her bosom spread ; 
Till fniding some short respite to her pain. 
She fain would speak, but only wept again. — 
But now much wearied, all this length of rhyme 
Who likes may hear me end some other time. Am. Ed. 

Ibid. " We do not like, as a rule, the principle of giving our readers the 
end of a novel before they have begun it." — Athkn.kum. Not wishing to 
ruin it quite, by letting the cat out of the bag. 

5 



98 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

'Tis found, impatient to renew delight, '355 

Fresh tales infix the morbid appetite ; 

Of sober history infuse distaste, 

Reflection wean, and give the mind to waste : 

Meanwhile, precocious, with unwonted fire 

To prurient joys inflamed the young desire ; 360 

Imagined wounds at first constrain'd to bleed, 

Till follies come, and worse perhaps succeed. 

Is there who safety of his son regards. 

Of knowledge, virtue, asks the due rewards, 

Respect on earth, and peace when earth shall fail, 365 

Or, these but trifles, deprecates the jail ; 

Let such ere yet the poisonous fruit entice, 

And serpent tongues are heard in Paradise, 

The novel from his home forever chase, 

And with the moral make serene the place ; 37^ 

NOTES. 

Scott, inserting the Dedication of Waverley at the end of the volume, re- 
marked that, he had but put it in the proper place, since that class of Stu- 
dents he addressed, usually rea 1 the last page first : undoing all the charm, 
by too hasty a desire to possess it. 

Madame Dacier, Des Causes de la Corruption du Goust, censures La 
Mothe, as taking pleasure only in the vulgar surprises of Romance, and as 
incapable of enjoying tliat finer art by which tlie interest is kept alive, al- 
though the result had been made known to us. What skill, said she, n ust 
not that poet possess who attaches you to the narration, and surprises by 
circumstances the issue of which he had announced beforehand, with as lively 
an interest as if it had been entirely new. We are made to forget what we 
knew, she i-emarks, and are drawn -along again by the chain of events ; so 
that the dc-noiiement is as fresh after repeated reviews as at first: Unliise 
what so much fails us in the ordinary romance, of which it is a common 
thing to hear readers remark, that they have read it before, and want some- 
thing new. 

Ver. 369. The novel from h's home forever chase^'\ 
All the civilized nations are opposed to Romances, as plunderers of time, 
perverters of taste, and pernicious to morals ; but to find a people who have 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. 99 

That British moral made our steps to guide, 
In prose and verse which once esteem'd our pride ; 
Or this, or with much modern learning stock it, 
And teach, from Fagin, how to pick a pocket. 

NOTES. 

prohibited them by special statute, I am compelled to go, I regret to say, 
to the very confines of the earth, where that most ancient people the Chinese 
will not allow of them, under any f(jrm or pretext. This the English will 
never consent to, as interfering with the liberty of the subject, who desires 
as much mischief to himself as possible, provided always it be done with his 
own hand. 

Our own country, there is no use in concealing it, is no better, in this 
respect, than England, where we now extend the rule to its utmost latitude, 
the greatest mischief to the greatest number. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 371. That British moral made our steps to guide,'] It is surprising, 
said Swift, speaking of the Spectator, to notice the effect of these Papers 
on the morals of this wicked town. — Joqrnal to Stella. 

But not only the Spectator ; the entire succession of those Works we call 
the British Essayists, are replete with knowledge of life, and advice how to 
conduct it. When to these we add the productions of about the same peri- 
od, in verse, praised by Voltaire under the name of moral en vers, we have 
an unequaled body of etliics, calculated to inform, divert, and instruct us ; 
neglected now through the desire of novelty, and to gratify an effeminate 
taste, by writings which, at best, serve only to dissipate our time, and leave 
us, (lucky could we always say so,) no worse than they found us. 

Am. Ed. 

Ver. 374. teach, from Fagin, how to pick a pocket. \ That Fagin 

teaches to pick a pocket, is true; but that is only the boys he is teaching, 
and not boys in general, who are only told how the pocket is picked, wliich 
is another thing. Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. And teach, from Fagin, how to pick a pocket.] That well known 
passage, in which Dickens, with a fine concealed moral, strives to correct, 
in the old, the vice of filling the pockets, by teaching the young how to 
empty them. 

The Lord Chamberlain, however, could not see the matter in this light, 
and has interdicted " Oliver Twist " from the stage, as offering a contagious 
example ; which has brought upon him much censure, '' for so long as people 

i. Of c. 



100 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

have access to the book, vvliere is the use of stopping the play? " In the 
expression of * * * *, the chuni<en Reviewer, it is but to stop with tiie spi- 
got, and let out at tlie bung. 

The Ordinary of Newgate lately declared that the chief cause of crime 
among the young was the reading of Novels. The following, taken from a 
Newspaper, is a comnron instance : 

" A Prkcocious Youth. — A lad of fifteen, named John McEachen, has 
just been tried at the Surrey Sessions for an offence directly tracealile, to the 
influence of the boy-thief literature to which so often attention has been 
called. He was employed at Messrs. Smith and Sons' liook-stall, at Sur- 
biton, and he stole about j(^2$ from his masters, and ran away. To account 
for his disappearance, he wrote an extraordinary letter to the manager of 
the stall, in which he made no secret of the robbery, but spoke of the folly 
of pursuit, as he was on the road to Erance. He meant to return the money 
in three months' time, but meanwhile he wished to have no noise made about 
it, as he was a useful member of society. Tiiis letter was signed 'Captain 
Claude,' and at the end the manager was told to ' beware.' The boy was 
pursued and captured at Portsmouth, where for a few days he had lived at 
the rate of .1^500 a year. Amidst the odd jumble of revolver, pocket-book, 
pawn -ticket, cigar-holder, &c., which were found at his lodgings, and wliich 
always constitute the 'luggage' of such boys, was, of course, a well-thumbed 
copy of ' Paul Clifford,' and another novel of the same stamp. The lad, 
who was very im]nHlent in the dock, was sentenced to three months' impri- 
sonment, and four years in a reformatory." (The Author of the well- 
thumbed, 1 wonder has he been sent to the Reformatory. ) 

But even boys still younger have been conducteil to ruin in this way; 
upon which 1 find some very instructive remarks in the following, wliicli, 
although out of place, antl occupying a disproportionate share of room, I am 
tempted to introduce, as a sort of Appendix to this First Book. 

'• TiilEVKs' Literature. — Some time ago the unlovely chronicles of the 
Police Court recorded a case of peculiarly significant character. The theft 
of a pair of boots disclosed the existence of a robber band composed of five 
little boys, acting under the orders of a captain whose years of iniquity were 
not quite fourteen. Every member of the band bore an heroic name. There 
was a Blueskin of nine, a Jack Sheppard of twelve, a Jonathan Wild of 
eleven, a Dick Turpin of the same formiilable age, and a Sixteenstiing 
Jack, whose years were fewer by three-lhan the garter-strings of his great pre- 
decessor. The depredations of the confederacy were not of a serious cha- 
racter. Sometimes Wild would sneak away with a pair of boots; Turpin 
sometimes would vanish a piece of beef from the butcher's open stall ; but 
explicits more serious than these were not charged against either. Never- 



Book I. THE OBLIVIAD. lOI 

theless, the robbers made it clear at the police-court, where they were ar- 
raigned to answer for their crimes, that they had done their best to attain 
to ^n heroic ideal, and, conscious of that merit, were enraged when the ma- 
gistrate showed a disposition to treat them like mere pilferers. He would 
have sentenced them to a few weeks' imprisonment, but they spurned the 
degrading mercy, shouting, ' Give us three years! We wants three years ! 
We've a right to three years ! ' " 

" Few who read that little story in the newspapers — five or six years since 
— could have put it aside without some reflection upon the things which it 
might signify. What it suggested was, that since that band of foolish boys 
was obviously inspired by the names which greatly illustrate the literature 
of crime, there must have been some revival of letters in the slums of Lon- 
don. That this was really the case we have since abundant reason to know. 
Over-and-over again boys of various grade in life, from the lowest to that 
which is "quite respectable," have been arrested for committing crimes the 
provocation to which had been found in their pockets, in the shape of some 
spicy bit of gallows literature. Only the other day a lad of decent parent- 
age and fair breeding commenced a career of house-breaking under the in- 
spiration of a work called '' The Art of Burglary ; " and when a dullard of 
twenty was lately hanged for killing a child who had never offended him, 
the murderer said he had been wrought up to that deed by the recollection 
of a certain picture of assassination in the *^ Illustrated Police News.''^ 
" The Illustrated Police News'''' is a hideous production, but a very little 
inquiry shows that there are many publications infinitely more pernicious. 
The sensational novelists who have arisen in our day to move the heart with 
murder, to inflame it with arson, to tickle it with intrigue, are not quite the 
luxuries which Mr. Mudie probably supposes them to be. The tastes tliey 
cultivate are not confined to the educated and the rich ; they flower in the 
garret of the sempstress, and are shared by the grocer's young man as well 
as by the guardsman. And as the demand is, so is the supply. Miss Brad- 
don is mistaken, Ouida is in error, if she supposes that those dear delight- 
ful naughty heroines with glorious hair, the heroes who charm us with the 
downright honest proportions of a leg, are hers alone, and that nobody else 
knows how to combine them in pretty provoking complications of intrigue. 
Both these ladies have many rivals in a lower rank of life who are as daring, 
as clever in their way, and, what is more, who seem to be as popular as 
themselves. 

" But it is-not this department of popular literature which concerns us at 
present, though, according to our views of life, it is an infinitely more im- 
portant one than that which is composed of "novels now ready at all the 
libraries." Ilieyzx^ read by people who are in some degree informed, and 
are very much under the restraints of social order j besides, they do hear a 



r02 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

voice now and then protesting against the loose and dissipating trash which 
flows from tiie most successful novelists of the day, whereas those other 
compositions are read by tens of thousands of ignorant men and women 
whom no critic condescends to put right. But even these stories are less 
pernicious than a still lower order of fictions — the romances written for and 
exclusively read by boys and girls of the lower classes. 

The titles of these ]:)ublications are of themselves so significant that it may 
be as well to set down a few of them. Among a filthy heap of " penny 
numbers" now before us, we find, "Claude Duval, the Dashing Highway- 
man;" '• Wild Will, or the Pirates of the Thames;" " Rose Mortimer, 
or the Ballet Girl's Revenge; being the Account of a Virtuous Heroine in 
Humble Life, the Mystery of her Birth, her Struggles for Bread, her Firm- 
ness in Temptation, &c. ; " "Red Ralph, or the Daughters of Niglit ; " 
" The Wild Boys of London ; " " The Wild Boys of Paris, or the My>teries 
of the Vaults of Death ; '^ " The Work Girls of London ; " " The Dashing 
Girls of London ; " "Black RoUo, the Pirate King, or the Dark Woman 
of the Deep;" "Black Bess, or the Knight of the Road;" "The Boy 
Detective, or the Crimes of London ; " "Red Wolf the Pirate;" "The 
Dance of Death, or the Hangman's Plot ;" " Dare-Devil Dick ;" " The 
Boy King of Smugglers;" "The Shatlowless Rider;" — with a page of 
names more that it is in some sort criminal to repeat. Most of these things, 
as they are not to be mentioned, so are they not to be read: however, the 
following, selected from a Newspaper, it may be excusable to insert : 

" Stephen Grantham reappears, and his present position is thus described : 
— He had been thwarted, and defeated at every turn, mocked at, battled 
with and beaten, and in every way held at bay. He had loved the Lady 
Isabelle Hewitt, and then George Meredith crossed his path. He had 
sought to wed the beautiful Duchess, and then Ralph Montreal checked 
him ; he had usurped the title, and held possession of the Wintermerle estate 
for so long, that lie had begun to feel quite secure, and then the boy, Arthur 
Cirattan, rose like a phantom from the blast to confront and overthrow him. 
He was chieftain of a league, all-powerful until there had sprung up an- 
other, whose actions were all against his brethren, and now, like a rat, he 
was driven into a corner. But, like a rat, with venom in his fangs, he was 
prepared to fight ; he would stake all now on the hazard of a throw, and if 
he lost, so much the worse for the world. 

" However, one satisfaction remains to him. A bank is to break next 
day, and Mr. Hewitt is to be ruined. 'Good!' says Grantham, when he 
gets this information, ' Isabelle will be a poor and portionless girl; I shall 
find her less obdurate then.' But his enjoyment of this reflectijn is but 
momentary. His enemy, Ralph Montreal, appears and challenges him on 



Book I, THE OBLIVIAD. IO3 

account of an ahiluction. Mr. C/rantham refuses, alleging that the lady 
was ' willing enough.' Then Ralph Montreal: — 

" ' Coward ! liar ! scoundrel ! dastard ! rascal ! See, I spit at you, kick, 
strike, and spurn you ! And as I treat you now, so will I treat you the 
first time we ever meet in public! ' Each word was accompanied by a blow 
or a kick, and as he finished, Ralph spat in Grantham's face, and spurned 
him with liis hand. A hoarse cry, like the shriek of a hyena broke from 
Orantham's lips, and he leaped upon his enemy. Ralph met him witliout 
fiiiiching, struck him to the earth by dealing him one heavy and well directed 
blow, then said, ' St. James's-park, at midnight. Bring a second, and what 
weapons you choose. Meet me, or I will give you the treatment of a dog 
before the world.' ' St. James's-park, at midnight,' said Grantham, as he 
rose. ' I shall be there.' 

" Ral])h left the room, laughing at the demon he had roused, defying in 
his heart the revengeful devil breathing in the other's fiery eye and husky 
voice. 

" Grantham now rings for a murderer. Savage Mike appears, and being 
toUl that Montreal is to be cut to pieces — hacked inch from inch, unac- 
countai)ly declines. Grantham leaped to his feet ; his eyes were glazing, 
and l;e raised his hand. 'Slam!' he said, with hot ferocity, 'have I 
fallen so low that you — my hireling, the wretched felon I have paid to do 
my work — shall now turn against nie in rebellion? Uog! do this. Dare 
to disobey me, and I will have you torn to shreds, rent piecemeal, and your 
fragments scattered to the winds. Hound! dare to defy me for an instant, 
and that instant is your last.' 

" But Savage Mike holds out. For it seems that, a brute as he is, there 
is one sound spot beneath the blackness of his heart. He fondly, ])assion- 
ately loves the lady he is not married to ; and he is aware that Grantiiam 
has designs upon her, which designs are stated explicitly and in detail. 
'Now,' says the injured man, 'do you wonder why I defy you?' 
'Pshaw!' says Grantham; and proceeded to explain, in the shortest and 
plainest words m English language, that the lady had struck his fancy, and 
that he is liberal in money matters : — &c., &c." 

" Enough," says the writer of this Article, " Of the Wild Boys of Lon- 
don ; " "we need not follow Mr. Grantham further in his pursuit of blood 
and beauty, we have no space to spare ; the samples we have ventured to 
take from one of these romances might be matched from half-a-dozen. 
Some are even worse. What can be done to suppress them ? The mis- 
chief they do must be enormous. Surely they come under the ban of the 
law.—" 

It is the defence of this class of writers, that they describe " life as it is," 
which is the highest praise an author can aspire to. Nothing need be 



I04 THE OBLIVIAD. Book I. 

concealed ; for as to thi«e who are incorrigibly depraved, tliey cannot l-.e 
made worse; and, as to the others, in whom tiie iniajjination is not yet 
corrupt, we know from the particulars i)reservcd to us of the State of Inno- 
cence, that in them is no sense of shame, which arises only from guilt ; so 
that, as tliere is no shock to delicacy in either instance, no injury can be 
tlone, while knowledge is extendcil, which is the great purpose. In which 
view, the I'riapus of I'etronius may be read equally with the De Officiis of 
TuUy, (pronounced the noblest present ever made by parent to his son,) 
and tiie *' Spiritual Wives" of Dixon with the Spectator of Atldison. This 
is " an age of progress;" and as Petronius succeeded to Tully, in like man- 
ner has Dixon to Addison. 

IUj'" The last paragraph of this long note is, in part, from the Author. 

Am. Ed. 



END OF TIIE FIRST BOOK. 




THE OBLIVIAD 



Book the Second. 



THE 



O B L I V 1 A D. 



BOOK THE SECOND. 

ARGUMENT. 

'" / "I IE Scabies, or Pest of Writing, resumed^ the Poet 
straightway puts the question, Jioiv put a stop to it ? 
He animadverts on the impertinence of Advisers, who, for 
the most part, seek contradictory courses ; and brings to 
vieiu especially Or i ticks by profession, who, attending on 
the Infected, catch wJiat they cannot cure, and so scratch, 
like the rest. The College of Ignorance described, a (}olh- 
ic pile, ivith its Library of Romances, Teachers, and 
Alumni ; zvhere noiv the great annual Conference, from 
which, male or female, not one is absent. Her Heaviness, 
on a throne, invites near her, amid a roar of acclama- 
tion, her favourite Dixon, whoin, first, fondly caressing, 
she bids deliver a Speech. His modesty on rising. When, 
after a pathetic exordium on Oblivion, lie insists on the 
right to censure wrong, urges to stop Knozvledge at all 
hazards, and to stand by her Mightiness ; {applause) 
shews that, while Science is limited. Ignorance is un- 
bounded, advises to folloiv the fashion of the hour, and 
counts hoiv many Fools there are in England. But, above 
all, insists on Morality ; dive I Is on the degrees of decor ton. 



I08 ARGUMENT. 

amid much cheering; recommends to S7ie for damages ; 
gives some admirable advice on the virtues, especially of 
Malignity and Defamation y instructs to praise when 
paid, and to revile when not ; bids stab with pen, and 
poiso7i with ink, should any slight their authority ; and 
then, after a variety of precepts, explaijts his grand Ar- 
canum, by which he engages to teach the whole Science 
of Criticism in a zveek. At length, however, approach- 
ing his golden rule, to keep the knave at all times, such 
was the clamour of applause, that he was enforced to 
stop. Thus interrupted. Her Heaviness appoints him 
Censor and Misguider General. Seated on the bench, it 
is now related, Jioiv he did not hear the case, passed sen- 
tence, and, with his own hand, inflicted punishment. 
After which, the great multitude of Criticks in these 
Islands is shewn; how enrolled in a body corporate ; 
how they ivrite it, and bring their shoddy to the shop. 
Lastly, after a humane episode of some good advice, with 
a parting ivord on Hirelings and him who hires, the Poet 
declares it superfluous to press tJiem more, as they are all^ 
criticks and criticised, rapidly sinking into Oblivion, 
there ever to remain, unless, perchance, Satire shall lift 
them. 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Book the Second. 

THE race of mortals these ; their numbers vast ; 
Oblivion this, where all descend at last ; 
The itch to scrawl ; Romance the deadly sway ; 
And thus once vaunted virtue swept away. 

NOTES. 

Ver. I, The race of mortals these ;] Recapitulation ; more in use among 
the Philosophers than Poets, who leave the reader to refresh his memory 
himself, and make more easy the transition, which, according to Boileau, is 
the most difficult attainment of style. Am. Ed. 

Ibid. As usual, we have to search for a meaning. For the meaning 
of this, is, just as you understand it ; either, that these are mortals running 
a race ; or, that this is a race of mortals; in which case he should have 
written this. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 2. Oblivion this^ where all descend at last ;] 
A melancholy truth, of which I am not without some of those fears which 
my great predecessor confessed of himself: 

" Ye Pow'rs ! whose Mysteries restor'd I sing, 
To whom time bears me on his rapid wing, 
Suspend awliile your Force inertly strong, 
Tlien take at once the Poet and the Song." 



no THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Tliis scabies cure, say, must the skilful try, 5 

Like av'rice, desperate of all remedy? 

Or, rather, stop contagion ere too late ; 

IlWi?. gnildc-grass from our fields eradicate ; 

A sanitary cordon widely place. 

And strict exclude what left of human race ; lO 

Remuneration to the tradesman give, 

And kill the many that the few may live ? 

NOTES. 

Oil which passas;;e, the candid Scrifilcnts writes: "Fair and softly, good 
Poet! For sure, in spite of his unusual modesty, lie shall not travel so fast 
toward Oblivion." 

DuNCiAD, Book iv., V. 5. 

Ver. 5. This scabies'] A professional term for the itch, figuratively that 
of writing, for so likewise we speak of the cacoethes scribendi ; but this 
scabies may be for money not less than writing, or for both, a complication 
of complaints; *^ scabies et cantai;io liter i,^'' which passage I would interpret 
in that sense, the scabies of the pen, with the contagion of the purse. 

Vkk. 6. Like av'rice, <S^r.] Hippocrates called a Consultation of all the 
Physicians of the world, (tliey being less numerous than at present,) to con- 
sider the disease of Avarice. 

Vkr. 8. This }:^ui!ile-i;rass from our fields eradicate f] 
Desirous of ascertaining at what .age this pest of writing, together with all 
those mentioned in the last Book, begun, I was conijielled to extend my 
researches among remote records: in conformity with whicli, and willing to 
ascend to the darkest times, I have been at the pains to inquire into the 
first appearance of this other inveterate weed ; the which having followed 
through long rolls of ancient vellum and antique parchment, in the Public 
Offices, and Libraries of England, I then directed my attention to Scotland, 
where I found that, in the Parliament held at Scone, by King Alexander II., 
A.D. 1214, a very severe law was made against those farmers wlio did not 
extirpate a pernicious weed, called guihh\ out of their lands. " 

Regiam Majestatem, p. 335. 

Ver. 9. A sanitary cordon] Cordon Sanitaire ; as in the cattle plague. 

Ibid. 7oidcly place,] Quere, wisely. Ed. Ath. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. Ill 

Advisers all when haply one distrest, 

And each man's remedy by much the best. 

That ailing dame, as each new ill attacks, 15 

The State, still hears both regulars and quacks ; 

The Empress lab'ring a like lot befalls, 

And sent a hundred smocks, a score of cauls ; 

The Princess, too, in her sad chance, might choose. 

Vast stock, 'twixt rancid salves for wound or bruise, 20 

NOTES. 

Ver. II. Remuneration to the tradesman give,] 
Remuneration to the trade, that is, to the Publisher, for the books and 
manuscripts carted off, with their authors. Am. Ed, 

Ver. 12. kill the ma7ty that the few may live?] 

A precept against all rule, and, in particular, to that principle, the greatest 
good to the greatest number, who are the Writers and Reviewers. 

Ei). Atii. 

Ver. i6. regulars and quacks ;\ O'Connell, famous for his skill at 

names, called Cobbett a political quack: no obscure writer in his day, nor 
I suppose entirely forgotten in this country, to which he was forced to fly, 
and whence he dated some of his books ; Brooklyn, Long Island. 

Am. Ed. 

Ver. 17. The Empress laboring] During the protracted parturition of 
the Empress Eugenie, an infinite number of cauls, charms, old smocks, and 
amulets, were every day handed in at the Tuileries. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 19. The Princess, too, in her sad chance^ The Princess Alexan- 
dra suffered for a long time with an inflamed joint, being under the care 
of the first Surgeons in England. But every old woman and spinster in the 
country was more profoundly skilled than they ; and such was the variety 
of packages, constantly arriving at Marlborough House, containing domes- 
tic specifics and quack nostrums, that two additional Secretaries were set to 
work; such was the toil of acknowledging them: 

*' I am requested, by the Inferior Scrub to the Assistant Scullion in the 
Kitchen of His Royal Highness, to acknowledge that the Princess has been 
much benefited by your Ointment, used in giving a more sudden lieat in the 
furnace, and lit by the more shining passages of Tennyson, when a higher 
temperature was required in the Royal apartments." 



112 THE OHLIVIAD. ]U)ok II. 

Thus, chance, when pui)py of your household sick, 

Or spavin'd donkey hfts an awkward kick, 

Officious friends diversely view the case, 

And this would recommend, if in your place ; 

On soothini]^ systems skilfully descant, 2$ 

Or much insist on counter-irritant ; 

Astrin_t;ent doses with much reason urge ; 

A plethora perceive, and give a purge ; 

Infinitesimal anil full best seem. 

One packs in ice, and one surrounds in steam. 30 

NOTES. 

Has the Re.iclci noticed the iliflorence between the two nations? The 
French sent in hut things of a superstitious sort, the English, equally cre- 
dulous, but nostrums. It is not here to our jnnpose, yet the Kcatler may 
not be ilispleascd to find his attention drawn oil" to a very ingenious passage 
in the Letters of Lady Wortlky. " As we no longer trust in miracles 
and relics, we run as eagerly after receipts and doctors, and the money 
which was given three centuries ago for the health of the soul, is now given 
for the healtii of the body, by the same sort of jieople, women and half- 
witted men. Quacks are despised in countries where they have shrines and 
images." 

Vkr. 22. s/>(iT'i/t\/ i/o/tl-t-y] Not so fast, not so fast, Mr. .'Satirist ; 

we ileny that asses are subject to the spavin. It is even ciu'ious that the higher 
^v<*(/ of horses are the most liable to, and the most frequently fired for, it. 
We have, in our own employ, many asses, that although halt, are not so 
from this cause ; it may indeeil be that a thoroughbred ass may be affected 
in this way; and when we say a thoroughlned ass, we do not mean to say, 
simjily, a great ass, a thing common enough, but an egregious ass, as by 
pedigree. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 29. Infinitesimal aud full best seetn^ 
The infinitesimal men are the siinilia similibus, a phrase which seems sug- 
gested by that of Eimius, simia similis, while tlie full are the eoutraria eon- 
trariis ; the one the followers of Galen, the other of Paracelsus; of whom 
the former are creeping into favour, as people, for the most part, prefer to 
die by little-and-little, or inlinitesimally, which is the natural way: for, in 
fact, to live is but to die, by Pixon's method of speaking; or, in other 
words, to take every ilay so uuich fiom life, in liounvopalhic nu;uilitios, until 



Book II. TiiK oiiiJViAi). 113 

Thus, too, of scribbling when the fit is on. 
And wastes to words the soft c'nche[)halon ; 
\\y pains parturient when Miss l)inah shook, 
Or Ouida the romantic \ni>' with book ; 



all is gone, and our last dose is taken ; unless by our ?«///, or otherwise, as 
liy our (/u/ufss, wc make ourselves immortal, which is the o|)|)ositc slate, 
when (lay after day is addeil to existence, mstcad of heinj; Huhlracled from 
it: and, as to the difTerence between {^ood fame and had fame, said Swift, 
'tis a perfect; trifle; so that Ilepworlh Dixon is as lastiuj^f a name as any 
other, provided the |)ii;kle l)C ^jood. Satire niay, not inaptly, bi; (idled, 
anatomia vhioriiin ; \m[ it may likewise be called condiinriituin inoi tiiinii ; 
when that which we have dissected, we preserve. 

This, together with a few other Notes by the Author, runs pcrlia[)s too 
nnich into the carelessness of conversation, and discovers more of what in 
our language is called humour, than judgment. l'"or which an excuse, if it 
admits of any, maybe foimd in the following, lakcn from a criliciiu- on 
Montaigne, whose I'Lssays, as they are without strict nuithod, aie, on that 
account, as well as for other weighty considerations, not the less accepla- 
ble to the Reader : 

" Dans eette huineur on S(; jctle sur (ouUis sorlcs de sujcts, comme ;\ la 
])i(()rce ; ct I'on dit aii liasard lout cc ([iii vi(Mit ;\ la pensec, risquant le boil 
|)iiMr le mauvais, el Ic niauvais pour Ic bon, sans Irop d'atachement ni ;\ I'un 
ni ;\ I'autre. On parle de lout connne si on ne iiarloit de 1 ien ; el sotivcnt 
(le rien, comme de (luclipie chose fort im])ortant. On commence un dis- 
cours (lar ou il d(!'vroit (inir : on le (luitle au ndlieu, ct jiuit on le reprend 
taiil(')t i la tele, tant(")t i la (|ueue. On ne dit point ce (|u'(jn avoit promis 
de dire, et Ton dit souvent toute autre chose ((ue ce ([uc I'on avoit pense. 
l,a regie la plus g('n(!'rale de eette nianiere d'c'crire, c'esl de n'en ])oint avoir, 
el la plus grande affectation, c'esl de ne rien affecter." Mi!'langes d'llistoirc 
el de Lilli'rature, par M. Die Vicnk.ui.-M akvii.i.k, '{"om. i, p. 142. 

The ,r/w/'rt shnilis, is, "Simla ([uam similis, luipissima bestia, nobis;" 
as in CiciiKo, from Kimins. Am. Im). 

Vkr. 34. Oiiida\ " La (('lebre ()uid;\, auteur aussi admir('e i|uu myste- 
rieuse de • Strathmore,' Under Two Flags, I've." 

A pajjcr in I'aris publishes, with remarks, I hat Miss Oinda i-, niariit-d, who 
writes to the Alhen;eum, that she is not, and thus, unavoidably, for il i» 
a part of the contradiction, publishes her own praise. 



114 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

The criticks come, and this a fever sees, 35 

That phlei^in sole agent of the cold disease ; 

A mere marasmus these suspect of mind, 

While those but crudities, or simply wind ; 

Immediate death from inanition fear, 

Or think the moribond may last a year : 40 

NOTES. 

With the same artifice Doggerel is put into the Obituary, which all read ; 
(as tlicy do of tiie Obliviad, which is but a General Obituary ;) to which, next 
day, Doggerel replies that he still lives, as his Publishers, Messrs. So-And- 
So, niiglit have informed the Editor, who apologizes, and who is a]iologized 
to, in turn ; until fame begins, which a great wit likened to a shuttle-cock, 
tossed from this sitle to that, and so kept from falling. 

The last thing of this kind is in the Athen;eum, in tlic instance of no less 
a person than the Hero of this Poem, Mr. Hepworth Dixon ! 

"Mr. Hepworth Dixon's new work, 'Royal Windsor,' which we have be- 
fore mentioned, is in the press, and will be issued by Messrs. Hurst and 
Blackett, in the course of a few weeks. Messrs. Triibner write : — Referring 
to tiie first paragraph of the ' Geographical Notes ' in your issue of last 
Saturday, we beg to state Mr. Hepworth Dixon's forthcoming letters on 
Cyprus, &c., will be written, under contract, for wj, and will be supplied to 
several provincial newspapers, not to the North British Daily Mail exclu- 
sively." 

A marvellous specimen of tlie ]ineconium duplex, or double puff, by which 
two books are brought into notice in the same breath, and in such a way 
that Justice and Messrs. Triibner are alone responsible, leaving the Athe- 
naeum free of the scandal. 

If Dixon is to write about Cyprus, I warrant we shall have enough of the 
rites of Venus, and carnal concubinage. 

Ver. 36. phlegm sole agent of the cold disease ;\ 

The word phlegm expressed originally heat, agreeable to the derivation, 
<;<\^7w, uro ; but, subsequently, in the humoral pathology, having been used 
in opposition to the sanguine, or hot temperament, came to signify cold, 
which is now its meaning exclusively, and that in which I also use it. I find 
in a book of science the following liefinition of phlegm, which agrees ama- 
zingly with the literary application of that word : " Phlegm, an aqucoiis and 
insipid fluid, su]iposed to be found in all natural bodies, and obtained from 
them by distillation, or other ivtse ; coinciding with what the other j)iiiloso- 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. II5 

From doubt to doubt the crew diversely brought, 
Until the malady tliemselvcs has caut,dit ; 
Consign'd to scribble while allow'd to live, 
And want the wise opinions which they give. 

But, tenanted long since, crypt, cloister, aisle, 45 

And raised fantastic, a famed monkish pile ; 
With gibbous shape on clumsy buttress bent, 
Where things to laugh at stuck for ornament ; 

NOTES. 

pherscall water." — I also read, what is not a little curious, and quite appli- 
cable here, that " the later writers spoke of phlegm as a crude, aqueous, 
mucous fluid, of an excremeiititious nature, which prevailed before i)roper 
concoction took place." 

Ver. 43. while allow' d to live,] Namely, until killed by a review. 

For criticks are attacked by one another, and become each other's food, 
like rats, of which the more poisonous overpowers the rest, until, at last, 
some bloated creature remains at the bottom of the hole. 

Vkr. 46. inottkish pile ;\ 

Gray, in tlie fragment of an " Addicss to Ignorance," placed her in a 
Gothic building. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 47. With gibbons shape, ^^c] The resemblance appears to me ob- 
vious between a Gothic building and a Gothic book, no plan, but pile up, 
and extend your building until it covers an acre; your novel divide, like 
Clarissa, (for such was originally intended,) into twenty-eight volumes; or 
run your jioem, like the Romance of the Rose, or the "Earthly Paradise," 
into half a million, or thereabout, of verses. But it is j^rinciiwlly in the 
want of symmetry that this likeness is observable. In Vitruvius we find that 
the Ancient Architects took as their model the Human Figure, and kept to 
the proportions of it in their structures ; whereas, if we study the Body, it 
is that of one gibbous, with one shoulder raised, the other depressed, like 
Thersites, and the back, like that of Hudibras, higher than either. 

" ^dium compositio constat ex symmetria, cujus rationem diligentissime 
Architecti tenere debent. Ea autem paritur a proportione, quae grrece 
kvaXoyXa. dicitur. Proportio est ratre partis membrorum in omni opere to- 
tiusque commodulatio, ex qua ratio efficitur symmetriarum : namquc non 
potest icdes uUa sine symmetria, atque proportione rationem habere com- 



Il6 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Great Grub Street's pride, with wing or wall outspread, 

And eked at random from the Gothic head. 50 

Here Ignorance enthroned, long robb'd of sight, 

Yet positive to prove her darkness light ; 

Of Knowledge makes one universal blot, 

Shews what ne'er was, and proves what is, is not ; 

With dictatorial tone accosts aloud, 55 

And with bold error misdirects the crowd. 

Submissive subjects to her last command, 

These eye the leaden sceptre in her hand ; 

Receive new nonsense, fast retain the old, 

And swear that what ne'er glisters is true gold. 60 

Her College here ; where, in the nether dome. 

The precious parchment toss'd of Greece and Rome ; 

Where Tacitus himself half eat by rats. 

Dank mid-day residence of owls and bats ; 

Her Kitchen next, in which a busto bound 65 

Tight on the marble neck, the jack sends round. 

NOTES. 

positionis, nisi uti ad hominis bene figurati membrorum habuerit exactam 
rationem." VlTRUV. Lib. iii., Cap. i. 

Ver. 52. positive to prove her darkness li.ght ;'\ 

" By means of the light that is within her, or the inner illumination," as Mr. 
Carlyle expresses it. Milton himself avowed that he mused, or, if you will 
have it, moused best, like an owl, in the night, and, after the loss of his 
sight, saw darkness visible. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 6'^. Where Tacitus^ &'c.'\ The fragment of"the Annals which has 
been saved, was found in Germany, in a Monastery, on the banks of the 
Weser. 

Ver. 65. a busto bound 

Tight on the marble neck, the Jack sends round. ] 

This description calls to mind that in Winkelmann, where he speaks of 
" the fine bust of Claudius, found alle Fratocchie, and carried into Spain by 



Book 11. THE OBLIVIAD. II7 

Above, some worthies, never meant to stir, 

With ' GrcBca' letter'd plain, ' non Icgitur ; ' 

The deep alcoves with lore Armoric spread, 

Undoubted lies of Brut-y-Brenhined ; 70 

Colonna, Turpin, Monmouth, much abound, 

Regnorum-Chronica, the Gesta found ; 

The Squyre of Low Degre, the King of Tars, 

And Alexander the Romantic Wars. 

Not Mudie, in the season, better stock'd, 75 

Nor Quixote's library more rubbish lock'd ; 

NOTES. 

the Cardinal Girolamo Colonna. When the Austrians, in the war of the 
succession, had possessed themselves of Madrid, My Lord Galloway made 
inquiry for this bust, and learned that it was in the Escurial, where he found 
it serving as the weight to the Church clock. 

Wink , Hist, de L'Art, L. vi., C. vi. 

Ver. 68. IV.'l/i ' Gr(Fca^^ &'c.\ In the Ages of Ignorance, (to wliich Hep- 
worth & Co. are now rapidly bringing us back,) a usual marginal note, wlien 
a Greek passage occurred, " Grseca, non legitur." 

Ver. 69. lore Armoric] Armorica, a Gallic province, now Britany, 

peopled, at an early age, by a colony from Wales, was originally the great 
hot-l>ed of l^omance ; whence was brouglit into England by Gualtier, arch- 
deacon of Oxford, a chronical entitled Brut-y-Brenhined, or the History of 
the Kings of Britain ; which, translated by Geoffrey of Monmouth, together 
with another such legend by Turpin, this stuffed with the exploits of Charle- 
magne, as that with those of Arthur, became the main repositories where 
all subsequent tale-weavers found their materials, down to our own days, in 
which we hear again of Arthurian women, Holy Grail, and the Round 
Table. 

Ver. 73, Kiiig of Tars,'\ Slang phrase for Ship Captain, novel 

of Bulwer. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 75. Not Mudie,\ Mudie's, the great Circulating Library, where all 
the triflers in England, Ireland, and Scotland, men, women, and children, 
are furnished with the means of complete Idleness. Concerning which, to 
let the Reader see that I am entirely serious, I desire to quote from a book 
of Sermons, by no less an ecclesiastic than Bishop Butler : 



Il8 THE ORLIVIAD. Book II. 

For, lo ! along the bciuling shelves appear 

'Ihe vvcll-gilt glories of the c)[)ening year ; 

"The Holy Grail" how snat»ch'cl up to the Skies, 

Dull tale spun out with ill-imagined lies ; 8o 

N o r !•: s . 

" The great number of books and papers of anuisement, wliich, of one 
kind or anollier, daily come in one's way, have in pari tJCcasioned, and most 
perfectly fail in with and humour, this iilie way of reading aiUl consitlcrinjj 
things. By this means, time, even in solituile, is happily got rid of, withoxit 
the pain of attention: neither is any part of it more put to tJie account of 
idleness, one can scarce forbear saying, is spent with less thought, than great 
part of that which is spent in reading. 

" Thus people habituate themselves to let things pass through their minds, 
rather than lo think of them." 

Sermons by the K. Rv.v. J. Ikrn.iCR. /'/vy'. 

NoTR.— One of those loose couplets, for which I ci>uld not find a ])lace 
in the text, as mentioned in the Preface, is the following: 

Read and forgot, from jxxlace to the hovel, 
'Tis idle all, or rhapsody, or novel. 

Am. Ed. 

Vkk. 79. "yV/f //i>/v Gnrir^] I observe that the Laureate, who has 
always been a close student of the "Art of Sinking," as •visible in all his 
other works, has n\<)re particularly in this before us formeil himself upon it : 

"Take out of any old Poem, History-book, Romance or Legend (for 
instance, deoffry of Monmouth^ Mort Arthur^ or Don Beliaiiis, of Greece) 
liiose jiarts of story which afford most scope for long Descriptions : Tut 
these jneces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one 
Tale." Art ok Sinking, Chai\ w. 

PiiTTKNHAM, author of ^1)t 2Vvtt of BngU'fil) potsfc. had, long before 
Tennyson, written a UoimiUf as he called it, on this i^lan : " a ii\omanrr 
or historicall ilitty in tlie iMiglish tong of the Isle of great Biit.iiiit in short 
and long mcetres, and by breaches or diuisions to be more commodionsly 
song to the iiarpe in places of assembly, where the comjiany sliaihe desirous 
lo heare of old aduentures anil valiaunces of noble knights in times past, 
as are those of King Arthur and his knights of the round table. Sir iotlliiS 
of 5iOuH),uni)lon, (Giijj of i!!Slatbbi(kt and others like." 

Akpk oi-' Kni;i.isii INn'.siio, Lib. i., cliap. xix. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. II9 

" The Earthly Paradise," verse ne'er to die 
If length of line can reach eternity ; 

N o 'r !•: s . 

Ver. 8r. '■^The Earthly Paradise^^''\ A poem liy Mr. Morris, of 
20300C)OOOCX)3 lines, more or less, praised, "and that liighly," by the Athe- 
nicum : a single work, so much greater than the two poems, put together, 
of Homer, as they include, all told, but twice twenty-four books, or rhap- 
sodies ; which, at one thousand lines a piece, or thereabout, make but forty- 
eight thousand: infinitely less than the "Paradise," (I mean that of 
Morris, and not that known, by the way of contempt, as the " Paradise 
Lost.'''') The question is one of arithmetic: find how many times 40,000 
goes into 200,000,000,003, ^'^'^ ^''^ quotient is the criticism required. 

In the Pisgah-sight of the future glories of the em[)ire of Dulness, given 
by the ghost of Settle, I notice this Morris, wiio is the same with Besalccl, 
named in the following verse: 

'' Breval, Bond, Besalcel^ the varlets caught : " 

HUNCIAIJ, B. ii., v. 126. 

or, he subsequently spoken of as Morris : 

" Let all give way — and Morris may be read." 

Id. B. iii., v. 168. 

Morris, in point of fact, did not exist in the age of the Dunciad, or of Anne, 
and was but seen in a Vision, for we are informed l)y a Note, on the first of 
the lines just quoted, l)y the learned Sckiiu.krus, that no such writer was 
then living, or had ever lived ; having Ijeen held Ijack, the Fates willing, to 
adorn the reign of Victoria : 

" Si (pii fata aspcra rumpas, 
Tu Morrisiis eris." 

yliNElD. L. vi., V. 882. 

"all give way, that Morris may be read:" 

wliich of itself contains convincing proof that the present Morris is the real 
one, since (?// other reading liad to be set aside, in order to give time for 
the "Paradise," which could not be applied to any other poem than this; 
the longest known, lorigi, longeqiie, longissimniii, and wliat might, witli 
propriety, be called " The Paradise of Printers." 

This, therefore, being very evident, and that the real praenomen of Morris 
is not William, but Besalefl, by that I shall always speak of him hereafter. 



120 TiiK oiujviAi). Book II. 

AdviMirioiis " Tuck " by Oiiida raisctl io view, 
III volmncs tlucc, next " Life aiul Death " in two : 
WMure IIeav(Mi, l^arlh, Paradise, and I"'aiiy meet, 85 
Lile, l)eath, in some" six novels, all complete. 

vSaj4"e ti-achers here, where the wiile lialls ex[)and, 
Disclose e.ich art tlu^y do not nndi-rsland ; 

NOT !•: s . 

This ncs;»k-ol, 1 aiii IdKI, is, i)y trade, a tlaiilicr, tliat is to say, a scene 
j)aintcr, and, as poet, has stuck to his tnule, or, his trade lias stuci< to him, 
for his iiictures are sucli as will not bear a close examination : /// pictiira, 
poi'sis, 

lliid. An American Reviewer, of a mechanical turn, divides the praise 
lielw<-cn llic I'liel's l.uu y and liiii;ers, and while olheis aic ama/ed at the 
amount ol " head work," oidy wonders at the " manual toil, which must 
surprise even a practiced journalist," like himscll. 

'*.l/i'/A' i-i^li oprh col Si-iuio, i' ton lit iiuiiio.'''' 

Cil'.KI'SAM'MMl'. I .ini'.KA'IA, t'autoi., S. I. 

I once heard of a (.ouple ol lawyers, oiic ol whom had alu'ady liei-n four 
lionrs on his harangue, when his opponent, slvlv approaeiiin^ him, incpiired 
how loU}^ he was liki-Iv to liold out. Not a ;;rcal while, said he; my /(•<,'■.? 
are hejdnnint; to lail me. In which wav it is, that we may expect an end 
olthe I'aiadise, thioujdi lailurc ol linger and llunnt), or what the Doctors 
call the Scrivener's [>,dsy. 

" In hora siepe ilucentos, 
Ut m.\s;num, versus (.lictahat, stans pede in uno." 

I loK. .Sat. 1,. 1. S. iv., V. 9. 

/Vi/f" in mio ; it was tlieyiW which failed Lucilius. 

ll)id. Mi:n/ini, he who is first of the Italian .Satirists, wrote three cantos 
of an epic, entitled " r\i;.M>isi> Ti iJKi'.s rui:." 

Vkr. 84. "7,//>(i/;i/ /Vi;M"| There isa Work with this title, and on this 
suhject, l>y a youth of real genius, and real knowleilj^e, whom Najioleon, 
Ihst (.'onsul, honoured with a Moiuimenl. 

\\\V.. 88. Disilosf i\u/i art tluy do not nnilc-rstaml ;] 
Doubtless: for when a Hook is sent to the Reviewer, it is not to be sup- 
posed that he is aiipi.iinted witli th.it which he never saw before. His 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 121 

Here, crowds immense, are the alumni brought, 
Where of the httle which they knew untaught ; 90 

Of words a medley shown to toss by chance, 
And hive each year their stores of ignorance ; 

^ NOTES. 

business is to tell the world tliat wliicli the writer told him, and to inform 
the author himself on his own book, with a sneer, which is all that is 
expected from him. En. Am. 

Vkk. 90. of the little which they knew untaught ;] As there is 

danjjer in limited degrees of knowledge, we gain in the loss of what we had 
ac()uired, and come back to the basis of ignorance, as to first principles. 
Those who teach music will tell you that there is a double difficulty with 
those who had been instructed previously, who now have to be untaught, 
and to make their first advance backwards; so that Timotheus chargeil 
twice as much to such, as Quintilian informs us. Again : The memory 
gradually fails with age, but so does wisdom increase projwrtionally ; until, 
as all knowledge is but remembrance, prudence is then perfect when igni)- 
rance is complete ; which, therefore, should be the aim of all our designs, as 
opening the way for that virtue which insures all the rest : " Nullum numen 
abest, si sit I'rudentia." But this is not all : for, in the present age of com 
jietition, since, immediately after examination, the candidate sets himself 
deliberately to disburden himself of, and forever to forget, all he had been 
crammed with, the curriculum is but half complete until he has brought 
Jiimsclf round .igaiii to the i)oint he had started from, like a horse in a mill, 
and ended the circle of the sciences, by the back track. 'Twas Themistocles 
that would have finished his education in this way, by that difficult art of 
unlearning, which now Dixon and his Colleagues are pretending to teach. 

Ver. 92. stores of ignorance f\ " Nil admirari ; " if this be a just 

rule, nihil cognoscere, is equally and necessarily so ; for nothing, it is cer- 
tain, has so much obstructed the progress of knowledge as preconceived no- 
tions. The mind, as Mr. Locke said, should open itself like clean jiaper, 
and come with a carte blanche to the undertaking. Lately, the Manager 

IMITATIONS. 

Vkr. 92. hive each year their stores of ignorance ;] 

From bVKON, Childc Harold, Canto iii., cvii. 

" And hiving wisdom with each studious year." 

Am. Ed. 
6 



122 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Till, all unknown, in turn to teach they rise, 
Wise doctors chief in skill to criticise. 

An annual thronj^ ; and now not absent one, 95 

They come, a locust host, to hide the sun ; 

N o T K s . 

of a CyclopxiUa factory, asking one of his most thorough hands, if he had 
ever heard of the Conic Sections; I can say, without vanity, replied the 
other, tiiat I am thoroughly unacquainted with them. Good, rejoined the 
Manager, you will approach the study without prejudice, and slice the cone, 
as you would a pine apple, naturally, without impediment of the mathe- 
matics. 

Vkr. 94. If^ise doctors chief in skill to criticise.'] 
Smith, in the Wealth of Nations, remarks, very justly, that labour is the lot 
of mankind, philosophers only excepted, whose business it is to sit apart, 
and amuse themselves with wliat the rest are doing. Of this sort, as their 
name implies, aie the Ka'icwers, who, for the most part, being too lazy, or 
too stupid, toacijuire any handicraft, set themselves maliciously to find fault, 
and think they have done a good day's work, when they have turned the 
laugh against some careful labourer, or found a flaw in his work : This man 
has a kind of hobble in his gait, that is weak in the knees, a third short of 
vi^ion ; a fourth has industry in collecting, but wants skill to put things to- 
gether ; wliile a fifth can refit and adapt, but is indel)tcil to others for the 
materials : all which these idlers object, with an air as if they could have 
done better themselves, had they taken the trouble: A hungry, snarling 
breed ; and, for the greater number, like outcast curs, lean and mangy. 

ViCR. 96. 77/f_j' come, a locust /lost, to liiiie the sun ;] 
Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Kgypt, and the Lord brought 
an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night ; and when it was 



I M I r A T I O N S , 
Vkr. 95. not absent one., vS^f.] 

OCt€ tjs oZv irorafxSiv iirdriy, v6(r<p' ^nKeapo7o, 
OCt' &f>a Nvn^duy, rat r &\<rea KoXh vif-iovraiy 
Kal Tnyyas iroro.uwc, kjX iriVta iroinfVTa. 

li.iAO. Lib. XX., V. 7. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 123 

Each nymph from brooks which Thames assist to swell, 
Each youth who haunts the shades of Holy- Well ; 
Each lord, niistrustless of a stupid face, 
Till all the motley rabble fills the place. lOO 

The few officious near the footstool press, 
High in the midst where sits her Heaviness, 

NOTES. 

morning, the east wind brought tlie locusts. And tiie locusts went up over 
all the land of Egypt — so that the land was darkened. 

ExoD. X., 13. 

This corresponds very much with the description in Pl.lNY : 

" Deorum ira; pestis ea intelligitur. Namque et grandiores cernuntur, et 
tanto volant pennarum stridore, ut alia; alites credantur : SoleuKjue obuni- 
brant, solicile suspectantibus populis, ne suas opcriant terras." 

Nat. I list. Lib. xi. Cap. 29, 

Ibid. hide the sun ;\ That is, metaphorically, to throw the land 

into ignorance; though it has almost ceased. to be a figure of sjjeech when 
we speak of the dai-k agcs^ meaning those when all real learning was ob- 
scured, and ignorance had become universal. 

Ver. 98. the shades of Holy-Well ;'\ As, possibly, some Reader 

at a distance may not know exactly where the umbrageous Holy- Well is, it 
is but due to inform him that it adjoins Wych Street, Drury Lane, and Wel- 
lington Street, that district in the Metropolis in which the obscene literature 
is disposed of; where still, weekly, many thousand sheets of such are sold, 
covertly and openly, notwithstanding the efforts of a .Society for the sup- 
pression of jniblications so prejudicial to morals, (to set aside taste,) and 
frequent descents of tiie police. There every prostitute may purchase Swin- 
burne's Ode to Venus, Spiritual Wives, Fanny Hill, Dove of St, Mark, 
and Life of a Courtezan. 

Some short time since Sir Thomas Henry gave order for the destruction, 
by the common hangman, (not meaning a certain person,) of a warehouse- 
ful of obscene books ; a job of ten days continuance. 

Ver. 10 1. The few officious near the footstool press,\ 
That is wrong. Tlie first two rows were the reserved seats, and no one, 
officious or official, had the right \.o press to them, or to press on them, with- 
out a ticket. Ed. Ath, 



124 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

And Barnard, deaf, assumes the place assign'd, 

To match the goddess, who herself is blind ; 

He who in things of learning most to seek, 105 

And, surd to ev'ry sound, is chief to Greek, 

Yet such who to the talebearer gave ear. 

When poison pour'd had made the deaf to hear : 

An adder spiteful, and by soft control 

Untouch'd of Arts that humani/.e the soul. I lO 

N O T 10 s . 

Vek. 103. /y<irfi(ir(/,] Known, ainiin<j liis fiiemls, by the sobriquet 

of Blockhead Barnard. 

Ver. 104. To match the goddess, ^ That is to say, we suppose, that he 
heard tlirouj^h the Goddess, and that she saw through liim, the one l)eing the 
complement of the otlier. Ed. Ath. 

Vi'U. 106. Greek,\ This Greek is a serious thing. A clergyman who 
was 111 the habit of visiting at a certain house, one day happened to notice 
that the heail of the family was reading, at his leisure, in an old Greek vo- 
lume, in contracted letter ; whereupon, he withdrew hastily, and whenever, 
as Curate of the Parish, he called afterwards, ventured no farther than the 
iloor, always hojjing, among oilier compliments, that the Doctor was quite 
well. — The once famous " (.Jreekyf/v " was less an object of terror. 

In this tongue the rrincijial of a certain College lately made a strange 
blunder, in the pronun iation of a very ordinary word, which a gentleman 
who happened to be present making a jest of afterwards, as if it was excusa- 
i)lc in a (/(•<//" man, a talebearer lohispered it to the Professor, who resented 
the matter in a very vindictive manner. Am. Ko. 

VEli. 109. adder^ This is the vijier called in the Scripture the deaf. 

Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 

Veu. 109. by soft control 

Uittouch\l of Arts that huntanize the soul.\ 

" Adde, quod ingeiuias didicisse fideliter artes, 
EmoUit mures, nee sinit esse feros. " 

(.)\ii). I'.pist. ex I'oiit. L. ii., ix., v. 47. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. I25 

The Poet Close conspicuous in place, 
While Miller, Masscy, each displays a face ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. III. The Poet Closed The greatest Autlior now living, and em- 
phatically the poet ; pensioned, promoted, and praised, owing to the jea- 
lousy of rivals, infinitely below his merit. 

Ver. 112. Miller,\ Mr. Thos. To m.ike a dozen dishes out of a nettle- 
top, or cook a dinner without money, in that is the skill. 

'• Voili une belle merveille de faire bonne ch^re avec bien de I'argcnt ! c'est 
une chose la plus aisee du n)onde, et il n'y a si pauvre esprit qui n'en fit bien 
autant ; mais, pour agir en habile homme, il faut parler de faire bonne 
chere avec peu d'argent." Moi.ikre: I'Avare, acte iii, sc. 5. 

" Poetical Language of Flowers," " History of the Anglo-Saxons, and 
Life and Adventures of a Dog," *' Lady Jane Grey, with Goody Platts and 
her two Cats:" all this, and much more, out of "very indifferent hand- 
writing," and " /wtolerable reading in the Testament," (for he took to the 
inspired v/x\iexs,) therein is genius. Bas/cet-m:)ker by trade, and critick in 
the Athenaeum; rod'xw hand, in either capacity. 

Lamented youth, who, tasting, too fondly, the dews in Castalia, was at 
length carried off by the Nymphs of the stream. Apt to drink, as the Poet 
has it, at the fountain of the Muses : 

" Aptusque bibendis 
Fontilms Aonidum." 

Juv. Sat. vii., V. 58. 

" Those Names" said Pope, speaking of his Poem, " which are its chief 
ornaments, die off daily so fast." 

Ibid. Massey,'] Employed originally in a Silk-mill, Mr. Massey became 
afterwards a Plaiter of Straw, from which was but an easy transition to 
verse. " Voices of Freedom and Lyrics of Love :" if the book but keep 
the promise of the title, not Ovid's Art is of equal value, for hitherto love 
and freedom have been found incompatible things. " Craigerook Castle ; " 
ear-splitting sounds, in which the whole rookery is heard. Having " re- 
ceived but a scanty education," he made up for the deficiency by "reading 
Robinson Crusoe, and the Pilgrim's Progress ;" whereby amply (|uaIifiL-d, 
" he contributed to various periodicals, and lectured on literary and other 
subjects." 



126 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Enlighten'd Hollingshead to Thornbury near ; 
The Athenaeads there ; reporters here. 

Then bade approach, in ignorance long nursed, 115 

Untaught, unteachable, of numskulls first. 

Who best of jargon can the changes sound. 

Obscure the bright, and all the clear confound, 

Instudious ardour give the growing mind, 

And in the deepest depths a deeper find, 120 

NOTES. 

Ver. 113. Enlighten'd HoUingsJicad\ Put betimes to business, but 
"preferring joicrnalism,^'' wliich is the same as idleness, contributed to 
several daily and weekly Newspapers, as well as Magazines, " Household 
Words," "All the Year Round," " Cornhill," "Good Words," "Once 
a Week," and other receptacles of the worthless. Wrote " Undergromid 
London," bringing to light all that disgust had concealed in the sinks and 
sewers of the Metropolis, and, in this also like Mr. Mayhew, described 
"Ragged London" and the Poor. 

Ibid. Thornbiiry\ " Was intended for Oxford, but early in life showed 
a taste for Literature," and began, cetat. 17, by writing on '■^Antiquarian 
Topics." Sent to the Athenaeum a series of Papers, which afterwards, in 
the vain hope of rescuing them from Oblivion, he printed separately. 

Let us here pause a little. Thornbury was intended to be educated, 
which Miller, as we have seen, was not ; while Dixon, so far as the world 
knows, never saw the inside of a Seminary; yet such are the men who write 
Athenaeums. '■^ Ristim teneatis ? " can even their friends keep from laugh- 
ing ? 

Not long since, happening, in a Coffee-Room, while waiting for the news- 
paper, to glance at the above-mentioned Athenaeum, I noticed, at the top 
of the page, a criticism on the bad gi-ammar of an author; in which criti- 
cism of some dozen lines were as many solecisms, whereas in the passage 
condemned, not one ; these accomplished basket-makers, weavers, and worse, 
having been deceived by an ellipsis, of which they knew nothing ; any more 
than of any other figure of rhetoric, except the ginglimtis, or that by which 
right is made wrong, and vice-versa. 

Ver. 114. The Athenceads there ;'\ That istivit; there they were. 

Ed. Ath. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 12/ 

Hepworth She names, who mounts the throne before, 

With grin complacent, 'mid a gen'ral roar ; 

From her benighted eyes a tear lets down, 

And sets her hand on that impervious crown, 

In strange bad Latin next proceeds to bless, 125 

Nods to the gaping throng, and bids address. 

Awhile he falters, as Ulysses did, 

With looks where craft beneath the fool is hid ; 

Then with such eloquence proceeds, as, sent, 

He would have used last year in Parliament ; 130 

But graceful, first, a once clean kerchief shows, 

And sends the sounding prelude through the nose. 

NOTES. 

Ver. T2g. Then with such eloquence proceeds, as, sent. 

He would have used last year in Parliament i\ 
Hepworth, having become ambitious of the Commons, went about in the 
country towns, last year, delivering Addresses on "Our Representative Sys- 
tem," "Free Voting," and, in particular, on "Free Love; " insisting much 
on this, and promising his utmost efforts, should he be elected, which he 
was not. The Addresses he afterwards published, price one penny, and, at 
a Meeting, went round with a hat. 

Ver. 130. Parliament ;'\ T\i& facts of the matter are: We sent 

out a couple of feelers, and finding the Constituency adverse, thought it less 
disgraceful to withdraw, than to be rejected. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 131. a OJice clean kerchief shows^ 

A question arises, whether the handkerchief here mentioned was clean at the 
time Hepworth, (so to call him,) possessed himself of it, or that he took 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 120. in the deepest depths a deeper find^ 

"And in the lowest deep a lower deep." 

Paradi.se Lost, Book iv., v. 76. 

Ver. 127. Azuhile he falters^ as Ulysses did, (2r-v.] 

^air)s K6V ^aKOTSv Tiva ffiixivat, &(t>poi'i d'aurais' 

Iliau, Lib. iii., v. 220. 



128 THE OBLIVIAD. Book 11. 

O friends, since dark of days, and doom'd to die, 
Oblivion waits us, where we soon must lie ; 
Since loads of all of us still throng the way, 135 

And Lud^ate left unlock'd by night and day ; 

N o T K s . 

possession of it already tliity, as pickpockets, wlio are also of literature, or 
plagiarists, arc wont. 

Ver. 132. sends the somiding prelude through the iiose.\ 

A signal of attention, and ]iart of tlie Ars Rhctorica. It was, I believe, the 
Abl)^ Boisrobert who first taught that a com])lete speaker should know to 
cough, s]Mt, and sneeze, apropos ; while the Cordelier Maillard instructed 
to he/u, when due cni|)hasis was recjuired, like Peter I'angloss, and thus per- 
fected the I'loquence tousseuse, at one time so nuicii i)-l<i-mode. The spot- 
less kerchief cl()(|uence has long been studied by our preachers; but it was 
reserved for llcpvvorlh to unite the one system with tlie other, and, in the 
spotted kerchief, to carry off the palm. 

" 7'ussis pro crepitu, an art. 
Behind a cough, &c." 

*^ Quelt/ue/ois un fort l>on indien de se retirer (Pu?t maur'ais pas," as 
the I'rcnchinan has expressed it. — But this is foreign to our purpose, and 
leads us, if 1 may so express it, on a wrong scent. 

Vkk. 133. O friends, since dark of days, and doonCd to die, 
Oblii'ion, &'c. 
Not Satan himself begins with more gloom : 

" Thrice he assay'd, and thrice in spite of scorn 
Tears, such as Angels weej), burst forth ; at last 
Words interwove with sighs found out their wixy." 

I'AKAU. Lost, B. i., v. 619, 

Yet, here does Ilepworlh, to his credit be it sjiokcn, beat the Devil, wlio 
was weak enough to shed tears, whereas all moisture was dried uji in the 
eyes of the other, which were fiery red, giving the image of one who had 
been drunk over-night. But the Devil had still a little of the angel in him, 
which Ilepworth had not. " Nor less than archangel ruined : " Nor less 
than archcritie ruineil : to which I will make no objection. 

Ver. 136. And l.udgate left unlock\l, iS~a] This is not to be under- 
Stood as that thronged thoroughfare Ludgate on the surface, however fillliy. 



Book II. THE 015LIVIAD. 12<) 

Since courted, curst, at least be ours to haste, 

Usurpers short-lived on the throne of taste ; 

Willi bands Pretorian decimate the thront^, 

And hold the tyranny to censure wron^ : 140 

With threats of chastisement the j^ood o'erawc, 

In arbitrary judgments warp the law, 

From fame long flourishing the honoius lop, 

Advancing Knowledge at all hazartls stop ; 

True genius banish, each just claim repress, 145 

And to the last maintain her Mightiness. 

At this a sudden shout more piercing sounds 
Than hoot of midnight owls, or yelp of hounds ; 

N O T E S . 

of the earth, but one of the same name, far below, and much more thronged, 
conveying, by night as well as by day, as explained in IJook I., l)ad authors 
and their bad books, to the receptacle pre|)ared for them ; for as there is a 
" time for all things," so is there a place. 

Vkk. 137. Since courted, curst,\ Ilcpworlh was well aware tliat it was 
fear, not affection, that suggested those attentions lie was daily in receipt o{\ 
for, being a critick, Jie agreed with Aristotle that, as in Tragedy, terror 
should be the moving principle, 

ViCK. 139. bands Pretorian] A guard of the judges in Rome, or 

the I'netors, which afterwards, under wicked usurpers, was greatly increased 
in numbers, j)erverted all justice, and overturned all laws. The ai)plication 
is obvious. 

Vkk. 146. her Mij^htincss.] 'I'lie word we used was I/iif/iness ; 

the Ooddess being literally and eni])lKitically so, or as the author himself 
expressed it, " hig/t in the midst." Eu. A'ril. 

Vkk. 147. more piercing sounds 

Than hoot of midnight owls, or yelp of hounds ; 
Or clamour doubling till the roof-tree rent 
Of some crack'' d critick hot in argument.\ 
A hyperbole ; an egregious hyi)erbole ; that one voice, however shrill, 
could at all compare with throat of thousands. Again: rriiih\l critick; 
all the world knows, except this Satyrist, forsooth, that a ciacked |>ipkin, 
6* 



130 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Or clamour doubling till the roof-tree rent 

Of sonic crack'd critick hot in argument. 150 

Thus they, while Hepworth blows a deep reply, 

And finger hides his nose and modesty ; 

Then with a leer oblique the circle views, 

Lifts to his height, and thus again pursues. 

NOTES. 

tliouLjh harsh and grating to the ear, gives not so loud a reply to the Icnuclde 
as one still integral. That empty tumbler now before us confutes him. It 
is true that what may be meant is, that the critick was cracked in the brain, 
and not in the voice. Then : 

"the roof-tree rent 
Of some crack'd critick ;" 

when criticks have no roof, but live in lodgings; which, doubtless, may be 
in a garret. En. Ath. 

"May be in a ^nrrct ;" why, that is the point ; immediately under the 
roof -tree : 

" Ubi reddunt ova columb;^: : " 

Aiiglki, the hen-roost. 

This En. Ass. must be fuddled. — "That tumbler now before us." There 

is an okl couplet, which I remember, and very much to the purjjose : 

" Tiie empty tumbler on llie table 

Show'd that he ilrank wliile he was able." 

Ver. 152. And finger hides his nose] Finger, instead of finger and 
thumb ; — but to waste time on such stuff ! Eu. Ath. 

Here the Author gives a flat contradiction to all Editors of the Athe- 
nreum, present, jiast, and to come ; as he has invariably noticed that Mr. 
Di.\on, on all publick occasions, uses but one finger at a time, (counting tiie 
thumb as one of the five,) right and left alternately ; and thus, for the reason 
given by Aristotle ; who observing that those who sneeze, sneeze again im- 
mediately after ; because, said he, they have not one nostril, but two. It 
was noticed of Geor. IV., a gentleman, that he did take the leg of a chicken 
between his finger and thumb, in a cleanly manner, but never, that I have 
heard, tliat he took himself by his nose in that way ; though now what 
these vulgar dogs of the Athenasum would assert of Hep. LIH., no gentle- 



Book II. THE ORLIVIAD. 



131 



As stnrs that stray on the ethereal plahi 155 

Majestic march into their orbs' aj;ain ; 



N o r [•: s . 

man. and liis critical part, or that hy vvliidi all matter su])jcct to dciay, as 
books, arc nicely examined ; the nose beiny; brouglit down towards the thing, 
considerately, as you may see when a Poulterer is making trial of a Goose, 
or some such. Hence the invention of snnff, wliich the greatest men as 
Napoleon, made use of to irritate ihc uiiiKrsian.liiii;, through this itsagent. 
Physiognomists teach, that a man is grave by his nose, pert by his nose, in- 
quisitive by his nose ; though rarely, it is true, sagacious by his nose, which 
would be to oiual a man with a hound, jackal, or tiiat other, a critick. A 
pug-nose is an expression of great contem])!, when Nature has denied it the 
onhnary elongation, and it is like a lelescoi)e pushed in, through which you 
can discern nothing ; while when she has herein been lil)eral to the animal, 
we notice the greatest delicacy, with the greatest power, as in tiic clcph:!!!!, 
llie most sagacious of all creatures, which can either pick up a needle, or 
gnih M|> a (ne, by ilic jiroboscis only. 

The I'rciich have an expression, " le v<)il;\ l)ien aiwi/s," that is, flat-nosed, 
wlicii one has been baflled in sonielhing. That other polite people, tlie 
Ciini I'artars, an coiitraire^ (lallen this jjart, in infancy, thinking il a fool- 
ish thing to allow one's nose to take precedence of his eyes 

A sul)ject which I had intended to go into further, ami treat (,f at large 
had not a friend told me that tiierc was already an old I';ssay, in l,atin. on 
tlie same tlienie, by one Slawkkniikkc.iijs, enlilled de Nasis. I'lnaliy, 
however, that Mr. Dixon, aliass Ileiiworth, had a brazen nose, as Moilu-r 
Oxon has, or as suspected of one in the above Essay, I liavc not as>crted 
Iiaving s|)oken of his modesty; " liid his nose and modesty," as in tlie text : 
to vviiicii 1 !)cg leave again lo dii(<c! (he reader. 



I M I r A T I O N S . 

VlCR. 155. As stars that stray on the ct/i,r,-a/ p/aiii] 
This refers to the precession of the e(|uinoxcs, and a|)])arent wandering of 
the stars; or, rather, to the variation of the ecliptic, by wliich, at intervals 
of an incalculable succession of ages, it moves from side lo side, and again 
and again recovers a mean position ; as oscillates a i)endiiluin, or a fool's 
head. It is thus thai is complcled the great Platonic year, to which it is 
thought Vn<niL alluded : 



132 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

So these our errors, in a devious track, 

Fill their vast cycles, and then blunder back. 

Some paltry province all the Student's boast, 

Disputed sway, or but a doubt at most ; l6o 

He held by reason, while we bold disperse 

As nonsense wide beyond the universe. 

Strange wisdom sure in books our hopes to place, 

When impudence at hand to meet the case ; 

When nod and shrug the point exactly hit, l6$ 

And blank no-meaning seems the depth of wit. 

Let the fond fool who, lab'ring long at sense, 

Wait his estate a thousand ages hence ; 

To eat, be stupid, yours while yet you may, 

The rest not worth Reviews of yesterday. I.70 

IMITATIONS. 

••Magnus ab integro sseclorum nascitur ordo." 

" et incipient magni procedere menses." 

Eclog. iv., V. 5 et 12. 
But the description I have chosen to follow is that of Ausonius, as the more 
particular : 

" Donee consumto, Magnus qui dicitur, anno, 
Rursus in antiquum veniant vaga sidera cursuni ; 
Qualia dispositi steterant ab origine mundi." 

AusoN. Edyl. xviii., v. 15. 

The Chinese assert, with Galileo, that the earth moves, and explain that 
it is carried along, in this stately manner, on the back of a tortoise. Al- 
lowing which, may we not claim, that the general system of the stars rests 
on a cra^, since it is a fact, in astronomy, that the equinoxes advance back- 
wards. 

Ver. 169. To eat, be stupid, yotirs while yet you may. 
The rest not worth Reviews of yesterday. ^ 

E20IE, niNE, nAI2E, n2 r AAAA TOTTOT OTK AEIA. 

Aristob. apud Athen. 
This was the Inscription on the Statue of Sardana|)aius, which represented 
him with a sneer, and snapping his fingers, with a fillip. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD, 133 

The mode, the moment, full extend your sail, 

And catch the fitful folly in the gale ; 

Coiffeur de Gyon, see ascend the pile, 

And shift the changing chignon in your style ; 

Adjust your mirror to the monster true, I75 

And head or hair be all the same to you. 

In Greek or Latin why these deep foundations, 

When Ramage ready with such apt quotations, 

In order placed, that e'en an ass may hit, 

The English here, the Greek just opposite ? i8o 

Or long in science multiply your cares. 

To find at last no market for your wares ? 

NOTES. 

Ver. 169. To eat, be stupid, dr'c.l A line but in part worthy of our 
Author ; for while it could be allowed them to eat when tliey could, how 
can we say, be stupid while you may; a tiling of necessity, while the other 
was but accidental. Am. Ed. 

V.ER. 171. T/ie mode,'] Of all the enemies to taste, none certainly is so 
formidable &% fashion, which teaches to decry to-day, and without reason, 
all that yesterday we admired. For instance, your tailor will tell you ; ♦' we 
wear these in this way nozv ; " and the Athenaeum, " no one no7u writes in 
that style." 

" A natura discedimus, populo nos damns, nullius rei bono auctori, et in 
hac re, sicut in omnibus, inconstantissimo." Senec. 

Ver. 173. Gyon,'] Fashionable /^r/j^w of Paris; who dresses the ladies' 
hair, as Tennyson their heads. " Head or hair," cries Hepworth. 

Ver. 178. IV/ien Ramage ready] A selection of quotations by one Ra- 
mage or Rummage, of the greatest use to Autliors, wliere they may find 
mottoes and sentences for every occasion, t)-anstated ; Greek, Latin, French, 
and What-Not. 

Ver. 179. e^en an ass may hit. 

The English here, the Greek Just opposite ?] 

Some petulance in this ; Hepworth yet sore at a scandalous misquotation 
in the Athenaeum, taken from a Dictionary of Quotations in which the 
Greek was not just opposite the English. 



134 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

More wise who lightly the rich cream can skim, 

And whip his sillabub to public whim ; 

His steaming volumes in quick courses lay, 185 

lie brilliant in December, dull in May ; 

See cow and calf in taste take turn about, 

And bring his gosling in when goose is out. 

Adniouish'd thus, still to the transient keep, 

And, to the dust still tending, lift your heap ; 190 

Tramp'd under foot, like chaff the tempest strews, 

When need is more of books, and of reviews. 

Nor fear, C) friends, if limitless is art. 

At length that purchasers shall fail the mart. 

l"\)r fust the women count, then count the men, 195 

Ten hundred thousantl nudtiplied by ten ; 

Since these all publish, if the books are bought, 

And by each gilded bait a gudgeon caught. 

N O T K S . 

Vi'.u. 182. 110 niiirkrl for your wares ?'\ 

A Siliohir meditalcs long some subject, masters, ami writes upon it, wlien, 
afier a revisal, he takes his manuscript to a ruhlisher ; who submits it to 
his Reader, (not being qualified in that way himself;) tliinks it a very good 
tiling; and now, says he, I will recpiire five hundred jiounds to-vtirds tiie 
publication of it; we always gels an advaiue : si) tli.U lie who went for 
wool, was like to go back shorn himself 

Vkr. iS(i. li( brilliaitt ill PiYt-inlur^ dull in J/<m' ,•] 
Tliese are tiie monllis in wliicli, respectively. Poets and Divines serve up their 
books. 

Vkr. 188. gos/iug in w/icn goose is ou(.'\ 

Not faitlifuUy reported. Wiiat we said was, tliat gosling was first, and 
goose after, agreeable li) the order of Nature. Eu. Aril. 

Vek. 196. 7\n huiuhfd thousand viultipl'.cd by ten ;\ 
In jilain words, imuimerable ; cntus /<ro incnto: a figure of rliotoric which 
1 alsourieii make use of; liius, s|H'akiii;^ nf criticks, 1 say, the dailies six a 
jiiecc, when I mean sixty a piece, or more. 



]U)()k II. TIIK OHMVIAI). 135 

' Tis easy shown by arilhintlic rules, 

I low rich in wealth is I'"ai}^daiul, and in fools. 200 

]?iit still ill all lhin!.;s, how debased besitle, 

'I'lu- modern moral yours, as mine, the j^uidc. 

An honest vender of forbidden hiiils, 

Who trades at home in foreis.ni prostitutes ; 

With si)iritual wives who shows to sliM-p, 205 

'Ni:ath specious titles how the baiMiio kee[) ; 



Vk.r. 204. tniili-.f at home in fori'i):;n prostltiitcs ;] 

At this tiiiio ;in inf;iiu()iis (r.-illic vviis i:;uiicil on in foririj^n t;iils, some of iIk'ih 
of in(;uil :i;;c, wlio, si i ilrii fKiiii llicii |i:iicnl s hy cci I aiii villains, were can icil 
to l.oniion ; |ii'flly iiiuili as in lui nicr days yonnj; women vvt'if lnoncjil in 
from the i-onnliy, as si-cn in lloi;arth's "\'oik Mail;" nnlil, al lcni;lh, 
a [loor liclj;ian j^irl cscapcil liom I he lia^nio where she vviis conlineil, ami pul 
lierself in the care of the |H>li((nian : wlierenpon a [jreat scaiulal arose, and 
the Society for llie Prevention of sneh ()iitra^;es |)roseeiite(l the pamler, wlio 
shonhl have been lashcii, in addition to llie penal servitude to which he was 
sentenced ; and now, since the fnli measure of punishment can not always 1)0 
>;ot, if tlierc is one who escapes the transportation, let him at least iiave the 
hish. 

lluil. As the first fjreat object of every author is to be understood, let iiic 
explain, at the risk of bein^; tedious, that what I have here written, as else- 
where, is n(i( lo be inlcipr.li-d lilerally, bul (ijjurat ively, as of oni' who 

introiliiK-il MS lo, and broiiidil in, a new sel of I'rosI il utes, in his I k, 

2 vols. 8vo., with frontispiece ; aiul not that Mr. licpworlh I lixon plied the 
trade of a Male Hawd in the ordinary nhtniicr. 

Vkk. 20S. Siloii' s lirook ■,\ "The walcrs of Silna, I hal (;o softly," as 
mentioned in Isaiah, came from a small roiinlnin jiisl outside lli<' wall ol 
Jerusalem. 1 believe il is now souj^hl for in vain. 

" '/'!■//('/■ sniiurito iliil di <!/</>(■/ XiH/oro 
/ rii riiiiirn innihirtiiliiti in (<iiifo, 
i'lie fiiii((i<i/ru in silrn.-.io, r ohhlio poduti^ 
(Miiti i lor flint i son, seiche tor 7>ene) 
J'nr, per m-iuio ili Muse, ei son perenni. 
Lor niorniorio /urennr in tersi (Orm ." 

iJALViNl, Letlera. 
Thus in ICn{^lish : 



T36 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

How sin with scripture mingle in the book, 

And join Oneida's with Siloa's brook ; 

Me Ilcpworth hear ; opposing arts combine, 

And scenes licentious in the draught refine, 210 

Nor all at once with hand obscene unveil, 

Lest modest Moxon forced to stop the sale ; 

To public taste repugnant all such sights ; 

So keep your harlot close conccal'd in tights. 

NOTES. 

" Sometimes, misguided l)y tiie tuneful throng, 
I look for streams immortaliz'd in song, 
That lost in silence and oblivion lye, 
(Dumb are their fountains and their channels dry) 
Yet run for-ever by the Muse's skill, 
And in the smooth description murmur still." 

Ibid. And join Oneida^ s with Siloii's brook ;\ 
Since already fi)rgotten by all Mankind, let it again be made known to 
them, that Ilcpworth Dixon wrote two books, one on the Holy Land, and 
another on the Unholy ; for so I suppose 1 may call that washed, (but not 
cleansed,) l)y Oneida's Creek. 

Ibid. Silo(i^s\ Tlie vulgar pronunciation is in two syllables ; but the 

primitive, and therefore the poetical, makes it three. Those who trace the 
history of languages, discover in them a constant tendency to contraction, 
or phonetic corruption, which Mr. Max Midler attributes to that laziness 
natural to creatures using sjieecli ; who, by syncope, contraction, and crasis, 
may reduce to a single inarticulate puff, what iiad been the material of three 
or four separate sounds, or as many words. 

Ver. 212. T.(st fiiodi'st Moxon, er'^.] Mr. Swinburne, Iiigli priest of the 
Venus Mcrotrix, with so unchaste a hand was supposed to have unveiled his 
goildess, that Moxon, who kept the shop, as soon as a clamour began, gave 
orders to put him and his strumpet out of doors ; thereby to prevent a de- 
scent from the police. 

Ver. 214. harlot close conccaV d in tights.^ 

Wiiat of it ? 'ii.i^ht ; he would not substitute loose^ as if in allusion to the 
manners of the harlot, which would have bten superfluous. Ed. Ath. 



Book TI. 'iiii". onr.iviAi). 137 

Of sounds a j^ic^pjlc here ascends llie sky, 215 

Till " order," " order," checks the j^en'ral cry ; 
'l"h()U<^h, rebel to all rule, still Swinburne stood, 
And, waving wide his hat, shouts d — me, ^^ood ! 
At len<^th, 'mid much confusion, lle|)\v(>rth wins 
Once more their ears, and thus attain bej^ins, 220 

Some sland'rer ventures ; draj^ him into Court, 

And libel charge upon the foul report ; 

Indecent motives, mercenary views, 

And that for lucre you had raked the stews : 

Your iionour injured, reputation lost, 225 

The patient jury sit to count the cost ; 

N O T IC S . 

[1)1(1. close couccaP d ill (ii^/i/.f.'\ 

Ashy precept of Pf.tronius, a high authoiily : 

"/iMiuuin est include miptam vcnUiin -10x1110111 " ? 

Which veutiis tcxtilis, or web of wind, was Ihc same as tlie Cok- Testes^ (he 
invention of I ho /«<'<// .r/f I'anipliile, iinv tii^/its, wiiicli (Iis|)layc(l Iho woman 
bill ii/i/>aicnt/y nailed ; or, as it is l)clter expressed l)y I'l.lNY, •' ill deniidot 
fiuniinas vcslis." 

Ibid. JnvKNAl, was shocked at the lirontiousncss in his day, for tlic 

pictures were uiuovorod l)cfore the j^Miosts ; tlie next thinj^ I oxi)ect, he says, 
is to sec I lie ballet j^irls come ilancinj^ into the room, without their ti(;hts, 
h la mode de Paris : 

" ( Inccc 
Discumbunt ; ncc velari ])ietiira jubelur ; 
Forsitan expcctes ut Gaditana canoro 
Incipiat prurirc choro." 

Juv. Sat. xi , V. 162. 

For the pictures Juvenal himself has furnished an excuse : 
" raulatimrjue anima caluerunt mollia saxa, 
Kt maribus nudas ostcndit I'yrrha puollas." 

.Sat. i., V. 75. 

Vkk. 217. '^miiifiiiriic] I'or a more particular acconnl of this Gentleman, 
consult the penultimate part •)r Itook III., willi the /Vole. 



138 THE Oin.IVIAD. Book II. 

And that no wrong may unrequited f.ill, 
CJiive sixpence damages to cover all. 

N O T h) S . 

ViCK. 228. six/>encc d(tm(ii:;fs'\ An amount, if small, wliicli yet was 

as amply siiHiciciit to declare \\\<t principle y as if it had been as much as six 
pounds ! Eo. ATM. 

Ibid. sixpence damages to cover a//.] 

" Mr. llcpwoith Dixon, it appears, recently, (at a dinner given him l)y the 
Lotus Club, in New-York, October, 1874,) defended liimself for writing 
Spiritual Wives, on the ground that it was a ' production of liis heated 
youlh.' Wi- all know that some men — and it is also said a few women — 
continue to make the period of youth extend far into life ; but it seems that 
Mr. J)ixon is a boy of unusually mature years, though not of understand- 
ing, lie is now fifty-three years old, and Spiritual IVivcs was jiublished 
in 1867. So that lie was at that time forty-six, and this he calls his ' henled 
youth.' At what age does Mr. Dixon believe he will arrive at the years of 
discretion? Shall we say when he is one hundred and forty-six ? In his 
heated youth (/litat. 51,) he brought an action for libel against the Pall 
Jl/all Gazette, because that journal had openly charged him with writing 
indecent books. lie laid his damages at a high figure; he appeared in the 
witness box, and told his doleful story; his counsel made a pathetic address 
ill Ills belialf; and at last the jury awarded him sixpence damages. He 
declared that his character had been injured, and there seemed to be no 
doubt of the fact ; and a jury of his countrymen estimated his character to 
be worth just twelve cents. The speech of Sir John Karslake at the trial 
refcrreil to would form interesting reading for some of the audiences before 
wiiicli Mr. Dixon (still in his healed youtli) now has the im))iulence to pre- 
sent himself as a lecturer." " N. Y. TlMiiS," Oct. 30, 1874. 

Am. Ed. 

IMITATIONS. 

Vkr. 225. reputation lost,] 

Cool. I should lose my character. 

Young C. That would be a fortunate epoch in your life. Cool. 
London Assurance, Act I., Scene i. 

Chartres would give a/////« to any one for his " reputation lost ; " that, in 
again losing it, he might make himself richer than ever. 



Book II. THE OULIVIAD. 139 

At heart malignant ; this of virtues first ; 

Aim high, my friends, and of the bad be worst ; 230 

Sworn foes of Faith, of wrong the last defence, 

And champions chief of ill-got influence. 

From deep to deep in defamation sink, 

Stab with your pens, and poison with your ink ; 

Do wanton wrong, lest sloth unnerve supine, 235 

And strike for skill, like friends of Catiline. 

Well paid, be mindful that your praise be thick. 

Baste well your goose, and some at least will stick ; 

Or, small the bribe, in neutral tones com[)ly, 

And mix your acid with your alkaly. 240 

As thus : this poet scarce has reached his prime ; 

His verse is bad ; but he'll improve in time. 

NOTES. 

Vku. 229. At heart tnalii^iuDit ;\ "Before one cnn connnciicc a true 
CrilicU, il will cost a man all the good qualities of his niiud." 

Tai.E Ol'" A TtJli : Digression concerning Criticks. 

Zoilus, (already mentioned, I believe,) an honest fellow, on being asked 
by one of his underslra])i)ers, why it was that he reviled all men. Because, 
said he, wishing to inflict other injury, I am impotent : b 5«, notfcjai yip 
KaKus fiovKSfiffos, ou Svi/afiai. 

yiCi.lAN. Var. Hist. Lib. xi.,cap. 10. 

Vkk. 238. Baste well your goose, and some at least will stiek ;\ 
A borrowed rhyme ; for so it is in the adage, " lay it on thick, and some of 
it will stick." 

IMITATIONS. 
Vek. 231. Sworn foes of Faith, of wrong the last defetice,\ 

" Jusque omne pereat ; non sit a vestris malis 
Immune ciclum." 

SiCNKC. Thyest. Act i., v. 48, 

Vl'.U. 236. strike for skill, like friends of Catiline. \ 

" Ne i)er otium Impescerent manus aut animus." SalluST. 



140 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II, 

But, bold to rise, should one your censure slight, 

Send all your shafts, and niurdcr him outright ; 

His well-won titles to distinction hide, 245 

And what you cannot blame, be sure deride ; 

Transpose, pervert, do all except confute, 

And your own blunder to the foe impute. 

As strength of bulwarks by their feeblest part 

Are gauged by skill'd in engineering art, 250 

Some flaw conspicuous in blindness seek. 

And prove all worthless since a word is weak. 

'Gainst great Achilles point the missive steel, 

From corner where you skulk, and hit his heel ; 

Or, ready waiting with your iron rod, 255 

Brain rev'rend Homer, should he chance to nod. 

Like Turkish tyrants, to suppress dispute. 

The culprit gag, and strangle with a mute ; 

His prayer unheard, his just remonstrance vain, 

Toss'd undistinguish'd 'mid the heaps of slain, 260 

For grace of style, what most unfitting find, 

And drawl in one dull monotone of mind ; 

NOTES. 

Vek. 245. I lis tocll-won titles to distinction hide,^ 
The AtheiKuum, desirous of cutting off an Author from all notice of the 
Public, gave out tliat he was ignorant of grammar; but knowing that his 
degree from a learned body gave the lie to that assertion, tiie Editor, or his 
Lackey, printed the name witiiout the title; you or your lackey, Dixon. 
But, " Injuriarum remeiiium est Ohlivio." 

Ver. 253. ''Gainst great Achilles, ^'c.'] When Achilles, enamoured of 
Polyxena, came to solicit her in marriage, Paris, who was a contemptible 
poltroon, hid behind tiie statue of Apollo, and aimed an arrow at Iiis only 
vulnerable part. 

Ver. 258. strangle xvith a mute ;\ 

Wlien llie Athenceum has made some assertion f.alse in point of fact, and the 
Author sends a contradiction, no further notice is taken of him, and lie is 
thus strangled l>y a mute. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. I4I 

Nor " level up," a phrase late hawk'd through town, 

Be yours to follow nature, level down ; 

The lofty headlong by the vulgar cast, 265 

The grov'ling lifted by the blown bombast. 

Base be the knave who in mere dulness halts ; 

Press on, and be distinguish'd for your faults ; 

Leave science far, on greatest aims intent, 

And gain the praises of astonishment : 270 

Did ever blockhead so adroitly miss ! 

Sure never nonsense so profound as this ! 

Nor nature fear ; your secret springs unlock, 

Or cut the unshaped numskull from the block. 

On some deep subject when intent, first think 275 

How Swinburne, Browning, in like place would sink; 

Or ask, of fustian which just now you raise, 

If bad enough for Tennyson to praise. 

NOTES. 

Vkr. 263. Nor ^^ level up.''''\ Level up, a recent cant in English poli- 
ticks, which is said to be hawked through town, as yet only in the journals, 
which are carried round by hawkers. 

Ver. 274. cut the unshaped uumsktill^ &^e.\ 

Agreeable to Aristotle's theory of occult forms, that the Figure is in the 
Block, if you can only separate from it the adherent parts. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 275. On some deep siihject when itttent, first think 

How Swinburne, Browning, in like place would sink /] 

OvKoivv #col Tifias, tjvIk &v SiaTovw/xey in^i\yoplai t» koL ixeya\o(i>po(TvvTi)s 
Senfifvoy, Ka\hv avaTrKarTecfOai irais <//uxary, irHs ttp, tl rv^o, ravrh rovd' 
"OfiTipos flirty, nws S* &f XlKarccu t) ArifioffBeuri^ v\f/0)<ray, t) 4y ia'TOpl<}. @ovkv- 
8.87J-. LoN. de Sub. Sect, xiv., p. 90. edit. Pearce. 

Ver. 277. Or ask, of fustian, dr'r] 

"Eti 8« ploKKov, €1 Ka,K-\vo Ty Biayoi(f irpoffviroypa<poinev, irws hy rSSe 
Tl vir' (piov \ey6ti(yov, vapwy "Op-tipos iJKOufffy, ^ ^rifMOsdevm, ij ircSy &>/ eirl 
r6t:T(i> SifTeOrjiray. Idem et ibid. 



142 Till': oin.iviAP. l^)<)k II. 

1 .(I llic iir.ipid llic dosed reader satc, 

lie (('cIjIc, trilliii;;, and crfcininaU* ; 280 

Scant IViiil of llioiiidit , with words o'cilo.ul j'our tree, 

Mash freer yonr maU, and walei- weli )(»iir tea. 

Ofcoclviiey tippU-rs the lull thirst assuage, 

And ealeidate tlu- penny in the pa^e : 

TliKH- pints, lonj; measure, to the (piait yon took, 285 

Three niueh diluted volumes to the hook. 

N or K s . 

Vicit. 2S4. ralciiltite the penny in the f>age:\ An cnuiucnxtion vvhicli, 

if siuiill ill the njjjjrej^iitc, is Imj^c if llic IjooU n-vicwcd Ik; liuf^o, or one 
ndiuillinj^ of cxlmcls, from wliicii we never dcdm t more lluin fifty per 
ccnl., ad 7>ii/i>rem. l'".i>. Ani. 

VlCK. 2S5. Three />ints, /i>njy mensure, to the t/uiirt, you took, 
Three ininh diluted volumes to the booh.\ 

Tlio olijirt bcinj; to diliiU- llic liook like till' boor, mul so do awny will) tlic 
hud «'tl'ci't, liml llic pdisoii liccii i()iiiciili;ilc<l ; whereas the iiiiiiscii ncc.i- 
sioiicd by an ovt'iilislciidcd sluiiiacli, or hiaiii, causes to reject the whole, 
and serve as ils own iMiictii k ; 

"A had ell'cct, lait from a nolilc cause." 

l'".r). Anr. 

Tl(i<l. Three pints, lou); mensure, to the quart you took,] 
l""or some lime past, "to meet the reiinirenicnls of the a(',e," the hiewers 
li.ivc added a tiiird I'iiil to I lie (|iiai t, which is known as "llic loiij; pull:" 
a dclclci i.ais coiiipoiiiid, so iiuicli worse ill (]iiality lis the iiuanlity is greater, 
and made up ol whalcvci acid, olli'ii poisi)iunis, inyredionts may take from 
till- iii'.ipidilv ol the draufdil, 

ll'.cd loi I hi'. pur])osc is an aiiid l>illcr, di-rivcd (Voin iiiliic acid and 
rivj^s, called //(/vV ; very much as is the union of j;reen vitriol and j;alls, in 
tlic service of Kcviewcrs ami others, which actinj; on the raj;s, as macerated 
into paper, j^ives the necessary virulence, and, iriilalinj; the palate, corrupts 
the heart. 

ViCK. 2S6. Three mueh diluted Tolumes to the /'<><'/(•.] 
This must apply, especially, to the novel, which, by nulhority, as derived 
from nsa(;e, reiiuires three volumes, beloic "dilute lo taste;" in the same 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. I43 

In true tautology e'en mc defy ; 

Repeat the same, and let the same be dry ; 

The great make little, and the little less, 

Till all inanity and nothingness. 290 

But now, the thrice fill'd flagon held in view, 
To make more plain the argument he drew, 
He takes occasion modestly to drain. 
Licks his lips first, and then proceeds again. 

All science Lully could complete impart 295 

In three short months, by his Transcendent Art ; 

NOTES. 

manner as the drama demands five acts, and the epic from one to two dozen 
cantos, or books. Other works are in lib. i., lib. ii., lib. iii., and so on, 
ad libitum. 

Ver. 291. the thrice fiirdflago)i\ Let us draw breath. One flagon, 

two quarts; thrice filled, six quarts; three pints to the quart, 18 pints: 
whence it is clear that Dixon was drinking for a wager ; a common thing 
among the lower classes. 

Iljid. the thrice fiird flagoii\ In this enumeration is not included 

the drink he took on first rising, which, allowing one at each interruption, 
being two, previous to the present, would make four •' pulls," in all. Thrice, 
most likely, is inserted on account of the measure, or quantity, of the verse. 
" A pull, a long pull, and a pull together; " but that is when a bumper is 
drunk. 

Ver. 295. All science Lully, ^c.\ Raymundus Lullus, philosopher of 
Laputa, a shining light in the Dark Ages, who in his work the "Great 
Art " shows, how by placing mysteriously certain circular and triangular 

I M I I' A T I O N S . 
Ver. 293. He takes occasion modestly to drain,'] 
Agreeable to classical usage : 

" Licjuido cum plasmatc guttur 
Mobile coUueris." 

Pers. Sat. i , V. 17. 



144 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Book II. 



To most illiterate show how with ease 

Discourse all day, and on what theme they please. 



NOTES. 

diagrams, inscribed vvitli the letters of the alphabet, on a machine, you had 
only to give it a twist, when subjects and predicates chanced into such a va- 
riety of combinations as sujipiied ready for use all sorts of definitions, axioms, 
propositions, criticisms, reviews, and knowledge whatever. One of Beat- 
tie's sons made a model of Lully's mill, and set it a-going in presence of tlie 
class at Aberdeen ; wlience that great number of discursive and metaphysi- 
cal works at that time and since in Scotland. 

Through delay of the Engraver I have not been able to insert, in the pre- 
sent edition, a wood cut of Lully's machine, and, not quite to disappoint the 
reader, will give the outlines of the first of the kind ever made, or that used 
at Laputa, wliere Lully was Professor, and from which he manifestly took 
the hint. 



I 



c=[r 



IJJJ. 



I- -^ 



III 



fiWi 



a -J -i- 



< 'a' ;* Y' " 



frt 



" The superficies was composed of several bits of wood about the bigness 
of a dye, but some larger than others. They were all linked together by 
slender wires. These bits of wood were covered on every square with iiajier 
pasted on them; and on these papers were written all the words of their 
language, in their several luoo Is, ttMises, and declensions; but without any 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 145 

The skill to criticise hear all who seek ; 

I'll teach the whole at furthest in a week. 300 

NOTES. 

order. Around the edges of the frame, (as shewn in the engraving,) were 
forty handles, held by as many lads, who, on a signal, giving them a sudden 
turn, the whole disposition of the words was instantly changed. In this 
way, at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words shifted into 
new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down. The words 
being read over, the broken sentences were collected, and, after correction, 
so arranged, as to form a complete body of the arts and sciences, especially 
that of criticism, which is the most arbitrary and technical of ail." 

On the whole, a clumsy contrivance, requiring so very many hands, and 
greatly increasing the expense ; as in our automatic composing machines, 
which have no practical value : they do the work, it is true, but the cost, 
if any thing, is greater, as well in preparing copy, as in the setting of it up. 

Might not an exception be made in the matter of vast works, sucli as dic- 
tionaries, and encyclopedias, which are but a sort of dictionaries, such as 
Ai)pleton's, on which, in a spacious room, in the upper lofts of their build- 
ing, I saw a great number of work-people, some of whom earned not less 
than 75c. a day, all busy marking bits of paper, or cutting them with scissors, 
and pasting them together. So that there remained little more than to turn 
on steam, and go to print : the whole being a work so mechanical and me- 
thodical, that a good machine might be got to do it, and without the addi- 
tional cost of steam, already provided for the press. Expense is thus saved, 
and profits increased, which are the main objects. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 296. in three short months^\ February, March, and April ; 

a conjecture of our own : for February, except when intercalary, having 
but twenty-eight days, and April but thirty, all tin^ee put together may be 
denominated, collectively, so to speak, short, though March, one of them, 
has 31 days. Another reason for which supposition is, that Lully could 
more easily teach his Art in tin's season, although in days numerically short, 
as the faculties have then a new vigour, and nonsense crops up unbidden, 
like weeds in a garden. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 299. The skill to criticise hear all who seek ; 

ril teach the whole at furthest in a weeh.] 
I lately saw, on the cover of the Athenaeum, an advertisement from one of 
Mr. Dixon's pupils, which I here transcribe : "A young man, having some 
7 



146 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

The grand arcanum thus your own you call, 

No knowledge labour, and make boast of all ; 

Let educated dogs, let donkeys show 

The Arts they got, enough to seem to know. 

With much unmeaning lay emphatic stress 305 

On ' feature,' ' platitude,' ' productiveness ; ' 

NOTES. 

of his time unemployed, would be glad to write Reviews, Address, Tyro, 
care Editor." 

Ver. 300. in a iveek^ So as to be ready for the next number of 

the Athenanim. Eu. Ath. 

Ver. 303. Let educated dogs, let donkeys show 

The Arts they got,\ 

Few creatures, indeed, can compare, in matter of training, with a dog; but 
for tlie Ass, a certain degree of awkwardness still adheres to him, of which, 
to do him justice, he seems sensible himself: " Let every man," said he, 
"lookout for himself," when he danced among the cliickens. Like the 
promenading pots, in La Fontaine, 

"Clopin dopant comme ils peuvent." 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 300. /'// teach the 7vhole at furthest in a iveek.\ 
The "Preceptor" in Lucian is less modest; he can engage to perfect his 
jnipil before sun-set. 

Whether the Author liad the Greek Wit before him, at the time he 
wrote, remains doubtful, altliough several points of resemblance may be 
traceil between this speech of Dixon and that of Julius Pollux. 

K";u;^*e Toivvv tJ) fxtyiffrov fxfv ri/f au.a^lav, elra ^pdcros eir\ to'Voij' 
Kal aWws S( rSKfiav Kal avainx^t^iav. alSci Se, t) iTrielKfiay, 1) /.ifTfuoTrjra, 
i) ipv^rii-ia, oiCkoi oirjAiirf, axpf^a. yap, Ka\ vneyavria t<j? irpdy/xaTi. aWa 
(UjV Kal jSoJ);/ tin ixeyiar-qv, Ka\ fieAos d«'aio'Xi"'TOj', Ka] /SaSiiTjua, oTov t5 

LuciANi Rhixitor. Pnvcept. Op. torn, vii., ed. Lcliman, Lips., 1S28. 

Am. El). 



Book TI. THE OBLIVIAD. 



147 



'Conventional.' 'exhaustive,' 'commonplace,' 

' Suggestive,' ' but,' ' exceptional ' the case ; 

What most in sound, what least in sense excels, 

And chime the changes on your dozen bells. 310 

To find but idle, make yourself the flaw. 

And criticise the book you never saw ; 



NOTES. 



Ver. 305. IVUk much unmeanh,g\ Macaulay, speaking of Johnson, de- 
clares that his criticisms, if such as you sometimes must object to have 
always a meaning ; a distinction, he adds, to which the greater part of what 
IS now-a-days called criticism can make no pretensions. 

Ver. 306. 'feature^' 'platitude,' ' productiveness '.'^ 
The style sinks in this, and a few verses following; to approach, as 1 sup- 
pose, that of the Speaker. A usage, I fear, which will hardly be allowed 
the Author, in whom the same elevation will be expecte.l, as if he were 
wr,tmg in Heroic Poetry itself, of which, said Dryden, the Satire is un- 
doubtedly a species. However, in Pope also are four insipid verses, forced 
upon him by the sujjject : 



i< >' 



'Tis true, on Words is still our whole debate, 
Dispute of Me or TV, of aut or at. 
To sound or sink in Cano, O or A, 
Or give up Cicero to C or K." 

DuNClAD, Book iv., V. 219. 
In <iefence of which, if called upon, he could hardly have quoted the follow- 
ing Ime, out of Athenaeus, as it only occurs in an Epigram : 
To (T(fHv, Kol (Tfoilv, Koi TO fx\v, ^5e rh ylu. 

Am. Ed. 
Ver. 310. And chime the changes on your dozen bells ] 
To wit 479.001,600. By which it is plain what a vast' variety of know- 
ledge Hep worth supplied his hearers with. For the art is not that of learn- 
ing much, but of varying little ; whereby one may fill a whole volume with 
a single hne, as was done with the following famous hexameter, by trans- 
position only: ^ 

"Tot, tibi, sunt, Virgo, dotes, quot, sidera, ccclo." 
Pietatis thaumata in Protheum Parthenicum, unius libri vernim et 
vinius versus Librum, Stellarum numerus sive formis ,022, variatum Auct 
Eryc. Puteanus. ' 



148 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

One only care ; affix not now the blame 

On what just lauded in another's name. 

Severe in censure ; but when with good reason, 315 

* This book by much the best of all the season ; ' 

Nor prate of conscience, but, as you are hired, 

' In fact, 'tis all that could have been desired.' 

NOTES. 

Ver. 313. One only care ; affix not now the blatne 
On what Just lauded in another'' s navie. ] 

In this passage of his Oration Hepwoith alluded, no doubt, to that acute 
critick, a friend of his, supposed to have hanged himself, who spoke so con- 
temptuously of what he thought the Editor's preface to Johnson's Dictio- 
nary, and so much lauded the original one ; which, ht)wever, happened to 
be the same, and which the Editor had but reprinted, without any preface 
of his own. Of this accident The Pall Mall Gazette gave an account, in 
a criticism on last week's dreader : 

" The critick of the Reader was reviewing Latham's edition of Johnson's 
Dictionary, in which Johnson's well-known preface was, as a matter of 
course, given. The unwary critic, no doubt pressed hard for copy, and 
without time to read anytliing beyond the preface, read Dr. Johnson's pre- 
face, and mistook it for Dr. Latham's, vi'hereon he commenced thus in his 
'first notice.' — 'In the Author's Preface Johnson has altogether disap- 
peared. The brag \\\ this production, when contrasted with the execution 
of the eilitor's work, is simply unbearable. We do not wish to kick a man 
who is down, but we do beg Messrs. Longman to cancel this ' Author's 
Preface,' and to substitute one for it which will do a little more justice to 
Johnson's work, and put the present editor's in its proper place, as far as 
they like below his great predecessor's.' — It was Dr. Latham who had dis- 
ai^peared, and not Dr. Johnson. There never was in all time a more dry, 
solid, laborious scholar, utterly incapable of boasting than Dr. Latham. 
The Pall Mall rather unkindly looks forward to the Reader'' s ' second no- 
tice.' We feel more delicacy in the matter. If the unhappy man has the 
literary instinct at all, he will be a wretched exile on board an Australian 
steamer, by this time, distrusted by his fellow passengers, as the victim of 
cerebral excitement, and unable to express to them that the disease he is 
suffering from is congestion of Johnson and Ls.tham on the brain." 

Spectator. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. 



149 



' A great success,' ' artistic ' graces shine. 

And last, not least, * the language is so fine.' 320 

With these be mindful to mix in conceit. 

And mark in me how fine and vulgar meet ; 

But others wanting, shall one precept save, 

Whate'er you lose besides, preserve the knave. 

More would have said, but burst a gen'ral cheer, 325 

And from each ale-wash'd windpipe, hear him, hear ! 

NOTES. 

Ver. 320. ' the language is so fine. '] The learned Hepworth seemed 

not to know that this fashionable expression is without the sanction of 
Quintilian, who says that words have in themselves no excellence, but take 
it from the context : " Per se nullam virtutem habent." 

Inst. Orat., Lib. viii., Cap. iii., de Ornatic. 

Ver. 325. More would have said, ^'c.l What reader regrets not that 
Hepworth, by the enthusiasm of his hcarei-s, was denied the peroration, as 
was Demosthenes by the usage of Athens? 

This note by a " Boston Admirer," for which see " Men of the Time." 

Ibid. As that of Hepworth here, so Flecknoe's Speech was also cut 
short : 

" For Bruce and Longvil had a trap prepared, 
And down they sent the yet declaiming bard." 

It would seem but the part of an enemy to allude at all to Dryden's 
famous Satire, in presence of which, it has been said, all other the best 
writings of the sort appear to disadvantage. "In point of pleasantry," 
said Warton, " various sorts of wit, humour, satire, both oblique and direct, 
contempt and indignation, clear diction, and melodious versification, this 
poem is perhaps the best of its kind in any language." It was from this 
piece that Pope borrowed the plan of his Dunciad, and some of the thoughts. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 321. With these be mindful to mix in conceit. 

And mark in me how fine and vulgar meet ;] 

LuciAN. op. cit., ut supra. 
Am. Ed. 



I50 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Melodious Chorlcy then thy accents drown'd, 
And benches proof 'gainst kicking broke by sound. 

Disniiss'd the tlirong: but first beside her pkiced 
Her son the Iloodwink'd, and once more embraced ; 330 
Who long distinguish'd in those Inns of Courts 
Where Grub Street sages write their dark reports, 

NOTES. 

Our Author also had manifestly read it with close attention ; but as to par- 
ticular matters, he has taken nothing. If he desired to draw attention to 
tiiese rival performances, it could only have been to throw light on the con- 
duct and purpose of his own, identical with the other two, as a satire on a 
set of Scril)bleis. Am, Ed. 

Ilnd. burst a geiCral cheer ^ Same as at rising, except that then 

it was called a roar. 

VEii. 326. ale-was Vd zvindpipe^\ What ignorance of anatomy, 

physiology, and surgery, in this versifier I the wind-pipe, as the word signi- 
fies, giving passage to the air, and not to solids and fluids. Eu. Atii. 

l^"ue, Mr. Editor, except when your liipior happens to go the wrong 
way, you know. 

Vek. 327. Alelodioiis Chorh)i\ Mr. Chorlcy, I believe, is " musical cri- 
tick " to a certain obscure publication; but however that m.ay be, (for 
I have no wish to degrade any man,) it can at least be inferred, from the ilif- 
ference of voice, that he mellows it with less gross liquors than the other 
applauders. Thus also in Young : 

'• Whether with ale irriguous or Champagne." 

Vkr. 330. and once more embraced ;\ 

Such is a fair specimen of this author (?) ; once more embraced, whereas 
we were only told that the goddess simply laid her hand on Mr. Dixon's 
cranium^ " laid her hand," &c. ; a mode of embracing now fust Iieard of. 

Eu. Am. 

IMITATIONS. 

Vkr. 328. benches proof Against kicking broke by sound \ 

•'Cum fregit subsellia vcrsu." 

Juv. Sat. vii., v. 86. 



Book II. Tin: OHL1VIAU. 151 

Superior now in cv'ry ciiLic hall, 

Names Censor, and Mis^uider Ciencral ; 

Vov his bad merits thus o'er all dis<;raccd, 335 

Of morals best rcforuicr, and of taste. 

On bench now sat 'bovc the unlearned band, 

A scourge of scorpions in his dexter hand, 

Extended this to overawe the tribe, 

His left behind him to reject the bribe, ' 340 

'Twixt cars of owl, for wig, half hid his face. 

His Lordship thus decides, unheard, the case: 

If sense this author lias, let some one find it ; 

And, grammar ! but 'twas not his cue to mind it. 

To search him further is not worth the pains ; 345 

And then, so fanciful in what he feigns ! 

His wit old-fashion'd ; and, upon the whole. 

With all these scraps of Greek, I'm sure he stole. 

Wherefore, recorded let the sentence stand, 

Twice twenty lashes, and a reprimand. 35° 

N o 'r E s . 

Ver. 340. to reject tlie l>ribe,\ 

Irouice? Am. Ed. 

Vkr. 347. ///J wit old-f(iskiou\i ;) 

" How does lie fancy, we can sit, 
To hear his oul-of-fasliion wit." 

On the Deatli of Dr. Swift. 

Ver. 350. Twice twenty lashes, and a reprimand.] 
It is not quite certain that this reprimand, over and above, was according,' 
to the Code, which allowed but twice twenty, that is, forty stripes, as the 
maximum of punishment, without any mention of a reprimand. In the 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 335. his bad t)ieri/s\ 

" liy merit raised to that bad eminence." 

I'ARADiSE Lost, U. ii., v. 5- 



1 52 TIIF, DBIJVIAD. Book II. 

Then dofifs his robe, and to the wretch appHes, 

Unheeded quite, or simply mock'd, his cries ; 

Bids bind the next, and makes the censure feel 

Who dares bring money, broke upon the wheel ; 

Now signs the sentence, now the torture guides, 355 

And headman Ilepworth is the judge besides. 

N O 1" E S . 

days of Slavery, I used to hear the Negroes say, "You 'II get forty;" for 
tlie Black Code was formed on the old Roman law, which they had know- 
ledge o^ practically. 

Many among the Savage nations had their arithmetic at their fingers' end, 
and could count as far as ten, but no farther ; after which, they pointed to 
the hair on the head. 15ut the Black, from his " contact with civilized 
man," had become acquainted with scoring.^ and could count from the lines 
on his back. 

The wrinkles on a man's face, numbered his years, said JuvENAL : 
" Facics tua coniputat annos." 

Sat. vi., V. 198. 

Am. Ed. 

Ver. 355. No7V signs the sentence, ftoiv the torture giiiiles,] 
I'cter the Circat often acted in this double capacity ; " I can civilize others," 
he was wont to say, " but I cannot civilize myself." When the work was 
heavy, IIe|>worth used to hand it over to an understrapper, or \.inder-stri/>er, 
as he used to call him, in his better humour. 

Ver. 356. head/nan] Used, poetically, in place of //r7Wi;^wrt'« ; that 

creature of modern humanity, wiio simply induces "suspended animation," 
by means of a noose; which leaves a man still in possession of his head, 
and only takes his life. 

Further, it is, I must confess, in deference to classical taste that I have 
used this word headman, for the Ancients studiously avoided all inauspicious 
vocables, such as 'Jail,' ' Executioner,' the ' Furies,' which they mentioned, 
severally, as the Hotel, the Finisher, wlien the last hand is given to any 
thing, and, resjjcct fully, the Ladies. The Romans used to say, he has lived; 
wishing, as Bacon noticed, to retain something' of life in the words tiiat ex- 
pressed it already extinct. But, in respect of Authors, would it not be 
better to say simply, without any oblivions additions, he published, which 
conveys all the consequences in itself. 



Book II. TIIIC OHLIVFAD, 1 53 

lUit arts o'er arts, and ^rcat to greater rise 

Men Irain'd at length in skill to criticise ; 

To teach the teacher, ami supreme to sit 

In utmost exercise of human wit. 360 

Since first invented how to guide the pen, 

.Some six have written of the sons of men ; 

The rest mere scribblers ; or six more at most 

Some pages passable at best can boast. 

Look back ; more strange, not one confcss'd ap[)ears 365 

A critick true in full three thousand years ; 

Imagined monster, when conjoin'd in one 

Longinus, y\ristotle, Addison ; 

Of this the feeling, that the force of thought, 

With all which fancy in the third had wrought. 370 

N O 'r KS. 

Vk.k. 367. Iindi^iiuul inoustcr, vVr.J " (Jf llic llircc reciiiisilcs (o m;ilic 
a just Clitic, meiUioiiccl iihovo, (namely, strong good sense, lively imagination, 
and exciuisitc sensibility, )" says WakTon, " Aristotle seems to liave pos- 
sessed the first, in llie highest degree; Longinus, the second ; and Addison, 
the third." — A remark, in making which, this <-elel)rated criiick, I vcntiue 
to surmise, had in his mind what the Italians were wont to say of tinci- dis- 
tinguished Preachers of their country: "Lupus niovct ; 'I'oletus docet ; 
J'anicarola dclectat ; " of whom it has been said tiiat to form one complete 
model, it would lie required to unite all three. 

Vkk. 36S. Loni:;inus,\ LoNCiNtis himself attributes this perfection to 
various and |)rotracted study ; '''' tj yiip rwv Arfywi' Kf>i(Tii voWrjs iffri irdpai 
TfKfvraiov iitiyivvnixa,'''' for to judge of writing, says he, is an art whicii can 
be matured in any one only at the end of a long ]irocess of cultivation. 

If, therefore, we are left to conclude, from these opinions, that the most 
precious gifts of nature, polished again and again, alone com[)lete the critick, 
what, I would ask, are we to think of those who arrogate this title now-a- 
days, persons entirely illiterate, and incura!)!y lazy, and who have taken to 
the trade of rminci/;/!^'- only because, through excess of native dulness, lliey 
are unfit for any other? the work is already done 10 hand ; they iiave only 
to misunderstand, and distort it. 
7* 



154 THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

Thus far the curious : now these Isles survey, 

And count the criticks as they throng the way ; 

The daihcs six apiece, the weekHes two, 

The score hack authors kept on each review ; 

The briefless barrister, the schoolboy band 375 

On penny magazine who try their hand ; 

Each half starved outcast, Parias of each trade, 

Each spinster pale, unvcndiblc old maid ; 

All these in thousands haste to teach the town. 

Anil put infallible their dogma down. 3^^^ 

No crew c()ntemi)lil)lc, enroH'tl of late, 

ICach right secured, in body corporate, 

Of these the many make the master rich, 

lUit work and want themselves, like those that stich ; 

With ill-join'd shoddy to the shop rei)air, 385 

Stand, threadbare, back, and with mechanic air ; 

N O T K S . 

Vi''.R. 373. the wecklifs t7vo,\ Conleinpliblc I Wliy, \vc liavc two-aiul- 
twL'iily, l)t'siilcs (linil)lc llial mimbcr of s/t/s. Ju). A'ril. 

Ver. 378. Jictc/t spinster pale,'\ A moral and ])atliologicalf|iiestion arises 
liere, is tlie siiiiister pale l)ecaiise she is a writer, ox is she a writer Ijecause 
she is |)ale, and for Ihe same reason a si)inslcr ? 

Ver. 3S1. A^o crew coHtci>iptil>li\\ 'I'hal is to say, in point of numbers. 

Ver. 3S5. With ill-join''d shoddy] I lind in Soiitliey's Commonplace 
Book, the follovvin}>-, as a note, hy the Editor : 

" The stretchini; of hioad cloth and devil's dust are no new inventions. 
Witness good old Latimer. 

* If his cloth !)e eighteen yards long, he will set him on a rack, and stretch 
him ont with ropes, and rack him till the sinews break again, while he hath 
brought him to twenty-seven yards. When they have brought him to that 
jierfeclion, they have a juetty feat to thick him again. lie makes me 
a powder for it, and |>lays the policary ; they call it flock powder : they do so 
incorporate il to the cloth, that it is wonderful to consiiler ; truly ii good 
invention.' " 



Book II. THE OBLiviAD. 155 

Tlic pittance take, then to the tap-room press, 
And pass the next three days in drunkenness. 

N O T K S . 

Not unlike this is the metliod of those wlio make shoddy of the literary 
kind : they set their brain on a rack ; stretch their scant threads of know- 
ledge, and this of the basest sort, so as to cover as many pages as possilile ; 
then (ill in with garbled passages from the sheets reviewed, expletives, and 
misquotations; which make the devil-dust of tiie web : truly a good in- 
vention. 

Ibid. to the shop rcpair^\ " Literature is, like every thing else, 

a trade in England ; I miglit almost call it a manufactory." — This the obser- 
vation of a Foreigner. Estriella, Letter LVL 

Vkr. 387. to the tap-room press,\ 

Among those detached sheets I mentioned in the Introduction, are many 
which I have failed to find a place for in the text, as the following : 
Hard were the task to name each scribe, or shew 
Who hid on high, or whose retreat below ; 
Or, swill where Whittington adorns the Strand, 
And gathers all the vvils of all the land. 
Where * * * * makes tlie sutty seat his choice, 
And ***** ijiyginjs furlh his Hibernian voice. 

Am. Ed. 

Vkr. 3S8. And pass the next three days in dncnkc-nness.\ 
The ICditor of the Athenaeum affects to doubt, " in the interest of his call- 
ing," Miss Braddon's representation, that hack authors, meaning, princi- 
pally, reviewers, " may be divided into rogues who drink with moderation, 
and rogues who spend their earthly existence in a state bordering on deliri- 
um tremens.'" — "Our own experience inclines us to believe in \.\\d general 

IMITATIONS. 
Vkr. 378. U7ivendible old maid ;\ 

" Silence is only commendable 
In a neat's tongue dried, and a maid not vendible." 

Mekcuant oi' Venice, A. i., s. i. 

But if the tongue be silent, the pen may speak, and with the more reason ; 
for so also a natural mute expresses himself by movement of his fingers, 
though without a pen between them. 



156 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Book II. 



Thread, cotton, needle, Moses makes provide; 

Pen, Ilepvvorth, paper, with the ink beside ; 390 

No trifling drawback when three pence remain. 

And debt now goads them to the desk again ; 

Some wretched rhymer with much fulsome praise 

To puff eternal poet, for he pays ; 

Me thrust, with reason, 'mid the outcast tribe, 395 

Undoubted dunce, for I disdain'd to bribe ; 

Of his fair fame some envied student rob 

And, just as they are ordcr'd, write the job. 

Yet far from me to bare their mean distress ; 

My pity take, poor starvelings of the press ; 400 

Secure, though in contemi)t, to skulk from day, 

And count in misery your wretched pay. 

Or, rather, here, ere yet too late, attend, 

Nor slight the admonitions of a friend. 



N o r K s . 

honesty of criticism." — (lood! Ilcpwoilli is facctii)us. A little lower iIdvvii 
he brings in a word about moral decfitcy. 

Vkr. 389. Thready col ton, needle, Moses makes proTide ; 
Pen, llepworth, paper, with the ink heside ; 
Wliat is the vtean'ntg of this? are we to be told that Moses provides 
thread, needle, pi-n, hepworth, and paper? What is this hepwurth. or is it 
ha'p'orth, abbreviation for half-penny-worth? and that Moses ]ir()vi(lcd to 
that extent, "this extent, no more," and that tliey must provide tlie rest 
tlieniselvcs ? Wc liopc vvc liave niaile darkness visilde. I'j). A'l'ii. 

Vku. 391. when three penee remain,] 

The classical viaticum. Johnson, on an occasion, began ]>y relating: " yVt 
the time that I came to London, with three jience in my pocket." — 
" Wiiat's that, eh, wliat's that," said (larrick. wlio had overheard him, 
"thripence in your pocket?" — "Yes, David," rejoined the old fellow, 
" three pence in my pr)cket, and twopence ha'penny in thine." 

Vi'.u. 404. ///;■ admonitions of a friend. \ 

Tlicrc is not a little of the pathetic in these last few lines; wherein the 
Autlior, as if ilesirous of making amends for the lew harsh things lie had 



Hook II. riii-; oiM.iviAi). 157 

Is there no dirty work hut of Ihc pen ? 405 

Are ini(hiij;ht shovels held by Ijeller men ? 

Does other niurder your base soul anVii^ht 

Save such with [)oison'd arrow in the ni^hl ? 

Garroter, then ; and should your chance not save, 

He coward stript, and get the lash you gave ; 410 



Siiid, in llic way of jest, IxjCorc, iissiinics son St'rifux, and j;ivcs some cxccl- 
K'lit />/i!i//,,i/ :i(lvi(c: for, rcllccling tli:it, as no one is siuldcnly l);id, so 110 
Olio iinmcdialciy t;oo<l, lie advisus a gradual rcfoniialion, and to rise lo ads 
less ciiininal and loss revolting, as wiicn the arrow is usc<l, l)iit witiioul llic 
poison; until, at Iciigtii, garroting hecoiiics a virtue, and to black siiocs 
inliiiitcly hcttcr tliaii to i)liulicii reputation. Am. V'.l), 

Vv.K. 405. /.t I lure n,) .liity work Init of t/u- pni 'i\ 
"J, 'art d'ecrire est devenu en plusieurs pays un vil nu'lier, dans lefpiel dcH 
libraires, cpii ne saveiU pas lire, paicnl des inensoii(^res el des fuliiites i\ I ant 
la fcuille, i\ des ecrivains mertt'iiaires, ipii ont fait <le la litteialun; la ])his 
ISclic lies professions." 

Voi.i'AlKlC, Siecle dc Louis xiv., mot Samin, Jos. 

Vt'",i<. 407. Does other murder your base soul affriy;lit 

Save such ivith poison'' d nrroio in lite nii^/if. f 
When Keats, "ad limiiia Apostoloruin pcrf^ens," on liisway to Koine, (fur 
Ihe g<)od of his soul, ! woulil fain imagine, as of his Iicaith,) was pmsiicil, 
and killed by an "Article," of the poisoned son, Hyron, willi all liie 
world, denouiKed the barbarous act ; but, said tiie Assassin, w.\k- in the 
(lark, •' he would have died whether or no." 

Vki?. 409. diurotrr, Ihni ;\ 'riial is, since he has not courajjc for open 
and manly inunier, let him strangle in the dark. Am. Iu>. 

Ibid. slioiild your < ho nee not sane, 

lie co7iuird sfripf, mid ^ct Ihe lash you f;tn<e ;\ 

WIiippinp[ is no longer used in Kiif;laiid, exeej)! for the " cowardly jjarrot- 
ei," who, if chance does not save him, that is, if caught, is stripped and 
lashed ; retributive justice, should the fellow happen to be a reviewer, who 
liad formerly applied the lash himself: 

"gel the lash yon gave," 
as in the text. Am. Juj. 



^55 TlilC OliMVIM). Book II, 

Whence warniiif]^ taken, all vile courses flee, 
And own the reformation due to nie. 

],et * * * * pi-ofiL by such hints as these, 
And 1)1- his own transporter o'er the seas ; 
As piekpnrse, * * • m-vcr more defame, 
In wholesome chx-ad lest I tliviil_i;e his name • 

N O T I'-. S . 



415 



Vi-.K. .]i2. 07(1 f I tlie reformation due to vie.'\ 
Ni-vci (li<l liiiiiKinity speak in terms more teiuler. Am. V.\i. 

Il'id. r,forni,)tioii'\ Mere fanaticism. Poverty, hi/inoss, llu- iuh, 

liroslitiilion, ami si-ril)I)linj;, are vices of tlie social stale, and all the clfoi Is 
of the philanlhropisis can ni.l prevail against ihcni. 'lis hiil the ori^^inal 
sin which breaks out in us; Ihc form of il only hvAW^ diffcrenl, with the 
oryan in win. I. il .liscovers itself When. .-, ^,11 that can he lU.ne is, to re- 
gnlate, and, by rcj^nlaliny;, direet nature into the proper ehannels, which, if 
wc open np, or allenii)t to cleanse, we but make vice more familiar, and 
discover the ways of it. Thus, shut uj) one house of ill fame, another house 
opens; and so, Ihounh you were to wall up all Wellinj;t.m St., every back 
lane, down to the 'riiamcs, would slill remain o|)en. Ju). A ill. 

Vkk. 414. ,-///(/ />,- /lis own tni>is/>ortt-r o'er tli( seas ;\ 
Wc, in this country, send our malefactors to the Penitentiary; bul in I'jii^- 
land Ihey send them beyond .seas, to Motany l$ay, or elsewhere. The ro;^ue, 
however, sometimes ^oes into voluntary e.xile, to give the slip to the j.olice, 
or to a bad reputation. ,\m i,;„_ 

1 M IT ATI ON S. 
Vkk. 415. As pi,k/^urs,-^ * * * ,„-rer more ,fe/a>n,;] 

" (!ood name, in man, and wniiian, dear my hud, 
Is the immediate jewel of their souls; 

Who steals my purse, .steals trash; 'tis somelhint;, nothint;; 
'Twas mine, 'lis his, and has been slave to lliousands: 
Ihit he, I hat Idrhcs iVom mc my jjood name, 
Robs me of llial, which nol enriches him, 
Anil makes nu- pixu indci-d." 
Wherefore, on the authority of SllAKKSl-KAUK himself, a libeller turned 
thief rises in character: additional pr.)orof ihc sinceiily of our Author's 
advice, even, as in the present iuslauic, whcie il seems lo be but ironic. il. 
, Am. Iu>. 



Book II. THE OHLIVIAD, 1 59 

And * *, who \on<^ had stoop'd to stain reviews, 
Kcej) his crouch'd posture still, and black but shoes: 
liut all alike from Alhcniuuni door 
Turn off, and in that kind offend no more. 420 

Meanwhile whom wealth at ease allows to sit 
Above the rest at distance infinite, 

N o 'r E s . 

Vr.R. 418. Keep his croiich\l posture, i^c.^ Brings to iniixl the remark 
of Swn'"r : '* Amljition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices: so 
clinibiny; is performed in the same posture witli creeping." And so also, 
whetlier one holds a blacking-ljrush, or a blacking-pen, lie stoops the same. 

Am. Eu. 

Vek. 419. But all alilu' froui Alhcuicuin door 
Turn off,\ 
Meaning, I suppose, that whatever else they turned to^ this Athcn;cum they 
slioiild liMii from. Am. Eu. 

ll)id. Atheuiruiii\ Again! Eu. Aril. 

I M I I' A I' IONS. 

Ver. 420. Turn olf\\ This early pause in the verse is intended for the 
greater emphasis, as in the following : 

Tbv 5' fTfpov ^i(l>('i fifyd\(i> kAtjiSb Tra/j' <L/j.ov 

IIA))!'. Il.lAl>. Lib. v., V. 146. 

" Quid moror? an nica Pygmalion dum moenia fratcr 

Destruat ? " ALneid. Lib. iv., v. 325. 

" Turn frcla diffumli, rapidisijuc tumescere ventis 
Jussit." Ovid. Met. Lib. i., v. 36. 

" And over them triumphant Death his dart 

Shook." Pakauisk Lost, B. xi., v. 491. 

" Am]ihion there the loud creating lyre 
Strikes." Poi'E, TempK.' of l'"ame, v. S6. 

The rest in tiiis last, it is remarkalile, is on the identical word with Jlomer, 
HaT,!' — a monosyllable, in which the Latin is defective, as the English 
redunilant. 



l6o THE OBLIVIAD. Book II. 

On blood who bulky grown of ev'ry slave 

Successive sent to an untimely grave, 

*A lord perhaps and lackey in his train,' 425 

In all the insolence of ill-got gain, 

Lolls in his coach with self-complacent air, 

Nor knows contempt when all the vulgar stare. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 421. whom wealth at ease allows to j/V] 

It is certain that the Proprietors of the shoddy factory in Wellington Street 
have made, in former days, more money in a single week than all the great 
poets, those but just now quoted, and tlie rest, ever made, put all together, 
in the whole course of their lives. 

Ver. 422. Above the rest at distance iiifiiiite,^ 

At Christmas, when Authors, Thieves, and Beggars, share the annual din- 
ner. 

Ver. 423. On blood who bulky grown of ev'ry slave 
Successive sent to an untimely grave, ~\ 

Can not something like a factory act be passed ? since in these shoddy shops, 
as well as in those of the other sort, not only is the term of human life short- 
ened, and the body cramped, but the mind too, and the morals depraved : 
every object united of the primitive " enactment." 

We have it on the exact authority of Statistics, that nothing so much 
shortens human life as dust, which would seem to bring men prematurely to 
the primitive material from which they sprung. Hence those who work in 
plaster-of-Paris are very short-lived, bakers, and those who cut files, or point 
needles. Next to which, or what is most dry, in point of mortality, comes 
what is most moist, as gin, and the like. Wherefore it is that we find, of 
all mechanics, shoddy writers the most deciduous, who are at once assailed 
by one cause and the other, the moist and the dry, or, rather, the dry and 
the moist, which are opposite conflicting elements; and this, whatever a 
great wit has advanced to the contrary : 

" The dust in smaller particles arose. 

Than those which fluid bodies do compose: 

Contraries in extremes do often meet, 

'Twas now so dry, that you might call it wet." 

Arbuthnot. 



Book II. THE OBLIVIAD. l6l 

And is this he, and these the hireling tools, 
Redoubted teachers of the mass of fools ; 430 

Who spit their venom on each work of art, 
Dishonest stain, but of the stone no part ; 
Wash'd off by time, when all save worth decays, 
And crowds indignant swell the gen'ral praise ? 

But, undistinguish'd all, a fleeting brood, 435 

The rogue reviewing, and the dolt review' d, 

Since emulous to urge the race to shame, 

And snatch the prize of an inverted fame ; 

Superfluous rage to meditate the blow. 

And press the wretch so soon to sink below, 440 

Each name denied him where applause outlives, 

And resurrection save what Satire gives. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 431. IF/io spit their venom on each work of art^ 
Nothing so divine as to escape them: "and they spat upon him;" we 
know Who it was that suffered that indignity. 

Ver. 442. Satire^ "Satire," said SwiFT, "is reckoned the easiest 

of all wit ; but I take it to be otherwise in very bad times : for it is as hard 
to satirize well a man of distinguished vices, as to praise well a man of dis- 
tinguished virtues." Precisely the difficulty I labour under. My predeces- 
sors had men of no mean abilities to ridicule ; but what is despicable is al- 
ready beneath notice : yet such are those that I must rake from their ken- 
nels. 



END OF BOOK THE SECOND. 



THE OBLIVIAD 



Book the Third. 



THE 



O B L I V I A D. 



BOOK THE THIRD. 

ARGUMENT. 

C^/IVCE signified in the close of the last Book, that out 
of Oblivion there anight, possibly, be a short redemp- 
tion^ the Poet takes his stand on the edge of the Deep, 
and, by means of taekle which he had borroived from 
Atlantic Cable Company, proceeds to drag up the Scrib- 
blers, tvitJi their works. But, first, having tossed aside 
a sedge of loose Diurnal Sheets, he invokes the Muses to 
the arduous attempt, in the manner of Homer, that they 
might repeat to Jiim the names of the chief Blockheads 
at least and their books. Bulwer is first brought up^ 
together with a hulk of play, politicks, and novel ; 
througJi all ivhich, however, is discernible, as lead in 
mines, a vein of romance. He is portrayed at full 
length, unlike the picture before his book, in his several 
parts of fop, philosopher., and poet. Next, Tennyson, 
zvith the laurel defiled with mud, is dragged aloft. Ob- 
tains the merited applause, who could hide the bad be- 
neath the singular. Alternately groveling and bombas- 
tic, he is collo juially careless and dull elaborately. His 



l66 ARGUMENT. 

doggerel on Balaklava. Parasitic and stuck to Tennyson^ 
BucluDiaii is now laid hold of, ivhotn a little practice 
viay make as bad in time. The discord of his ' ' ivluizzle- 
ivJiazzW'' is noticed^ together zvith a " weight of peep" 
and other nonsense. After these Szuinbnrne is angled 
lip, in sncJi posture as dog fro/n Thames. Had taught 
Mr. John Bull to dine on chimeras; very vain of 
a magpie coat , piebald of Greek and English^ a youth who 
surpassed the chief of his contemporaries in confounding 
the confused. His escapade in Grub Street. But from 
pits far deeper Browning is next dredged up ; one of 
strange shape ; intolerant of day ; a sort of lusus, whom 
Barnum had caught, caged, and exhibited. At length, 
moping about, /^;' fnds a thing very unco})imo)i in these 
days, a Book, of which an epitome is given. In nook 
apart, on the Western side, from a gregarious crozod, 
a pair of poets, tzvins, like the Siamese, are taken. Whit- 
man and Salt us, of whom the former is pronounced the 
most inscrutable. Of the same school, Holland is here 
laid hold of, lost in a fog, and parent of children, pur- 
blind as himself. After ivhom a throng unnumbered is 
wcigJied up, great and small, as in a dragnet, whose 
names alone are recorded ; for as the Poet was proceeding 
to examine them separately, they slipped from his hand, 
as fish are wont, and he could not again catch them. 
Only one snatched, who once Longfelloiv, maestro of 
dissonance, and hoarser than Codrus. The Poet ex- 
presses the intensity of his pain ; in despite of which, 
hoiuever, he is forced to laugh at the extraordinary hob- 
ble of this author : in which good humour this third 
Book of the Obliviad concludes / Just in the same manner 
as the first of the Iliad, {to compare great things zvith 



ARGUMENT. 



167 



small ^ zvhere the gods are like to split at sight of Vul- 
can, having both legs lame, as he limped round with the 
lice tar. 

"Aa^ea-TO^ S' lip evcopro yeXro'i fiaKupeaat OeoXaiVj 
fit thov "H^avaTov hcci Sco/mTa iroiTrvvovTa. 

Iliad, Lib. I., v. 599. 




'^J^^ 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Book the Third. 

HERE, then, I stand where sleeps the ceaseless Deep, 
And Earth's huge hollows to the centre sweep ; 
Above the mist, where, with terrific glare. 
Gigantic shape. Death lifts the dart in air ; 
Here, dauntless, brought, to work while I am able 5 
With borrow'd tackle of Atlantic cable ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. I. Here, then, f stand] In midius res, as the Latin plirase is; Ob- 
livion ; which is his l^eginning, liis middle, and his end. Virgil, denounced 
by that despotic crilick, Caligula, as an ignorant and unskilful bungler, 
opens his poem within hail of Latium, to leave it forthwith, to return to 
it, in the "middle of his song," like John (Jilpin, that is, at the opening of 
his seventh book, there being twelve in all ; as there are four in this dwai f 
concern, of which this is the third, which, in the first, asks the Muse, veiy 
unnecessarily, to teach him to sink, and grope for "each vile scribbler." 
This is, what we call, the crooked way which leads io perdition. 

Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. the ceaseless Deep,] An expression of the Poets to signify the 

ever-changifig-sea ; but that is not what I mean; rather, that the waters 
of Oblivion rest unceasingly, without a puff; as in Book I, which, no doubt, 
tile Reader remembers. 
6 



170 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Each Scribbler drag from the ObHvious pool, 
And hold aloft to light, or knave or fool. 

But, first, found sinking 'neath the nearer edge, 
Dishevel'd sheets, and like a waste of sedge, lO 

Itself a chaos, all the mass profuse 
Of News, yet reeking from the morning use. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 6. borroiu'd tackle\ Aratim: for borrowed, read stolen, a.s 

&\\\img a. plagiarist. Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. borrotu'd tackle of Atlantic cable ;] 

I desire here to offer, publickiy, as I have already done privately, my thanks 
to the Telegraph Company, for their liberality "on this occasion," and 
also to Dr. Carpenter, who seconded my efforts with his accustomed zeal 
for investigation. The Doctor has since inquired paiticularly if I had 
found any trace of vitality in the Deep; and, on my replying in the nega- 
tive, begged some of the mud in which I had found iinljcdded the last book 
of the Laureate. This, submitting to Ross's microscope, the Dr. exam- 
ineil by a magnifying power of one thousand diameters, and afterwards of 
two thousand, but could see nothing, after repeated trials, except the same 
uniform leaden surface, without the slightest appearance of organization or 
life; whereas, in the deepest abysses of ocean, he had met with an extraor- 
dinary abundance of beings, especially those engaged in making chalk, that 
is, the globigerina deposit, with a great variety of sponges. — Chalk and 
sponges; suspicious materials ! however, no mention is made of the smp'.a, 
or inkfish, a native, as is known, of our coast. 

I am also in the recei]5t of letters from Dr. Queckett, Dr. Beale, Dr. 
Schiifer, Dr. Strieker, and the German histologists in general. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 7. tlie Obliviotis pool,\ " Th' oblivious pool," said Milton, 

Paradise Lost, B. i. , v. 266; " th' Asphaltic pool," or the Dead Sea, saitl 
he, V. 411. 

Ver. II. Itself a chaos^ Hence a propriety in mentioning this " mass" 
at the outset, as chaos was the first tiling that rose out of nothing, accord- 
ing to Hesiod : 

"Hto( yiiv irpiiTicTTa Xdjs yfyer'. 

Hesiou, Theog. . v. 116. 
Am. Ed. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 171 

The Paper ; faugh ! here, take this thing away, 

Read once before, and rank of yesterday. 

How loved but late, when fresh in virgin bloom ; 15 

Mere harlot now which for the next makes room, 

To quick repentance when seduced the chaste, 

And with the transient transport mix'd distaste ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 12. the morning use.\ Wliat can the Author mean by this 

expression ; for are tliere not evening papers also ; and to wliat tise are they 
to be put ? Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 14. Read once l>i'fore,\ Tlie common speech, when, not only the 
day's paper, but the day's book, is brought ; ' I've read it Ijefore.' 

Ver. 17. To quick repentance when seduced the chaste,\ 
Desmosthenes went, on purpose, to Corinth, to visit the courtezan Lais, 
then as fashionable as Emma Crutch is now ; but such was the sum, 
amounting to about ^1^300.00 of our money, which she required for her 
favours, that he begged permission to decline them, remarking tliat he 
would not i)urchase repentance at so high a price : ovk wvnv/xai /xvpiwi/ 
SpaxfJ-oiv fifTafxf\eiav. NoCT. Att., Lib. L, Cap. viii. 

Miss Crutch's nom-de-guerre is Cora, a much more romantic sound, and 
one wliich becomes verse mightily : 

"Yet Cora thou shalt from Oblivion pass." 
But that was said of another, on another occasion. 

Not having ihe pleasttre of Miss Crtttch^s acquaintance, I wonder if she 
affects the Royal hait, to be in the fashion, or if in reality lame ; which 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 15. How loved but late, whtn fresh in virgin bloom ;] 

" Carus eris Romae, donee te deserat aetas." 

HoR. Epist. Lib. I. 20. , v. 10. 

Upon wliich line Sanadon remarks, '* Novelty is a kind of youth, which 
gives to every thing a certain grace and value." Our writers, who have 
never read Horace, know this practically, and as the colours of last season's 
farce or poem fade, bring out a new one, fresh and florid from the binder. 
Some, indeed, whom I could name, conscious of the premature decay of 
beauty, appear in fresh novel every three months, as in tite or ch'giton. 



172 Till', or.MViAD. ]?ook III. 

Your nu)i'nini;'s imifrm clish'd up cold at night, 

I'o move once more the sated a|)[)etite ; 20 

Or vapid remnant of your pot of ale, 

With Sunday's shoulder on the sixth day stale. 

So little suits with articles of ink 

On shelf to set, like wild-fowl, till they stink. 

A champagne draught, ere yet the gas escape, 25 

Gulp down, just done, the murder and the rape ; 

The race this morning, with the last night's hall. 

The trial, and the crime unnatural ; 

N o r K s . 

you will not be surprised at my asking vvlien I inform you, tliat some ot 
the most admired ci>urtezans have been deformed, or troubled with the 
niosl disguslin^ diseases. 

Vkk. 22. //'//// Siiii(/iiys shoulder on the sixth day stale. \ 
There is an obscurity in this jiassajjc : are we to uneleistand I'"iiday or 
SaUinhiy ? Count iny; from Sunday, the sixth day would fall on SaUnJay; 
hut Sunday included would reach but l''riday, which is more jirobably the 
meaning, as Saturday, time immemorial, lias been /.'///• iiiai^^ie in (Jrub 
Street. I'".i>. Ain. 

I'll iiuri^ie, which sii;nilics a /.7,y/// Ti'/v'Av, conn-s. 1 suppose, from the 
same oiii^in in emplincss. 

Vi'.ii. 24. they sliiik.\ The yame (l.ivour. 

IMITATIONS. 
VliK. 1 8. 7ii:th the transient trans/>oit, iSrv.] 

" t'um plcnus lani^ucl r>nuili)r." 

lloii. l^pisl. I,ii> I., Ej). XX., V. 8. 

Vkk. k). J '()//;• iiioiniiiifs niitjfin^ i5'-v.] 

"()ccidit miseros crambe rcpetila mat^islros." 

Juv. Sal . vii., v. 154. 

Vkk. 22. sixth day\ 

«' Sexta 
(Jua(]ue die." 

Id. et ibid., V. 160. 



Book III. 'iiii'; oiu.iviAi). 173 

Tlu: iiii|)li.il tit'.it, aiul how (lie hells wcicr I'linfJ, 

Who prcach'd at noon, and if th'- cnlpiit hiin<,'-. 30 

]iiit here three colnnins niueli reflection honnd, 

To teach the siniplt;, and tin; sa^e confound ; 

Surmises shrewd, and liypoliid ic iiivji. 

Till the next issue shows the fact a lie, 

And Corresi)ondent from a nei5.dil)'rin^r court 3$ 

Sends o(( ficsh rnmoiir for his last report. 

The [)urpose plain to which such labours tend, 

Since once mere; fact is stated, there an (.:nd ; 

But contradict when lies their work have done, 

Just sells two ])apers, while the truth hut one;. 40 

IIi5.;h function, self-imposed, to please the throng, 

And line from day to day the ;_;ulls alonj.; ; 

Distort their judgment, a^^ravate their fears, 

With party rancour .set them hy the ears ; 

Nor K s . 

ViCR. 31. till i-c foliiiiiiis\ If I Iii. refer to any of I Iio /('•rtc//;//,' jour- 

nals, it \v,false^ as carli leader, except in cxcepl ional eases, rarely cxecciis 
trvo. V.U. A III. 

Vkr. 34. till- fiirf a lii,\ A lir ; polile ! And iiow, may we ask, 

can \.\\{if(ut he a lie. ICl). A I II. 

ViCK. 35. Cdrrtspoiidnil. fniin a. iirii'/i/i^rini^ riiiii /.\ 

Should we not ratlier read (!oiirt, with a capital ? otherwise, it ini).dil he 
w/jiinderslood as sij^nifyinj^ that the l'"orei(;n ( !orrespond(Mit sent in his in- 
fornialion from some court, willi a small r ; aliode o( writers who loiiit 
relirenicnl. V.\k Aiii. 

Vkk. 39. //>.i| A(;aiti I Kl). Aril. 

Vkk. /\/\. .set tliriii liv the i-(ii\ ;\ A pla}Marism ; and not the only 

one that we have detected this author in : 

".Set folks tof^ether by tiie ears." 

I'rom HuDiltKAS, I'art F., (,'aiilo [,, v. 4. 
V.\). A III. 



174 ' THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Distress the State with epidemic pain, 45 

And madden millions that the few may gain. 

Ye Muses, now, who in great Grub Street high 

Keep your eternal garrets next the sky, 

(For Goddesses are ye, and all things know. 

While we but doubt, e'en to the deeps below,) 50 

The leaders tell mc who distinguish'd most, 

As here I land them, of the scribbling host. 

For such to name might well all voice defy. 

The common of the crowd, and worthless fry, 

N o 'r ]•: s . 

Vf.R. 48. Keep your eternal garrets next the sky,^ 
Thus now at lenjjlli it is brought to liglit why authors have hitliorlo, time 
iiiimcuiorial, sclecteii garrets as tlieir favoured retreat, tlie abode of the 
Muses tiiemsclvos, nearest the lieavens, where the twin chimney tops, on tiie 
gable heights, but call to mind the forlted peaks of Parnassus: — "the 
jihrensy of a dreamer's eye," said Byron, exulting in view of the r/w/tZ-capped 
hill ilself ; the smoke recalls this epithet. 

Ver. 50. doubt, e'en to the deef>s Mon',)] 

Deejis /v/ow ; oblique satire, we suppose. How witty! En. Ath. 

VkIv. 54. ivortliless fry,\ The fry of certain fish is in such abun- 

dance, in some countries, that it is thrt)wn ui>un the lantl, to serve as 
tnanurc. 

I M I 'r A T I O N S . 

Ver. 47. Ye Muses iio7v, *5r-v.] 

"EirTTfT* vvv juoi, MoCffoi, oKvi-tina Soijuar* tx"""''*'* 
'tixfis yip idfof ^(TTf, Trdpfarf rt, IfftTf t€ irdyTa, 
'Hi.i.fts 5^ K\fos olov kKOvofXfV, ouSf Ti tSjinju' 
O'lriffi riytfiAi'fs Aavawv kA Koipavoi fiffat" 
T\\r]t)vi' 5* oiiK h.v tyii} /.ivO-fiffo/xai, ovS' bvoii'i)vu, 
OiiS' (X not Sena fikf yKwffffat, S^Ka 5* ffrAnar fhv, 
^wvi] 5' 6,p{)riKTo<!, x'^^"*"*' '*' /""' iJ^op dvfltf 
Et ;u^ '0\i»;uTr«ct5fs Movcrai, Aihs alyidxoto 
&uyaT^p(s, nvrjaalaO' S(toi virh "lAioc fi\6ov 
'Apx,ovs ai) vr)u>v ipf<^, yrjd^ t( irpoiracras. 

ll.IAl). Lib. II., V. 4S4. 



Book III. TlIK ORLIVIAD. 175 

Not, though ten mouths were nunc, with each a tongue, 

And indefatigable strength of hing, [55 

Unless ye aiding ; but at least to view, 

With books they blotted, let mc lift the few : 

BcEotians foremost by old Homer past, 

But mine Bceotians all, both llrst and last. 6o 

A bulk of books toss'd various on the bank. 

Play, politicks, and novel, rhyme and blank, 

See plastic Earth, by some fantastic chance, 

Assume its latest fashion from Romance ; 

Affect the fanciful, the fix'd undo, 65 

And for each airy fiction slight the true. 

Yet praise be his who shows how much unfit 

To trace the epopee which Fielding writ. 

In whom, harsh censure, could the Critick see 

A barren rascal, what must Bulwer be? 10 

N O T K S . 

Vkr. 61. A bulk of boohs toss'd various] It has been assigned as one 
of the causes which gave the Ancients such manifest advantage over us, the 
Moderns, that they confined themselves to prose or verse, and commonly to 
one species only of one or the other : proof it is thought of what especially 
characterized them, great good sense. Quite opposite to which, it is only 
very lately, that I have seen it set down as a maxim, that a man of abilities 
can turn his hand to any thing, and excell at it ; leave his Bookstall, it may 
be, and conimantl a ship. 

Ver. 70. A barren rascal,\ If Fielding has been treated in this con- 
temptuous manner by Johnson, he has, on the other hand, been extolled by 
Warton, among others, including 15eatlie, who speaks of him as the Parent 

I M I l" A 'r I ( ) N S . 

Ver. 59. Boeotians foremost, Ss'c.] In the Catalogue of the Ships, Ho- 
mer begins with the Boeotians, a people stupid, to a proverb : 

BomxnN i).\v, K.T.K 

Iliad., Lib. If., v. 494. 



1/6 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Howe'er contrarious who can all unite, 

Slang, taunt of Wapping, with the gibe polite, 

Petronius, Tully, undistinguish'd throng, 

Cassandra, Seneca, and some Old Song ; 

The fustian lofty, with the vulgar flat, 75 

And all the tedious trifling of chit-chat ; 

'Mid scenes where, pass, Mackheath himself appears. 

Escaped the gallows, Man of Ross in years. 

And Devereux, Pelham, do their author's best 

To be improbable, like all the rest. 80 

A dandy first, who, when the season past, 

Writes novels, farces, and an epic last ; 

In quarter hours, and intervals of dress, 

Strings rhymes from mere eiuiui and weariness ; 

NOTES. 

of tlie Comic Epopea, and in many parts of whom he discovers "at once 
a brilliant wit and copious erudition." Remarks on the Utility of Classical 
Learning. — But the censure is excessive, and the praise extravagant. 

Ver. 71. Hoive'er contray-ioits wlio can all unite ^ 
This and the verses immediately following relate to Paul Clifford, that novel 
which established Bulwer as an author, and in which is not a little of him- 
self. This book is not now any longer printed with his other works, on 
account, I believe, of the indecency of various passages, and the tendency to 
immorality in all. It is, however, to be had separately, as a favourite of 
thieves, robbers, and the vicious in general. Am. Ed. 

Ver 77. Mackheath himself^ A highwayman, hero of the famous Beg- 
gai's Opera, by Gay. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 78. Man of Ross^ Celebrated in Pope, Mr. John Kyrl, who de- 
voted his life to purposes of utility to the public, and charity to private 
persons. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 79, Devereux, Pelham,'] Novels by Bulwer. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 83. In quarter /lours^] The "courtly Chesterfield" recommend- 
ing economy of time to his son, tells him of his own method, which was to 
read and make use of some cheap publication, (if only a sheet of the Athe- 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 1 77 

Who fine to finer can distinctly trace, 85 

Minute dissecter of the human face ; 

In mind as matter microscopic see, 

From less to less, a vast infinity, 

Till all to nothing the reflection split, 

He ends in nonsense to display his wit : 90 

With counters ready when his cash is done, 

Who bankrupt else, still affluent of pun ; 

And learning such as ev'ry scholar shows 

How much he wants, the rest how much he knows. 

To lewdness leads, who then, in his defence, 95 

Pleads moral motives, and insults our sense ; 

In turn with wisdom, folly, fain to stop, 

Affects philosopher, and shines the fop. 

But comes the poet, 'neath another name 

To sin 'gainst nature, and be still the same ; lOO 

While cheated striplings the dull tale rehearse 

Which wearied them in prose disguised in verse. 

Like Silius, Naso, in a dreary length 

Of vain description chief exhausts his strength ; 

NOTES. 

naeum, ) when he had retired for privacy, and then "send it dowit^ as an 
offering to Cloacina." 

Ver. 86. Minute dissecter of the human face ;\ 
That charlatan Lavater, as Napoleon called him, was a bungler compared 
with Bulwer. 

Ver. 89. Till all to not hi tig the reflection split, \ 
Run it off to nothing, is a phrase among carpenters, when they would send 
the tool, in a slant, beyond the extremity of the wood. 

IMITATIONS. 

Vkr. 92. affluent of pun ;\ The Goddess of Dulness, informing 

her Son that the promised land expects his reign, speaks of it as "flowing 
with clenches and with puns." DUNCIAD, B. i., v. 252. 



1/8 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Adds more to much, nor then the subject quits 105 

Till simile supplied which nothing fits, 

A sort of something thrust into the strain, 

And made much more to puzzle than explain. 

Alas, great Arthur, doom'd to be undone 

By ev'ry blockhead, Blackmore, Tennyson, 110 

NOTES. 

Ver. 103. Like Silijts^ Naso,\ Silius Italicus, still more than Ovid, 
runs into a tedious narrative, but yet such as will bear but little comparison 
with that Gothic minuteness, entirely unknown to the Romans, as to the 
Greeks. Am. Ed. 

Ibid. Silius, N'aso^'] Who can he mean? We have looked out 

in the Classical Dictionary, and can not find any article under the head of 
Silius Naso. Perhaps the Author can explain. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 109. g7-eat Art/mr,] The key-stone of his arch, Bulvver tells 

us that he stands or falls with "Arthur." 

"Here ends," he says, "all that I feel called upon to say respecting 
a Poem which I now acknowledge as the child of my most cherished hopes, 
and to which I deliberately confide the task to uphold, and the chance to 
continue, its father's name. 

"To this work, conceived first in tlie enthusiasm of youth, I have pa- 
tiently devoted the best powers of my maturer years; — if it be worthless, 
(no doubt of it,) it is at least the worthiest contribution that my abilities 
enable me to offer to the literature of my country; and I am unalterably 
convinced, that on this foundation I rest the least perishable monument of 
those thoughts and those labours which have made the life of my life." 
Preface to King Arthur. 

It is amazing what vanity there is in all that. 

Fame, said my Lord, in another place, is but fashion ; so, being fop of 
the mode, concludes he will always be so. Let me tell Lord Lytton some- 
thing : there are as many improprieties as lines in the passage just quoted ; 
yet, that I may soothe a delicate mind, let me add, that Bulwer is no worse 
a writer than the best of those about him. There is a day of judgment for 
Authors; and when it comes, (for come it will,) and that writings are com- 
pared by a classic standard, or that of approved taste, it will then be seen 
what tlie difference is between fame and fashion : the one continually chang- 
ing, and contemning her former self; the other boastful of a succession of 
years, and expecting an endless continuance of them. 



11 



Book III. THE OBLIVTAD. 1/9 

From Dryden snatch'd, to lend thy lofty name, 

And be the prop of Bulwer and his fame. 

Whose muse a jade which can not breathe but pant ; 

Whose ev'ry image is extravagant. 

Sound roU'd on sound, on colour, colour set, Ii5 

The florid false suggests the epithet. 

A monstrous mixture, Christian, Pagan, found, 

With Greek and Goth, upon imagin'd ground ; 

Where Ariosto, Tasso, take the desk, 

And serious epic is in part burlesque ; I20 

Remote and recent more perplex the maze, 

Nor modish word forgot, nor foreign phrase. 

You think me partial, but amid a flood 

Of some three thousand, scarce a stanza good ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. no. Blackmore,'] It would be difficult to find a lower in plagia- 
rism than steal from Blackmore, the title of whose epic is Frime Arthur ; 
of Bulwer's, King Arthur. 

Ver. III. From Dryihn snatcKd,^ Dryden, in his Discourse on Satire, 
"chalked out" the plan of an epic, on the subject of Arthur, which, 
stolen by Blackmore, has since been degraded by other hands, and finally 
turned over to romance. 

So much for what has been done ; as for a part of what has not been 
done, let me quote from Coleridge : "I will engage to compile twelve 
books with characters just as distinct and consistent as those in the Iliad, 
from the metrical ballads and other chronicles of England, about Arthur 
and the Knights of the Round Table." Table Talk. 

Ver. 119. Ariosto, Tasso,^ The fantastic and incongruous inventions of 
the authors of Romance, adopted by the Italians, were by them given 
a more regular form, and made a new poetic machinery ; especially Ariosto 
and Tasso, of whom the one represents these fictious with the gravity of the 
epic muse, as does Spenser, the other only with pleasantry. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 124. scarce a stanza good ;\ 

Whence it would appear that Bulwer was a worse poet than Chrerilus, who 
had six good verses in his poem, for each of which he received a sovereign, 
but a lash for each of the remainder, with critical justice. Six good verses ; 



i8o THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

For, chance, long searching, if an instant glad 125 

One faultless verse to find, the next is bad ; 

Or discord rising, or the sense too deep, 

And readers left to grope among the heap ; 

Where gleams uncertain but confuse the sight, 

For owls too much of day, for men of night. 130 

Conceived imperfect, and misshapen brought 

To birth but the abortion of a thought, 

Earth on her lap the lumpish carcass gains. 

And felt in vain are all a parent's pains. 

Write, Lytton, write, from thy exhaustless store, 135 

And to ten thousand pages, add ten more ; 

Vamp your old plays, and by new titles call. 

Oblivion deep enough to hide them all. 

What leaden load this lifted from the flood ? 

Alas ! the laurel all defiled with mud, 140 

NOTES. 

an extraordinary number ; so far from condemning, I am willing to spare 
a whole poem for the sake of a single line; better conditions tlian those 
offered to Sodom, which did not hold as many as ten good, to redeem the 
rest. Fire and brimstone on all such ; and brimstone especially, If by it the 
itch can be cured. 

Ver. 131. Conceived impeifect, and misshapen brought 
To birth but the abortion of a thought^\ 

Lucina sine concubitu. 

Ver. 137. Vamp yoitr old plays ^ Bulwer had lately, (for the Muse and 
he had never been divorced,) rehashed some mouldy rejected garbage of iiis, 
and, under a new name, dished it up again as the " Cajjtain ; " already the 
title of a play of Fletcher, another sort of man, whose real tenderness is but 
ill replaced by affectation. 

Ver. 139. leaden load, &^c.,~\ This accounts for the leaden surface 

which was all Dr. Carpenter was able to distinguish, as in a previous Note, 
on examininfr the mud. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 



I8l 



To depths of Erebus for ever gone, 

With what on earth once works of Tennyson. 

The iv'ry cover and the gold besprent, 

With all that daubing and Dore had lent, 

Ah, what avail ? what shouts of vile and great, 145 

The painted picture, and the bought estate ? 

NOTES. 

Ver. 141. Erehiis\ A name used to express tlie more gloomy 

regions of the Lower World ; but applicable in a more particular niaiinei 
to that part of it which is calie.l Oblivion, as Erebus was the offspring of 
Chaos and Darkness. ^^ -^m 

Vk R. 144. IVilh all that daubing and Dorc' had lent,\ 
Mr. Tennyson, being present, among the crowd, when his book was brought 
up, insisted tliat it was the weight of Dore, with the cover, which had 
sunk it ; while Dore retorted the charge, and asserted that his pictures 
alone were likely to save him from Oblivion, as Ogleby by Hollar, whose 
admirable engravings to that despicable writer make him still sought for. 

"Amongst the crowd: "—it appears, therefore, that Tennyson had not 
yet /^/;/w^^ descended into Oblivion, although his books had ; for so long 
as a man is on the Civil List, or, "ipiartered on the public purse," which 
made Bulwer so angry, the State, if not the World, is reminded every 
quarter day, that he is still above ground. Like Charles the iMfth, writers 
enjoy their own obsequies : 

" Viventesque suae viderunt funera famte." 
Ver. 145. shouts of vile and great,\ 

Swift said, it is in the mind as in mines, the possessor is not always sensible 
of a precious vein in it. Thus, Johnson seemed not to have been aware 
of a fund of humour, which only once or twice, as if by accident, discovered 
Itself to him; as in that instance when the author is overcome with the 
praises of his guests, and makes vain efforts, with claret, to stop them. He 
shoved round the glass, and they the praise, which only redoubled at every 
bumper. In this way, Tennyson has had his visitor, witli whom he passed 
a very pleasant evening, between pipes and poetry. " I spoke of the idyll 
of Gulnivere as being perhaps his finest poem;" "declared I could not 
read it, through failure of my voice, at certain times;" stopped by the 
hickup, I suppose. " I can," said he, triumphantly ; " but the first thing 
he did was to produce a magnum of wonderful sherry." After whiclit 
poems and praises; until Tennyson brought out a bottle of his Water— [ 



l82 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

All past like popularity away, 

And from Oblivion but escaped a day : 

Eurydice thus raised by Orpheus' strain, 

Sank down eternal into night again. 150 

Yet much his merit who could cheat the throng, 

And hide the bad 'neath singular in song. 

Pathetic this, 'tis nature thus endears ; 

But stole the tale which cheats us of our tears. 

N O ']' K S . 

certainly am not mistaken — of his Waterloo, 1815 ; and " after another glass 
all round " of the a/i/io domini^ Tennyson took uj) the Idylls of the King. 
"I became very much excited;" however, not quite so far gone that he 
could not hickup, "'fore heaven a more excellent song than t'other;" 
" will only die with the language in which it is written ; " a truism, for 
how could he separate one from the other. "After tliat we had more 
sherry; in fact, finished Waterloo, and went up to the garret, to smoke." 
llylas, of Theocritus, in Cireek, and Marvell, at parting, 2, A.M. Keene, 
the actor, knew nothing of Greek, any more than of Latin, like many of us ; 
yet would he begin, after midnight, to spout from the classics, a certain 
proof, among his friends, that he was now drunk. — Nkvv York Citizen. 
" And wlien that he well dronkin had the wine, 

Then would he sjieke no word but Latine." — CiiAUCER. 

Ver. 146. the bought fstate}] It has been made known to us that 

an American gentleman, lately worshiping at the shrine of the Laureate, 
was shown by him a piece of land in the Isle of Wight, purchased out of 
the profits of a single poem : — so much changed are the times since poets 
wrote only for that estate in perpetuity, inherited after death ; and who 
hold, like heroes, just that//Vrt' of land wliich they cover with their bodies. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 149. Eurydice thus raised, &'C.'\ 

" Dixit, et ex oculis subito, ceu funuis in axiras 
Canmiixtus tenues, fugit diversa : netpie ilium 
Prensantem nequicquam uml)ras, ct multa volentem 
Dicere, praHerea vidit : nee portitor Orci 
Amplius objectam passus transire paludem." 

CiEORO. Lib. iv. , v. 499. . 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 183 

The rest mere rubbish ; sound and sense at strife, 155 

With tawdry pictures all remote from life ; 

Heroic numbers in a nursery rhyme, 

And Milton burlesqued in his bold sublime; 

A clock dull clickini^, till, with sudden sound, 

As discord bursting, runs the larum round ; 160 

A mingled stream, where mud with water flows, 

'Twould puzzle you to say 'twere verse or prose. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 154. But stole the tale\ More especially from Miss Mitford, in 
whose "Our Village" he found the story and best parts of his, — 1 forget 
what he calls it. 

Ver. 162. ^ Twould puzzle you to say, U7uere verse or f rose. 1 
A matter not without difticulty, and having in it an inherent obscurity. 
Many of us are in the position of that person who had spoken prose all his 
life without knowing what prose meant ; while such is the vagueness of 
verse, that "to circumscribe it within a definition will only show the nar- 
rowness of the definer." In the present day, it is a common remark, that 
Byron, and those others of the past, did very well for men who wrote be- 
fore it was known what poetry was : a discovery reserved for the Mystics, 
or shall I write mistics, such as Swinburne ; the proof of which, yet, is but 
of the negative kind, as but showing what poetry is, by presenting us with 
examples of that which is not. In which uncertainty, wherefore, on the 
one side and the other, I can do little better than refer the Reader to the 
Bourgeois Gentilhomme, who thus arrives at the result of his Studies: 

Monsieur Jourdain. 
Je ne parle pas de cela, vous dis-je. Je vous demande, ce que je parle 
avec vous, ce que je vous dis a cette heure, (lu'est-ce que c'est ? 

Madame Jourdain. 
Des chansons. 

Monsieur Jourdain. 
He ! non, ce n'est pas cela. Ce que nons disons tous deux, le langage 
que nous parlous a cette heure ? 

Madame Jourdain. 
He bien ? 

Monsieur Jourdain. 
Comment est-ce que cela s'appelle ? 



i84 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

False meaning" gives, the word at random takes, 

Or what the Laureate can not find he makes ; 

Of expletives a mine unloads his head, l6$ 

To space the page, and be itself the lead; 

Collects his stubble, puffs into a blaze. 

Looks large in smoke, and challenges the praise : 

Than whom bombastic none more high can go, 

None, changed his tune, more grovel in the low ; 170 

N O T E S . 

Madam K Juurdain. 
Cela s'appelle comme on vent rappclei". 

Monsieur Joukdain. 
C'est de la prose, ignorante. 

Madamk Jourdaim. 
De la prose ? 

Monsieur Jouki>ain. 
Oui, de la prose. Tout ce qui est prose n'est point vers ; et tout ce qui 
n'est point vers est prose. Heu! voili\ ce que c'est que d'cludier. 

Ibid. " ' Twould pu&zle you to say ''twere verse or prose.'''' 
Why, that's nonsense ; when any one can tell, simply by the way in which 
it is printed, whether it is prose or poetry. Ku. Am. 

Ver. 164. lie makes ;\ The Reader will understand that when, here 

and elsewhere, I speak in the present tense, and not in the histi)rical, it is 
entirely by a poetic licence, to give an appearance of animation, and bring 
the object before the view ; for all such have been long of the/(MV. 

Ver. 165. Of expletives a mi fie ti ft loads /its /teotl.] 
We have returned to the times spoken of by Dubos, when the expletive 
lines of a poem were considered as the fitting conjunctives between the rest ; 
whence it was that they came to be known as ties I'ers de passage, as the 
Abbi^ de Marolles informs us. 

Vkr. 166. To space the page, and be itself tlie lead ;\ 
At the risk of being impertinent, as explaining a thing known to everyone, 
in the present day, when every one is an author, from ihe highest to the 
lowest, not only are the words, Imi tlic lines, separated, when in t}pe, by 
means of pieces of lead ; especially in poems, and such writings, when ilie 
volume is eked out mechanically. Am. \'.U. 



Book III. TIIK OHMVIAD. l85 

Colloquial careless in the pai^e be full, 

Or, see him sweat, elaborately tluU. 

The polish'd surface, seeniiny^ to the sij^ht, 

Scarce Day and Martin's blacking is so bright ; 

Yet, sought below, 'mid nothings of his mind, 175 

Not Delian diver coukl the meaning find. 

liut, sounds the trumpet ; sec the troops advance, 

Uplifted sabre, and protended lance ; 

N o r K s . 

Vl".R. 175. iiothiiii^s of his mliiii,\ 

" Another fault is not peculiar to In Meinoriain ; it runs llnoui;!! all 
Mr. Tennyson's ]ioetry ; we allude to his obscurity. Take a ^iiccinicn; 
'Oil, if iiulecil that eye foresee, 
Or see (in llim is no before) 
In morn of life true love no more, 
And love the iiuiiircrcncc to be ; 

So miy;ht 1 (ind, ere yet the nu)rn 
Breaks liilhcr over Indian si'as, 
Tliat Shadow waiting with the keys 
To cloak me from my proper scorn.' 

This passage Mr. Moxon has set in his window, oifcring a reward of ^200 
to any one who can pick a meaning out of it." 

London Timks. 

Ver. 177. Bit/, sounds the trumpet, &^c.\ Through a mistake of orders, 
the I/ight Brigade of the British at Balaklava, charged the Russian army, 
as it stood in position, aiul were cut down, almost to a man ; of which the 
Correspondent saying that "somcliody blundered," this liignilicd expression 

I M I -r A T I O N S. 

Vi'.R. 169. Than ivhain />oin/>astic, &'c.'\ So much rcsond)Ian(c is there 
l)et\vccn the ancient Homer and the modern one: " Ilunc nemo in magnis 
rebus sublnnitale, in parvis priiprictate superaverit." 

(^uiNT. Lib. X., cap. L 

\'kk. 176. J)e!i(in iliver\ The expression of Socrates, AtjAiou 7* ti/z^s 

StiTai KoKvfifir)Tov. 

Dioc. Lai;ki'. Lib. ii., Siiciat. 



i86 Till': OKMVIAI). Book III. 

A Spartan few, cinbaltlcd liosts defy, 

Ami win ctrriial honours when they die. l8o 

N t)r KS. 

Tennyson transfened to tlie doggerel, desj^icaljlc, ode he wrote on that oc- 
casion : a i\vci\ more sublime llian any wliicli ever raised I'indar to the skies, 
could not lift tliis lumpish swan oX Hritain above the lliglit of a goose, I 
moan a lauje one, crammed and heavy for tlic spit. 
" l'\)rvvard tlic l-i^ht l>rij;aile! 

Was there a man (hsmay'd ? 

Not though the soldiers knew 

Some one had lilimdcr'd." 

Tennyson goes on improving, viros(|uc aii[uiril ; thai fauK)Us passage of 
his youth is not near so bad, in my lunnble opinion : 

" () darling room, my heart's tieliglit. 
There is no room so excpiisile, 
No link' ri)om so warm ami bright, 
WJK'ri'iii to read, wherciu to write." 

Exquis//(' / An ounce of cotton spun, by machine, into a thread of some 
fifty miles, naturally raises our admiration; yet is this but as rojie-yaru 
comimred with the tinsel of Tennyson, who has drawn a thread of twice as 
many leagues, out of three grains scant of understanding. It was nothing 
but envy on the part of Ihdwer, who grudged Tennyson the pension awarded 
liim for this extraonlinary ingenuity. Punch declared that Bulwer was 
a dog, and Tennyson another, but much the bigger of the two ; while Judy, 
on her side, iliil not hold her tongue; as in the following: 
" You've seen a lordly mastilFs port, 
Bearing in calm, contemptuous sort, 
The snarls of some o'erpetted pup. 
Who grudges him his 'bit and sup.'" 

Punch. 

" And what with spites, and what with fears, 
You cannot let a body be ; 
It's always ringing in your ears — 
They call this man as great as me!" 

Judy. 

To explain the above, "a bit" is one lunulred jiounds a year, anil "a 
sup" another; to wash it down. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 18/ 

Heroic deed at which all lunopc wonder'd ; 

As Tennyson did too, for " some one blunder'd," 

NOTES. 

The invention of Ovid has been praised, as a poet who made a fine poem 
out of an old ahnanack. Tennyson also has essayed the calendar, at once 
the rival of Ovid and of Whachum, of whom it has been written, 
•' Beside all this, lie served his master 
In quality of poetaster ; 
And rhymes appropriate could make 
To every monlli i' th' almanac ; 
When terms begin and end could tell, 
With their returns, in doggerel." 

IltlOIURAS. 

1865-1S66. 
*' I stood on a tower in the wet. 
And New Year and Old Year met. 
And winds were roaring and blowing ; 
And I said, ' O years, that meet in tears, 
Have ye aught that is worth the knowing: 
Science enough and exploring, 
Wanderers coming and going. 
Matter enough for deploring. 
But aught that is worth the knowing? 
Seas at my feet were flowing, 
Waves on tiie shingle |)c>urlng, 
Old Year roarini; and Ijlowing, 
And New Year blowing and roaring." 

ALI'KED Tknnyson. 

This from Good Words, to which the Morning Star responds : 
1867-1868. 
I sat in a 'bus in tlie wet, 
Good Words I had happen'd to get. 
With Tennyson's last bestowing : 
And I said, "Oh, bard! who work so hard, 
Have you aught that is worth the knowing ; 
Verses enough, and so boring — 
Twaddle quite overflowing, 
Rubbish enough for deploring; 
liut aught that ii woilli the knowing? 



l88 THE ORI.IVIAD. Hook 111. 

In doc:^i^'rcl rhymes who clearly l>i-oui;lit to light, 
If well the I^iilish war, how ill they write. 

Next parasitic from the Formless won 185 

Buchanan, Scotch-like stuck to Tennyson ; 

N O T IC S . 

Placnrds on walls wore [^I'nvinpj, 
riilTs in the pniiera pouriny;. 
Good Words roarinji; and hlowinj;, 
Once ii ll'rfk Ulowing ixnd roariny;. " 

Of Teiniyson I have already spoken ; besides, these verses arc sulVieiently 
al)le to speak for thcniselves; hut of the parodist I will simply repeal what 
Hoileau said to Louis the KourteeiUli, on his Majesty's asUinjj hini his 
opinion of some verses his Majesty had written : " Rien n'est impossible k 
Voire Majest6 ; EUc .a voulu faire de mauvais vers, el EUe y a reussi." 

Vkr. 1S6. lhicluxiiaii,\ In a note (o the New Tinion it is stated that 
'Peniiyson is " without wife or ehildren," (of the body,) and thai he is " of 
a weallliy family j" vvhieh made the report creilible, that he had adopted 

1 M I I' A f 1 O N S . 

Vkr. 1S4. IfioclltJie British -nxir, //070 ill they 7t>rite.] 
No new complaint. In a ilrania little known, Iiaving given pl.acc to an in- 
ferior one by the same author, a farce in live acts loo severely called, occurs 
the following : 

" A/iss Richland. I own it has often surprised me, that while we liave 
so many instances of bravery abroad, we have had so few of wit at home 
to praise it. — I'm (piite displeased when I sec a line subject spoiled by a dull 
writer." GooD-NATinu'-.n Man. 

" V^ixere foites ante ALjaincnuiona 
Multi : sed oiunes illacvyinabiles 
Urjfcnlur, i^noliipie iouLja 

Node, carent ijuia vate sacro. 
Paulum sepultix; distal inerli;x; 
Cclata virtus." llou. Car. I,ib. IV., (XI. ix.,v. 25. 

Vkr. 185. From the Formless woii\ 

" Won from the void and formless inllnile. " 

I'auadisk Losr, Hook iii., v. 12. 



J^)()k III. 'I III', oi'.I.IVIAI). 1S9 

Wlio if less skilful in llu; f,ils<: suMiiiic, 

Some share (>f use may make as l)a<l in time ; 

In frippery as fmc iiistrucl to dress, 

And of the bcarin hide the nakedness ; 190 

'Tvvixt sense and nonsense show the pen to poise, 

And how to shape that voluble ol noise. 

A sort of " whu/./le-whaz/le " o( the head, 

With dissonance of words nor sun^; nor said ; 

" Winds whistling- sallly," " hueless silence- deep," 195 

" A horrid whiteness," and " a weight of pee[) ; " 

N o r I'', s . 

]{iidianan, as tlu; Maicclliis <>f our iniijMii-, ainl licii lo iIjc I;uiic1, lli.il so 
tmicli niKiicy, ami sk imuli niiowii, iilirlit \v\\ j;i) a l":;^;^!!!^^. All vvliicii is 

now clian(^c(l ; for "Mr. l,ioiu;l 'i'caiMysoii, yonii};ci- '.on ol llu: I'orl I 

rcatc, niul Miss ICIiiior r>ockcr, dauf^'lilcr of lMc:i|(jri( U l,o(k<i, tin- poci of 
" London I-yrics." will Ik: iiiarricd, at Wcstniiii'^tur Abbey, early in Miiulj " 
So llial, fame runs lineal, or J>ionel, after all ; lier temple llirown o|iiii ; mikI 
tlie lieirs ])resmn|)livc, as well as ai>|i:ii(iil , ul i wo f^real authors, re^i'iind 
llierein, till <looui'sday, or tlie day o( /inlyjiiciit, wliieli, as l>r. ( 'uinuiiii); 
lias sIkjwu, is iiiMi ;il liiiiid, and vvln( Ij i . < ri lain hi revoke so many jKilcn's, 
and lo consi^^n to Oblivion ;,o many names. 

Vl'.K. \^)\. A sort of ' ' 'iti/iil,T.zli'-w/liizz/r " of I he liraif \ 
A word, Mr. Iluiliauan informs us, inlindrd lo convey, lo .Sioleli luj;., by 
an Oiioiintto/nciu, tlie soinid ol a loom. 

Vi:k. 196. '■'■a lucig/it of prrf ;^^\ 

" No wondrous peep 
Into the faery lands of Oberon, 
it. bowers, its f^lowworni li(;liled colonnades, 
Wliere pijMny lovers wander two by two, 
Coidd weii'ji upon the city wanderer's heart 
With peace so pure as thi:,!" 

Tlial is, Ijein^ interjircted, No fxr/) could wi-ii;// upon the lieart with ficare 
so pure; which is as fmc a jiieec of what Mr. liuchanan, elsewhere, calls 
"whiskey poetry" as could well be invented. How it soninlx I 'I'helrulli 
is, the Scotchman had been eyeiujj 'I'ennyson's "watery Hinile and educated 
wlii^Kci," and was uillin;^ to ado]. I the (.cliion. 



190 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

High " whiskey " fustian, till, in sober prose, 

" Runs in poor Donald with a dripping nose : " 

Affecting image, when is no relief 

To sniv'ling cub of pockethandkerchief. 200 

Of all which hodgepodge sick, and of much more, 

I'll leave him where his lines had left before : 

The felon thus, ere hang'd, to that sojourn 

Whence taken first, must first perforce return. 

A youth trick'd off in new Dundreary tie, 205 

And latest fashion of absurdity, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 199. 710 relief 

To snivUiiig cub of pocketJuxndkerchief.^ 
Wliy, then, not do as we, in our speech? for is it not a trite sayinjj, tliat 
fingers were made before pockethandkercliiefs. Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. That hardy nation to which Donald belonged has been long cele- 
brated for contemjit of certain efieminate conveniences deemed necessary by 
their neighbours of the South. The reader, doubtless, remembers, 

"the barbarians north of Tweed 
Who scout these fabrics of tlie southern sages." 

Vkr. 203. The felon thus, ere ha!ig\l, to that sojourn 

IVhence taketi first ^ must first perforce return.^ 
The Judge, in i:)assing sentence of death, solemnly, and particularly, tells 
the criminal, that he will first be taken to that place whence he was brought, 
and thence to the ]ilace of execution, there to be hung by the neck, until he 
is dead ! dead ! ! dead ! ! ! Am. Ed. 

Ibid. to that sojourn 

Whence taken, &'c.'\ O, for the matter of that, it is not to no 
purpose that we " sojourned," or wrote our experience of the jail, and the 
gibbet, where, although unhung, we know the ways of it, and, critically, 
have assisted at as many executions as Calcraft himself, as tliis author him- 
self was forced to confess, in a previous page, which see. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 207. Swinburne\ Author of some sad things styled Tragedies, 

with Poems and Ballads, anil a piece entitled Atalanta in Calyilon, whicii, as 
no one understood, so a'l united in praising: "The language was so fine." 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I9I 

Who Swinburne once, here Hfted from the dead, 
His heels on high, and down the weight of head ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 208. down the zveight of head i^ 

Since universally admitted, from the time that Boileau gave evidence of the 
matter, that Man is the ijlunder of creation, le plus sot animal, there only 
remains to determine that special organ of the body in which tlie difficulty 
lies, that, by amputation, cautery, castration, or otherwise, he may get rid 
of the offending part, whether in the periphery, centre, or extremities. 
Unfortunately, should my view be accepted, the inquiry is not likely to give 
tlie advantage desired, as the creature cannot well cast from him, like a 
hollow tooth, this particular member, such as it is, being no other tiian his 
Iiead ; which part, in man, is bigger, in proportion to the rest of him, than 
in any other created thing. To this, as a consequence, are due all those 
errors, crimes, purposes, perversity, and dulness, which make up the history 
of that creature classed as human, as he that came originally from the clod, 
and still has a part of it sticking to him: so that even in the feather-brained 
Swinburne we discern the heaviness of tliis upper part ; down the weight of 
head; in so great a degree is it constructed out of all architectural propor- 
tions. If any other animal falls into the water, (of which three-fourths of 
the habitable world are com])OHed,) it can make a shift to get out, be it an 
ass or a pig, which creature finally, in the act of swimming, cuts his own 
throat, as man does too, though not with a view of saving his life, but, fool- 
isiily, of destroying it ; a goose finds no difficulty whatever ; but this other 
quickly sinks to the bottom, carried down, as but natural, by the heavy part. 
All other animals can sleep, without being at all incommoded by the head ; 
which in man nods from side to side, in a ridiculous manner, and gives him 
no quiet asleep or awake: as a hulk ill-stowed, so also this badly freiglited 
liold of the calvaria, lets its cargo toss adrift, and, top heavy, rolls now to 
starboard, and now to port ; or pitches, head foremost, or hindmost, as it 
may be. 

The fool himself seems to be sensiljle of the injury done him by this mis- 
governing ])art ; as he is often seen, in case of some great blunder, or crime 
committed, to give himself a slap on the front of his head, or even knock 
the whole of it against the wall, out of an impulse of revenge. 

A dog knows what he is about : he is guided by the nose, and follows it ; 
yet, though you shall meet men as easily led by the nose as asses are, can 
they not of their own accord, follow a direct course, but must deviate to 
the right or to the left, until quite off the scent, the forehead, or misguiding 
part, preponderating so much over the sense : thougli, perhaps, in this in- 



102 



Till-: OIU.IVIAI). 



liook III. 



IC'cii as S(Miu; dot; (Voin 'riiaiiu's is lalccn out 

]\y cit, who fancies on his hook a trout. 2IO 

John Hull (lc'liL;lilc(l once this youth carcss'd, 

The minor of tlu; mode in whicli he ih'ess'd, 

Sonic seasons past who Iiad resi^n'd his claim 

'J'o sense, ;\nd old hereditary fame ; 

Began jackpuddini; in a serious whim, 21$ 

And pnrss'd his bulk into a dancin;.;' trim ; 



N o 'r I'', s . 

stance, it is the snout itself vvliicli is to l)lanie, as in man it is Imrilly ever 
set straij;lit hcforc liini, 1ml still lias an awkward Icanin^j to this side or that ; 
a want of syiium-try |)eculiar to the creature we arc speaking of A s|)idc"r 
uudci stands liow to weave, Ihoui^h liisca|nil is not (juaiter the si/.eof a |>ea ; 
lull yon must have seen a two li';;i;t'd tiillcr sit In work that delicate em- 
broidery of verse, without tin- least naluial ability, his head, though it be 
but of hair, being as big as a bush. We have it on the authority of Swift, 
that a bear will not atteiu])! to lly ; a creature in some respects rescndiliug the 
lunnan, iu-as-uuich as he moves, i)adly, on two legs, and is rough of nature; 
but whose cranium appears mucii less out of prii|Hii I mu, il seen vviliu)Ut 
a muzzle : but not so man, kept down by a weiglil ol Unubi r in his scull, as 
b)' a log, who will allrin|>t the lli|dils of fancy, and absurdi)' ihink himself 
high in tin- clouds, inilil, like thai philosopher too intent to pry into the 
secret of the heavens, lie tund)les into the dileli : uIkmc now it is as well to 
leave him; in particular, if it be that last ditili of all, ()l)Iivion. 

\ lAi. 2 I J,. riS}^n\l /lis (/iiii)t 

Montes(|uieu said, " 'I'here are no men of true sense born any where but in 
Mngland." Anecdotes, by Kiev. JosKiMl Sl'KNClC y\iM. I'.D. 

Vicu. 215. /''(■••,'■<;// jiuhpiiildiiii^ ill a Si'iioiis 7i'//////,| 
The mode of satire here used, which is rejieated in the instance of Brown- 
ing, Sala, and C^ailyle, someone or two of those we speak of as the " trade," 
have expresseil a suspicion of, that they doubt some of the common of 
readers will not understand it ; recommending to subjoin some explanation 
among the Notes ; as, imlei'd, Topi- eondeseemled to, in his (lames. lint 
as wit explained has but a feeble cilec t, 1 must simply refer to the wiilings 
of Swift, where, in the Voyage to l.illiiiut, Walpole is ridiculed as daily 
dancing on a tiidit rope, and otherwise displasing his agility; images not 



]iook 111. THE Olil.lVlAI). 193 

Despised the sirloin which before he eat, 

And found the indigestible a treat ; 

On unintelligibles much refined, 

Supp'd full of froth, and on chimeras dined ; 220 

Sore 'gainst his stomach, took he knew not what, 

And badly hid the nausea which he got. 

But Swinburne enter'd, soon from college flies, 

Scarce half made up in the humanities ; 

Strange voices sending from a raven throat, 225 

And vain excessive in a mag[)ie coat ; 

Nor Greek nor English in the piebald fold, 

Which but a patchwork of the new and old, 

N o '!• K s . 

less remote than those our Author fancies, and yet such as have never been 
ol)jecl.cd to. Am. Kd. 

Vku. 220. on cliimcras diiifd ;\ Mr. Bull having ceascnl to he of 

a niinil witli that Pliihjsopher who refused to tliiie on chimeras, thouj^h 
cooked by Aristotle himself. 

Ver. 224. the humanities ;\ In Colleges, as all students are aware, 

Studies are divided into IJivine and Human; im[)erfect in one of which, 
and contemning the other, a youth, it is obvious, has still much need of in- 
struction; for, even of one who unites them it may only be said, in the 
language of Uryden, 

" Of hero's make, half human, half divine." 

Ibid. This word himiiuii/y, as well in the Latin Language, as in ours, 
has a double signification, both that in the text, and the vulgar one of be- 
nevolence ; as explained by Gellius, who, after Varro, uses hinnanitaliin 
in the same sense with the (ireck TraiSflac, or erudition. 

This Note intended to obviate an ignorant cavil of tlie Athemeuni. 

I M I 1' A r I O N S . 

VliR. 225. Strange iioices^ &'c.\ The Author, ])r()l).ibly, had in mind 
the following : 

"Corvos poelas, et poetrias picas." 

Pers. I'rol. ad Sat. i., v. 13. 
9 



194 THE OBLiviAD. Book III. 

A youth too early to the tutor led, 

Who much more than he understands has read ; 230 

Of life knows nothing, and essays to climb 

Where each the tumid seems to him sublime ; 

Stares, stamps, and shouts, ridiculous of rage. 

And on a pair of stilts bestrides the stage. 

There to the narrow bounds his legs confin'd : 235 

Another step had left the house behind. 

Ten syllables cut off from schoolboy prose, 

From line to line the straggling period grows; 

A wildgoose flight, you wonder where it tends. 

Or why it e'er began, or why it ends. 240 

NOTES. 
Ver. 228. Which but a patchwork of the new and old.'] 

Apx(iioixe\rj(rtSwvoppvuixvp<''''''(t- 

As Mr. Swinburne has shown himself so great a proficient in the Greek, 
perhaps he will favour me, through the Athenceum, with a literal transla- 
tion of the word here quoted. 

Ver. 230. much more than he tinderstands has read ; 

Of life linmas nothing,^ Bacon said, of Studies, " they teach 
not their own use ; but that is a wisdom without them and above them, 
won by observation." Am. Ed. 

Ver. 232. the tumid seems to him sublime ;'\ 

Quere humid, although tumid is equally appHcable, if we suppose that 
a bubble is meant, which is at once humid and tumid. Ed. Atii. 

Ingenious, and what gives additional support to the hypothesis that sub- 
lime comes from limus, or what is moist ; for so in Horace, Udam spernit 
humum fugiente penna, when the fancy, like a newly winged grub, rises out 
of the mad ; in opposition to which, however, very plausible conjectures 
may be offered in favour of limen, when sub is put for super, and the word 
means the upper threshold, whence the expression, that from the sublime to 
the ridiculous is but a. step; in attempting which you may chance to stum- 
ble, which is the sublime inverted : of which two opinions the Author more 
inclines to the former, as he found but mud at the bottom, and still sticking 
to the writers when drawn up, as in the instance of Tennyson, " all defiled," 
&c. See the Works of Dr. Parr, Vol. 7, p. 64. 

Ver. 235. narroiv bounds\ Quere, narrow boards. Ed. Ath. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I95 

As yEschylus of old was wont to cheer 
His soul with wine, so saddens he with beer ; 
Confusion to confound, make dark the dim, 
Buchanan and the rest but fools to him. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 241. As yEschylus of old was wont to cheer 

His soul with wine, so saddens he with beer ;] 
And as, in like manner, ^schylus first brought in the thick-soled cothur- 
nus, so Swinburne th^ stilts, (as above,) that is, made them higher than 
ever before. 

Ver. 243. Confusion to confound, niake dark the dim,"] 
There was a time when authors ventured forth only at night, by whose 
"mantle" to hide the deficiencies of their wardrobe; now, they but court 
darkness to hide the nakedness of thought. 

"The refluent morn." 
For his light runs back into darkness. Whence, having inverted nature, 
we read, 

" Kindles the trembling night." 
And, again : 

"Or where the moon's face warm and passionate burns." 
Painting Diana like a midnight Bacchanal, or drunken prostitute, ut infra. 
As also, 

" Might of dews." 

He had heard of Might of snow and hail, x^^vos ixivos ijSe x°'^°'(vs ' ^ pow- 
erful expression, as known to those who had been exposed to the " ice- 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 236. Another step had left the house behind.\ 

"Offffov 5' ^epoeiSes a.v))p ISev (xpdaXfxdlaiv, 
' Hfievos 4v aKOTTiij, Kevaffwv eir\ oXvoira ir6vT0v' 
Toffffoy eiridpaxTKovcri ^eeiv v\f/r)Xfes 'Inirot. 
" Quis igitur non ob excellentiam Inijus Sublimitatis jure dixerit, si bis 
eodem modo ad saltandum se concitent Deorum equi, eos non amplius in- 
venturos in mundo locum ? " 

Long, de Sub., Sect. ix. , Pearce. 
Did the Reader remark, u;frjxe'ey> hig'i sounding, for liigh stepping? 
whence, e converso, high stepping for high sounding, to express the lofty of 
speech. 



196 , THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

In these by chance some lambent Hghts reveal 245 

The mass of smoke through which at times they steal, 

N o T E_S . 

storms" of Thrace and other regions, not far from those inhabited by the 
Greek poets. Meuos has the double signification of anger and strength. 
" Triumphant nightingales 

In many a fold of fiery foliage hidden, — 

clamorous with immeasurable delight." 

In addition to which 

" arms enclose 
The immeasurable rose. " 

When the boundless is compassed ; a feat which will not soon be surpassed. 

The following will serve, not only for Swinburne, but for Aytoun, and 
the Athenteum man, that obscure person who wrote it ; 

"The seraphic being of Aytoun's octosyllabic is almost as false and de- 
testable as the giggling, crawling, alliterative monster of Mr. Swinburne's 
blank verse." 

Those who desire to see how, from age to age, Nonsense repeats herself, 
may compare what prevails at present, with what was fashionable in the 
days of Persius, who gives us the following, as a sample : 
" Torva Mimalloneis implerunt cornua bombis ; 
Et raptum vitulo caput ablatura superbo 
Ba>;saris ; et lyncem Mtenas flexura corymbis, 
Evion ingeminat : reparabilis adsonat echo." 

Sat. i., V. 99. 

A rhapsody as unmeaning as any in Buchanan or Swinburne, of which Per- 
sius asks, as we may ask, in our case, 

" Hsec fierent, si testiculi vena ulla paterni 
Viveret in nobis? " 

Ibid., v. 103. 

Puerility which could not find place, if any share of vigour had remained to 
us of our manly ancestors. 

" In istis versibus mollis est rhythmus et affectatus, ceterum quam tenuis 
sensus, et verborum tumori quam minimum respondet! " 

Ex Not is in usum Delphini. 

The Athenaeum, once so severe on Swinburne, has found reason to 
change his tone, though Swinburne has not changed his, and now discovers 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. I97 

The total night of Swinburne blots the noon, 

As in a huge eclipse of sun and moon ; 

Nor chink nor crevice gaping in his head 

E'en shows the dust, or where the cobweb spread. 250 

Of dialogue a rant to split the ears. 

Each wonders what the rrieaning while he hears. 

Once, true, by night escaping from the stews, 

Seen nude in Grub Street, with a harlot muse, 

NOTES. 

in his writings, and life, that he has the marks of true genius, and evea 
shows symptoms of the SkallviingL 

As the Reader, doubtless, desires to know what this skall-^ or skull- 
viingl, signifies, I will here transcribe from Olaus Wormius a passage 
which explains it, translated from his work, Literatura Danica. 

" This happy genius for poetry discovers itself even in infancy, by such 
manifest indications, that it cannot be mistaken, and is observed to be most 
ardent about the change of the moon. When a poet of this high order and 
fervid spirit is speaking of his art, or pouring out his verses, he hath the 
appearance of one that is tnad or drunk. Nay, the very external marks of 
this poetic fury are in some so strong and obvious, that a stranger will dis- 
cover them at sight to be great poets, h-^ c&xizXxi singular looks 2x\di gestures^ 
which are called in our language Skallviingl, i. e. the poetical vertigo." 

The truth to nature of which description no one needs proof of who has 
seen Xh&face or witnessed the gestures of our poet, with that appearance of 
mad or drunk, which no art can counterfeit. 

Ver. 254. Seen nude in Grub Street, with a harlot muse,] 
Swinburne wrote an address to the Venus Libertina, so naked of all deco- 
rum that, with one voice, the Press, forced by public indignation, called 
out against him, and exposed his lewdness and obscenity, until Moxon, the 
Publisher, was forced to cancel the entire edition. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 248. As in a huge eclipse of sun aiid moon ;] 
We are ;«(7;'a//j' certain that we have heard that line before, but cannot say 
exactly where, not having at hand our general index. However, we liave 
detected a manifest plagiarism. Ed. Atii. 

Mr. Editor sometimes gets a free ticket to the Pit^ where perhaps he 
heard it. 



i(;S iiii': ()iti,i\ i.\i). Hook III. 

I irlu-; the I'.od';, he iiKcis the i)H)|,mc, 255 

And m.ikc'. .it Ic.isl im|iict)- (inilc plain, 
While hoots .mil hisses .it culi woid iiuTcaso, 
And .ill the crilieUs call, pohee. polue. 

Htit |)l.u'e, )'e Siottish ; pl.ue, \c l'"n;;Iisli wits ; 

lleit" niowninj;, dred:;ed lioiu l.ii pi oloiinder pits ; 260 

N or KS. 

1 liuil ll\i- l\illowinj; instnu-livo, or, in llu- tm>ili-m iiliiiiso, siti;i;i's/ivif, 
I'oiiiiiilx ill .Mlilxiiic's rritiral I >i('lii<n;u V : 

"l.AUS VknI'KIS: .So srvciflv tt-UMilcil loi iii,lc»ci\iv, lluit cuiiics ol llir 
fust nlilloii, (|iio|icriy Mi|ii>ifsMHi l>y Mi. Momui.) .nKl Im .^\s.5-i> ^'''*'''" 

Tlu' wontlrr rrusrs why Kcvirws iiii- wiiiuii wiili m> imu'li scvfiily, il llu- 
value of .//////f-.o rim tints 1)1' ciiliiUH'oil liUo tluit ol iiiJiVfiii\\ {[\w liUlor of 
wliiili, iiult'oti, is iisituiiv i\ri-oimiiiiiioil l)y llu; fonnpr), wiicii tin- liooU lliut 
woiiM sciuit' sell ut live sliilliiif^s, on Ihiiij^ //('/rv/i' <M/<Mri/, l>iiiij;s as many 
Huiiieiis in the niiukel ; one-liulf «l least ol wliiili, il is Itiit jiisl to Mipjiose, 
hliolilil lie litmileil over to the Keviewei, Mv own opinion im luu", lo iliis 
eoni<'eHne; lor, ollierwise, il wouM Iietlilluull totu\onnl lor llu- innnber 
ol.-.ininii JiooK-. ih.u in iliis wiiy i\re eoiilimiully heinj; l>roU);lil into noiiee: 
l>iiineNs is lit u pieiiiiiiin. Wticiu-e, whenever in this I'oeni. I lie Ueailer 
oiieounfers any passajic iiioie ili.in usually tedious, let liin\ i>e assured, as the 
SrKei'Ai'ou said of his own Wiitmns, " there is a w.'//fr in ii." 

Vkr. J55, uttfrs tfii- />ri>f\mf,\ Tliis ecnsuie eaiiuot l>e allowed 10 

|iusH without qurtlilieutivm ; for, says Krascr, *' ihc volume, as a wlivile, is 
neither iirolane nor indeeenl ; " so that, tlironjdi an inei|iialilv of style, it is 

iMilv in I'.uls thai he is so ilisliu;,Mnsi\i\l. 

V KK. JsS. nil thf crilkks mtly /^'licc, /^>/hY. \ 

That ninht, liaviiij; Inislness in the elassie i|uarler, we were one o( tlie Inst 
who ealled poliee ! lie waseaiiicvl oil, and put in llie \okI up. 

In. Am, 

\'li;. .M>o. />'*•»•«'«/«<,•. I An old hand. I'alher ol i\inili de.id and l.mienl ■ 
able " ria};edy," " Men auvl Woineu," " Pr.iuiatie l-yries," and " Pi. una- 

1 M I I" A »' I O N S . 

Vkr. J59. />w/ //.i.v, vf S,\>/ttiA : //>»•<; w /•.'«^'7/.f4 xcits;] 
"Calilc, Uomaiii seriptorcs ; eeditc, (Jraii." 

ruonoKi'. I il>. II , I'.lei;. xwiv., v. 65. 



Hook 111. nil'. oiu.iviAi). 199 

'riic l).ii(l tli;it nursed, and t;ui<.;lit hctiincs lo rave 

liy Sibyl liaj^, in sonic Cininicriaii cave, 

Or in vast Maninioth to obscure his mind, 

Where bats are bij^^irst, and the fish arc blind ; 

Intolerant of day, and lorccd to wait 265 

Till clouds call lorth to hoot articulate- : 

A sort o{ /i/sus, soon by Jianiuui cauidit, 

Gazed at by crowds, and to the city broujdit, 

There strange to jabber, in strange ^arnu^jt drcst, 

Of whom one half is cunning, fool the rest ; 270 

Some doubt in«; much a cheat, while more debate 

( )r (ind how nonsense in the sold innate. 

\Uii vagrant next, behold him shand)ling go, 

At once himsell the siiowm.m and the show, 



tic K()iii;in(X's : " ii luiililli; of olisc iiiily, (ossi-d iiiti) :i volume ciilitlcd, lo 
iiiiikc ;ill ol a picd;, " licils unci l'()iiic{;niimtes." 

ViCK. 262. Sihyl lut}i, ill soiiit: Cimmerian rtwf,] 

Wc lliouylit we should luinj^ this lyrcj to soint^lhiiiy;, or lallicr (hal h<- would 
biiii(i himself; Cimmerian cave; he had heard, no doulil, of the Cumx'an 
cave, or the Sibyl's caveat (.'um;e ; a fair specimen of this Satirist's a(i|uire- 
menls. I'i>- Am. 

Vkk. 264. ///e fish are blind ;\ In the vast cave of Kentucky, 

called usually the Mammoth Cave, is a blind fish, the amhylopsis, where 
also many hiind insects are found. 

Vkk. 267. A sort of Itmus^ &'c.\ A (Gentleman in the relinue of the 
Prince of Wales has informed me, that when his Koyal iliglmess visited 
li.uninu's Museum, a strau},'e creature was shown him, three jjarts cheat, 
and OIK- part idiot, making the «/^'-/,'V/- complete ; a nondescript, called the 

Wlial-ls-lt. 

Vl';i<. 272. find /unti nonu'nu- in the soul innalf. \ 

At that time, in the last centuiy, when the discussion on innate ideas was at 
the height, a creature, afterwards named I'l-lcr, in sJiapi- hiuiKni, was found 
in the wilils of < Jcimany, wiiom M)nie sup|M)sed a fool, niorca cheat, and not 



200 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Street preacher of Parnassus, roll on high 275 

His bhnking orbs, and rant tautology, 

While gaping multitudes around the monk 

Much wonder if inspired, or simply drunk. 

At length, by cast of some superior luck, 

Moping 'mid lunar light, he finds a Book, 280 

'Tween line and hemistic which greatly grows, 

And now of verse is fustian, now of prose. 

Straight thumb'd by all, the students of that sort 

Who read romances and Police Report, 

Who deep in scandal, but whose joy, by far, 285 

When criin. con. case bares each particular. 

Alluring tale, much matrimonial strife, 

Old, harsh, the husband, young and fair the wife ; 

A priest gallant, whom Caponsacchi call, 

Who flings her comfits at the carnival. 290 

Which seen, old Guido, jealous, spreads a snare, 

By forged epistles to entrap the pair. 

Stale trick, the lover sees what thus design'd. 

Steals off the bait, and leaves the noose behind. 

But, first, Pompilia, " with that sad strange smile," 295 

Twists thus the metaphysic of her guile : 

NOTES. 

a few the homo sapiens /enis, so much sought, in whom they expected to 
discover spontaneous knowledge. 

In those days lived Jonathan Swift, who, in his " London strewed with 
Rarities," describes this interesting Child of Nature, in whom he sees ful- 
lilled that well-known prophecy of Lilly : 

" Then shall an oak be brought to l)ed 
Of creature neither taught nor fed." 

"His being so young," adds Swift, "was the occasion of the great 
disappointment of the ladies, who came to tlie Drawing-room in full expec- 
tation of some attemjit upon their chastity ; so far is true, that he endea- 
voured to kiss the young lady Walpole, wlio for that reason is become the 
envy of the circle ; this being a declaration of nature in favour of her supe- 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 20I 

Since, then, my husband hates me, I shall use, — 

Let have effect enough to balk his view?; 

And of the other's love but so much take 

As stop a murd'rer, " for his own soul's sake ; " 300 

Whence plain to all a wife without reproach, 

Though midnight meet me in the hackney coach. 

She comes, ah, see, in hymeneal white, 

Than moon more chaste, and than the stars more bright ; 

How am'rous youths uj)on the fancy draw ! 305 

All black, " 't was her soul's whiteness which I saw." 

" Then in a tick of time," postilions fly, 

** Sprung, was beside her, she alone and I." 

What next, I pray you, to this am'rous haste? 

Ungen'rous doubt, is not Pompilia chaste ; 310 

NOTES. 

rior beauty. On his first appearance he seized on the lord-chamlierlain's 
staff; " which, with other particulars of this serious narration, made Lord 
Monboddo aver, that the discovery of Peter was a more extrai^rdinary plie- 
nomenon than the discovery of thirty thousand fixed stars more than we are 
already acquainted with. 

There is an additional touch of satire in the above by Swift, which re- 
quires to be pointed out ; the young lady Walpole was a sort of fool, and 
therefore the more likely to gain the notice of this other natural. For some 
account of Dolly Walpole, see Lady Wortley's Letters. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 280. he finds a book,'\ 

" Romana Homicidiorum — nay, 

Better translate — A Roman murder-case : — 
Wherein it is disputed if, and when, 
Husbands may kill adulterous wives, yet scape 
The customary forfeit." 
Ibid. Dixon sees in all this but a reflex of his own book ; Capon 

Sacchi but a courtly spiritual Cupid, and Pompilia his "spiritual Bride." 
But why Ca/>on ? Vid. Ath. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 308. *^ she alone and iy\ 

" Solus cum sola." 



202 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

No sly approaches, heaving of the breast, 

Nor e'en her hftfld, by jolt of coach, is press'd ; 

In frigid of romance they but adore, 

And then to metaphysic as before. 

A mystery of meaning where none is, 315 

Set off with dash ( — ) and with parenthesis; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 312. ^V«] by syncope for even ; some indelicate allusion, no 

doubt : we understand. Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. ja/( of coach, ^ Those who wish to hear a discourse on the 

embariassnients of a situation of tliis kind, may turn to the Joseph Andrews 
of Fielding, the particular chapter and page of which I must leave tlieni to 
find for themselves, as just now I liave not the book at hand, to refresh my 
memory, and never, like the other readers of novels, have read it a second 
time. 

Ver. 314. 7nctaphysic as before.'\ Those Italian people must have 

much colder constitutions than tliose on the opposite leg of tlie European 
goose ; — to speak (in the manner of Strabo, who compared Greece to a 
man) of that whereof Russia is the head, and England the tail, France and 
Austria the wings, and Germany, being bulky, the body, while, as s'gni- 
fied, the peninsulas of Spain and Italy are the legs; — for a Spanish lady, 
reading a romance, in which the lovers, after many adventures and dangers, 
having at length met, and indulging in much metaphysics, could not help 
but exclaim, what is all this for, are they not got together? 

Saint-Evremond, Sur Nos Comedies, CEuvres Meslees. 

Ibid. metaphysic'] The etymological meaning of the word meta- 

physic, is, that which is, to explain it, opposed to nature, and therefore to 
the natural impulses; as the intercourse, or rather ;w«-intercourse, between 
this pair, obviously was, under the circumstances, 

'• When kind occasion prompted their desires." 
A matter not explicable, except on our doctrine of spiritual ivives, the 
method of approaching whom, and of cohabiting with them, with the issue 
thereof, are explained at large in our Work, under that title. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 319. univilliiig wives] Really, this writer wishes us, not only 

to review his book, but to write it too. *' Unwilling wives," when he 
means, "id //i/ig wives, as the context obviously recpiires; since Pompilia 
shews that she uas as willing as a man could wish. Ed. Arn. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 203 

Or subtile lofjic such as gulls may guide, 

And show but seeming is the guilty side ; 

With art by which unwilling wives may hope 

To keep their character, and yet elope, 320 

Towards nook apart, which on the Western side, 
Drawn in by strength of subterranean tide, 
The rope next warp'd where multitudes are found, 
Long lost to mortal ken, and deep in ground. 
Gregarious these like Blue-Point oysters skulk, 325 

In numbers making what they want in bulk : 

NOTES. 

Ver. 320. keep their character, and yet elope.'\ An original author, 

who reverses the rule of tlie moral, and, following Dixon, the modern 
Bossu, first finds the immoral : 

"The great immoral yours, as mine, the guide." 
See Speech delivered by Hepworth Dixon, Esquire, before the College of 
Ignorance, on occasion of the Great Annual Conference. 

Ver. 321. the Western side,] 

A touch at ourselves, I suppose ; Western side. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 324. lost to "mortal ken,^ Of tlie Immortals, (since no part of 

nature is out of Providence,) those alone who survey, and liave charge of, 
this Region, are the Goddesses ioiown to classical Antiquity as Oblivia, 
Occulta, and Celata; sisters, like the Fates, being three in number, and 
called collectively the Obliviones; together with the mother Goddess. 

Ver. 325. Blue-Point oysters] Which, first, being taken up, and 

"but a mouthful to the Satirist," he sends down, finally, like the rest of 
those noticed. 

Ver. 326. /« numbers making; what they want in hulk ;] 
As if to intimate, that, if our poets are numerous, they are small. At which 
we are not likely to repine, so long as our country can produce the largest 
potatoes, the largest cabbage heads, and the largest pumpkins in the world. 
So that if we are not 'some poets.' we are 'some pumpkins;' a phrase, 
I fear, which will give some trouble to that Gentleman in these pages 
often appearing as Ed. Atii. ; to edify whom, I desire to insert the follow- 
in" from PETER'S Geneial History of Connecticut : " New-Haven is cele- 



204 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

A dozen disembowel'd of the list 

At most a mouthful for the satirist. 

But as when things testaceous, by some luck, 

Or freak of nature, are together stuck, 330 

So here a pair of poets seen to press, 

As shell on shell, the little on the less ; 

Or as the Siamese together found, 

To Saltus Whitman, Whitman Saltus, bound, 

Resembling, yet unlike, as once the Twins, 335 

When Shang and Whang each had his sep'rate sins ; 

But if in what opposing I must tell. 

Whitman to me the most inscrutable ; 

Of authors darkest that in dungeon kept, 

And only writ their nonsense when they slept ; 340 

NOTES. 

brated for giving the name " jiumpkin-heads" to all the New-Englanders. 
It originated from the Blue Laws, whicli enjoined every male to have liis 
hair cut round by a cap. When caps were not had, they substituted I lie 
hard shell of a pumpkin ; which being put on the head every Saturday, the 
hair is cut by the shell all round the head." 

Our Author seems not to have known that there are large Blue-Points, 
as well as small, like so many other things in nature, including Poets. One 
would scarcely believe it, but Professor Wilson declared that "oysters are 
Poets," in which respect he would not allow that they had any resemblance 
to Tennyson. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 334. Saltus] A very genteel young man, fashionably dressed, 

whose poems afforded me a great deal of amusement. 

Ibid. IV/iittna/t,] I read, in his Life, that he sprung from an old 

stock in Long-Wand, and grew to tlie age of thirteen, when he was trans- 
planted to a printing-house, and wrote for the Democratic Review ; at all 
times loved well what are railed "common people," such as "city me- 
chanics," and "stage drivers." Camp-follower, builder of houses, and also 
of the lofty rliynie : " Leaves of Grass," " Drum-Taps," and other things. 

Ver. 336. Sliani^ and Whang each had his sep' rate sins ;] 

As the vices of liunian creatures are as fifty to one in comparison \\\\\\ their 
virtues, they are, therefore, those which [irincipall) ciiaraclenze tliem. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 205 

Who, as of reason Pope we poet call, 

Henceforth high-priest of the irrational ; 

Concurrence such whose random phrases make, 

That most like pie which printers send to bake. 

A flail of sense, this part on that retorts, 345 

Elegiac verses, which in longs and shorts ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 341. of reason Pope we poet caU,^ That Pope is the " poet .of 

reason" proves him to be no poet at all; aut insanit homo, aut versus 
facit : as no man can be in love, and be in his senses, so can no one write 
verses. However, the phrase having been repeated, it is heard especially 
among those who, conscious that there is neither sense nor knowledge in 
their own verses, wish to avoid the consequences of a comparison with one 
distinguished in each of these respects, though by no means in these only, 
as they would insinuate. The cry used to be that Pope had no Greek ; 
and now it is that he had no imagination ; until every illiterate numskull 
comes to speak of Pope with contempt. Opposed to whom, let me men- 
tion, Porson, who expressed a wish to pass his days at Twickenham, that 
he might be on the spot where Pope had lived ; Gray, who spoke of him as 
"a great master; " and Byron, who, in this other department of the fancy, 
quoted passages from Pope, to shew that he excelled in it. But Pope, 
Porson, Gray, and Byron, give place, for here comes a Fi-ettchmait, one 
Taine, a seiisation historian, who cannot endure Pope, though, en rcvenche, 
in raptures with Shakespeare. Even this praise of reason, he denies him : 
" O, what pretty sounds! except truth nothing is wanting." 

Vkr. 344. like pie\ To learn what/zV is, I must send to Mr. Whit- 

man liimself, who must often have tasted of tliat mixture of type thus called, 
when underscrub in a printing-house, his first occupation. 



IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 343. Conacrrence such whose random phrases mahe,'\ 
The fortuitous concurrence of atoms, as in Lucretius : 

" ipsa 
Sponte sua forte offensando semina rerum 
Multimodis, temere, incassum, frustraque, coacta 

Tandem cooluerint ea, " 

Lib. ii., v. 1057. 



206 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

While untaught " Drum-Taps," in a tuneless round 

Of mammy-daddy, still repeat the sound ; 

E'en rhyme the fetter wanted not by Walt, 

In " crippled prose " who cannot help but halt. 350 

Saltus the less, in whom less thick appears 

The lambent smoke, but he'll grow dim with years. 

Commingling streams their mutual bodies fed, 

Who snored and dream'd upon a common bed ; 

But who, at length, when on the board they lie, 355 

By scalpel cut, e'en this their autopsy. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 345. A flail of sense, '\ This hemistich from Dryden : 

*' Born for a scourge of wit, and flail of sense." 

Mac Fiecknoe, v. 89. 

Ibid. A flail of sense, this part on that retorts, 

Elegiac verses, rvhich in longs and shorts ;] 
Lest the point of this couplet should be lost to anyone, through want of ac- 
quaintance with college phrases, it may be explained that in elegiac verses 
a short line is doubled upon a long one, like the sticks of a flail : hexametri 
cum pentametris. Am. En. 

Ver. 348. inainmy-dadd}f\ When the soldier boy is first given tlie 

drum-sticks, he is taught to strike alternately, heavier and lighter, which 
sort of tune is called the mammy-daddy; as known to Mr. Whitman, who 
wrote " Drum-Taps," a.x\di followed the Army. 

Ver. 349. rhyme the fetter] Rhyme has been called a fetter to the 

poet ; and witli truth ; but it breaks him into a new pace, as it does the 
horse, who moves in his newly acquired gait without any appearance of 
constraint, and more gracefully than before, if thorouglily taught in it, and 
by nature tractable. 

Ver. 350. ^^ crippled prose""] A name given to blank-verse, in which 
much of Mr. Walt Whitman's poetry is written. 

Ver. 355. luhen on the board they lie. 

By scalpel ciit^ e\n this their autopsy. ] 
Alluding to the dissection of the Siamese Twins, made in Philadelphia. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 20/ 

Of the same school, and creatures of that sort 

By Nature made for her especial sport, 

Purblind from birth, and studious to be wrong, 

Let Holland serve as sample of the throng. 360 

NOTES. 

Ver. 357. Of the same school,'] Scarce an age has passed, in the history 
of literature, without some form of false taste, into which every scribbler 
immediately hastens, that he may take advantage of the mode while it 
prevails. The present folly is that of obscurity, which, however, is but the 
revival of a fashion that was not new even in the days of Quintilian. This 
writer tells us of a preceptor known to Livy, who used to instruct his pupils 
in the obscure, making use of a Greek word aK6Ti(sov. Excellent ! he would 
say; in that I can understand nothing myself. 

On this vice, as a part of his subject, our Author dwelling, and selecting 
the more glaring instances of, as in the case of Browning, that now before 
us, and others, a certain sameness of censure has, unavoidably, found place, 
at least in this third book ; to lessen the effect of which, there was only 
left him to diversify the images, and put each hero in some new situation. 
It may be said that the necessity which thus embarrassed him, was of the 
Author's own choosing, and arose from an original defect of plan ; but I 
hope that an excuse may be found for him. Necessitas quod cogit, &c. 

Am. Ed. 

Ibid. school,] Quere, scull. Ed. Ath. Facetious. 

Ver. 359. Purblind from birth,] A graduate of our College, and ho- 
nour man, Mr. Holland went farther out of the way, by virtue of his natural 
qualifications, than any of his contemporaries, except the immediate chil- 
dren of the (ioddess, who were blind outright. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 360. Holland] Josiah "Gilbert. Having taken degrees, in a coun- 
try school, as doctor, he practiced, unsuccessfully, for one or two years, 
and then hired himself to a party Paper; passed under the assumed name 
of Timothy Titcomb ; wrote " Kathrina, her Life and Mine;" and, last, 
became Editor of a Magazine. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 357. creatures of that sort 

By Nature made for her especial sporty 
" Forsitan hoc facis, ut tibi sint mortalia ludo 
Facta, et habes hominem pro scurra." 

Pai.ingen., Zod. Vit., Lib. v. Leo., v. 11. 



208 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

He, scarce escaping from Serbonian bog, 

Soon lost himself in Broadway in a fog. 

That still conceals him from the public gaze. 

Floats round his head, and with the footstep strays ; 

As erst, unseen, through Carthaginian crowd 365 

^neas stalk'd, in circumambient cloud. 

Above his brow if, chance, a beam breaks way, 

And raised his dazzled eyeballs to the day. 

The much moist brain but fresher fumes supplies, 

Like mists on marshes when the sunbeams rise. 370 

NOTES. 

Ver. 361. Serbonian^ Bteotian? more probably, Batavian, as the 

name Holland suggests. ' Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 362. in Broadway\ 

" I was in Broadway, 
A unit in a million. Like a bath 
In ocean surf, blown in from farthest seas 
Under the August ardors, the grand rush 
Of crested life assailed me with its wave. 
And cool'd me while it fired." 

Kathrina, Part iii. 

The wave cooled him while it fired (while it scalded?) Cold performs the 
effect of fire, said Milton ; said Holland, Fire performs the effect of cold. 
Water which had boiled, freezes more rapidly than water yet unexposed to 
heat ; which accounts for the extraordinary frigidity of these verses, that no 
one can read unchilled. They bear a resemblance to the following from the 
Persian Princess, a play by Tibbald : 

" By heav'n it fires my frozen blood with rage, 
And makes it scald my aged trunk." 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 365. through Carthagittian croivd 

Aineas stalk'' d, in ciraimambient cloud.] 

" At Venus obscuro gradientes acre sepsit, 
Et multo nelml^e circum Dea fudit amictu." 

^NEID. Lib. I., V. 4H. 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 209. 

Chiaro-scuro, where things brought about, 

That darkness doubled, and the Hght left out ; 

Or mass of shade encroaching on the print, 

When hides eclipse the sutty mezzo-tint: 

From want of thought, a poet in his rage 375 

Who spilt his ink, and blotted all the page. 

NOT ES. 

Ver. 371. Chiaroscuro, where things broicght about. 

That darkness doubled, and the light left out ;] 
Certain of the Italian painters introduced so much of the obscure into their 
pictures, as to produce what was called a midnight effect ; thence called the 
setta de' Tenebrosi : — "Z>/ cib e nato che in molte di quelle pitture non son 
oggiami rimasi se non i lutni, sparitene le mezze tinte, e le masse degli 
sciiri ; e che la posterity ha trovato a questa schiera di artejici un vocabol 
nuovo^ chiamandogli la setta de'' Tenebrosi. ' ' 

Lanzi, Storia, Tomo Terzo, p. 208, Bassano, 1818. 

The expression tenebricosus had been applied to Heraclitus. Esse sensus 
non obscuros nee tenebricosos, said CiCERO. ViDA, also, in a more parti- 
cular manner, stigmatizes this vice : 

" Verborum in primis tenebras fuge, nubilaque atra : 
Nam neque, si tantum fas credere, defuit olim 
Qui lumen jucundum ultro, lucemque perosus 
Ob.scuro nebulae se circumfudit amictu ; 
Tantus amor noctis, latebrse tam dira cupido !" 

Poet., Lib. iii., v. 15. 
Ver. 374. the sutty tnezzo-tlnt .•] 

Mezzo-Tinto, a manner of engraving, so called, and very different from the 
common. " To perform it, they rake, hatch, or punch the surface of the 
plate all over with a knife, or instrument iTjade for the purpose, first one 
way, then the other, across, &c., till the face of the plate be thus entirely 
furrowed with lines or furrows, close and as it were contiguous to each 
other ; so that if an impression was thus taken from it, it would be one 
uniform lilot, or smut : " — as in the print before us, into which light has 
not been made to enter ; the finer and more laborious part of the process. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 371. Chiaro scuro, &'ci\ 

" Cosl dipinge a chiaro scuro e a gtiazzo.''"' 

Menzini, Satira Prima. 



2IO THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Part of himself, and prattlers of his pate, 

His ' darling things' no sense can penetrate, 

Fair to the view, and their fond father's pride, 

Like ^sop's mask that wanted brains inside ; 380 

In green and gold attractive to the eye. 

Or, gold and green, and, as you like, you buy. 

Unwash'd, and rusty in religious black. 

Like printer devil, who but author hack, 

Skill'd, through the week, dull paragraphs to pen, 385 

A Slip, on Sunday who could whine amen. 

His Rev'rence raised, of Scribner's press the pride, 

With Magazine and Roxy by his side, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 375. poet in his rage] Meaning doubtful : does he mean 

a poet in the poetic frenzy ; or a poet in a rage with his own poetry ? 

Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 377. prattlers of his pate, \ 

In the same manner as we say, ' children of his body.' 

Ver. 380. Like yEsop's mask] A fox, having met with a vizor-mask, 
turned it over with his foot, and, when he had considered it awhile atten- 
tively, bless me ! said he, what a handsome goodly figure ! pity that it 
should want brains ! 'G o'ia. Ke<pa\7], koI iyKi(paKov ovic ex*'- 

Ver. 382. /;/ green and gold] A stroke against those books more in- 
debted to the Binder than to the Author. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 383. Utiwash''d,] An epithet of the highest honour, since Cobden 
spoke of the ^^ great unwashed." 

Ver. 385. dull paragraphs] Written for the Post, a newspaper; 

and so written as becoming a man of his cloth : 

" Dulness is sacred in a sound divine." 

DuNCiAD. B. ii., V. 328. 

Ver. 386. stip.] Familiar abbreviation of supernumerary. 

Ver. 388. Magazine] Scribner's. 

Ibid. Roxy] Called by himself, on cover of Athenaeum, *' New 

and important novel." 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 211 

Both to their parent mortal known from birth ; 

And dust to dust, he said, and earth to earth. 390 

A crowd confused scarce to the surface brought, 
Where great and small as in a dragnet caught ; 
Reade, Proctor, Plummer, with a boatload more, 
Like herrings heap'd and counted by the score ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 391. A croivd confused^ Here, as on other occasions, our Author 
despatches a crowd of the inferior class of writers, the oi iroWoi, without 
any particular notice ; as in Homer, where, while the chief among the slain 
are dwelt on, their pedigree related, and deeds described, the rank and file 
receive a bare mention, or are left without distinction in the dust. In this 
manner, for example, we find Ulysses turning off" his attention towards the 
multitude of the Lysians, in that animated fifth book of the Iliad : 

"Ei/fl' oye Koi^avou elAer, 'AAacTTopa, re, Xp6ij.i6v re, 
"AAKavSpov d', "A\i6v re, NorjiMOvd re, UpvTaviv re. 

And thus, also, a few lines farther on, we are told who frrst, and who last, 
were slain by Hector, with aid of Mars : 

'Avrldeov Tfv9pavr', eVl Se iT\7)^tirirov 'OpeffTr^y, 
TprJX'^y r aixP'V'h'' AlrdiXwv, Olv6aa6v re, 
OlvoniSriv ^' ' EKevov koX 'Opeaffiov aloKoi^irpriv. 

Am. Ed. 

Ver. 393. Proctorl Bryan Barry Cornwall Proctor, " Tragedy," " Dra- 
matic Scenes," and " Songs." 

Ibid. Phimmer,] The Northamptonshire Poet. " Songs of Labour," 
and "Northamptonshire Rambles." " Writer on Politicks in the local ^a.- 
pers," and author of immerous articles on Wages, especially of Reviewers; 
Labour, Strikes, &c. , in various serials : pensioned withal. 



IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 389. to their parent mortal knowji] Anaxagoras, on being 

told of the death of his children, remarked that he had known that they 
were born mortal : "HtSeiv avrova ^vrirous yevy^aas. 

DiOG. Laert. de Phil. Vit., L. ii., Anax. 



2 [2 THE OnLIVIAD. Book III. 

While Ryron, Coyne, amid their farces found, 395 

And Lemon long for Punch and puns renown'd ; 
Soft sonnet Gilder, ballad-monger Hay, 
And Butler " nothing " skill'd to sing or say ; 

NOTES. 
Ver. 395. Byron,"] Extravaganzas in great number. 

Ibid. Coyne,] I have been told, since tlie above was put in juint, that 
Mr. Coyne died last summer, which I regret I had not known before ; for 
I can say, with Zanga, "I war not with the dead." 

Ver. 396. Lemon,] Author of some sixty pieces for the theatre, and twice 
as many songs, between which he has divided his time equally. Reads scenes 
from Shakespeare, like an angel, with aid of rare natural parts ; for so says 
the Athenaeum : "Mr. Lemon has great advantages for the delivery of his 
text — a large rotundity of person^ a humorous cast of face, and rare intel- 
ligence ;" opposed to the proverb, more belly than brains; Haxeia yaaTifp 
Xevrov ov riKTti voov. Jester and Punster to the Public. 

Ibid. ftinc/i and puns reno7an\l ;] 

Here, unless we are mistaken, this author has entrapped himself; for not- 
witiistanding the e(|uivocal advantage which he endeavours to take by the 
amliiguous meaning of the word punch, as united with the word lemon, it 
is obvious, antl indeed manifest, wliat is meant ; against which we are ready 
to testify that Mr. Lemon is as temperate a writer as any that never sipped 
any thing else but just cold water. Ed. Atii. 

Ver. 397. Soft sonnet Gilder,] If this Gentleman is by name and trade 
the same, he must know that 

" All which glitters is not gold." 

Ibid. -^<y»] As Mr. Hay is of the Tribune, we know already where 

to " place him," as the Athen;\:um expresses it. 

Vkr. 398. Butler " notliing^^ skilPd to sing or say :] 
A lawyer, who w.as accused, very insultingly, of picking up, in an omnibus, 
a jingle named "nothing to wear," for it was not worth the picking up. 
However, becoming fashionable, many inferior hands wrote " nothing to 
do," *' nothing to eat," until they carried it into CJrub-slreet. 

The latter part of the line he may interpret to hint, that he wanted skill 
as a pleader ; though (lie meaning is, that he had the art to hold his tongue, 
for uliich tliat wise man of Giei'cc was celebrated. 



liodk III. 'Jlll', oiil.IVlAi). 213 

Rccvc, I'';u'iiic, 1 loui^hton, Arnolds iiioic than one; 
Whose eyes still slariiij^, Ihout^h Ihe life is gone: 400 
'1 rillers 'gainst whom satiric skill who tries, 
Like Persian I'rince, but hawks at butterflies, 

N o r v. s . 

Vkr. 399. Reeve^ Farnic,^ Allied in life as in dcalh, these {gentlemen, 
like Ueauinont and Fletcher, with IJrutys and I'alapiat, wrote conjointly; 
Farnie, the songs ; Reeve, the dialof^ue; and, conjointly, stole fr(jin l''rcn(li 
farce, with scraps from other ])ieces. 

Ibid. irc>iii;/ifoii,\ Richani MonUton Milncs, I'".S.A., D.C.I.., &c. 

Baron Ilouj^hton. I'oet and I'olitician ; rare condjination. So larj^e 
a fish as Ilonghton, fonnd ainonj; this fry of farcers, is what need not give 
snrprise, as a cod is often similarly canght. 

Ibid. Artio/(/x\ Arthur. "Cotton l<"amine ; " in which he expresses 

liis fears that the usffiil classes will jjcrish for want of the " raw material," 
while the useless for want of the same converted into rags, and finally 
into ])aper: — Ned. "Staff" of a Newspaper: — The Rev. "Path on luirtk 
to tlietjlatesof Heaven ; " wherein is made appear that these places are con- 
lignous: — Mat. Professor of Poetry, and so |)ersevcring a jiroficient in it, 
that he surpassed Aristotle, whose verses are confined to one had ode, 
while the bad of Mat. fill a volume. 

Vku. 400. Whose eyes still slarhtg,\ C)ne is forced Uijis/i for the mean- 
ing of this Writer. " Whose eyes still staring," seems to api)ly to the 
Messrs. Arnold exclusively, tliough, possibly, intended to include the whole 
"boatload," from the simile of the herrings, which do not shut I heir eyes, 
when deceased. lu). Aiii. 

Ibid. " IV/iose eyes still staring, though the life is gone . ] 
This passage also/ the riieaning of which, we suppose, is, that, as Authors, 
they were dead, though " still staring," in their other capacity. 

I'j). A iir. 

A just conjecture; and one wliich the Reader will please to remend)cr in 
reading other i)assages of this Poem, Am. V.u. 

Vkr. 402. Like I'ersian I'rince, hut haiuhs at liutterjlics,\ 
Sir Anthony Slierley, in his " Travels into Persia," relates, that he saw the 
King amusing himself with sparrows, which had been taught to catch but- 
terflies, and such small game. 



214 THE om.lvlAD. Book III. 

Or of Doniitian iniitiitcs the art, 

With ponitcd verse to do Arachne's [)art : 

These, several and all, to scan yet fain, 405 

Slipp'd from my hand, I could not grasp again ; 

Down, down, they sank, to lie conceal'd from sight, 

As long as Earth endures, or scribblers write. 

(^ne only snatch'd ; once much resounding name 
When criticks call'd, and Longfellow was fame. 410 

Chromatic torture, that some saw-mill near. 
To drown these notes, or, could 1 Codrus hear 1 

NOTES. 

Vkr. 403. Or of Doniitian, iSr^f.] Domitian, in the early part of liis 
reign, was accustoincil to pass liis mornings, with catciiing Hies, ami piercing 
tlieiu tlirougli witli a sliarp-pointcd stylus : '^ wi/sias taptare, ac stilo /;<<•- 
ticiito cotijigcify SiJKTON., Domit., cap. 3. 

Vkr. 407. Down, down, they satik,\ This tautology, we suppose, is eni- 
]iloyeil to e.xpress unusual heaviness, because I'lunnner, or Pluniber, (from 
pliinibiis^) was of the nun\l)cr. El). A'PII. 

Vk.r. 40S. As lotii:; <js luirtit cndi(rfs,\ And longer, I promise them. 
What an immortality, exclaimed Napoleon, eight hundreil years, the utmost 
date of a Raphael or Rubens ! iMglit hundred millions of millions of years, 
multiplied into itself, tlie utmost tiate of this lOarlh, and all that is of it; 
what an immortality ! say I. The geologists shew us at what time moss, 
cabl)ages, monkeys, and then man, who, like the baboon, is a monkey of 
larger growth, came into the world ; and calculate, by a nativity, the day 
on which they shall disappear ; for now, these thirty years, men have 
already jiasscd the zenith ; human genius has declined rapidly ; Tennyson 
and Browning arrived ; ami, in verse, we are limping painfully to the last. 
All things thus approaching the end, except Oblivion, which is eternal, 
there shall our more favourite Authors still find a niche, for Kvi'Mi and for 
EVER I 

Vkk. 410. Long/filo7i>] Tliis, and the ludfdo/cn or more names 

immediately ]ireceiling, indicate that the grapnel nmst again have slipt to 
the Western side, thai Ultima Tlude, spoken of above. Am. Eo. 



Book III. Till'. olil.IVIAI). 215 

Not touch of flic, but ^r.iliiiL;' sound of i;isi), 

And pen to si)lint('is shivt.'r'd in his <.;i-as[). 

Leech forced, ;ilas ! on the loiiLj (heuded thjoni, 4' 5 

Must (hscord chive another to tlic tomb ; 

No kind nieclianic to attend my call, 

And ^ivc a double sash, or thicker wall ; 

Torn cv'ry nerve, intolerable j^rief, 

And the Vice-Chancellor refuse relief! 42O 

N o r K s . 

Ver. 415. T.fvch forci-il, alas I t'y^<-.] 'I'liis iiiiliappy Mini of (Icniiis pif- 
clictccl tliat llic liaii(l-()i'|;;iiis would Ijc lliudcalli of liiin ; (jluiir^cil, in vain ! 
his rcsideiico, and pul in doulilc sashes ; at wliich liis friends were wont Id 
smile, until, at len^^lli, when cerchral inllanunalion had set in, and his end 
appixjached, 1 told you, said he, what it would eonie to. 

Vkk. 420. tlu Vice- Ckancd lor rcfitsr^ <^^''<'-\ 1 he kcadcr cnnint 

fail to renieinher the case of Simpson v. Campl)ell, of Kandnlph-t laidins, 
last year, who foU{^ht their battles with discords, in the manner of ihc 
(ireenlanders. 'I"he power of Music wc* all kn(jw, siiue " the world's victor 
was suhdued hy sound;" hut only the (ireenlanders know the power of 
Noise. 'I'he disi)Ute havinj; divided llii; Slate, opposinj^ armies raise the 

I M I I' A r I N S. 

Vkr. 412. or could I Cod r Its ln'nr !\ 

" rauci 'I'heseide CJodri?" 

JllV. Sat. r., V. 2. 
V K R. 4 1 3 . touch 0/ file. I 

"lima; lalior," 

I loK. d(; Art. I'oel. v. 2t)I. 

Viut. 414. pen to spliiitrrs shiver'' d in his ^rasf>. \ 

It is easy, said Johnson, to make our language rouf^h ; whence I can claim 
but little praise, if, in a ])ar()dy on the followiuf^ line of llomcr, I have 
made the sound, as he did, "an ciho to the sense : " 

TpixJIoi T( KoX TeT/)ax"a 5iut()i«/>Jc iiciri<rt x^^l"^^- 

Ii.iAn, Lib. iii., v. 363. 

Upon which l'',us'i'Al'll ins reniarks, that you would fancy you heard the iron 
breakinj^: tlxois hf ffiSijpDu iipavojxfi'ov aicavav. 



2l6 THE OBLIVIAD. Book III. 

Yet, pain despite, arises oft my laughter 

At dactyl quick, and spondee sneaking after, 

While halts the bard on this and t'other foot, 

High heel and low, like prince of Lilliput. 

He comes, behold, whose epic in that style 425 

Of rhetoric which class'd the infantile ; 

Where judgment shown that void of thought it run, 

To end in nothing, as it first begun ; 

And tittletattle heard in accents broken. 

As if he had the hickup when 'twas spoken. 430 

NOTES. 

cry of combat, and with missiles of shout, song, hoot, hiss, beat of chum, 
and amna ajahs, (how it gapes,) so gall and distress one another, that those 
of the two least dull of ears are glad to escape with the use of them. For 
a full account of which see " Crantz Greenland." 

Ver. 424. High heel and low, like prince of Li Hi put. \ 
" We apprehend his imperial highness, the heir to the crown, to have some 
tendency towards the high heels; at least, we can plainly discover that one 
ol his lieels is higher than the other, which gives him a hobble in his gait." 

Gulliver's Travels : part I. 

Vkr. 430 As if he had the hickiip'] Ilickup ; the thing has been proved ; 
for it is now known that versification is but tiie product of our infirmities, 
and that you can tell the peculiar weakness of any of us from the course of 
our verses. If a man's verses are ill-digested, it is because his "peptic 
capacities" are at fault, when the crudities of his stomach affect those of his 
understanding : the concoction was faulty from the first. As the poet 
breathes, he writes ; and if he is wrong in the wind, so must he be in the 
poetry. The deeper the breath, the longer the verse ; so that he who 
writes in Alexandrines, or twelve syllable lines, has need of a deeper capa- 
city of chest, than he who composes in those of eight ; or, rather, the 
length of his breath gives the limit to his line, by which we are enaljled to 
tell, that Spenser breathed habitually more slowly than Prior, and Homer 
than Anacreon, even before he took to drinking, and the grape-stone had 
stuck in his throat ; for we have their verses, some long, others short, 
which guage them, like a spirometer. Of this Horace seems to have had 
some notion, calling Pindar the deep-mouthed, when he should rather have 
said, deep-chested ; Pindar, of all bards, singing out his verses the most 
immeasurably, with all the licence of the dithyrambic, and, in matter of 



Book III. THE OBLIVIAD. 21/ 

Of the insipid mighty master he, 
And prophet foremost of inanity ; 

NOTES. 

inspiration, standing the first. This matter Persius must have had an in- 
sight of, whose verses, here following, are closely applicable to the Theban : 

" pede liber, 
Grande aliquid, quod pulmo animoe praelargus anhelet." 

Sat. i. V. 13. 

Ovid evermore fails us in alternate verse, breathing ^ deux temps, as the 
French say of a broken winded horse. You can tell the man by the way he 
■walks, said Sallust ; but much better by the way he breathes ; for in this 
matter we are speaking of, as in every thing else belonging to life, it is all 
wind. 

Elegiac couplets, such as those of Ovid, were originally used only in 
poems of a sad description ; when the verse moved with the sigli, the inspi- 
ration, or first line, being long and deep, the second short and convulsive ; 
the lungs, which had been slowly inflated, collapsing suddenly, like a burst 
bladder. 

This inquiry, into what is called the " Physiology of Versification," ex- 
tends into the whole constitution of poetry and poets, as shown in a very 
ingenious essay by Dr. Holmes ; of which, here, I can, at present, make 
no further use than to justify my expressions of asthmatic^ long-winded, and 
hickiip^ as in the instance before us : 

He must have had the hickup when 'twas spoken. 

" The unconscious adaptation of voluntary life to the organic rhythm is, 
perhaps, a more pervading fact than we have been in the habit of consider- 
ing it. One can hardly doubt that Spenser breathed habitually more slowly 
than Prior, and that Anacreon had a quicker respiration than Homer. 
And this difference, which we conjecture from their rhythmical instincts, if 
our conjecture is true, probably, almost certainly, characterized all their 
vital movements." So far Dr. Holmes. In support of whose theory I 
desire to remark, that the great advance in modern science, speculative and 
applied, is due to the discovery of Gall ; who mapped out the cranium, and 
shewed us how to find, by the prominence of the organs, which of them we 
sliould make use of, and improve by study. To carry out this design to its 
logical consequence, as the phrase is, we have but to make use of it in the 
region of poetry, on the principle laid down by Dr. Holmes, and, with aid 
of that great modern discovery, the stethoscope, get the capacity of the 
10 



2l8 



THE Or>I,IVIAD. 



Book IIL 



IJut not to crowd a page already full, 

Set down in one short word, the man was dull. 

N o V K s . 

lnny;s, depth of llic clicst, aiul c;ilil)er of the l)ronclii ; llic tongue to he in- 
spected, on tliiusting it out, in the usual inanncr. Professoishiiis li) \>a 
cstablislicd in Ct)llcges, and cliest-gaugers to he licenseti everywhere. 

Ibid. Scarron, on his death-bed, labouring with the hickup, ventured to 
write a satire against it ; but, in confirmation of the theory of Dr. Holmes, 
forced to equal his line with the death rattle, he was brought at last to 
a single /tic, and expired; for when the breath failed, so also, of necessity, 
did the verse. 

Viui. 434. //(g man 7vas dull.\ Writers on the English tongue 

dwell, with great admiration, on the gravity of that "noble word," Death, 
with that " nigrum theta" transposed to the end of it ; but I will match 
with it that other inonosylla!)le, Uui.i,, as one of the heaviest, and most ex- 
l>ressive, in our language. 

Ibid. </«//. J Irately, taking up a scrap of paper, that some chance had 
thrown in my way, it drew my attention by a certain (ignrc of so irregular 
a shape, and with so many ins anil oiils, thai, at fnst, I lliought some one 



Jlazy 




Fo^y 



had been exercising his ingenuity, to discover how unmeaning an image he 
could devise ; for it had resemblance neitiier to slock nor stone, man nor 
brute; unless pcrliaps to an old woman, wearing a kind of a coif; until, 



Book III. THE OI5LIVIAD. 219 

looking at it again, I noticed at the top, and at tlie bottom, of tliis diagram, 
if I may so call it, the word dttll, while at one side was the word hazy, and 
on the other foggy ^ the centre space having cloudy^ very conspicuous ; 
whereupon, alter a moment's effort of my fancy, I could not but suppose 
that this was the outline of a satire, which had been puzzling some one's 
head : but, shewing it to a friend, he burst out a-laughing, for, said he, that 
is only a " weather chart ; " that's England, can't you see? and those sym- 
bols, as you call them, 29.8., 30.0., and 30.2., simply indicate the Iwro- 
metrical heaviness. Well, well, said I, a little disconcerted, 'lis all the 
same, in point of fact, since it is well known that, with us, as is the air, so 
are our wits, usually cloudy and dull ; nor do I doubt tliat, at tlie time this 
map was made, Tennyson was working on Queen Mary, and Carlyle on 
George the Third, 



END OF BOOK THE THIRD. 




THE OBLIVIAD 



Book the Fourth. 



THE 



O B L I V I A D. 



BOOK THE FOURTH. 

ARGUMENT. 

''/ "HE Poet, having procured a longer rope, together with 
various scientijic and other aids, to search the bot- 
tom, finds Dickens, who is easily known by certain ugly 
marks. He is described as one who aped the air of a 
gentleman, and who had written more than he had read. 

The Poet, however, breaks off suddenly, disgiisted with 
his readings, and his dinners, and so drops him. While 
thus engaged, something concealed in folds as of a petti- 
coat is seen floating, when order is at once given to seize 
it before it sink. A huge jack-knife in her hand, and 
spots of blood en her breast, discover in this Miss Brad- 
don, whose many distinguished qualities, good and bad, 
are dzvelt on. Four other fair ones are here also caught 
by the skirts, wJiich are spotted, not tvith blood, but zvitJt 
ink. Let go, unexamined, they sink suddenly, though 
not without a murmur from Thames. TJiese settling 
*' gradually loiv,'' Sala, with a weight of luggage at his 
back, is hauled up ; so changed since when of yore he 
played the merry-andrcw, and was the fool he affected. 
Carlyle, while sinking yet lower, the grapnel now lays 



224 ARGUMENT. 

hold of by chance, and np he too is brought ; great con- 
queror of common sense, and rebel agai?tst rule. The 
strange singularity of his attire is described minutely, 
with his other artifices to catch the croivd, tvhile danc- 
ing a German bear, to the music of Brozvning, Sala, and 
Szvinburne. The Muse is once more invoked, to say zvJio 
it is the tackle next lifted, in shape as of a commercial 
bagman. In him Trollope soon appears ; a coxcomb of 
more than ordinary fortune, who was " sent a plate"" at 
the Dickens dinner. Tossed, from time to time, aside, 
on the Bank, an immense mass of Books and Authors 
now lay in such confusion, that great Bancroft was 
therein scarce distingjiishable ; zvJiose Prose and Verse 
came to a dead level ; and whose History the more deeply 
sunk the shelf, as it was never taken from it ; bought out 
of regard to our Country, and left unread out of regard 
to Ourselves, Sears, big as a score of bards, and quack 
in learning, here, hung to view, tells his story, how he 
ventured back to the land of blunders and bogs, acted the 
gentleman in presence of me Lady ; caught the judge's 
eye in Court, and escaped from it / received in England 
as his Lordship of the Quill ; and in Paris found his 
Irish the same with his French. Laid next upon the 
bank, some dozen dames, very neglectfitl of dirty linen, 
and excellent housewives of soiled paper ; among whom 
a clatter of tongues is heard, boast, braiigling, and con- 
tradiction, until a louder laugh concludes the argument . 
Of these, Beecher discusses a crime, sJiocking to name, 
without a blusJi ; a zuoman deep in knozvlcdge, zvho had 
groped to the bottom in Sodomy, and zvho now, to?ichi?ig 
on Sacred and Profane history, adverted to offence of 
On an, and expressed her doubts of Pro cuius. Proctor 
offers proof that her virginity was intact ; while Ames, 
Field, and Holmes, show symptoms of the green sickness, 



ARGUMENT. 22$ 

. and mistake a colic for labour. After these, Mother 
^ Saunders meets Oblivion on earth ; sets the spittoon be- 
side Brevoort ; aiid finds that the funds of Astor furnish 
yet five thousand a year. The Lotos Club, a basketful, 
is raised and described, in like manner, with those 
^ ** Leaves'* on which to doze in Lethe. From among 
' whom Brentano is singled out, swearing at the stench of 

stale book in his shop, and setting instead the freshest 
things, Gladstone and the Pope, the Beecher Case, Dixon, 
the Bull-Frog Sketches, Warner, Troivbridge, and Bos- 
ton " notions " generally. Sabin, a student of Oxford, 
is here introduced, the rival of Brentano in titles that 
not Latin. Ln the last place, a load, which had thrice 
already broken fron the grapnel, is with difficulty 
dragged into view. These Athenceums, which had gone 
down piecemeal every week into adjacent Oblivion. The 
contrast between the Modern and Ancient Athencsa ; the 
one a chaste temple of wisdom and the arts, the other 
a nasty shop, in which trades are carried on. to collect the 
dross of learning. Dixon Jiimself described, with his 
disinterestedness., and advice given how best approach 
him. Finally, pilloried, as in front of his own preface, 
he is pelted by the rabble, and, after many reproachcSy 
scourged thoroughly. 

lO* 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Book the Fourth. 

MORE tackle, ho ! heave out a length of rope, 
And, bottom if there be, the bottom grope ; 
By new-invented glass let each be seen, 
The bell provide, with the suit submarine ; 
Let Dixon for the sinker lend his head, 5 

And Athenaeums be in place of lead; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 3. new-invented glass\ The Sulimarine Telescope ; an instru- 
ment wliicli enables one to see the foundation of a pier, or examine the bot- 
tom of a ship, and even, with an additional reflector, to descry things, how- 
ever little, at great depths in the ocean. "It is a long conical tube, at the 
end of which is a triangular chamljer, containing on one side of it a mirror, 
and on the other a hole. When the instrument is under water, the light 
from the submarine object penetrates through the hole, and is reflected by 
the mirror to the eye of the observer at the other end of the tulie." 

Scientific Review. 

Ver. 5. lend his hcad^'] A glaring impropriety ; lend his head. 

That a man may lend himself, body and soul, to base purposes, we are con- 
strained to admit ; but to hire his own head, 't is impossible, unless, meta- 
phorically, in the way of using what is in his head, for pay, as in puffmg or 
maligning. Eu. Ath. 



228 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Pump puffs, advertisements, and else be brought 
All wind which aids us when the sunk is sought. 

Deep in the ooze, 'mid putrefaction found, 

Slow dragg'd aloft, and left at length on ground, lO 

First Dickens see, known by an ugly mark 

Of hack reporter with attorney's clerk ; 

His early trades, which told, no need to ask 

Whence still that rancid savour of the cask ; 

The vulgar irony, the tap-room jest, 15 

Fine spoken fellow when he did his best ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 6. Athencrnms be in place of lead ;'{ When I was on the Missis- 
sippi, I noticed those using the diving-bell, to sink it by means of pigs of 
lead, to find other pigs of the same sort, which had sunk in a boat, or which 
had sunk it. 

Ver. 7. Pump puffs, advertisements,^ Those who descend in the r//z'/;/,g"- 
bell, or who wear that armour called the submarine, (just mentioned,) are 
supplied with air from above, by means of a pump, without which the diver 
would presently perish, as separated from the respirable atmosphere. 

Ver. II. kno%vn by an ngly mark\ 

Where the Devil makes a purchase, as the saying is, he never fails to set his 
mark : for so, when at a cattle fair, the grazier has bought a pig or an ass, 
he clips it with a pair of shears on the buttock, or bedaubs it with mud. 

Ver. 15. The vulgar iro7ty, the tap-room jest, 

Fine spoken fellow when he did his best ;] 
The following may be taken as specimens of Mr. Dickens's style, in both 
sorts, the fine and familiar : 

" A kick which could have emanated from no leg but a beadle's." 
" The perspiration which his walk had en gender edy 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. -14. Whence still this rancid savour of the cask ;] 

" Quo semel est imbuta recens, servabit odorem 

Testa diu." HoR. Epist. Lib. I., Ep. II., v. 69. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 229 

Verbatim dialogue, Alsatian scene, 

The Cockney classic, and colloquial mean ; 

The upstart shewn when scarce the speech began, 

With effort vain to ape the gentleman. 20 

The " Great Unknown " once by the public sought. 

Let Dickens henceforth be the " Great Untaught," 

NOTES. 

*' Aggravating and tantalizing Oliver Twist." 

"Gave the donkey's jaw a sharp wrench, by the way o{ gefttle reminder." 

" Smeared the heer from his face." 

" Why what the blazes is in the wind now?" 

" Hell's fire! cried Sikes." 

Ver. 17. Verbatim dialogue^ It is even said that he printed many of 
his dialogues literally, as reported by the stenographer ; wanting that skill 
of selecting those particulars which touch the imagination, and set it to 
finish the picture in colours more vivid than any in the power of language 
to give ; when the trivial and tedious are excluded, and the image of Nature 
made more distinct. Machine portraits, and, in comparison, such as a pho- 
tograph to a likeness by Vandyke; in which the expression is given, and 
thus, not the features only, but the character. 

Ibid. Alsatian scenc,\ Alsatia, a district of Blackfriars, so frequently 

mentioned in the old comedies, and particularly described in one of Scott's 
novels, was tacitly allowed certain immunities, which made it a sanctuary 
for a particular class of public offenders ; the resort of the profligate and 
improvident ; having a slang of its ovi'n ; and bearing some resemblance to 
our Five Points of former years, to which a Committee took Dickens, when 
first here, (for he has had the face to come the second time,) that he might 
see a neiv phase of life ; when he had only to look round upon his Conduc- 
tors, to see something as original and ridiculous, not to say knavish, as any 
on the face of the earth. Am. Ed. 

Shadwell, the dunce of his day, and a celeljrated one, wrote a piece called 
the Squire of Alsatia, which, discovering the cant terms that were before 
not generally known, except to the cheats themselves, was a good deal in- 
strumental in causing that nest of villains to be regulated by law. — This 
note from Dennis, the Critick. See Spence's Anecdotes. 

Ver. 21. The " Great Unhnozun''''\ The appellation by which the Au- 
thor of Waverly was for a long time distinguished. Am. Ed. 



230 THE OBLIVIAD. l^ook IV. 

Unless " Original " best fit liis head, 

Who ten times more has written than has read ; 

His cant of language pick'd up in the street, 25 

Where bootblacks gather, and the gaol-birds meet. 

FamiHar long, of such he writes with ease, 

And paints mechanic what he daily sees ; 

The surface gleans, who wants the strength to go 

Where wealth of nature in the mine below : 30 

The moral maxim, motives as they hide 

In human hearts, and how the step to guide : 

NOTES. 

Vkr. 25. His cnnt of language picked up in the street.^ 
But not only is Dickens tlie collector, lie is the inventor of slang; as ap- 
pears from the following extract of a criticism on an author who had not 
yet mastered the idiom : " More probably it will die young, for it is deplo- 
rably pointless, and it is not the idiom of our strenuous classes who breed 
the long-lived enduring slang ; our roughs, our sailors, our thieves, our 
Dii/ci-us." Fall Mali. GAZicrrE. 

Ibid. cant of language] This despicable art of raising merriment by 

the use of vulgar phrases was not employetl by the Ancients, who found 
other means of distinguishing their characters, and diverting the audience, 
than by iniprojirieties of language. Petronius is the only exception, who, 
writing in studied violation of all established usage, makes the Servants, in 
the Feast of Trimalchion, speak bad Latin ; proof, it has been thought, that 
the passage is spurious. Nothing of the kind in Plautus, nothing in Te- 
rence, whence, we may say, to a certainty, nothing of the kind in Menander. 

Ver. 26. IV/icre bootblacks gather^ and the gaol-birds meet. 
" Never having been inliniate with any convict in my life," said Thackeray, 
who evermore discovered the gentleman, "ami the maimers of ruffians and 
gaol-birds being (juite unfamiliar to me, the idea of entering into competi- 
tion with Sue, et cietera, was abandoned." Prkkace to I'endennis. 

Ver. 29. The surface gleans, ^c.\ Johnson, comparing Richardson 
with Fielding, used to say, " that there was as great a difTerence between 
them, as helwecn a man who knew how a walcli was made, and a man who 
could tell the hour by looking on the dial-plalc." 

BoswEi.i., V. iii. , p. 38, Muiray, 1839. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 23I 

In which the charm, though fools may take delight 

In talcs which Dickens, or which you, may write. 

Still Dickens, Dixon, shall I ne'er have done, 35 

And must my numbers on such numskulls run, 

When need is none to cite their sorry stuff, 

And Dick and Dick is ridicule enough. 

In ev'ry newspaper constrain'd to spell. 

On ev'ry post, the names contemptible ; 40 

That still, despite of" Hepworth," " Charles," recall 

The lackey in the base original. 

" Farewell once more," O, would it were the last, 

The Dinner eaten, and the Reading past. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 40. the names contemptible ;] 

It is curious to remark tliat nearly all the famous writers in the world have 
somelliing sonorous and pleasing in their names, Ilomeros, Sophocles, Vir- 
gilius, Ariosto, Ercilia, Corneille, Shakespeare, Congreve, &c. ; speaking 
of which, Disraeli, in his Curiosities of Literature, asks if any one would 
not decide in favour of Drydeu against Settle, by the name alone. The 
devil in Dutch, said Voltaire ; the devil and Dixon, say I. 

Ver. 41. That still, despite of '^Hepworth," " Charles," &'c.\ 
"Carolina, Wilelmina, Amelia Skeggs, I love to give the whole name;" 
for so says tlie Author of a little novel of a very different cast from any that 
this son of Dick ever wrote, or was capable of writing. 

Ver. 43. " Farewell o?ice tnore,''^] The Farewell Reading, the Farewell 
Dinner ; for months and years in succession ; now is your last chance j and 
again, and again, as long as any one will hear, or give a dinner. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 31. motives as they hide 

In human hearts,'] 

&e(TTOf)lSr]s, ^V7)T0iiTiv avcoiffruu iroKf'wv Trep, 
OvSiu &<l>pa<Tr6Tei)ov irtXtrai v6ov audfiunroKTiv. 

Herod. Vit. Horn. 16. 

Ver. 34. - which Dickens, or which you, may tvrite.\ 

" Quales ego, vel Cluvienus." 

JuvEN. Sat. i. V. 80. 



232 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

A dinner give to Dickens, what, you cry, 45 

A dinner give, and not in charity ! 

Suppress surprise ; the magnates of the mart 

Would prove how deep is their respect for " Art ; " 

Would " genius " court, and show how big a fool 

Is May'r of Manchester or Liverpool. ^o 

But see where large upon the flood afloat, 

Yon shape half hid by breadth of petticoat ; 

Haste, seize, into the gulf ere yet it sink. 

See all secure, and bring the prize to brink. 

What yell was that ? Hark ! raised the hue and cry, 55 

Seduction, murder, poison, robbery ; 

Where Vulture, Serpent, join'd to Dead-Sea Fruit, 

And Braddon furious in the fell pursuit ; 

NOTES. 

Ver, 49. s/iow hotu big a fool 

Is May'r of Manchester or Liverpool.^ 
A merited stroke. 'Twas there that we was hissed. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 52. shape half hid by breadth of petticoat ;'\ 

Half hid. The garment mentioned being but a coiitie sark, as Burns calls 
it, and concealing but the inferior, that is to say, lower parts of the body, 
what need to tell us that her shapes were only half hid by it, when to cover 
the upper, you must uncover the lower, or vice versa. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 57. Vulttcre, Serpent, joined to Dead-Sea Fruit,'\ 
These are names of some of Miss Braddon's novels. 

Ver. 58. Braddon\ Miss Mary Elizabeth ; her father's daughter, 

he being a writer for the Magazine. One can easily see why the " Periodi- 
cal Press" is so well supplied, for authors begin early, like Miss Braddon, 
and, like Mrs. Norton, continue late. But Miss Braddon has a periodical 
of her own, delight of the belies of Belgravia, and finds time, in addition to 
her other toils, to lead the fashion, and bring out, every season, a new 
novel. 

A propos. I have just seen a paragraph in a Paper, headed " A Plague of 
Lady Writers," which it is not quite out of my purpose to insert ; it runs 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 233 

Blood on her breast, huge jack-knife in her hand, 

And spread one scene of horror through the land. 60 

Let Atreus not the human banquet lay, 

Medea murder in the face of day. 

Far other arts : what worst can meet the eye, 

Distorted scenes of guilt and infamy; 

NOTES. 

thus : " Have any of your reailers noticed the large number of lady writers 
(meaning she authors,) now writing in the magazines? " Gone over to the 
women," is the cry raised afresh nearly every month by some jealous males. 
For instance, at the present time the Si. yames' s Magazine is edited by 
Mrs. Riddell, authoress of '• George Geith ; " the Argosy is edited by Mrs. 
H. Wood, authoress of " East Lynn," and both ladies are writing several 
tales in TinsePs Magazine. Miss Yonge, authoress of the " Heir of Red- 
clyfTe," is editing the Monthly Packet. Mrs. S. C. Hall assists in editing 
the Art Journal. Macmillan's Magazine contains, besides the article by 
Mrs. Stowe, "A Brave Lady," by Mrs. Craik (Miss Muloch), authoress of 
" John Halifax ; " " Estelle Russell," by Mrs. OIney ; " Children's Litera- 
ture," by Miss Yonge; "Lady Duff Gordon," by the Hon. Mrs. Norton. 
The story in Temple Bar, " Red as a Rose is Slie," is by a lady. Miss A. 
B. Edwards is the authoress of the principal story in Good Words, " Deben- 
ham's Vow." Miss Emily Davies has an article in the Contemptible Review, 
which used to be, par excellence, a man's magazine. The writer of the 
article on »* Bells," in the Churchman's Shilling Magazine, is Miss Stoth- 
ert, of Bath. 

Ibid. Let Atreus not] Whether the Author intended, or not, to lay par- 
ticular emphasis on the adverb, it calls to mind the trial to which Johnson 
put Garrick, in pronouncing "Thou shalt not commit adultery;" when, 
resting the voice, first, on one word, and, in a second attempt, on another, 
he missed the proper pronunciation, which is. Thou shalt not commit 
adultery, since followed by all our clergymen. Am. Eo. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 6r. Let Atreus not the human banquet lay, 

Medea murder in the /ace 0/ day.] 
" Ne pueros coram populo Medea trucidet ; 
Aut humana palam cotjuat exta nefarius Atreus." 

HoR. De Art. Poet. v. 185. 



234 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

The blameless matron, and the murd'rer mate, 65 

The slow assassin, and his final fate ; 

With drastic terror drug the tragic bowl, 

And gripe the very entrails of the soul. 

E'en this ? at length hear Indignation ask ; 

Must Calcraft in our gaze complete the task ; 70 

NOTES. 

Ver. 70. Calcraft.'\ The hangman, "finisher" of criminals, as 

Rachel of ladies, and Hepworth of authors, himself no mean author, com- 
paratively speaking, as the following, taken from his writings, sufficiently 
evinces : (In reply to an innkeeper, who had dunned him ; for in this also 
Calcraft showed the man of genius :) 

" Sulley iam quite a Shamed at your meanness of sending me that open 
peace of paper to expose me in that way to think that you want me to spend 
2 or 3 pounds to com to your place to Pay you the som of 14s which i 
never had half of it will swear if ihad you half of it what did it const me 
when whe ware out together you never spent one half-penny and you to 
charge me that exorbant som isuppose you thought of fritning me but iwas 
born too near awood to be fritened by an Owl the sum you charged me the 
Shiriff ough to have setteled long ago ihave sent you the Beastley bit of 
paper you sent me in an envelop not open as you sent it me you can doc 
what you like with it as soon as it is convnant iwill send you apost offic 
order for the overcharge of 14s with acheck upon you for so mean an 
action. W. S. W C inever was served Such a mean action in all my lif 
inever hat such athing in my house before if ever iketch you 
mean mean." 

Horace has been praised for the use of apophthegm and fable in his 
writings ; whence this " Born too near a wood to be frightened by an Owl," 
should not be allowed to pass unnoticed. Dixon himself was heard to ex- 
claim, " May I be hanged, if that is not inimitable." A piece of writing, 
take it all together, which, for novelty, spirit, orthography, and punctua- 
tion, Dixon, at his very best, never could excel. As to the moral, which 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 67. With drastic terror] 

A( i\4ov Koi <p6fiov ireoalvovcra tV "'■«*' roiovrwv irtx^Tj^iraiv Kabapffiv. 

Arist, de Poet. Cap. vi. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 23$ 

The culprit bind, now desp'rate of all hope, 
Pull down the cap, and readjust the rope ; 
Infuriate Braddon drag aside the screen. 
Nor with the last convulsion shut the scene ? 

NOTES. 

is the end of all, Calcraft rises quite above the other, for he returned the bit 
of paper sent him, which Ed. Ath. never does, and on all occasions stood 
treat ; unlike other gentlemen of the press, who come sneaking in, or will 
take a heel-tap, for want of better. 

This piece I take the liberty of recommending to Mr. Charles Dickens, 
as deserving a place, in his " Hangmen's Literature," next to the following, 
which, as appears, is by an amateur : 

" Sir having seen in the paper that Calcraft cannot come up, I will un- 
dertake the sad office if well remunerated and as time is short please to say 
the amount and I will come by return of Post you may depend on me. 
Yours til Death." 

But since the course of my inquiries has led me to this subject of hang- 
men, the first of them, famous in history, was called Gregory, surnamed 
the "Great," to whom Dun (ominous sound!) succeeded, until Ketch was 
elevated to the office, who has ever since, now for two hundred years, trans- 
mitted his name to his successors ; Jack Ketch being common to them all, 
as Hep Dix hereafter. 

Ver. 72. Pull down the cap,} To hide the 'convulsions;' a part of the 
ceremony which, besides the prayers, is omitted in our executions, the main 
purpose of which is exposure. Eu. Ath. 

. Ver. 73. drag aside the screen,] Nothing, in the whole compass of 

the drama, is more admirable than the art of Sophocles, when he con- 
trives to make the terrible act of a son slaying his mother, while the daugh- 
ter stands on watch without, greatly more powerful by hiding it within the 
scene, than if he had shewn it in full view of the Theatre ; which was against 
the rule of the Ancient Greek Tragedy, as it is of the modern French, and 
would have mixed disgust with horror. 

HAEKTPA. 
Boa TJ? ivZov. oiiK aKover, 5 <pi\ai ; 
X0P02. 
"H/couct' avriKOV(TTa , 



236 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Frequents of Fashion the still new abode, 75 

She keeps of speech the barb'rous a-la-mode, 

NOTES. 

KATTAIMNHSTPA. 
Ot fioi rdXaiv ' AtyiaOe, trod ttot' &i> Kvpeis; 

HAEKTPA. 
'iSov ju.a\' oS ^poei ris. 

KATTAIMNH2TPA. 

"n TiKVOV, TiKVOy, 

OiKretpe rijv reKovcrav. 

HAEKTPA. 

'A\\' ovK iK crf6ei/ 
'Q'KTelpe^' ovros, oi»3-' 6 yevvrjcras irar^p. 

X0P02. 

^n itSXis, S) yevfo, ToiKatya' vvv ffe 
Moipa Kadafifpia (pOlvei^ (pdlvu. 

KATTAIMNH2TPA. 
"Q [loi veir\r}yij.ai. 

HAEKTPA. 

Tla7<Toy, el ad^veis, SiirKriv. 
KATTAIMNH2TPA. 
"[I fioi fid\^ avOis. 

This passage, as found in the excellent Translation of Franklin, I will 
not withhold from the Reader : 

Electra. 

Some one cries within ; 
Did you not hear? 

Chorus. 

It is too horrible 
For mortal ear; I tremble at the sound. 

ClytKmnestra. [within] 

^gisthus, O! where art thou? 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 237 

The style she uses image of her gear, 

In this place one thing, which another here. 

NOTES. 

Electi'a. 
Hark! again 
The voice, and louder. 

Clytsemnestra. [within] 

O! my child, my child! 
Pity thy mother, pity her who bore thee. 

Electra. 
Be thine the pity which thou shewd'st to him, 
And to his father. 

Chorus. 

O! unhappy kingdom! 
O! wretched race! thy misery is full; 
This day will finish all. 

Clytaemnestra. [within] 

O! I am wounded! 
Electra. 
Another stroke. Another, if thou canst. 

Clytaemnestra. 
Ah me! again! 

In Macbeth, Shakespeare preserved the same decorum ; but, great as he 
appears, matched with Sophocles, in the scene before us, he is inferior to 
him. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 77. The style she uses\ I have given examples of Mr. Dickens's 
style ; let me now give a few of Miss Braddon's, a writer of the same level, 
and, as here next in place, so next in fame : 

" The carriages were growing thin." 

" Hector was neither evangelical nor Puseyite in his tendencies." 

" Has made a wonderful match." 

" Whenever she became expansive and confidential." 

" Slap-dash mode of argument." 

"A terrible amount of dim poetic sentiment." 

•' He expected that she would have lieen rather pleased than otherwise." 



238 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Takes up, lays down, from this to t'other flies, 

With slight regard to rule of unities ; 80 

Intent to argue, sedulous to spin. 

Till fiU'd a page with nose of heroine. 

Now right, now wrong, who never at a loss. 

She gives her head the self-complacent toss ; 

Of tropes rhetoric varies the abuse, 85 

And makes in reasoning that the hinge be loose ; 

Stoops not to toil when words 'gainst wit rebel, 

For if the thing but seem 't will do as well ; 

Since modern student, from each shackle freed, 

Slights all that sense, and is content to read ; 90 

Made in man's image, who unapt to think. 

Next after monkey, and the missing link ; 

NOTES. 

" The summer sunlight flooded her face and figure, and the summer air 
fluttered one loose tress of her dark-brown hair, as her head drooped over 
the book." Fine ! here is the true romance, for in what else do we see 
ladies reading beneath a burning sun ; flutter is given an active sense, and 
tress employed in the singular : all which has given that novelty to the style 
so acceptable to the fashionable. "Drooped over the book;" a volume 
of the Laureate, perhaps, over which she nodded. 

Ver. 80, rule of unities ;\ The famous unities of time, place, and 

fable ; the violation of which Butler did not overlook, in a fling against 
the Romance writers, here following : 

*' Some force whole regions, in despite 
©'geography, to change their site ; 
Make former times shake hands with latter, 
And that which was before come after." 

HuDiERAS, Part ii.. Canto i, v. 23. 

Ver. 90. Slights all that seftse^ and is content to read ;] 
So, it appears to us, one would naturally be. Surely, he does not mean 
that we should be content not to read, unless some sheet, as parts of our 
own, of which people say, "Just looked at it." Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 92. the missing lin/c ;] Goethe, I believe, was the first who 

classed human beings into those who are things of sense, and those who re- 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 239 

When the gradation regular you see, 

To thing half-human, through the chimpanzee. 

Whate'er of tedious when Romance intent 95 

To drawl all day through trivial incident ; 

This crowds the volume ; yet sometimes the word 

Wants not due weight, nor is the thought absurd ; 

E'en judgment enters, rays dispel the fog, 

And dulness leaves the long-drawn dialogue ; lOO 

Dramatic strength (much languid act between) 

Stalks to the front, and Nature owns the scene. 

Four fair ones here, a once alluring throng. 
With Sewell, Manning, and with Eliot, Yonge, 

NOTES. 

fleet ; a difference as distinct as any in Natural History, or that wliich 
separates those who read only, from those who reason upon what they have 
read, and such as clearly indicates a variety of species. This lost link, in 
tlie opinion of Rousseau, is the primitive homo, wliile tlie other, or he who 
thinks, is the animal depraved-: " L'etat de reflexion est un etat conlre la 
nature; I'homme qui medite est un animal deprave." 

Ver. 103. a once alluring throng, \ Turning over tlie leaves of this 

book, we notice that we are getting to the end of it ; otherwise, we quite 
weary of seeking for the meaning of so many passages. We ask again, does 
he mean by "once" that the " fair ones" in question were once, tiiat is in 
their youtli, maids, but are now no longer so, being old-maids ? or, that, 
that not so much age, as ' smut all o'er,' lias caused them to be less alluring, 

Ei). Am. 

Ver. 104. Seweir\ Miss Elizabeth Missing, who, born in 1815, has 

had ample time to write a long series of novels, and other religious works. 
High Church fiction. "Gertrude, a Tale;" "Sketches, Three Tales;" 
"Catherine Ashton, a Tale;" "Ursula, a Tale;" with "Self Examina- 
tion before Confirmation;" and "Little Forrester and his Friend, a 
Ballad." 

Ibid. Manning,'] Miss Anne; who, born in 1807, did not begin to 

write until she was forty-three ; when, in despair, she snatched the pen, and, 
from 1850, up to 1866, hurried off, to make up for lost time, six or eight 



240 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Caught by the skirts, not inky as of yore 105 

With scatter'd spots, but smutted now all o'er : 
Unseemly sight ; again, let go, they fall 
'Neath Thames' much murm'ring waters, hoops and all. 

NOTES. 

volumes, on an average, every year, and, when last heard of, was busy on 
more. 

Ibid. Eliof\ George ; nom de plume of a lady, reputed daughter of 

one clergyman, and wife of a second ; whence the chastity of her life and 
writings, which illustrate one another : 

" If on the page her heroines confined. 
Her life gave ampler lessons to mankind." 

A couplet of Pope, which I take the liberty of altering, as he had first 
taken that liberty himself. " Scenes of a Clerical Life," followed by 
«' Adam Bede," with " Romola," " Felix Holt, the Radical," the " West- 
minster Review," and a number of other works of the same description. — 
Born about 1820. Come, come, Mrs. I-Forget-Your-Name, out with it, 
and be an honest woman, like Mesdemoiselles Sewell and Manning, unless 
the chances of a widow enter into your calculations. 

jj^" An error has crept in here, now too late to correct. Miss Sewell 
and Miss Manning should have been found among the girls, on the authority 
of Bacon, who says that we who come late into the world are the ancients, 
and that those of remote dates are the young. 

Ibid. Yonge,'] This young lady, born in 1823, is also for High 

Church, of which she is a shapely pillar, with her hair twisted into the 
volutes of the Ionic order, the feminine so named, as the Doric the mascu- 
line. Novels; no end of them. The profits of "Daisy Chain," ^^2,000. 
Alas ! the days when Authors dined, occasionally, at fourpenny Ordinaries, 
were hunted by bailiffs, and all whose riches were in a reversion of fame. 
Gibbon congratulated himself that he was born in the Eighteenth century ; 
these, the ladies and gentlemen of the Obliviad, shall I call them, have 
greater reason to congratulate themselves that they were born in the Nine- 
teenth. 

Ver. 108. hoops and a//,] Had our Author, instead of Satire, 

turned his hand to Tales, he, very likely, from this specimen, would have 
produced something very popular, the language is so fine, as the Athenceum 
expresses it. "Four fair ones," "alluring," "unseemly sight," " mur- 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 24I 

These settling down, say, now, what carcass this, 

Profaned with slime of the so deep abyss. i lO 

And is this Sala, once reputed hack, 

With all this load of luggage at his back ? 

Alas ! so changed, who, when on earth of yore, 

Toss'd high in air the cap and bells he wore ; 

Set wide his heels, a slav'ring tongue held out, 1 15 

Gazed, grinn'd, and jabber'd, and then frisk'd about : 

Ne'er by such bulk agility such shewn. 

And Sala nimble as a Logan stone : 

NOTES. 

muring waters ; " Tennyson would have made a poem out of half the num- 
ber. Nor should we pass without notice the pathetic at mention of the 
hoops, or the delicacy in letting them down, without examining farther. 

Am. Ed. 

Ver. III. And is this Sala ?"[ By his father Portuguese, English by his 
mother; had not a moment's time for thought, from his youth upwards, 
so much occupied was he in writing ; skipped from Continent to Continent ; 
wrote "There and Back Again," "Weighed in the Balance," and was 
found heavy ; with six score more ; much straining the tackle, and causing 
so much the more uneasiness, as it was borrowed. The French have 
a phrase, Trop de mercure dans la tete ; — or rather does that other, Viva- 
cit!'. de Pcsanteiir, better apply to him, who, like a struck whale, is at once 
ponderous and lively? "I have a kind of alacrity in sinking," said Fal- 
staff, as the Reader remembers. 

Ver. 1 14. Toss'd high in air the cap and bells he wore ;] 
Our ancestors used to fasten bells on the hat of the Clown, to excite his 
spirits, as we on the neck of our horses ; a contrivance to which much of the 
vivacity of Sala's drollery may be imputed. Am. Eu. 

Ver. 117. such bnlk\ Was heard to boast that, like his friend, 

Mark Lemon, he could personate Falstaff without stufhng. 

Ver. h8. Sala nimble as a Logan stone:] Rocks of vast size, 

called Logan stones, are found in various parts of the world, capable of be- 
ing moved with a very slight degree of force. Pliny makes mention of one 
at Harpasa, in Asia, which could be moved by the finger, bat not pushed 
from its place by effort of the whole body : a description which Carew 
II 



242 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

As work'd Galvanic battery in his brain, 

Flung himself down, and straight jump'd up again ; 120 

Spasmodic laugh'd, and next, with changed grimace, 

Made sad the merry-andrew in his face ; 

To sudden clamour with crack'd accent broke, 

And rasp'd his throttle, as when Touchstone spoke ; 

Whose speech, to match the motley of his coat, 125 

Of languages a patchwork got by rote ; 

French, German, Russian, but whose English such 

As seem'd a cross 'twixt Portuguese and Dutch. 

In former days, in a fantastic guise, 

Have wits by covert introduced the wise ; 130 

NOTES. 

seems to have had in view when addressing a famous stone of tliis kind in 
Cornwall : 

" This hugy rock one finger's force 
Apparently will move ; 
But to remove it, many strengths 
Shall all like feeble prove." 
I have seen an enormous rock of this description, many tons in weight, 
bearing lichens and a few shrubs, at New-Rochelle, near New York. 

Am. Ed. 
Ver. 119. As 2uorFd Galvanic batfry in his brain,'\ 
In the brain, (and of brain Mr. Sala is not destitute, some criticks to the 
contrary notwithstanding,) are certain gray and white layers, placed alter- 
nately, which are acted upon in the same manner as the zinc and copper 
plates of the Voltaic pile, and produce all the phenomena of mirid, corre- 
lated so closely with those of electricity, as especially obvious in those rapid 
flights and jerks of the poetic authors and humorists, of which Mr. Sala is 
head ; that is, if we are to disregard the claims of Mr. Bret Harte, who de- 
clares that he is the humorist ; the originality of which thf, the hatter, the 
bootblack, and the rest, dispute with him. 

Ver. 122. Made sad the merry-andrew in his face ;'\ 
Note that, Reader ; made sad the merry ! Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 124. as "when Touchstone spoke :'\ 

The Clown in As You Like It ; who comes in, speaking in a cracked tone, 
and dressed in motley. Am. Ed. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 243 

BuL Sala soon whoever reads detects, 

Who fool affecting, is what he affects. 

Illogical in all, from method free, 

His ev'ry art of impropriety ; 

How what least fitting, best to introduce, 135 

And how of reason to reject the use ; 

Describe anew whate'er in guide-book shown, 

And by distorting make it all his own, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 127. whose English such 

As seem'' d a cross ''twixt Portuguese and Dutch.'\ 
Mr. Sala, as we have seen, is Portuguese by his father, and by his mother 
English ; with what propriety, therefore, say that his 7nothcr tongue was 
Dutch ? To make this matter clear, it is necessary to understand, that in 
Yorkshire is a dialect which has so close an affinity to that spoken in Hol- 
land, as io point to a common ya;«//v of language ; whence we have but to 
suppose that Mr. Sala's English was Yorksh re, when the matter becomes 
plain enough. But however this may be, and to make an approximation 
to the truth, there is very much of the Dutch in Mr. Sala's figure, but less 
in the face, which, by the nose, excludes him also from Italy, where that 
feature we call the Roman is universal. 

Ver. 138. by distorting, &=c.'\ It is the privilege of the man of 

genius, envied him by other thieves, to snatch what belongs to some one 
else, and make it his own, by alteration ; in the same manner as transpose 
a plain garment into a motley one, such as that spoken of aljove, or turn it, 
and so defy detection. This, in law, has received the name of plagiarism, 
but is justifiable, and becomes simply borrowing, when due acknowledgment 
is made, and the name, with abode of the owner, pinned to it, underneath : 
in the manner followed in this Publication. Otherwise, any doul:)tful mark, 
or evasive hint, must not be alleged in defence, such as simply setting cer- 
tain curved lines thus, " ", on the article stolen, which may be effaced, 
or hiding a ticket within it ; just as in a book which I saw lately, whereto 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 132. Who fool affecting, is what he affects^ 

" Pauper videri Cinna vult, et est pauper." 

Mart. Lib. viii. , Ep. 19. 



244 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

The flippant, false, incongr.uous unite, 

And seen in him the trivial and the trite. 140 

A wonder to all time, who sent to show 

How much a dunce may say, how little know. 

E'en deeper as he sank, Carlyle now stopp'd 
Mid shifting sands where chance the grapnel dropp'd ; 
'Gainst error he who left us no defence, 145 

Redoubted conqueror of common sense ; 

NOTES. 

the plagiarist prefixed, in the title itself, his own name, as if he were the 
autiior, and then, knavishly, remarked in a Preface, which he knew no one 
would read, that "he made no pretentions to originality^ It is the buii- 
ness of the Detective to search for, and bring into Court, offenders of this 
class, to whom more than ordinary ignominy attaches. 

Ver. 143. Cailyle,\ Thos. We are informed that Mr. Carlyle's 

father was "a man of intellect," a very uncommon endowment; but the 
inference is not obvious, since we know what slight resemblance some chil- 
dren bear to their parents, or reputed parents. Addison's daughter was an 
idiot, and the sons of Aristarchus were famous for their stupidity. 

Carlyle held the first place among the Deforiners of the Age ; was 
.am.izingly admired by a clique, to whom he was utterly unintelligible ; and 
is now drawn up from the immediate neiglibourhood of that part of Chaos 
of which he displayed so much when on earth. Patriarch of the tribe, how 
many dark as thyself, who, like Esau, art hairy, have sprung from thy 
loins, the Brownings, Salas, Buchanans, Swinburnes, and Hollands ; to dis- 
possess the legitimate owners, and make their own the bogs beneath Par- 
nassus ; wethers of thy own Boeotia ! 

Ver. 146. Redoubted Conqueror^ Genseric and Attila were but types of 
this mighty Barbarian, who, descending from the North, devasted univer- 
sally, overturned all monuments, subverted law, debased language, intro- 
duced new modes, and set the Goth and Vandal over all things; ominous 
conjunction, between the chiefs of those famisiietl Innovators, as I suppose 
they would have called themselves. Carlyle, it is true, is called a Tory ; but 
in Literature, never did Radical suck deeper out of earth. Uncouth, 
shaggy, ungainly, hid in a huge hat, he draws after him a crowd ; an evi- 
dence of his renown, and pleasing to him as to Demosthenes, when the 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 



245 



Where fancy flourish'd strcw'd an arid waste, 
Reversed all order, and depraved all taste ; 
O'er prostrate learning push'd his bold advance, 
'Gainst right gave law, and sank all elegance ; 150 

Of speech the figures taught us to confuse, 
And left us language such as madmen use : 
By his own Cromwell tutor'd to rebel, 
And keep each rule of the nonsensical. 



NOTES. 

people would say, that is he, that is Demosthenes ; for Carlyle cannot dis- 
tinguish between a huzza and a hoot. 

"Videanius," said Seneca, "ne ista, per quce admirationem pa.are 
volunius, ridicula et odiosa sint.— Illud autem te admoneo, ne eorum more 
qui non proficere, sad conspici cupiunt, facias aliqua, quae in habitu tuo, 
aut genere vitae notabilia sint. Asperum cultum, et intonsum caput, et 
negligentiorem harbam, et indictum argento odium, et culjile humi positum, 
et quidquid aliud ambitionem perversa via sequitur, evita. 

Epist. V. Lug. Bat. Ex. off. Elsev. 

Ver. 153. By his own Cromwell tutor' d\ " The collection of all his 
speeches, letters, sermons (for he also wrote sermons), would make a great 
curiosity, and with few exceptions, might justly pass for one of the most 
nonsensical books in the world." 

Hu.ME, of Cromwell; Hist. Commonwealth, chap. ii. 

Ver. 154. keep each rule of the nonsejtsical.] " There are genuine 

Men of Letters, and not genuine; as in every kind there is a genuine and a 
spurious. If Hero be taken to mean genuine, then I say the Hero as Man 
of Letters will be found discharging a function for us which is ever honora- 
ble, ever the highest. He is uttering forth, in such way as he has, the in- 
spired soul of him ; all that a man in any case can do. I say inspired ; for 
what we call ' originality,' « sincerity,' « genius,' the heroic quality we have 
no good name for, signifies that. The Hero is he who lives in the inward 
sphere of things, in the True, Divine, and Eternal, which exists always, un- 
seen to most, under the Temporary, Trivial : his being is in that ; he 
declares that abroad, by act or speech as it may be, in declaring himself 
abroad. His life, as we said before, is a piece of the everlasting heart of 
Nature herself: all men's life is,— but the weak many know nf)t the fact, 
and are untrue to it, in most time ; the strong few are strong, heroic, per- 



246 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Whate'cr of excellence had found the praise, 1 55 

Transmitted downwards from the far of days ; 

All Nature taught, ere yet Carlyles were dull, 

Of sense the clear, and speech the beautiful ; 

By him decried, and put up in their place 

What most on blockhead can convey disgrace ; 160 

NOTES. 

ennial, because it cannot be hkklcn from him. The Man of Letters, like 
every Hero, is there to proclaim this in such sort as he can." 

Heroes, Hero-Worship. Lect. V. 

This profound disquisition we are not without a Key to the meaning of, 
which Mr. Carlyle furnishes in the following: 

" So, however, are men made. Creatures who live in confusion ; who, 
once thrown together, can readily fall into that confusion of confusions, 
which quarrel is, simply because their confusions differ from one another ; 
still more, because they seem to differ ! Men's words are a poor exponent 
of their thoughts ; nay, their thought itself is a poor exponent of the inward 
unnamed Mystery, wherefrom both thought and action have birth. No 
man can explain himself, can get himself explained ; men see not one 
another, but distorted pliantasms which they call one another." 

French Revol. B. V., c. 2. 

Mr. Carlyle "can not explain himself, or get himself explained," being 
one of those creatures who " live in confusion," and who only differ '• as 
their confusions differ from one another." " His words are poor exponents 
of his thoughts;" "his thoughts poor exponents of the Mystery within 
him, out of which it is that both thought and word proceed : " so that when 
we find what was originally a mystery, made more unintelligible by thought, 
and still more so by word, we have the exponent of what Mr. Carlyle has 
written, or the Key, as I have called it. 

" Men see not one another, but distorted phantasms of one another ; " 
which must be my excuse for that extraordinary picture of Carlyle, in the 
text, which if not what he actually is, is what he seetns^ as drawn from the 
life : a distorted phantom. 

Ver. 157. Carlyles\ In the plural; which, in this instance, could 

not be for the sake of the verse ; whence we are free to conclude that other 
writers, of the school of Carlyle, are intended, who are not necessarily of the 
same name. The passage needs further elucidation. Ed, Ath. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 247 

The stiff, capricious, awkward, the absurd, 

The meaning altcr'd or mistaken word. 

But chief a jargon made up with intent 

To hide his poverty of sentiment. 

Strange figure once, reversed his stocking put, 165 

With studious Hmping of his dexter foot ; 

One winking wildly, shut his other eye, 

And all for sake of singularity ; 

Instead of hat, his breeches bound his hair, 

While where that raw baboon all else was bare ; 170 

NOTES. 

Ver. 162. mistaken word,] Which, with so much of the remainder, 

comes from his not having^ been often enough scourged at school ; where, 
indeed, in former times, boys were ashamed of such improprieties, and 
needed no other punishment than the fool's-cap. The business of flogging 
has thus doubled on the Satyrist, when it is too late, and age has made Car- 
lyles incorrigible. Birch must drop again with blood, though it be patrician, 
and the horse be kept in Eton, before boys, and men, write readable Eng- 
lish. The unflogged of the JVeiu (Etonian has sent in the following, as a 
specimen : " We do not mean to imply that there is anything very vicious 
or degrading in the casual enjoyment of desultory refreshment. Far from 
it. "_«« Really," writes our friend of the Athenaeum, "if this be the best 
Ifton can do, Eton must have sadly fallen off. Compare this stuff with the 
Old mtonian, and the difference is the difference between childishness and 
manliness. — A straining after the facetious which is not comic, and an oc- 
casional grandiloquence which is anything but impressive."— The AthenjE- 
um, I am afraid, needs the rod, as much as the boy: the difference is the 
difference between childishness and manliness : anything but impressive. 

Ver. 167. One winking wildly, s/uct his other eye,] Impossible; we 
pronounce it, impossible ; physiologically impossible ; we have tried it our- 
selves, together with the elite of our staff, without success. Impossible. 

Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 169. his breeches bound his hair,] For this, we are free to 

admit, as our Friend expresses it, Carlyle has unquestioned historical au- 
thority, in the usage of the Turks, who, to this day, bear above their heads, 
as the national standard, nothing else than Mahomet's breeches, cut some- 
what like our knee-breeches. 



248 TFIE OULIVIAI). Book IV. 

llis voice now stifled, presently was loud, 

No matter what, could he but i^ain the crowd. 

Around they draw, and pleased is ev'ry eye 

To see him dance his bear from Germany ; 

While lirownin^, Swinburne, ^ive the tuneful tone, 175 

And Sala strikes the ton<;s and marrow-bone. 

Iluz/a! a<^ain, huzza! the voices swell. 

The clumsy creature seen to skip so well ; 

When round his hat Carlyle just then conveys, 

Till many pence he gets, who got much praise. 180 

J declare, O Muse, who now the tackle brinies 

I''roni nit^ht eternal and the dejjth of things. 

Thy fortune, reader, has it been to pass 

An hour on railroad of the second-class ; 

Commercial bagman hear recite his tale, 185 

And how he ate his cheese, and drank his ale ; 

Now low the phrase, now mounting to the " fine," 

With whom his fortune yesterday to dine, 

N o T K s . 

ViCR. 170. that rmo babixut\ The hare-l)rceclie(l ape; a very dis- 

gustinjj creature, and, since iiothiii}^, in tlie sclicinc of Providence, is wiliiout 
desif^n, sent on earth to mortify human creatures, and make tliem wear 
breeclies. 'Tis the slave in the triumph, and every one carries behind him, 
as in llic chariot, tliat wliicli sinks liis pride. 

Vkr. 174. (icrmauy ;\ Whence Mr. Carlyle drew tlic principles of 

Ids ])hiloso])liy ; worthy of the wits they came from, i>rofound as the place 
they went to, and perfectly obscure. 

Ver. 179. his hat\ His breeches, that is, which must have been 

rolled into the shape of a turban, or, rather, full-bottomed wig, like those 
in Hogarth; unless we suppose that Mr. Carlyle, in point of fact, had 
a hat, and that it was not from any necessity, that he bound his head in 
the manner mentioned, but for 'sake of singularity.' lu). Arii. 

Ver. 184. second-class f\ As the Reader herein addressed is a man 

of the first class, he could only find himself thus dislocated by turn of for- 
tune, or accident, so frc(]uent on railroads. 



Book IV. TlIK ()15LIVIA1). 249 

While circuiiistancc enough lo fill ;i hook 

Divides the praise between his host and cook ; 190 

Ci^ar wlio ^^'^ve him, how the Yankees spit, 

With his own jest, and his own lan^h at it : 

K'cn Troilope sncli, imagined to the eye 

In " traveller" type of true vulf^^arity, 

Save that with pen deliberate he writes 195 

What the more lively ba<^man but recites ; 

His j(jke the same served stale upon the dish, 

When wit, to win us, should be fresh, like fish ; 

While such the talc applauding crowds to draw 

Of all a coxcomb was, and all he saw: 200 

N O T K S . 

Ver. 193. TroUopc\ Would Hi:it \ liad done with all such! suffice 

it, that Mr. Trollope's history is that of the rest, a writer of many i)ooks, 
which, critically speaUinj^, are, or very soon will be, dead, dead, dead. Not 
worlli powder; or, if you ])lease, jien, ink, and jjaper. 

Anthony Troilope, son of Mr. and Mrs. Troilope, Icgitiiiiale hy his mo- 
ther, who was writer and traveller. l*ul)lished novels of the ordinary kind, 
and also of that other kintl called histories, with books of travels. 

Vku. 195. he wrilcs\ As my constant aim is to avoid ail causes of 

jealousy among the reigning monarchs of literature, and never, in any way, 
to give them real cause of offence, knowing the irritability of authors, 1 
must here do that justice to Troilope that 1 have done the rest, and allow 
him to answer for liimself ; as fcdlows : 

" Hotels, as an institution, arc, on the whole, a conifortaijic arrange- 
ment." 

"As a rule." 

*' Jonathan is liecoming humjilious, no douljt." 

" Never ate such bacon and jiease." 

1 M I V Al' I O N S. 

Ver. 200. all a coxconih ivds, and all Iw saiv :\ 

" (\\\;\n\u(i i])se miserriiiia vidi, 
lit quorum pars magna fui." 

yl'incid. Mb. I!., V. 5. 
II* 



250 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

For as its tail still gives the kitten glee, 
To Trollope thus the oft told repartee. 
Dragg'd earth half round, the reader next is led 
Through that most barren hemisphere his head ; 
Where fancy furnishes alone the hints, 205 

And draws the picture in romantic tints ; 
Such scenes as all our novelists prepare, 
Which never will be, and which never were. 

NOTES. 

Ver, 203. Dragg'd earth half round, the reader next is led 
Through that most barren hemisphere his head ;\ 
For Mr. Trollope traveled through all the Western World, and then made 
the "grand tour" of his own Calvaria, where having found all barren, he 
decked it in romance and landscape of his own. 

Hemisphere, his head ? you inquire. Exactly so ; for although Man may 
appear, like a pepperbox, fmished off above with a cupola, yet, examined 
internally, in that part where the brain should be, it is but half the size it 
seems, and only a sort of cockloft, ill-lit by a couple of openings beneath 
the eaves, and, for the most part, without furniture. And, as man is all of 
a piece, so does he affect to look twice as wise as he is, twice as knowing, 
and twice as rich ; on authority of Bacon, who says that there is usually less 
wisdom, less learning, and less wealth, than people gain credit for. 

Ver. 208. Which never will be, and which never were. ] 
And does this writer advance this, as if it were to the discredit of Trollope, 
or of any other novelist ; who then, one would fancy, most excel when they 
bring in something novel, or which never entered into any one's head be- 
fore? In those regions beyond the walks of nature, knowledge is out of 
place, as but showing things known, when the whole rests on invention, 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 201. For as its tail still gives the hit ten glee. 
To Trollope thus the oft told repartee. 

W\i JnculiT 2Bt^ nnb ind i^iiiiiiicu 
3^rol)t irber fid) int ciuicit ,Hii'fi''f'i"v 
2i?ic '[\\\uy Sta[}f\\ iiiit bom i2'd)iunii^. 
@ c 1 1) c 'S iH'crtc, i^aiib 12, 1829, i^'tuttiviit iiiib Tiibirtgeit. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 25 1 

No need of study, his to write away, 

What chance may rise, with chit-chat of the day ; 210 

Trick off his puppets in a tinsel dress, 

Three vokimcs make complete, and haste to press. 

And must this age from censure be exempt, 

And novelist with us be not contempt ; 

Shall noble, common, country and the town, 215 

The gen'ral nation prostitute renown ; 

At public banquets Trollopc send a plate. 

And think they do much honour to the ' great ; ' 

Of Dickens, Dixon, Sala, sound the praise, 

And be the laughingstock to future days ! 22O 

A mass immense, with much commingling slime, 

Of books and authors, toss'd from time to time. 

Now on the shore in such disorder prcss'd. 

You scarce could tell great I3ancroft from the rest, 

A cautious poet when he first appears, 225 

Historian daring in his riper years, 

Whose prose ascending, as his verses sank. 

They came to one dead level on the bank. 

NOTES. 

or the new. If Satan could say. Evil be thou my good, we can say, Igno- 
rance be thou my knowledge ; by whose aid it is that ' things that never will 
be, and that never were ' are brought l)efore the understanding. 

Ei). Arif. 

Ver. 224. great] So called in the sense that Blackmore was styled 

the "everlasting." , Am. Va). 

Ver. 225. poel] In which capacity Mr Bancroft values liimself 

above what his history entitles him to; through that paternal partiality 
which blinded Milton, when he preferred the Paradise Regained. Being 
lately at an auction, when a copy of his poems was knocked down, at forty 
dollars, why, he exclaimed, with great satisfaction, it is worth more than 
my history. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 228. They came to one dead level\ By which it is pkin, that, from 



252 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Of his own pupils kept the schoolboy skill, 

With pompous period all the page to fill, 230 

The nation's story occupied his head, 

By Bancroft written, and by no one read. 

The sinking shelf can scarce the volumes take, 

That bought and kept just for our country's sake ; 

Each patriot proud that patent to the eye, 235 

How large the void we fill in history. 

As in deep waters when the seine is thrown, 

And caught, instead of shad, some shapeless stone; 

While (Hsappointed fishers in a pet, 

D — n the dull lump that like to break their net : 240 

NOTES. 

the difference natural between the two species of writing, the flattest verse, 
and tlie most tumid prose, meet at the same level. Am. Ed. 

Ibid. dead level] The natural tendency of things : Hills descend, 

and valleys fill ; water, like all modern productions, immediately finds its 
level; castles fill up their own moats; the fortune raised Ijy the miser, is 
cast right and left by his heir ; monarchies sink into republics ; until, 
finally, all distinctions will be obliterated. Even the inecjualities in the 
moon, astronomers inform us, cease to appear. Whence, it is clear that 
Mr. Bancroft but followed nature, which is the chief praise of a composer. 
Gravity, or /leaviness, is the pervading principle. 

VEli. 229. his 070 n pupil s\ Mr. Bancroft, before sent Minister to 

England, taught school. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 234. for our country's sake ,•] As a certain patriot was heard 

to say : " I tried to read it, for the sake of my country ; but was compelled 
to desist, for the sake of myself. When occasion calls, I am ready to sacri- 
fice my life, but torture I cannot endure." 'Tis not every man, said Eras- 
mus, who has the patience of a martyr. Am. P^D. 

Ver. 239. While disappointed fishers^ in a pet^ 
n — ;/, i2r»f. ] 
A com]iarisoii, in the manner of Homer, with accessory images, to enliven 
and cml)cllish llic subject, for tvliich purpose few objects niure pleasing 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 253 

Thus, now, slung high, with dint of toil, appears, 
What hoped some score shrunk bards, and is but Sears. 
Big as in Broadway when he takes the air, 
And struts in state behind his paunch and pair ; 



N (J T E S . 

could present themselves to the fancy than the net and fishermen, such as 
depicted in the Piscatoria of Saiiazzaro. One Perrault, offensively, called 
this sort of similes, comparaisons h longue queue, comparisons with a long 
tail ; he being as big a liiockhead as any other tliat ever presumed to cen- 
sure poet, or was satirized. 

Ver. 241. slung high,^ Hung liad been more satirical. 

Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 242. shrunk bards ^\ Should we not rather readjww/^; sunk 

bards ? Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. Such is the difference between the Reviewer and the Reviewed ; or, 
between the writer for the Review, and the owner of it ; as shown in tlie 
second Book of this Work. 

Ibid. Sears.\ By birth Irish. Editor of the National Quarterly, 

New York. '* II y a des gens qui ont besoin d'etre vivans, pour mcriter que 
Ton ecrive contre eux. Apres leur mort ils n'en valent pas la peine." 

MANAGE, Tom. iv., p. 13. 

Ver. 243. Broadway^ The American Sul)urra ; to call it after the 

name of that street, so famous among strata viarum, mentioned in the 
writings of Martial, Juvenal, and Persius, being that in which the prosti- 
tutes walked at night. 

Ver 244. struts in state behitid his paunch and pair ;] 

A fnlse representation of nature ; ut pictura, poesis ; how can a man be de- 
picted as strutting behind his own paunch, however prominent ? and, as to 
the pair, one foot, in peramljulating, must still be before, and the other be- 
hind, as in tandem, a Latin word, which signifies at length, or longitudinal 
direction, one before the other. We have the phrase, "beside himself," 
but how can we speak of one as " behind himself" ? Absurdum est. May 
I not put the question to this writer, out of Ovid, " Quid me mild 
detrains V ^^>- Nat. Quart. 



254 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Where Helnibold heats his half-a-dozen hacks, 245 

And Physic finds that Learning too has quacks. 

In biicJiti one, one in bog-Latin deals, 

And this instructs as much as t'other heals. 

But in ' two ships ' Pat tempts again the sea, 

To shew at home his new gentility ; 250 

His native Connemara to regain, 

And shine the gentleman in watch and chain. 

Partakes of proffer'd lunch, in coach at aise, 

Me lady next, a Countess, \{ yow plaise ; 

Shows in the States how sep'rate also ranks, 255 

And, in a brogue thrice butter'd, grunts his thanks, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 245. Where He! inbold heats his half-adozen hacks^"] 
One of the artifices which this Empiric made use of, to draw attention, was 
to ride in an open carriage, with six horses j showing the great skill of the 
driver. 

Ver. 247. btichii] A drug got among the Hottentots, that "polite 

people," as Addison called them. 

Ibid. bog-Latin] A sort of dialect, taught in hedge-schools in Ire- 

land, which bears the same resemblance to classical Latin that bog-wood 
jewelry does to the genuine. 

Ver. 249. in ' two ships ' Pat tempts again the sea^ 

" We went and returned in two of tlie best Cunard steamers." 

Nat. Quart. June 1870, p. 133. 

Ver. 253. Partakes of proffer'' d lunch, in coach at aise. 
Me lady next, a Countess, if you plaise y] 
Met a Countess, in a carriage. " But, in America, is there not too much 
equality ? " said the Countess, manifestly desiring to keep the fellow at 
a distance. " We assured her that the lower classes were kept at their levci. 
in America, as in other countries." This being understood, the Countess 
gave him what remained of luncheon, which he devoured in ten minutes, 
being less time than that allowed by rule of the road, or twenty minutes, as 
he informs us. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 255 

But judges placed on bench he doubts may know 

The man in court they saw so long ago. 

To England hastes, where all the titled still 

Confess at sight his Lordship of the quill. 260 

Then, last, in polish'd Paris glads his vi.ew, 

And finds, as fails his French, his Irish do. 

Laid next upon the bank, soft-sounding names, 
With ev'ry line they wrote, some dozen dames ; 
By broom arraign'd, but not by pen, of sloth, 265 

Of verse or prose good housewives, or of both. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 257. Btit judges placed on bench he doubts may know 
The man in court they saw so long ago. ] 
Remembers that he had been in the Criminal Court, at Monaghan, a quarter 
of a century before. Looked in again, and seeing that the man who was 
then prosecutor, was now judge, did not think it prudent "to remind him 
of these facts," and, witliout delay, departed. 

Ver. 259. To England hastes, where all the titled, &'c.'\ 
Tapping the shoulder of the "next English Member, he most cordially and 
cheerfully took out his pencil, and gave me a note to the Gallery." 

Ver. 262. And finds , as fails his French, his Irish do.] 
In Paris, on his way to the Palais Royal, not remembering the word for 
palace, Mr. Sears told the driver of the fiacre to take him to the Rioghlan 
Royal, to which, from the close analogy between French and Irish, he at 
once replied, we, we. Desiring to praise the horse, I called him caput 
breag, which he understood as well as if I had spoken French. 

Ver. 263. Laid next upon the bank, soft-sounding names,] 
The romantic disposition of our Author is very visible ; he can never men- 
tion the "fair" without some soft and sounding expression. Laid next 
upon the bank ; how suggestive ! as the Athenoeum expresses it. 

Am. Ed. 

Ibid. Laid next upon the bank,] 
Suggestive ! We suppose that we can guess what is meant. Laid next 
upon the bank, soft, &c. Ed. Ath. 



256 Till': oliLlVIAl). IJuok IV. 

In dress loss diligent ; for seen to slip 

Aside, of one the buttock, one the hi|) ; 

Of needle, honour'd scars, no marks remain, 

But finijer bore the literary stain ; 270 

While on each brow distinguishable yet 

The lines of last night's thought, or last night's sweat. 

lUit soon a clatter heard on ev'ry side, 

And noise and nonsense all the talk divide ; 

As contradiction, brangling, boast, begin, 275 

And taunt and treble more augment the din. 

More keen the gibe, direct the charge arose, 

And sharper this one's tongue, and that one's nose, 

Until with louder laugh a third confounds, 

And won the day by ilissonance of sounds. 280 

Unblushing IJeecher, eager to defame. 

And charge with crime too shocking here to name ; 

Stops not at dirt domestic, but displays 

Her filthy function to the gen'ral ga/.c. 

N O 1' K S . 

Vkk. 268. JfV// A» .v//'/ 

Asidf, of one the buttock, one the hip ;\ Understand, false liut • 
tiH-ks, and false liij)s, with false breasts, should there be occasion to intro- 
duce them. 

Vkr. 281. Unhliishing Beecher,\ Mrs. Harriet Klizabelh Heecher .Stowe. 
As the name of Heecher is so famous in literature, as well as in.(jther mat- 
ters, 1 prefer speaking under this her maiden name of that lady who, anionj; 
a vast variety of other works, wrote " Uncle Tom's Cabin," " My Wife and 
1," with " Stories about Our A'.^o-;" to which ftdlowed "The True Slmy 
of Lady Hyron's Life," in which she accused Lord Hyron of Incest. This 
drawing universal attention, she wrote and publishcil " Lady Myron Vindi- 
cated," and examined, with great nicety, the (luestion of imyxt, in all lis 
divisions, moral, physical, and physicdogical. 1 1 is hoped that, from the 
great knowledge she has ac(|uired of shocking crimes, that slic will drug her 
"Dogs," above mentioned, into the subject, and write another book f,)i the 
closet. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 25/ 

Tells all " her friend" had said, with her reply ; 285 

Of which one word if you believe, not I. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 283. Stops not at dirt domestic, but displays 
Her filthy function to the general gaze.'\ 
The French have a proverb, Lavez voire Huge sale eti famille ; in defiance 
of which, Mrs. Stowe took home with her Lady Byron's linen, (which was 
more than ordinarily dirty, for reasons somewhat obscurely hinted at just 
below,) and washed it in the gaze of the multitude : very much as was the 
Arabian custom, of exhibiting the proofs of violation on the sheets, the next 
morning after marriage ; the difference being mainly in the colour of the 
stain. We have all heard of the beggarly Scotchman who, for half-a-crown, 
fired off a blunderbus, leveled against religion and morality, after the death 
of him who had loaded it. In which manner also it is that Mrs. Stowe un- 
covers beneath our noses that engine known, in barbarous, as in domestic, 
warfare, as a stinkpot, and stirs it up, from time to time, for the same mo- 
tive of filthy lucre. 

Ibid. Mrs. Stowe: there is a secret I wish to confide to yoUr ears; 'tis 
not to every one I would tell it ; a thing too gross for me, but which you 
may enlarge upon, with the privilege of your sex: The real cause of sepa- 
ration between this Noble Pair, I have on what \% good authority ; a mis- 
chance not unheard of in other families, noble and common : He sent her 
home with what My Lord, in Don Juan, called a " small present ; " at 
which, naturally, My Lady took much offence. You will see. Ma'am, that 
this removes the whole mystery. This, Lady Byron never told you ; it was 
of a nature that would not bear telling ; it disgraces him who gave, and her 
who got. But for you, no disgrace can attend you ; that you have gone 
through already. You have, therefore, but to dwell on this subject, histo- 
rically, how this thing first began, morally, how caught, and, surgically, 
how cured ; and, my word for it, the book will have a large sale, and, most 
likely, furnish occasion for a second one, by way of reply; " Mrs. Stowe 
Vindicated." For this piece of information, I ask no return ; you can have 
it gratis ; like other filth, which one person is glad to be rid of, but which 
another is glad to take away, and make profit of: 'tis the muck-woman's 
business. 

Ver. 285. Tells all " her friend'''' had said, with her reply ;\ 
" Then 1 was sure he must love me." '• And did he not ? " said I. " What 
other cause could have led to this emotion ? " She looked at me very sadly, 
and said, '^ Fear of detection.^^ " What!" said I, '' A\d. that cause ihm q\- 



258 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Repeats of bagnio what but vile dispute, 

And bargain struck 'twixt pimp and prostitute ; 

No need of which on distant shores to toil, 

That found at home, and racy of the soil : 290 

Assign'd to others that which all her own. 

Whose words we read, and think we hear the tone. 

N OTES. 

ist ?" (Whence it would appear that she knew of the catise before she was 
told of it.) " Yes," she said, " it did." 

" It is the cause, it is the cause, my soul; 
Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars." 

But Othello, the black, had more delicacy than Stowe, the white. 

Ver. 288. bargain struck ''twixt pimp and prostitute ;\ 

*' He told her, that, as he could not be expected to confine himself to her, 
neither could he expect or wish that she should confine herself to him ; that 
she was young and pretty," &c. — " One night, in her jiresence, he treated 
his sister with a liberty which both shocked and astonished her. " 1 sup- 
pose," said he, "you perceive yoii are not wanted here. Go to your own 
room, and leave us alone. We can amuse ourselves better without you." !!! 

Ver. 291. all her own, '\ Or, are we to believe that Lady Byron 

invented this slander, out of revenge, and knowing that an Englishwoman, 
with sufficient qualifications, could not be found for the business, gave it to 
one already public, witli pen to play the prostitute, for payment, as usual ? 
" Those whom your wit and reason cant decry, 
Make scandalous with loads of infamy ; 
Make Luther monster, by a fiend begot. 
Brought forth with wings, and tail, and cloven foot ; 
Make whoredom, incest, worst of vice, and shame. 
Pollute, and foul his manners, life, and name." 
Mutato nomine, Byron in place of Luther, and these verses, from Old- 
ham, are not inapplicable. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 292. Whose words we read, and think we hear the toneJ\ 

Rancidulum quiddam balba de nare locutus. 

Persii Sat. i., v. 33. 



Book IV. THE OBLiviAD. 259 

Stand forth, fraternal that all eyes may see 

That brow bomb-proof to culpability, 

Though double scandal vilifies the name, 295 

And ISeeclier blacken'd to eternal shame. 

A woman, else, whose knowledge none deny, 

That to the bottom groped in Sodomy ; 

Offence of Onan show'd 'gainst Nature's ways. 

But not that act misnamed of now-a-days ; 300 

Those concubines of which the Hebrews tell, 

No man could please, except by miracle ; 

As loving pastor put to proof, she said, 

Who with a dozen did his best in bed ; 

Since which less prone the Mormon to deride, 305 

Who, after all, had Scripture on his side. 

Proceeding whence, minutely to discuss 

The point, she owns her doubts of Proculus. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 297. whose knotvlcdgenone dcny,'\ In tliis is candour, and 

evidence of a mind tliat rises above injustice. Mrs. Stowe's knowledf^c is 
praised ; and, indeed, so her invention also, in those lines above, where 'all 
her friend had .said,' is ascribed to Mrs. Stowe herself. Ed. ATht. 

Vkr. 298. Sodomy ;^ 

Genesis, chap. xix. 

Ver. 299. Offence of Onan] '' And Judah said unto C)nan, Go in unto 
thy brotiier's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. 

And (Jnan knew that the seed should not be his ; and it came to pass, 
when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he sj)illeil it on the ground, 
lest that he should give seed to his brother." 

Genesis, chap, xxxviii, v. 8. 

Ver. 300. ftoi that act misnamed of now-a-days ;] 

Vid. TlssoT, Sur L'Onanisme. 

Ver. 308. Proculus. \ 

" Proculus Metiano affini S. D. Centum ex Sarmatia Virgines cepi. Ex 
his una nocte decern inivi : omnes tamen, quod in me erat, mulieres intra 
dies XV reddidi." VoPiSCUS. Hist. August. .Scriiit. p. 363. 



26c THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

To Moulton Proctor boldly gives the he, 

And proves intact was her virginity ; 310 

To conscious sofa might, she said, appeal, 

Could sofas tell us what but virgins feel. 

Of " His Two Wives " Ames sends the tale to press, 

And leaves her husband of one wife the less. 

Strong-minded these with mutual insult vex, 315 

And leave much small talk to the " weaker sex : " 

A green-sick beverage, that swells a sea 

When kettle bubbles up, and drench'd the tea, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 309. Moulton] Mrs. This lady has not written much, that 

I have heard of, (for I would not undertake to assert that any one, in the 
present day, has not written,) though she hdiS dictated not a little, as seen 
in a Work, in two large volumes, called the " Beecher Trial." 

Ibid. Proctor\ Miss. Authoress of " Beecher Life Thoughts." 

Ver. 310. proves intact was ker virginity ;\ 

She swore to it ; what more would you have ? Parent Du Chatelet, in his 
Work entitled Prostitution dans la Ville de Paris, informs us that a couple 
of notorious prostitutes submitted themselves to examination by the Sur- 
geons, men of much experience, who passed them as virgins ; so illusive are 
the physical signs. 

Ver. 311. conscious sofa] The sage Historian of Connecticut gives 

it as his opinion, that the bed itself, with bundling, is less to be feared than 
the so/a ; to which, had he daughters, he assures us, he would very reluc- 
tantly intrust them, unless "after a proper education." 

Peters, Hist, of Conn., p. 228. 

Ver. 313. "///> Two Wives''^ Atncs] One of tlie novels which 

Mrs. Ames wrote has this title. 

Ver. 314. leaves her husband of one wife the less.] Mrs. Ames 

se]iarated from her husband, or her husband separated from her, if it was 
not by mutual repulsion, through an incompatibility of virtues. "II y a, 
sans mentir," said La Bruyere, "de certains merites qui ne sont point fails 
pour ctre ensemble, de certaines vertus incompatibles." 

Ver. 317. A green-sick beverage,] Enigmatical: for it may mean tilings 
quite opposite, as interpreted ; either that it was a beverage that gave the 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 261 

With dainties such as 1^'icld or Ilohiics supplies, 

Merc inix'd molasses, pap, and pasty, pics. 320 

A windy diet, which in paunch remains 

When colic torture dcem'd parturient pains ; 

And ev'ry barren book by words is brought 

To seem as if imi)regnated with thought : 

Joanna Southcott not so big a sham, 3^5 

Or widening womb of Burdell Cunningham. 

NOTES. 

green sickness, or one medicinal in the treatment of it ; or, indeed, lioth 
one and tlic other, conversely, since what will cause a disease, will cure 
a disease. If green Ije tiie article of tea intended in this obscure line, as is 
likely, then a cure must he understood, by the docliine of Signatures and 
Sympatliies ; which shews that, in case of any malady, we have only to 
observe the symptoms of it, and then to searcli for some substance bearing 
a resemblance thereto, whether in colour, or some other respects, which 
serve as the signature of Nature, who, in this manner, may be said to write 
her own materia niedica. ]">i->. Ai'ii. 

Ver. 319. Ficld\ Miss Kate. "Pen Sketches." "Ten Days in 

Spain," and Fifty years in Boston, the smell of which is very strong in her 
Spanish ; flipjiant Yankee dialogue, with nothing foreign except the title ; 
just as if she were t(j draw a pine-apple from the pumpkm before her. 

Iljid. IIolmc5\ AutJK^ress in tlie more airy and livelier jjarls of 

Literature. Recommended to all who set no value on their time or their 
money, which include the more fashionable class of readers. 

Ver. 325. yoanna SoutIicott\ A fanatic, who, at the age of sixty, gave 
out that she was pregnant, and would give birth to a second Shiloh. Very 
many people believed her statement, and one, among the wealthy, jirovided 
a golden cradle, to receive the Infant. On her death, it was found that 
it was but water which had distended her. 

Ver. 326. Burdell Citii7iiiigknin.\ This woman, annf)uncing her 

marriage with Dr. Burdell, and under suspicion of having murdered him, 
simulated the gravid intumescence, with the pains of labour ; when, obtain- 
ing a child from tiie Iiospitai, she declaretl, as proof of its ])atcniity, tliut 
it had the Burdell nose, and was heir to the estate, accordingly. 

Am. Kl). 



262 THE OBOVIAD. Book IV. 

A moment vievv'd, some score of skirts between, 

Old woman thought, whose gender epicene, 

Unsocial Saunders ; he who sat so long 

A stranger still 'mid all that learned throng, 330 

And, in reward, at length who thrust away 

Where dark Oblivion welcomed him from day, 

To dust some mouldy manuscripts on shelf, 

Set the spittoon, or lick the spit himself. 

Brevoort beside him, on an easy seat, 335 

When lunch had served the too abundant treat, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 329. Unsocial Saunders ;\ This gentleman, who occupies a subordi- 
nate position in the Astor Library, was, ordinarily, so much engaged in 
study, that he could give but short aiiswers to those asking for books. 
Some one, curious to see who the writers were that engaged the attention 
of a man in his learned position, peeped over, on different occasions, and 
found that he was intent on Mrs. Sherwood's stories, but, more commonly, 
on his own productions, which were "Salad for the Solitary," "Salad for 
the Social," and " Dictionary of Love." Am. Ed. 

Ver. ^30. learned throno;,\ A poetical way for expressing the 

Works of the Learned ; which, to the number of Two hundred Thousand, 
were on the shelves all about him. 

Ver. 332. Where dark Oblivion zuelcomed hit?i\ 
Has been removed into a back room, where he is quite out of sight. 

Ver. 335. Brevoort^ A Gentleman of large estate, at present somewhat 
burdened by taxation, taking a great interest in Literature, who, at the very 
urgent solicitation of his friends, but chiefly out of a desire to benefit the 
Public, accepted the Office of Superintendent to the Astor Library, at a 
salary not more than double that of his predecessor, and only with one ad- 
ditional clerk, to do the drudgery : whereby, for the simple matter of five 
thousand dollars a year, over-and-above what we paid formerly, with per- 
quisites and patronage, we have a Gentleman to dignify this Institution, 
where he may be seen, some mornings, between the hours of twelve and 
two o'clock. 

Ver. 336. Irinch'] Supplied at the Restaurant a-la-mode next door 

to the Library, Lafayette Place, New York. " The feast of reason and the 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 263 

Asks how much left of all that Astor will'd, 

And yards of shelf that yet remain unfiU'd : 

Five thousand still he finds the funds insure, 

And thanks who gave so fat a sinecure. 340 

The Lotos Club, as num'rous wont to sup, 

Heap'd in a basket high, here lifted up, 

Like Athena^us while I fain would twist 

The tale complete of each Deipnosophist, 

The joke he laugh'd at, smutty things he said, 345 

And bottles emptied ere he went to bed ; 

Suffice that here, with more than common pains, 

I give the sum of all that now remains ; 

How one conceal'd the student in his look, 

While t'other, somewhat tedious, talk'd his book, 350 

Whose thoughts confusion made so fast to slide, 

He kept a shorthand writer by his side ; 

How fluent that from Tennyson to quote. 

Or his dear grandam seen in this to dote ; 

NOTES. 

flow of soul," with the, &c., which, with the scraps, I leave to the wits of 
the Athenaeum. 

Ver. 341. The Lotos Club,'[ A Society of Gentlemen, most of them en- 
gaged in Commercial pursuits through the clay, who seek oblivion of their 
cares in the evening, and, together with supper, partake of the delights of 
literature. 

Ver. 343. Like AthencEtcs while I fain would twist 
Ihe tale complete 0/ each Deipnosophist,\ 
The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned, by Athenseus, who com- 
mences with an account of those who were present thereat. 

Ver. 345. smutty things he said,'] 

Smut ; the favourite topic. Walpole, the Minister, used to say, that he 
always introduced it, as that on which all could show their wit, and with 
which all would 1)6 delighted. 



264 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

And, last, Brentano, bird of night, how brought 355 
By merit much of his one " Grain of Thought." — 

NOTES. 

Ver. 355. Brentano,^ The American Stephanus, Browyer, Bohn, 

or whatever name of the learned Booksellers, is consonant to his own, and 
most pleasing to his ears. In this ingenious man the weight of learning 
has not repressed the elasticity of fancy, of which we have full evidence in 
the Poem he published lately, occupying, with mottoes, and other Greek 
and Latin quotations, inclusive of the authorities, twenty-four colunms of 
the "New- York Times;" a work comparable with the Iliad, or. for the 
matter of that, with the Odyssey, in which the books are numerically the 
same, that is, a couple of dozen each. — (This, although actually in print, in 
which state our Author must have seen it, never came out, after all. 

Am. Ed.) 

Jbid. bird of nig hf\ The owl, bird of Athens, (Athenas noctuas,) 

or of Minerva, typical of the nocturnal, or shall we say, noctual occupa- 
tions of the sage, and not in any way glancing at that studious cast of 
the eyes which long poring over the labours of the moderns has given 
them ; 't is the Laputa physiognomy. 

Ver. 336. " Grain of Thought.^^\ A poem of Brentano, of which 

the following is the opening stanza : 

" Of all that's best, in best supplies 
Of best of things of merchandise, 
Of all that's nice 
And "fair to see," 
Whatever price 't is said to be, 
Of all that fascinates the eye, 
And stops the breath, and draws the sigh 
From those who hav'nt means to buy. 
Of all that's known as choice, or rare, 
Or excellent beyond compare. 
There's not a single thing that's bought 
However marvellously wrought. 
More precious than a Grain of Thought." 

Nothing in Tennyson to be put into comparison with it. The pity is, that 
another line was not added, which would have made fourteen, or a Sonnet 
in itself complete. The much merit ("merit much") of the poem, gave 
occasion to the election of the author thereof into the Club, nem. d ss. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 265 

How dark the stain v/hich that fair tome receives, 

Which once so beauteous in its tinted leaves ; 

Those ballet charms, that meretricious frame, 

With svvclhng pap, and hip, no more tlie same ! 360 

Not all that Brougham, Brooks, and Nasby gave 

Could save them sinking in an early grave ; 

Far down they went, the artist and his pride, 

Where Bissell, Boulton, Roosevelt, by their side ; [365 

Where Pardee, Peck, and more whose names unknown, 

That now by fond Oblivion mark'd her own ; 

Where Lethe smooth on bed of lotos glides, 

And rest the drowsy in eternal tides. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 357. fair tome\ A sumptuous volume, named the Lotos 

Leaves, the 'exceptional ' merit of which we are the less to wonder at, as it 
is the joint production of the Wits of the Club. La Bruyere had said. 
" L'on n'a guere vu jusqu'a present un chef-d'oeuvre d' esprit qui soit 
I'ouvrage de plusieurs." But the " Leaves " is not a single chef-d'oeuvre, 
except as to the binding, which is excellent, but a collection of smaller 
pieces, such as the Ancients were accustomed to compile, an Anthology, or 
Bouquet de Fleurs. 

Ver. 359. Those ballet charms^ ^'c.^ The Frontispiece represents a Vir- 
gin, nymph of the Stream, reclining on leaves of Lotos, with a languishing 
look, and such a figure as leads to suppose that the choicest of the dancing 
girls lay for the picture. 

Ver. 361. Broitg/mm,'] Author of " Pocahontas," a metrical drama, 

and many other pieces for the stage, but whose chief claim, by far, is that 
he wrote " London Assurance," which ordinarily passes under the name of 
Boucicault. Pretenders of this kind are not new in the world ; Thestorides 
attributed to himself the verses of Homer, and Bathyllus those of Virgil: 
" Sic vos non vobis." 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 365. whose names imkiiown. 

That now by fond Oblivion, &^c.'[ 
" Nameless in dark oblivion let them dwell." 

Parad. Lost, B. vi. , v. 380. 



266 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV, 

Memorials all, the minutes all defaced, 

That but Brentano none the rest had traced. 370 

A man whose wisdom in each wink you see, 

And blest with an amazing memory ; 

Each author's name who, at the word, can tell, 

With all the books he wrote, and if they sell. 

And yet his match in Sabin he had found, 375 

In titles, that not Latin, much more sound ; 

Whose boast at Oxford to have conn'd each rule, 

For there, in truth, he had been scourged at school. 

NOTES. 

Ibid. Brooks,^ This Gentleman, with the half-dozen ;?(7;«('j following 

immediately after, writers in the Lotos Leaves, I must huddle here together, 
as a sort oi prolctarii. 

Ver. 365. Pardee.^ Peck,^ Those who remember how much Virgil 

has been praised for the skill by which he made the most vulgar sounds har- 
monious in his numbers, will not overlook the difficulty offered by Pardee, 
Peck, and the other harsh names here introduced. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 375. Sabiii\ Joe ; a second-hand dealer, in Nassau street, 

N. Y. ; where a box of 5c. books outside, invites to a larger supply in the 
cellar. Consulted, by those who know no better, on editions; and who, 
lately, giving evidence, as expert, in Court, was graveled by the lawyer, who 
had asked him to read the title of a book, which, being in Latin, he had 
good reason for not doing ; in-as-much as it was many years since he had 
been at Oxford. 

Ver. 376. In titles.^ that not Latin, much more sound i^ 
Mr. Sabin, we are told, is only half pleased with this praise, on account of 
the qualification, as if, in any respect, he were inferior to the other ; which 
is unreasonable, as Brentano has been vigilant to guard his Latin, unlike 
Sabin ; according to his favourite motto, nunquam dormio, or, as he de- 
lights to pronounce it, non cam dormio, I dont nod on Cam : an allusion 
to the rival university, or that of Cambridge, in.opposition to Oxford, where 
Sabin was supposed to have studied, iit infra. Sometimes, through a too 
ambitious display of his learning, Mr. B. too much alters the meaning, as 
when he wrote, nunquam non dormio. 

Ver. 377. Oxford^ 'Twas his usual reply, when asked where he had 

Studied, "at Oxford;" which was very true, for he was at school there; 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 267 

But now Brentano aggravates his sins, 

Much swearing, 'gainst his wont, and thus begins : 380 

With haste, I say ; set wide apart the door ; 

That heap, unsalted, rots upon the floor ; 

What smeUing strong e'en to the hawker give. 

And what you buy, hke lobsters see they Hve ; 

For things that saleable let these make way, 385 

And send to " deep damnation " ere their day ; 

Let Ann street sepulchres a cart-load get. 

And none but gilded baits by window set. — 

" To-day, Brentano, doubtless something new ; 

Or is your New- Year's stock still kept from view ? " 390 

This, sir, by latest steamer fresh from sea. 

The Pope and Gladstone o'er a cup of tea; 

Please but to read, 'tis all about the Church, 

And Cardinals, with Pio, in the lurch ; 

NOTES. 

though many hastily concluded that he meant the University, where the 
sons of Gentlemen are sent. 

Ver. 387. Ann street sepulchres'] In the cellars of this lane, in the 

lower part of New-York, are the great receptacles for stale books ; a sort 
of Oblivion in miniature. 

Ver. 388. gilded baits] Instead of a worm or fly, it has been found 

sufficient to put on the hook a scrap of tin-foil, or something else equally 
shining, by which the simple fish are allured, and which they swallow, sup- 
posing that something of a digestible nature is covered by it. 

Ver. 392. The Pope, d^^c] As will be seen, by those who read a little 
farther on, every department has a place in the repositories of Brentano : 
the Pope represents the ecclesiastical, Gladstone the political, Dixon the 
scandalous, Tennyson the namby-pamby, and himself, Brentano, the poetical. 

IM ITATIONS. 

Ver. 386. " deep datnnation''''] 

" The deep damnation of his taking-off.'''' 

Shak. Mac, Act. i., s. 7. 



268 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Unless this other more your praises win, 395 

Outcast at home, who seeks his next of kin. — 

The Lotos Leaves ; to nature true each trace ! 

Yes, Ma'am, by Dixon ; boy, the " Beecher Case." 

Of Poet Tennyson — just come in time. 

The only copy left — the " Nursery Rhyme." 400 

Myself with verse sometimes at night I lull. 

When, as our poets prove, the fancy dull. — 

The, — yes, I think, I, last year, heard the name ; 

Oblivion, did you call it ? true, the same. 

A trivial thing, and out of date, I fear, 405 

For nothing of that sort outlives the year. 

You needs must search some antiquarian stock, 

I never but the newest things unlock ; 

More likely Miller, as you take the round, 

Or Scribner, Bouton, may the book have found. 410 

NOTES. 

Ver. 396. Outcast at home, who seeks his next of kin. — ] 
Mr. Gladstone had, lately, by one of his greatest efforts, put himself out 
of place in England ; whence forced to take ship for America, in hopes to 
find support among his next of kin, who there had emigrated, and who, he 
had heard, were in better circumstances than those at home. A piece of 
history worthy an additional word, which, if space remain for it, the Reader 
may find at the end of this Volume, among the Addenda. 

Ver. 401. Myself with verse sometimes at night T lull. 
When, as onr poets prove, the fancy dull. — ] 
*' Visits me slumber itig,''"' are the words of MiLTON, addressing the Muse ; 
yet has the general opinion been that the morning befriends the poet ; Au- 
rora Musis arnica ; in which also Brentano appears to have shared, who 
offers it as an excuse, (though not required,) for the dulness of his lines, 
that they were written at night, like all other modern poetry, judging from 
internal evidence. Milton himself has been spoken of as "a little heavy," 
and, as for the ^^ Nights Thoughts," it is the chief objection against them. 

Ver. 409. as you take the round,] Rather, \.\\q Row ; as all these 

Publishers are in the American Pater Noster. Ed. Ath. 



I 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 269 

The " Bullfrog Sketches," sir, perhaps you'll buy, 
Which all the learned praise, and which do I ; 
Or Warner's " Saunterings," with Boston things. 
And verses such as her own Trowbridge sings ? 
Athenean Boston, still the great delight 415 

Of all that read the stupid, and that write. 

What lumber, last, so difficult to lift. 

Which thrice already from the tackle slipt ? 

Late claim'd by Dixon, which Magruder's once, 

(From this to that, 'tis all the same, a dunce,) 420 

These Athenaeums, sots were wont to seek 

To near Oblivion all which sent each week, 

NOTES. 

Ver. 411. The ^^ Bullfrog Sketches^^^\ By The Mark Twain. 

Ver. 413. Warner'' s\ Chas. D. "Saunterings," " Badeck," "Back 

Log," and the "Levant." 

Ibid. Boston things,'] " Boston Notions," I believe it is; for I had 

just but time to see it, ifl passing. 

Ver. 414. Trowbridge] Jno. T. Author of " Other Poems, vv'ith 

the Emigrant ; " of " Other Poems, with the Vagabond ;'''' and of "Cou- 
pon Bonds, with Pictures.'''' 

Ver. 415. Athenean Boston,] It has been the pride of the people of this 
town of Trade, and of Tricks of Trade, to call it the modern Athens ; from 
acknowledged merit of a number of declaimers, poetasters, and other writers, 
their fellow money-makers. To the ancient Athens we owe all that is noble 
In the arts, grand on the stage, and great in the assembly, with whatever is 
admirable in life; to the modern, all that is ingenious in nutmegs, nasal in 
the pulpit, and fanatic in the " Hall," with whatever is hypocritical in man- 
ners : all which Boston has, and, as her own Webster expressed it, " no one 
can take them from her." 

Ver. 419. Magr!ider''s] For this name, as applied to one of the 

former editors of the Athenneum, see Bulwer's " Paul Clifford." 

Ver. 420. From this to that^ ''tis all the same., a dunce,] 

" Moribus antiquis stat Roma." 



270 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

In times far distant rose a Scene to view, 

Where Greece long proud in all the Arts she drew, 

Where with Minerva seen the Muse to sit, 425 

And melody disdain'd not aid from wit ; 

Contrived the poet, spoke his truths the sage, 

And each lent lustre to a glorious age. 

Alas ! what change when Time completes the work, 

Defiled, dismantled, and on guard the Turk, 430 

With ordure noisome, spread with weed the walls, 

There next the bat, and there the viper crawls. 

The pilfer'd name to distant climes convey'd, 

And set where Dulness plies a busy trade ; 

Where wit nor wisdom, save what best may bend 435 

Much ductile falsehood to a gainful end ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 422. 7tear Oblivion^ 'Tis but a step ; straight down to the 

Thames : you can't miss it. 

From the door of the Athenaeum to the Thames, down Wellington street, 
is but a block and a half. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 425. IVkere with Minerva seen the Muse to j//,] 
In Athens was a place of instruction named the Athenreum, frequented by 
Philosophers and Poets alike, but sacred especially to the Goddess of Wis- 
dom, the guide in every department of knowledge. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 433. The pilfer'' d naine'\ The Athenaeum. To what vile uses are 
we put ! Byron, who inveighed against the " paltry Antiquarian" who had 
despoiled Athens of her monuments, would not have left without notice the 
sacrilegious Thief, who stole away the tablet from one of her Temples, and 
set it, for a sign, over the door of his shop ; a place dedicated to Gain, an 
employment, among the Ancients, consigned to Slaves, and thus excluded 
from among those arts they called the Liberal. 

Atheiiieum, a title consigned to dulness by anticipation, as there had been 
a previous journal of that name. 

Ver. 434. where Dubiess plies a busy trade ;'\ 

It is worthy of remark that, in the Temple of Dulness, Addison placed 
Industry at the right hand of the Deity. " There is not in nature," said 
another elegant English writer, " a busier animal than a blockhead." 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 271 

And toil whose duty daily to declaim 

'Gainst each the great, and bar the gates to fame ; 

Where Dixon gives the word, and round him lurk 

Retainers ready for his dirty work ; 440 

A tippling tribe, and greasy sans-culotte, 

At elbows out, and button'd to the throat : 

Her owl alone of great Athena found, 

Snakes hissing hateful, and but stench around. 



NOTES. 

Ver. 436. a gainful end ;'\ That charlatan, Silk Buckingham, laid 

the base of this besutted shop, of which he seems to have been so much 
ashamed, that, after a short trial, he * sold out ' to one Dilke, who, indiffe- 
rent as to the rest, and, in default of other sciences, understanding political 
economy, kept an eye to business, and secured all that gain which arises 
from ill-paid labour and high prices ; 3d. at first, for what you can buy at 
a penny, before the week is out, as waste paper. 

Ver. 440. Retainers ready for his dirty work ;'\ 
In all parts of this Poem, the Author, as the Reader cannot fail to have 
remarked, has still kept within the limits of decorum, and never given way 
to harsh expressions ; indulging himself simply in a goodhumoured raillery, 
as in the present instance : unlike others, as Mr. Charles Reade, for instance, 
wlio, under great provocation, no doubt, has thus .spoken of one of the Gen- 
tlemen of the Athenseum : " A reptile, a pseudonymuncle, one in your pay, 
a man that has not a character to lose, nor a name that can be lowered, a 
trick.ster, a scurrilous skunk ; " which last expression he could not possibly 
improve upon ; a single skunk, (horresco referens,) being sufficient to give 
a bad odour to an entire parish. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 441. A tippling tribe,\ See, in Book ii, v. 388, Note, what Miss 
Braddon has said of them ; for I am loath to disparage them myself 
Caesar came sober to the ruin of the Republic, unlike Sylla ; of whom also 
it was Caesar himself who remarked, literas nescivit : in this respect likewise 
resembling those destroyers m the Republic of Letters, who are at once 
sots and illiterate. 

Ver. 442. buttoned to the throat .'] To conceal the neglects of the 

laundress. 



272 THE OBLIVIAU. Book IV. 

The task complete, from many hands it came, 445 

And some the praise supphed, and some the blame ; 

The lumpish one, and one the flimsy part ; 

But this the venom for the midnight dart ; 

While flippant, fatuous, a dozen bore, 

The padding and the stiff as many more ; 450 

The trite, the trivial these ; but Dixon sole 

His famed immoral found, and mix'd the whole. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 445. The task complete, from many hands it came,] 
To please authors is no easy undertaking ; for what is said in praise of one, 
the other commonly applies to himself as a censure. In this way it is that, 
having quoted some passages, with a design to exalt them, from Dickens, 
Braddon, Carlyle, and Trollope, I am forced, in order to escape the resent- 
ment of the Athenteum, and possibly a spiteful review, to quote this also, 
though much pressed for space, and leaving out many things in consequence. 

Gems from the Athen^um. 

" Should be either conventional or naturalistic. Conventionalized heads, 
where notiiing natural is intended." 

"Being made up in the very best style, it has achieved a remarkable 
success." 

" To carry out the laudable idea." 

" Light and yet grave ; readable in style ; kindly instincts ; — no amount 
of subsequent denial. — Genius is a sham. — Brought together between the 
covers of a volume. ' ' &c. 

"How the author can possibly keep his pot of words boiling much 
longer." 

" If the age has grown too picked." 

I must here apologize, as well to the Athenseum and others, as to the 
Reader, on account of the paucity of these extracts, and the want of care in 
selecting them, since much finer specimens could have been found ; all those 
transcribed having been taken, to save time, from the first that came to 
hand, on lifting. 

Ver. 452. His famed immoral] There has been a great outcry against 
our imm-oral, as it is called, when we but drew the picture, and held up the 
mirror to nature, naked, and as we descried it ; that which is the proper 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 2/3 

A ghastly crew whom urgent Famine calls, 

They gnaw a week on ev'ry book which falls ; 

From mangled carcasses snatch each a slice, 455 

And Moloch glad with human sacrifice ; 

Round authors' necks who taught the rope to stretch, 

Much fear'd and hooted children of Jack Ketch. 

But hear, young sinner ; soon on Hepworth call, 

At once, judge, jury. Ketch and Calcraft all ; 460 

NOTES. 

office of the historian, in whom no part, necessarily, rests of the vices he 
explores. He who follows truth, may at last find himself in the resorts of 
the infamous, like a dog that traces a badger to his hole, instinctively, 
though disliking the odour. Which puts us in mind that tliere is a class of 
people with noses so delicate, that they would rather permit the pollution to 
remain, than make the air noisome in the attempt to remove it, and who 
would class such writings as ours with those smells used by night-men, that 
are themselves a greater stench than any they correct, how putrescent 
soever. To which we desire simply to subjoin, that, as some of the most 
dangerous poisons lie concealed under the most inviting names, as sugar of 
lead, ruine of opium, oil of almonds, it occurred to us, in order to gull the 
fastidious, to use the artifice of describing under the name of spiritual^ 
practices that written of in ordinary phrases, would have brought upon us 
a descent from the police, and a prosecution from the Society for suppression 
of indecent publications: for the Public, it may be remarked, would be 
glad enough of the end, though they cannot endure the means, or him who 
makes trial of them ; who thus may lose his place as Editor, and be forced 
to write novels, with so little of the old spice as to be insipid and unsale- 
able. Eu. Ath. 

Ver. 456. And Moloch glad with human sacrifice ;] 
lyioloch was the deity of the Ammonites, who sacrificed human victims lie- 
fore his image, a monstrous mixture of man and calf. To drown the cries 
of those there tortured, they kept up a noise with a sort of drum. 

Ver. 458. Jack Ketch.\ For a more particular account of this 

Gentleman, vid. supra, 1. iv., v. 70. 

Ver. 459. young sinner ;] " Committing the sin of Rhyme," is a 

quotation which must be familiar to all students of modern literature. Dry- 
den has the expression, " Commit the crime of Prefaces." 
12* 



274 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Be cautious first, and, hid your real contempt, 

Send simply in your card with compliment ; 

Nor ready cash, nor hint at bills or banks ; 

He'd rather spare you at the drop for thanks, 

And, in cosmeticks more than Rachel clever, 465 

Make your last verses " beautiful for ever." 

NOTES. 

Ver. 460. CalcrafP^ For a more particular account of this Gen- 

tleman, vid. supra^ 1. iv., v. 70. 

Ver. 464. spare you at the drop'\ 

" A man may be capable, as Jack Ketch's wife said of his servant, of a plain 
piece of work, a bare hanging ; but to make a malefactor die sweetly, was 
only belonging to her husband." 

Drvden, Piose Works. By Malone. v. iii. p. 188. 

Ibid. spare you at the drop for thanks,^ It is to be understood, 

however, that the clothes, and other exuviae, as the books, of the con- 
demned, are, and always have been, by prescription, the perquisite of the 
Executioner. In proof of which, and also to throw light on a few of the 
lines last afore going, I desire to quote a passage from Shakespeare, Hen. 
iv. , a. I., s. 2. 

" Fal. Shall I ? O rare ! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge. 

P. Hen. Thou judgest false already ; I mean, thou slialt have the hang- 
ing of the thieves, and so become a rare hangman. 

Fal. Well, Hal, well ; and in some sort it jumps with my humour, as 
veil as waiting in the court, I can tell you. 

P. Hen. For obtaining of suits ? 

Fal. Yea, for obtaining of suits ; whereof the hangman hath no lean 
wardrobe." 

Ver. 465. more than Rachel clever, \ 

Rachel. A woman, at this particular time, infamous for impositions on 
credulous people of fashion, to whom, for enormous sums paid.^ she pro- 
mised, among other great things, to make them "beautiful forever." Her 
shop was in Bond street, London. Am. Ed. 

After sojourning five years in the Penitentiary, she again opened shop, 
with her old arts, and a new stock of phrases ; for now she engaged to 
" renovate," and, (in each case for cash in advance,) to " finish " the ladies : 
a darijig genius, who has opened the way again to Marlborough street, and 
h'ft the throng for another term. ' Am. Ed. 



15ook IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 2/5 

O, thou the Hght and lantern of our days, 

E'en Hepworth, hear me while I chaunt thy praise ; 

Inverter various of the sacred laws 

Which morals dictate, and the critic draws, 470 

From depths of Tartarus here lifted high, 

And held to an eternal infamy. 

A daring genius, Dixon leaves the throng. 

And finds more glaring methods to be wrong ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 466. viake your last verses '■'' beaiUiftiV^ 

" Tyburn's elegiac lines" ; those pathetic verses with which, on so thread- 
bare a topic, poets find much difficulty, and which, in the present instance, 
Hepworth, as supposed, embellished for nothing. 

Ver. 467. lantern of 07ir days,^ 

Mr. Dixon may, perhaps, imagine, (since none are so apprehensive of cen- 
sure, as those who most make use of it themselves,) that this lantern is in- 
tended disrespectfully, as presenting a dim and greasy image to the fancy. 
To remove all suspicion of which sort, I desire to explain that I use the 
the word archaically^ as found in Putnam, his Arte of Poesie, wherein we 
read, " I repute them for the two chief lanterns of light to all others that 
have since embloyed their pennes, &c. " ; meaning no less peoj^lc than .Surrey 
and Wyat. 

Vkr. 469. Iniierter various, cS^r. ] The wife of Caesar should not only 
be undeserving of suspicion, but free from it. Unfortunately, by this rule, 
for the chastity of Dixon's page, it has not escaped question, for which see 
advertisement in Athenxum, December, 1868: 

" Eclecting Debating Society, Thursday, Dec. roth, 1S68. Subject : 
That Hepworth Dixon's writings do not exert an injurious influence. Af- 
firmative, Mr. J. B. Porter; Negative, Mr. B. Thomas." 

Ver. 471. From depths of Tartarus'] It would appear by these verses, 
as if Tartarus and Olilivion were the same, which is contrary to all truths 
of Mythology. The Scientific, therefore, are inclined to conjecture that the 
grapnel must accidentally have slipt aside, and dropped into this other Pit, 
which is also in the centre : a place ofDarknes.s, where the unjust, tyrannical, 
and immoral, of mankuul, suffer a peri)etual punishment. 

Ver. 474. finds more glaring methods to be tvrong ;] 

This is the reward one gets for originality, which some of th^ most inge- 
nious authors have sought in paradox, or that which is opposed to common 



276 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Affects to doubt what all the studious know, 475 

And what most fix'd hi usage overthrow ; 
By bad example, teacher to rebel, 
In style best named the anti- classical : 

NOTES. 

opinion, and is but obviously false. What we have done for literature, it 
is true, we have done for morals, laboured to instruct liy new methods, and 
bring finally to what is right, by conducting through what is ' wrong.' For 
as fable allures the reader, and, unexpectedly, deceives him to his own good, 
in the end, (which, according to Aristotle, we desire to see in all things, and 
whereon the mind naturally rests,) so, in like manner, does the scandalous, 
which by attracting at first, serves the indispensable purpose of engaging 
the attention, (for where is the use of writing, if you are not read,) until, 
when the prostitute appears, and things are brought to the worst, instruc- 
tion comes in of its own accord, or insidiously, which is the beauty of it, 
for then it is less repugnant to the reader, especially if he be young, who 
would never have gone through the book, or would only have tossed it 
aside contemptuously, as a sermon, if we had proceeded in the old tvay. 
The under-current is pure ; like the waters of our own Thames, from which 
you have but to remove the dead dogs, vi'ith filth of all sorts, and to pass it 
through a strainer, when you obtain a draught perfectly clear, and which 
was only defiled, temporarily, by things adven'titious : every reader supply- 
ing his own filter. Besides, there is an analogy in all nature; whence it is 
that we derive the richest fruits from those trees we had dunged industri- 
ously, as we do that exquisite perfume the ambergris from what in reality is 
but feces. So that, since out of excrement the most delicious things may 
be elaborated, thus also, for instance, out of the most impure of what we 
have digested in our books, may an essence be separated, without adultera- 
tion, and then sold as ' Extracts' from Dixon. Wherefore, by the rule here 
laid down, Swift should not have turned up his nose, or complained of the 
intolerable stench, in the laboratory of Laputa, where, out of human dung, 
the chymist was endeavouring to extract human sustenance; or, this Satirist 
affect to condemn our labours, which, in fact, are entitled to so much the 
more praise in proportion as they are the more immoral, and thus contain 
in themselves all the materials for instruction, or the moral itself, in the 
epic manner. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 478. the anti-classical f\ Tlie infra classem included the 

dregs of the populace, as also the rabble of writers. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 



277 



True learning humbles, and then makes comply 

All else, debased to a democracy ; 480 

In pamphlet last year which profusely shown, 

When Candidate and kick'd of Marrow-bone ; 

Still bent on some vile method to insist, 

As late at Liverpool, where he was hist. 

Too modest maid, with Taste averse to wed, 485 

He keeps some Spiritual wench instead ; 

Discards at pleasure, then a new one takes. 

Nor other rule allows than what he makes ; 

'Twixt thought and language asks for a divorce. 

Rejects all grace, of fluent stays the course ; 490 

Uncouth, ihiterate, constrain'd, brings in. 

And makes, with untuned bells, a deaf'ning din. 

NOTES. 

Ver. 481. In pamphlet last year ivhich profusely showit,^ 
And in Advertisement, Speech, and Handbill. He suborned, it is supposed, 
one Spencer to write him a Note, asking, if, ift case he should be requested, 
he would stand Candidate for a seat in Parliament. Hepworth, in a very 
round-a-bout sort of reply, is of opinion that the Constituency is of great 
importance, the Member of very little; thinks himself a suitable man; is 
for being paid ; descants on purity ; and, to end, begs leave to decline what 
was never offered. However, that was in harlot fashion ; he gave way to 
persuasion, afterwards. 

Ver. 482. When candidate and kick' d^&-c.'\ Bad grammar; read rather, 
candidate of, and kick'd /;-c7w. y,V). Ath 

Ibid. Marrow -bone,'\ Thus, as pronounced ; Mary-le-bone, as written. 

Am. Ed. 
Ver. 484. As late at Liverpool^ where he was hist.\ 
At the Dickens banquet. I can vouch for it ; for I was one of the hissers. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 492. 7)takes, with untimed bells, a deaf'ning din.] 

"Tot pariter pelves, tot tintinnalnila dicas 
^"'''^"■" Juvenal. Sat. vi., v. 440. 



278 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

The undigested mass, conception crude, 

The stunted sentence, and expression rude, 

Toss'd with much more, in him that sort of hash, 495 

In rhetoric, which styled the balderdash. 

Finds out some flaw by special pleader's art, 

Laborious dull in a neglected part, 

Who vain to show what groped for in the dark, 

By hired assistance of a Lawyer's Clerk, 500 

NOTES. 

Ver. 495. that sort of hash, i^^c.^ He has lately taken to writing 

novels, where all these beauties of style have place, and thrown himself into 
that last ditch of a desperate and discarded scribbler. 

Ibid. sort of hash ^\ Variety, which is the spice of life, as also of 

literature, this critick^ shall we now call him, here objects against, as just 
above he did against our originality, for the reason, we suppose, that our 
writings are so much the more unlike his own, entirely deficient, as they are, 
of both the one and the other. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 500. By hired assistance of a Laivyer''s Cler/c,^ 
Dixon employed a certain obscure person, sometimes lawyer's clerk, to make 
those researches he boasts of, in the life of Penn ; mere mechanical labour. 
" Transcribe the passages," said Dixon to him, "where Penn's way of walk- 
ing is described, his clothes, and his shape ; his wig, his table, with the con- 
tents of the kitchen, and of the outhouse." This fellow, being very illite- 
rate, sometimes spelling /'«•««; sometimes. Fen, and sometimes /V««^; he 
was sent back to correct it, and then made the discovery that Penn always 
used the apocope, in writing his name, P, e, double n, Penn. — De plus, 
Penn did not go to Kippen, as Macaulay states ; but Kippen went to Pen : 
tout le coiitraire. — These are Dixon's wonderful corrections; to wiiich Ma- 
caulay might well forbear a reply, calling to mind what Gibbon said to 
Davies, " a victory over such an antagonist was sufficient mortification." 
As the Reader has seen, I am willing to allow Dixon the praise he deserves ; 
but as to raising his eyes above the dust, and his proper level, Ne sutor tcltra 
crepidam. 

Ibid. a La7tn'er''s Clerk,'\ An obscure person ; our amanuensis, used 

to take off the pain of writing, and tiie drudgery of research. P'or when 
one of this description brings home his work, we glance over it, and, after 
a few disparaging phrases, and strokes of the pen, bid him call at the desk, 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 2/9 

Mid musty records, rubbish, sent to seek. 
Well paid at 30^, by the week : 
To print commits what better left unknown, 
And to long buried trash subjoins his own. 

But see where, hideous from refuse and weed, 505 

Next his own preface Dixon pilloried. 

Your ink, reviewers, yours, ye bootblacks, bring, 

Your eggs, ye rabble, at the shameless fling ; 

With " Wives," with " Mormons," deepen the disgrace, 

And leave no spot unpelted in his face. 5^0 

The vulgar procuress who vends her doves, 

Shuts in each secret of polluted loves. 



NOTES. 

for payment. Upon which we make it an entirely new thing, and, cutting 
out passages, transpose, or otherwise wrong write the wliole, so completely, 
that the lawyer's clerk could not swear to his own brief. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 505. But see where^ hideous from refuse and weed ^ 

Next his o%vn preface Dixon pilloried.\ A poetical mode of 
expressing that our portrait was placed as the frontispiece to our book. 
However, lest any one should understand this passage literally, that we stood 
in the pillory, it is already disproved beyond contradiction, as that engine was 
not in use in our days. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 506. Dixon pilloried.] As many, doubtless, have never seen 

the obsolete pillory, it may be described as a sort of frame, in .which the 
head and hands of the culprit were locked, in such a manner that he stood 
exposed to the gaze of the crowd, who, in addition to jests and taunts, were 
permitted to fling at him filth, rotten eggs, and whatever defiled without 
doing bodily hurt : A sort of rude Satire, in fact, the privileges of which our 
Author has used in supposing Dixon pilloried in his own frontispiece, for 
some shameless act, as it was chiefly to punish such, that this engine was 
invented ; where pelted by the rabble w ilh his own books, and reviewers' 
ink, over-and-above the ordinary missiles. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 509. IVith " IVives^ ' with *^ Mormons,'"] Names of filthy books 
written by Dixon. 



28o THE OBLIVIAD, Book IV. 

Where the lone temple in some silent shade, 

And drives a gainful but a modest trade ; 

To common decency knows something due, 5 1 5 

And what the public and police may do ; 

Along the wall the various Venus paints, 

Benighted soul, who sets not there the ' Saints,' 

No texts adduces, boasts no godly guides, 

But owns that wicked ev'ry deed she hides : 520 

A proper person, that is, for a punk, 

Who but to drown remorse gets sometimes drunk. 

The vulgar thus ; but, with the march of time. 

The Gospel shewn to sanctify the crime ; 

lllauded Hepworth takes you to the door, 525 

Where but to pray, and kneel beside your ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 513. Where the lone temple in some silent shade,^ 
Where such places are situated in the present day, I am constrained to 
confess I do not know ; since my researches on the topic have carried me 
down no later than the date of Petronius, who was decoyed into a -blind 
alley ; " locum secretiorem,'" as he calls it. '* Tarde, immo jam sero intel- 
lexi me in fornicem esse deductum." 

Ver. 525. lllatided Hcpivorth\ Certain of the early Grammarians thought 
Virgil censurable in applying the term illaudatus to Busiris, as too feeble 
for one so detestable. 

" Quis aut Eurysthea durum, 
Aut illaudati nescit Busiridis aras?" 

Geor. , Lib. iii., v. 4. 
Gellius, however, defends the poet ; maintaining that, as inculpatus is appli- 
cable to the last degree of virtue, so is illaudatus to the same degree of 
villany. But, be this as it may, the word is here peculiarly suited to one 
acting in the capacity hinted at, which, by its nature, excludes all com- 
mendation ; for whatever may be the pleasure of praise, I do not suppose 
that any one would liUe to be told, in public, that he is an excellent pimp. 
Ou/c e(TTtv ouBev rex'^^^v i^wKfarepou 

TOV TTOpVofijffKOV. 

Leonia arte nulla pestilentior pote inveiiiri. 

DlFHlLUS. Frag. Com. Grtec. Meineke. v. iv. p. 415. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 28l 

On consecrated cushion naught amiss, 

And but imprinted the " seraphic kiss," 

Your once wife sHghted, now all laws above 

Save hymeneals of the " perfect love," 53^ 

With " spiritual bride," if joys you steal, 

'Tis but to feel before what angels feel. 

And Man thus seen in his " superior phase" ! 
And, Dixon, these the teachings of our days ! 

NOTES. 

Ver. 530. Save hynneiieals of the ^^ perfect love"'\ 
There are many varieties of these sects, besides such as Revelation is daily 
disclosing to the Religious; among which may be mentioned, "The Full 
Satisfactionists," " The Entire Satisfaction Religionists," " The Free 
Lovists," "The Perfect Lovists," and the '* Celibate Lovists." 

Ver. 531. With '"'' spiritual bride''^ if joys you steal,^ 
These joys are not carnal, but inexplicable; for which the Reader cannot 
fail to remember that I prepared him, in a learned note, at the very begin- 
ning of this Work, that he might carry it in his head all along to the end ; 
' quamvis spirituali, et plane inenarrabili, non autem corporali modo ; ' not 
corporally, but in a spiritual and inexpressible manner. So that, although 
a couple may be caught, as it were, flagranti delicto, in that is no proof, for 
the cohabitation may be but spiritual ; of which history furnishes us a suffi- 
cient instance : " Disdaining an ignominious flight, the virgins of the warm 
climate of Africa encountered the enemy in the closest engagement ; they 
permitted priests and deacons to share their bed, and gloried amid the 
flames of their Jinsiillied purity." GiBBON, Hist., cap. XV. — In which if 
there be not a sufficient defence of Mr. Dixon and "his fair pupils," I de- 
sire to be informed if it can be found in his researches on Penn, without an 
e final. 

Ver. 533. And Man tints seen in his " superior phase" fl 
" Man in his higher phase has hardly come within the grasp of science, and 
the histories which shall illustrate his spiritual passions have yet to be com- 
piled. One chapter, (in two volumes,) in one such history, is diffidently 
offered in the present work." — Preface to " Spiritual Wives." — And what 
follows, dare we ask, this "higher phaze"? An image, vi-ith the ventus 
textilis drawn tight over it, of debauchery, assuming the appearance, and 
blasphemously arrogating the sanction and name, of sanctity. Are we a ua- 



282 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Was 't not enough of Newgate sights to tell, 535 

But strumpet must succeed the criminal ! 

NOTES. 

tion of fools ? nothing of the sort ; as Dixon well knew, who judiciously 
judged us a people taking a pleasure in scandal of our neighbours, and not 
averse to certain prurient descriptions, under cover. Sneak into a friend's 
house in the garb of religion ; kneel and pray, for in that is nothing wrong, 
with his wife ; arouse in her '•'• spiritual passions," and gratify them car- 
nally, which was your aim from the first : such is the higher phase, and such 
the diffidence of this instructive author. 

"Relations of the sexes," forsooth; "their affinities;" "union of two 
souls;" "purity" and "spiritual wedlock," "male and female " ; "young 
and handsome;" "female loveliness;" the "relation became so far 
carnal;" "found in Sophia Cook, one of his fair disciples, a kinship of 
soul which he had failed to find in his own wedded wife" : all this, and 
a great deal more, given with that " philosophic tolerance " which becomes 
the " historian." 

I lately chanced to see in a Catalogue a description of the "Spiritual 
Wives," drawn up by one who evidently knew well what the attractions are 
of this book, and how to set them off ; it ran thus : The Junker Hof, the 
AngePs Message, Seraphim Kisses, Hasse Mucker, the Spiritual Wives 
of the Alormons, the Abodes of Love, Mystic Nuptials, &c., &c. 2 vols. 
8vo, portrait of the Author. 

That potent disinfectant Carbolic Acid, which, by an awful effluvium, 
overpowers some other poison, I fear is not stinking enough to deaden the 
influence of this pestilential heap, and must wait for something in Dixon 
himself, (for of his abilities I have the highest opinion,) when, as Junius 
expresses it, "he shall have arrived at that maturity of corruption when the 
worst examples cease to be contagious." 

This is the one art of Dixon: he insinuates, under specious names, the • 
most revolting particulars, as in his late work, the " White Conquest ; " in 
which he "examines tlie interesting problem of the Whites on the American 
Continent ; " an inquiry which leads him into the resorts of the outcasts of 
society, whom he describes in the midst of their diabolical vices : a book 
that can only serve to seduce the unsuspecting, or to pander to vile tastes, 
which yet the fellow commences, in his abstract way, with a dissertation 
that seems to be " on a future state," for such is his expression. 

Ver. 535. Newgate sights\ For Dixon wrote also "London 

Prisons," with descriptions, con amore, of the felons he there became 
acquainted with, and some hanging scenes. 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 283 

With mangled merit violate the view. 

Sit judge unjust, but taint our morals too ! 

Hand me the scourge ; ha ! hear the culprit roar, 

I'll make that Marsyas himself less sore, 540 

NOTES. 

Ver. 538. Sit judge tinjust, but taint our morals too ! 

Hand me the scoter ge ;] 
The Author obviously signifies, that hitherto he had used but the rod, 
(such as seen depicted on the cover of this volume,) but that now he de- 
manded the lash^ to equal the punishment with the offence, or that against 
morals, so much a graver one than that against taste simply : 

"Adsit 
Regula, peccatis quae poenas irroget sequas : 
Nee scutica dignum, horribili sectere flagello." 

HoR. Sat. Lib. i. S. 3. v. 117. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 540. Marsyas^ There is much instruction in this story of 

Marsyas ; who picked up the pipe flung away by Minerva, a deity too wise 
for things of mere sound, and authoress of the proverb, " as much brains as a 
piper." However, Marsyas was so much admired on account of the novelty 
of his performance, that nothing would do but he must challenge Apollo, 
who, on his defeat, flayed him alive, (as above,) and hung up his hide, as 
a warning to the presumptuous, who, by bringing in something novel, please 
for awhile, until the more natural notes, such as played by Apollo, get the 
permanent preference. Nor is the fable altogether inapplicable to the Gen- 
tleman I am here complimenting, who has endeavoured to introduce some- 
thing new, to the subversion of every sound, although old-fashioned prin- 
ciple. 

Further : Since in many of the cities of Antiquity, the figures of Apollo 
and Marsyas were set at the entrance of the places of Justice, all I would 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 539. ha! hear the culprit roar ; 

Pll make that Marsyas himself less sore ;] 

" Clamanti cutis est summos derepta per artus: 

Nee quicquam, nisi vulnus, erat. Cruor undique manat," 

Ovid. Met. Lib. vi., v. 387. 

From him, yet yelling, all the hide was cut. 
Till bled but one wide wound from head to foot. 



284 THE OBLIVIAD. Book IV. 

Lay livid bare, and next renew the pain, 
Till ev'ry cicatrix has bled again, 

NOTES. 

ask here, in the end, is, that at the door of every Critick Court in these 
Realms, the image of Dixon be set up, with mine, in the attitude of scourg- 
ing him, beside it ; or, if this be thought too much, that this book be kept 
inside, in a conspicuous place. 

Ver. 541. Lay livid bare,"] Barbarous usage, I hear some one exclaim; 
flay a man alive! Against which I am ready to defend myself on the au- 
thority of the Ancients ; that is to say, on ancient authority, the basis itself 
of law. Zoilus was pelted, not with his own books, as Hepworth, but with 
stones, exposed on the cross, or, as some report, burned alive; and he de- 
served it. 



Advertisement. — Of course, the Reader understands, that no such per- 
son as Dixon, with his aliases, herein so often spoken of, ever lived, at 
least that the Author is aware of; a character in which is such an assem- 
blage of dishonesty, ignorance, malice, and immorality, with other qualifi- 
cations, as proves that it is entirely imaginary. On which account, if any 
person should really now be living, with this name, as it is quite a vulgar 
one, he is to apply to himself as much of the description as actually suits 
him, and leave the rest to some one more deserving thereof, if such can be 
found. When Swift published his Travels, a real Lemuel Gulliver was 
heard of, who had lost his cause in Court, by reason of his ill-reputation of 
a liar: and, indeed, let one draw ever so irregular (not to say vicious) 
a character, someone appears who lives up to the description, and acts what 
the other wrote, or, even, out of vanity of parts, surpasses it ; so that, we 
are to apprehend, if such a man as Hep Dix is not amongst us already, he 
soon will be, and I shall thus be the means of bringing him to light. It has 
been remarked that the example of suicide is contagious : nor is it improba- 
ble that, had I reported the fictitious Dix to have hanged himself, that the 
real one, if on earth, would do the same. 

But to set aside Hep Dix; Tom, Dick, Sala, Swinl)urne, Carlyle, Brown- 
ing, and Buchanan, are creatures so far out of nature, or so fantastic and 
ridiculous, that the Reader must long ago have found that the Obliviad is 
but a thing of the fancy ; a sort of romance, to catch the public favour ; 
and that no such persons ever existed, or could have existed. That such 
a receptacle as Oblivion has a place in the Creation, common discourse suf- 



Book IV. THE OBLIVIAD. 285 

ficiently testifies, and equally so that people fall into it, and, occasionally, 
are taken out ; but that people of the kind here described, men and women, 
with such works as they are reported to have written, and of which pre- 
tended extracts are given ; that these, I say, were ever seen to tumble 
therein, or to be taken therefrom, no one is expected to believe : history, 
natural, civil, or literary, has no record of such. 



END OF BOOK THE FOURTH. 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Supplement to Book the Fourth. 



BY 

THE AMERICAN EDITOR. 

BUT, for his much deserving, kick'd from place, 
Who, justly, deem'd an honour his disgrace. 
Through Scythian whence, Teutonic scenes, made roam, 
He finds Manhattan shortest road to home ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. I. kick' li front place,'] 

That is, dismissed from the Athenseum, of which he was Editor up to the 
time this Satire was sent to the Printer. Immediately upon which, not only 
was the entire impression destroyed, and Dickens hastily removed, but the 
form of the Athenaeum, with paper and letter, were changed ; in every way 
to avoid the blow, and indicate mechanically, as it wei'e, that the concern was 
begun de novo^ and with a new stock of principles ; something like the re- 
novations in other retail places, when a manager of no good repute has been 
dismissed, and inferior goods, of the shoddy sort perhaps, had otherwise in- 
jured the business. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 2. Who, justly, deeni'd an honour his disgrace^ 
A difference: one side was of opinion that Hepworth was unworthy of the 
Athenaeum ; the other, that the Athenaeum was unworthy of him, and that 
he was a gainer by the loss. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 3. Through Scythian ivhence, Teutonic scenes, made roam,] 
Mr. Dixon has lately been sojourning in Russia and Germany, and is now 



288 THE OBLIVIAD. Supp. 

Where, under cover of the night, he strays, 5 

And gives a pubHc lecture in our praise ; 

Is feasted, fed, sinister in saloons, 

And scraps of manners steals, default of spoons. 

Then backwards sneaks, with privilege of spy, 

Writes " Notes," like Dickens, and in each a lie ; 10 

NOTES. 

actually in our midst ; which point I suppose to be somewhere in the neigh- 
bourhood of the Tombs; and, nightly, issuing thence, gives his " experience," 
in the manner of other penitents, at Camp Meetings, Conventicles, and 
elsewhere. Am. Ed. 

Ver. io. " Notes," like Dickens,] The title of Dickens' volume of 

scandal, " American Notes for General Circulation." Am. Ed. 

Ibid. Mr. Dixon has a twofold purpose, to pick up as many of our green- 
backs as chance to drop in his way, or lie careless in our pockets, and forge 
"Notes" on his return; but this latter part of his business he might do 
without all this trouble of coming here, as we may see in the following, 
taken from the Pall Mall Gazette : 

" Mr. Hepworth Dixon and the Mormons. — We recorded the 
other evening a stray piece of news which probably attracted little attention 
in England, but which if it fell into the hands of a quick American writer, 
might be made the basis of a very interesting work. As it is very short we 
may venture to I'epeat it: — ' Six hundred and fifty Mormon emigrants sailed 
from Liverpool on Saturday for the Salt Lake, by way of New-York. A 
large proportion of the emigrants were women.' Any American bookmaker 
who wished to do a clever thing had only to go to Liverpool after reading 
this paragraph, and there make inquiries about the Mormons. He would 
probably be referred to Wales, and if he pursued his journey thither, he 
would soon discover that he had hit upon the large training ground of Mor- 
mondom. He would find that we rear the followers of Brigham Young, and 
that America gets the credit of them. A thrilling picture of the frightful 
state of social life in Great Britain might be drawn from the presence among 
us of strange sects. Wales is a great deal nearer to the heart of England 
than Salt Lake or Oneida Creek is to anything which deserves to be called 
American ; and an enterprising traveller, gifted with a lithe and sinewy 
style, might easily delude a portion of his countrymen into the belief that 
the Mormon nursery in Wales can be safely taken as an example of the 
relations which exist between the sexes all over the country. If he did this, 



Supp. THE OBLIVIAD. 289 

Forgets the food that eaten off our plates, 

And sacred law of household violates ; 

Burlesques our kindness with malicious glee, 

And shows what snobs republicans can be. 

Nor, sure, neglects to give the scandal place, 15 

Two bulky volumes to the Beecher case ; 

With Spiritual plan beguiles the view, 

And writes how Pilgrim pastors wont to woo. 

At first you'd say there was no hint of sin ; 

So slily Tilton and the " Club " brought in ; 20 

No carnal heat, but ardour of the soul, 

And mystic meaning to disguise the whole; 

Till, by degrees, disclosed to ev'ry eye 

That holy leer is naught but lecher}^ ; 

And that thin web which o'er the couple cast, 25 

No more a veil than Vulcan's net at last. 

NOTES. 

and did it well, he would desei've to be considered a very ' smart ' man, 
for — to use a common phrase — he would have paid us back in our own coin. 
We send shiploads of Mormons to America, and then write books to prove 
that Mormonism is the natural fruit of the loose principles which prevail in 
America." Am. Ed. 

Ver. 18. Pilgi'im pastors'] Alludes to the Church of the Pilgrims, 

of which Ward Beecher is Pastor. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 20. Tilton and the ^'- Clnb'"\ A club of gentlemen, said Mr. 

Tilton, with "lady waiters." Am. Ed. 

Ver. 26. Vulcan''s iiet\ This relates to the adultery of Mars and 

Venus ; which, it appears, being suspected by the husband Vulcan, he 
secretly surrounded the couch with a net, and feigned a visit to some friends, 
at a distance. The guilty pair, therefore, thinking all secure, no sooner 
lay down than they were entrapped, and remained unconscious of their 
position, until daylight, when Apollo told Vulcan ; who made a great noise 
among the gods, and demanded redress. The gods, at first, were only in- 
clined to laugh at him, and enjoyed the spectacle mightily, with the jokes 
of Mercury; until Neptune, an elderly peisonage, calling him aside, re- 

13 



290 THE OBLIVIAD. Supp. 

quested him to cut the net, and that he would go security for the damages. 
These, I fear, were never paid ; however, my business here at present is, to 
draw attention simply to the net, which was of a Coati, or cobweb texture, 
(words having the root in co.) 'tjvt' apdxvta Keirra, and, instead of concealing 
anything, which was never intended, served only to expose everything. 

Copies of the Paper containing the account, in full, of this famous in- 
trigue, printed in the language of the gods, may be had at almost any stall 
you come to, except one of Smith's. 

Throughout all the writings of the Ancients, one character is still present, 
that of a moral concealed in a fable ; the whole is apologue. In this view, 
examining the story before us, we cannot adipit the censures cast upon it by 
Scaliger, and others, as if there were any thing in it which should have been 
kept from the public eye. This motive, indeed, might have been alleged in 
the instance of other nations, but not as against us, who have a/ree press, 
and are accustomed to crim. con. trials, with verbatim reports of them, 
couch and keyhole. Independent of which, if there be any evil in the mat- 
ter, we must take care that, in removing it, we run no risk of causing 
a greater, and even of endangering the lives of no inconsiderable body of the 
Public ; I niean, especially, those who live on scandal, and those who make 
a living by inventing, reporting, printing, publishing, selling, and hawking it. 

But the great consideration is the inoi'al, as Mr. Dixon teaclies us. The 
fable turns, as we have seen, on adultery, a common accident in all coun- 
tries. Vulcan typifies the clumsy industrious man of business, manufacturer, 
or Member of Parliament ; Mars the loitering shapely soldier, pleasing to 
the ladies, and, except slaying, whose sole occupation is gallantry; and 
Venus, the beautiful wife, redolent of Paplios, who is visited by Mars, in 
the absence of her husband. The invisible web signifies the spies, or detec- 
tives ; and Apollo the clear daylight thrown upon the whole action, seen by 
Vulcan with his own eyes. As to the outcry he raised, and the complaints 
made, in them the fable runs into the actual, as in the jokes at his expense, 
and the general laughter. Mercury, the god of thieves, liars, and ]Hck- 
pockets, is also god of reporters. Neptune may be considered to represent 
an Elder of the Church, who, for decency's sake, desires to throw ct^A/ water 
upon the matter; engaging that he would "make all right," or, go security 
for the damages : for the Ancients understood this part of law better than 
we do ; so much for a homicide, so much for maiming, in one part, so much 
for maiming in another, so much for seduction, which last is all now re- 
maining in use; and even this not affording an indemnification exactly 
adequate, frcMir tlie peculiar nature of the injury, which is that of the cuckoo, 
who takes nothing, but only lays iu another's nest. Am. Ed. 



4^*^ The following Verses were tJi the original draught 
of the Poem, and came in after line 316, Book I. : 

Or hurries headlong on, &c. 

But thinking them out of place for Satire, and likely to 
make the Book too long, {a serious fault !) I have throzvn 
them in here, as so much history, for the sake of illus- 
tration ; that I might make my Verses supply the place of 
Prose : a thing requiring no toil whatever, as the Criticks 
will say, for the Jest is an old otie. At least I remember 
something of the kind, where Mr. Bayes explains his 
rules : " Why, Sir, my first rule is the ride of transver- 
sion, or regula duplex ; changing verse into prose, or 
prose into verse, alternative, as you please.'' For which 
lee the Rehearsal. 

The Criticks themselves, it must be allozued them, are 
no mean hands at this work of transversion ; one of 
whom boasted that he could do the like with both Horace 
and Milton ; for, said he, 

" Turn what they will to Verse, their toil is vain, 
Criticks like me shall make it Prose again." 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Appendix. 

''T^WAS now when Rome approach'd her last decay, 
•i- And wit with wisdom sank, as worth with sway, 
Pass'd all the glories of Augustan days, 
When sense was ornament, and nature praise ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 2. wit with wisdom sank, as worth ivith sway^'\ 

*' In the most polite and powerful nations, genius of every kind has dis- 
played itself about the same period ; and the age of science has generally 
been the age of military virtue and success." 

Gibbon, Decline and Fall, chap, x., s. 3. 

Ver. 3. Augustan days,\ Whence, shall it once more be asked, is 

derived that energy and grace of mind discernible in certain epochs in the 
history of so many nations of the earth ? Or, must the opinion of Martial 
be taken, that the cause is more in patronage than genius ; a plant indige- 
nous in our fields, but which pines in the shade, unless nurtured and pro- 
tected by some one in power : 

"Sint Moecenates, non derunt, Flacce, Marones." 

Provide me th« protector, and I will provide you the poet. Very true ; 
but as the dispenser of favours must have the ability to distinguish among 
those deserving of them, we are still thrown back for the cause, for what is 
it that has enlightened the Prince himself, or led him to hearken to that 



294 THE OBLIVIAD. App. 

Pass'd too the point, antithesis, conceit, 5 

In which once novelty could pleasure meet : 

N OTES. 

man of his Court capable of informing him, or who has the honesty to in- 
form him, if that one man there be? From difficulty to difficulty ; no won- 
der that one might number on his fingers the real poets of the earth ; there 
is not a dozen of them. 

However, such is the course of encouragement : A Maecenas hears of 
a Virgil ; he is sent for ; and his merits proclaimed in the praises which he 
received, and the i^ewards loestowed ; giving at once the example and incen- 
tive to others ; until all become emulous in the path to excellence. 

" Tunc par ingenio pretium : tunc utile multis 
Pallere, et vinum toto nescire Decembri." 

Other circumstances concur ; such as a period in the progress of a great 
war, which naturally animates the mind, or in prosperity at the close of it, 
and a nation newly risen into politeness. 

If this opinion be true, what hope of just taste, and a judicious direction 
to the mind, in an age when bookmaking has become a trade, and the whole 
object of the bookseller, who is now the patron, and of the bookmaker he 
employs, is to serve the largest body of customers, and degrade all to the 
making of money: than which nothing is more foreign to the nature of true 
ambition. Vulgar taste runs devious ; and, still desiring something new, the 
object of such a workman is to vary the folly, and consequently avoid estab- 
lished standards ; things which, besides, are with difficulty reached, a serious 
obstacle to one who writes for his daily living. When lately, in England, 
the Lodger Franchise was granted, the Legislator at once urged to '^educate 
our masters " for such the crowd had become : but not in Government only, 
I venture to add; in a little while they will set the law in Literature also, 
and the patron Publisher will caress those only who can pander to the taste 
of him who has acquired reading enough to go through a " sensation novel," 
or, better, the " Police Gazette." 

Ver. 5. Pass'' d too the point, antithesis, conceit ^'\ 
Refers to the frivolous thoughts, and glitter of ornament introduced by 
Seneca, who made every effort to discredit the best authors, even Virgil and 
Cicero, says (iellius; well knowing that, as long as these continued to be 
admired, he could not possibly be: a motive just the same as that of some 
writers (far inferior to Seneca) in our own days, who affect contempt for 
our Augustan authors, and decry Pope himself. — See Quintilian, Lib. x., 
cap. I ; and Aulus Gellius, Lib. xii., cap. 2. 



App. THE OBLIVIAD. 295 

E'en these too toilsome, last the mind was brought 
To mere inanity and want of thought ; 

NOTES. 

Ibid. antit/iesis,'] A weed whicli sprang up among tlie finest flow- 

ers, as in the days of Sophocles and Euripides, when Agathon, writer of 
Tragedies, was entirely overrun with it. A friend desiring him to correct 
this vice in his pieces; that, said he, would be to lose Agathon in himself: 
so much of liis merit was mixed with this figure ; which also makes the chief 
blemish, as sometimes the chief beauty, of Pope, a writer deserving praise 
almost as often as mention. 

'AAA.ck av ye, yevya7e, KeXridas (reavrhu, rhv 'Ayd^cova e/c tov 'Ayadoiuos 

.^LIAN. Var. Hist., Lib. xiv., Cap. 13. 

Ver. 6. 7ioveliy] Other enemies to taste may be met by argument, 

with some hope of success; but when Fashion opposes, the matter is des- 
perate : a power divine of right, that no man asks the origin of, and at the 
name of which all men tremble. When your bootmaker, or bookseller, (or 
those who severally take measure of head and foot,) tells you this is now the 
fashion, you are at liberty, like a true Protestant, to dissent ; but to call in 
question the Goddess herself, that is not heresy, but atheism, and the ostra- 
cism was not so despotic as the scorn which banishes you. The backwoods 
or Siberia be your retreat. In vain shall you compel her to shift, either as 
regards place or attire ; her nature is to change, on which rests her autho- 
rity ; a part of the great law of the Universe, in all the kingdoms of which 
we discern a perpetual vicissitude, and new fashions every day put on ; or, 
for the matter of that, every hour, as in colours of the sky, or in morning, 
midday, and evening drCiSses. The chameleon changes every minute. Bacon 
never revealed to us a wiser thing than when he taught that Proteus was 
but Nature, which is identical with Fashion, or that which, coerced in one 
shape, presently appears in another: a Deity worshipped by sacrifice of cast- 
off clothes and opinions, laureate verses, and "novels of the week ;" grateful 
to her groans of bankrupt husbands, execrations of publishers late in the 
market, and sighs of all who are forced to appear in a suit of last month's 
make. Whence, to say that anything is the mode, but extending its influ- 
ence, all we can ask is to keep true to principle ; and, for example, as noth- 
ing, of things artificial, so often varies as the female form, (except female 
fancy,) with the petticoat, and what covers it, I would have this part of the 
dress, when the day is short, shorter, and when the day is long, longer, that 
things may be all of a piece, and the train be drawn without draggling when 



296 THE OBLIVIAD. App, 

Instruction stops, on vice no precepts press, 

Till all is luxury and idleness. 10 

Romance now sprung, and Chariclea came 

New arts to teach, and raise the am'rous flame ; 

With ills imagined, bliss, attract the eye, 

And violate of truth the dignity ; 

NOTES. 

Nature provides clean streets. The Peacock himself, the favourite of My 
Lady as well as of Juno, does not keep his tail at the same length all the 
year round, and sometimes drops the fashion altogether, although as old as 
Troy, when the ladies swept the trottoire with Honiton lace ; TpoiaSas 
e\Ke(rnreirKovs, Troadas longa-peplorum-syrmata-trahentes ; an epithet as 
long as the train itself, and lately brought again into fasliion, since My Lord 
Derby gave the phrases of Homer at full length. Wherefore, returning to 
authors, I would not have them, against all rule, continue that same im- 
changing livery, even though it be of the Muses, out at elbows, and that 
rusty colour known, among tailors, as " London smoke ; " but even go from 
bad to worse, rather than be the same blockhead, in the same coat, thread- 
bare, like the subjects you write on. 

And, in point of fact, it is the Author that fails, and not the Reader, 
who alone is still true to the mode. Any thing out ? he inquires, and is 
handed a book yet damp from the press, with which he is completely satis- 
fied. At the end of the Season, he returns, when, with the face of Nature, 
has changed also that system of things in which, agreeable to the opinion of 
the undiscerning. Nature has no part; asks the same question as before; 
gets the same answer ; buys, and offers, in part payment, that which he 
last bought ; which the shopman accepts, at a penny the pound, price of 
waste paper : whereupon, nothing doubting, he witlidraws, not so much to 
read the volume, as to talk of it, and be in the fashion. 

Ver. II. /Romance iiow sprung^ In tliese few lines the Author has en- 
deavoured to compress the whole history of the Decline of Taste; an exotic, 
in the centre of a mighty Empire, where it flourished scarce during the life 
of one man. The transition from simplicity to point ; thence to vapid de- 
clamation ; and last to romance: the picture is instructive; if, as Editor, I 
may be allowed to express my opinion of it. Am. Ed. 

Ibid. Charicled\ The famous, shall I say, infamous, "love stories" 

of that name, which became the model to all future novelists, even, without 
knowing it, to our own, and by which, as Nicephorus relates, many young 
persons were drawn into the danger of sin. 



App. THE OBLIVIAD. 29/ 

While trivial incidents throughout prevail, 1 5 

Adventure fills, and folly ends the tale. 

Through ages thence these vices taught to live, 

Licentious scene, and tedious narrative. 

Till, lost in ignorance, next meet the eye 

The fiction and the farce of chivalry. 20 

Allured, Nennius, now the Gestes began 

Of knights of Arthur and of Charlemagne ; 

Whence Minstrels taught adventures wild to spin, 

Sir Tristan, Launcelot, or Palmerin : 

Fantastic age, than which none less could miss 25 

That nonsense which it sought, but only this ; 

At Court a changeling found to cramp the rhymes. 

And once more Merlin brought to fool the times. 

Nor art, instruction, might the Reader see, 

Plan, purpose, character, catastrophe ; 30 

NOTES. > 

Ver. 17. Through ages, <2^'<^.] Nothing less than a period of near fifteen 
hundred years; on so fixed a basis rests the empire of false learning in op- 
position to that of the true, which subsisted, without interruption, scarce 
a fifteenth part of this period. We read of the advent of Sin into the world ; 
very much like to which is that of Error, when man deviated from Sim- 
plicity, and still has a leaning to the impure, as well in taste as in morals. 

Ver. 20. The f.cti on a7id the farce of chivalry i\ 
A form of manners so fantastic as that of Chivalry could never have had 
a place in Nature, as Sismundi justly remarks, but must have risen mainly 
from the fancy, and been suggested to an ignorant people by the writers 
of Romance. 

Ver. 21. Allured, Nennius^ Mixed historians and novelists of the be- 
nighted ages, since imitated by some eminent authors. Originals of Geoffrey 
of Monmouth. They wrote in the ninth century, which is the darkest of 
all. 

Ver. 28. Once more Merlhi\ If Mathias could say of Giffard, that 

" he had taken some pleasant trouble off his hands," in satirizing a certain 
class of scribblers then fashionable ; so may I of Hall, who, in turning to 

13* 



298 THE OBLIVIAD. App. 

But strange proportion 'twixt effect and cause, 

And nature lost amid inverted laws ; 

When idle rhapsodies for child or fool 

Show'd that most regular which wanted rule : 

True Gothic models ready shaped at home, 35 

And saved all tedious search through Greece or Rome. 

A reading public (mark the phrase !) unknown. 

The Monks and Minstrels kept the trash their own ; 

When yielding shelves piled up from base to top, 

The cloister seem'd a circulating shop. 40 

The Monk kept close by his religious vow, 

The Minstrel mouth'd his tale, as we do now ; 

An ancient practice made again appear, 

That those who cannot read, at least may hear. 

But modern art another aid can find, 45 

And Dickens the great light to all the blind. 

NOTES. 

ridicule the Arthur and Merlin writers of his day, has, by anticipation, cast 
his wit against those of the new school living in our own : 

** Some braver brain in high heroic rhymes 

Compileth worm-eat stories of old times : 

And he like some imperious Maronist, 

Conjures the muses that they him assist. 

Then strives he to bombast his feeble lines 

With far-fetch'd phrase ; — 

And maketh up his hard-betaken tale 

With strange enchantments, fetch'd from darksome vale, 

Of some Melissa, that by magic doom 

To Tuscan's soil transporteth Merlin's tomb." 
But what Nash said, in prose, of Staniiiurst, on his lately introduced ver- 
sification, is altogether as applicable to what is now passing before us : 
"Whose heroical pootry," he writes, " in fired, I should say inspired, with 
hexameter furye, recalled to life whatever hissed barbarisme hath been buried 
this hundred yeare." Preface to Greene's Arcadia. 

Ver. 46. And Dickens the great light to all the hlind.'\ 
Dickens, on leaving America, conscious that he h.ad fooled the Yankees, and 



App. THE OBLIVIAD. 299 

At length, aslant, above the dreary waste. 

Scarce sent through air the struggHng beams of taste, 

Till classic lustre in Eliza's days 

Burst forth once more, though with a mingled blaze ; 50 

For Sidney still could make such scenes his care 

As left ere long to triflers and the fair. 

In Anna's age her wealth see Thought dispense, 

And then the dignity of common sense ; 

Oblivion shut, for then each desp'rate fool 55 

By Satire saved to endless ridicule ; 

NOTES. 

thrown dust in tlieir eyes, thought to make them a little amends by present- 
ing them with passages of his Readings, set in embossed letters, for the 
Blind. 

Ver. 49. classic lustre in Eliza's ilays] Even the ladies of tlie 

Court were then, like the Queen, students of the Ancienis, and what is the 
pedantry of this age, was the fashion of that. 

Ver. 51. For Sidney still could make suck scenes his care 
As left ere long to trijlcrs and the fair. ^ 
Sidney, I fancy, was the last of those chivalrous heroes who formed their 
characters immediately upon Romance. He was unwilling, however, that 
the Arcadia should survive him, and, on his death bed, gave orders to de- 
stroy it. Disobeyed in this, it was ten times reprinted, and then, with the 
usual fate of such, forgotten. It should be called to mind that Sidney 
wrote but the first books of tliis piece, of which the latter part is by his 
sister, the Countess of Pembroke : to whom, let me add, with those of her 
sex and rank, it were to be wished that the composing and reading of ro- 
mances might be consigned, until some other species of pastime be intro- 
duced, to take the place of the obsolete embroidery and knotting. 

Ver. 54. then the dignity of common sense ;'\ Then was recte sapcre 

the rule ; and since, among the fluctuations of opinion, common sense is the 
surest at last to sway among the affairs of men, so is it the most likely to fix 
the standard of taste, and make us more resemble the Ancients, who, among 
all their excellences, are chiefly distinguished by this. 

Ver. 55. Oblivion shut, for then each desp'' rate fool 
By Satire saved to endless ridicule ;\ 
As had previously been done in the instance of Flecknoe, " who," says 



300 THE OBLIVIAD. App. 

No novels seen but those which strumpets writ, 

A worthy way for such to show their wit. 

Short period ; soon the pleasing poison found, 

But in the moral first the tale was sound. 6o 

Insipid virtue ! wit next stoops to dress, 

And prostitute the page to wantonness. 

A bandit horde, a damsel free from fault, 

Alone, and in much peril of assault ; 

Such in suspense next held the public fool ; 65 

Pass, change, Scott hurries with the Border school. 

NOTES. 

Langbaine, "has published sundry Works, (as he styles them,) to continue 
his name to Posterity; tho' possibly an Enemy has done that for him, wliich 
his own Endeavours would never have perfected : For whatever becomes of 
his own Pieces, his name will continue whilst Mr. Dryden's Satyr called 
Mack Flccknoe, shall remain in vogue." 

Ver. 57. No novels seen but those zvhich strumpets writ^'] 
Among whom I may mention Eliza Haywood, Aphra Behn, and Mrs. 
Manley. Haywood " was authoress of those most scandalous books called 
the Court of Carimania, and the New Utopia." She is mentioned in the 
Notes to the Dunciad, of which she is the Eliza, as one of "those shameless 
scribblers (for the most part of that sex, which ought least to be capable of 
such malice or impudence) who, in libellous Memoirs and Novels, reveal 
the faults and misfortunes of both sexes, to the ruin of public fame, or dis- 
turbance of private happiness." For Mrs. Behn, she was a lady of '^ satch 
decided talent" that Charles II., an excellent judge, thought her a fitting 
envoy stear the Dutch Court ; where she is said to have engaged in intrigues, 
for the benefit of her country. Returning to England, she wrote plays, 
poems, and three volume novels, distinguished chiefly for their gross licen- 
tiousness : In which, however, she was not without a rival in Mrs. Manley, 
author of the famous Atalantis ; a woman known to all the wits of the age, 
and to Alderman Barber, whose mistress she is said to have been. 

Ver. 60. But in the moral first the tale was sotiiid.\ 
That of r-iichardson, as Pamela, which was ridiculed, in his Joseph Andrews, 
by Fielding; an author followed, in turn, by Mrs. Radcliffe, who made 
mystery and suspense the chief secret of her success. 



App. 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



30I 



Ingenuous, who knew how slight his claim, 
And, wanting learning, sigh'd for solid fame. 
O, how unlike, &c. 



NOTES. 



Ver. 67. Ingenuous, who kne^u how slight his claim. 

And, wanting learning, sigh'' d for solid fame."] 
I would give, said Scott, half the reputation I have acquired, to obtain for 
the rest a classical foundation ; meaning, a lasting one. 



END OF APPENDIX. 




THE OBLIVIAD. 



INDEX. 



INDEX: 

Which includes, with the Names, the Principal Mat- 
ters AND Facts, in the Work, Note as well as Text. 



The Roman numeral refers to the Book, the Arabic to the Verse. Supp. 
Supplement App. Appendix. 



A. 

ACID and alkaly, in what case combine them, B. ii., v. 240. 
Adder, spiteful, that, in Scripture, known as the deaf, and, 
commonly, as the Barnard, B. ii., v. 109. 

Adultery, Mars and Venus catight in the act of, Supp. to B. iv., 
V. 26. 

Age, the present, what the requirements of, B. ii., v. 285. So dif- 
ferent from that of Voltaire, when Writing was the lowest of 
trades. Publishers were illiterate, and Falsehood was invented 
at so much a page, B. ii., v. 405. 

Alloy of Bowie-knife, Bret, and Brain, B. i., v. 168. 

Ambiguity of the Author of this Work so glaring, that it is very 
clear what he means, B. iii., v. 396. 

Amorous haste, what comes next after it, B. iii., v. 309. 

Ancients, inventors of the cothurnus, risen above by the Moderns, 
inventors of the stilts, B. iii., v. 241, 

Anno domini, the surprising effects of, B. iii., v. 145. 

Annual Conference in the College of Ignorance, with the Proceed- 
ings, and Speech of Hepworth Dixon, Esq., B. ii., v. 95. 

Annual dinner, given to thieves, authors, and beggars, B. ii., v. 
422. 

Ars Rhetorica. Eloquence tonsseuse, with the hem, and flourishes 
of handkerchief. Tussis pro crepitu,&^c. B. ii., v. 132. 



306 INDEX. 

Art of Sinking in Poetry, origin of, B. i., v. lo. 

Ass, credit given him for proficiency in Arts, despite his natural 
disqualifications, B. ii., v. 303. 

Athenaeum, changes made in the form, and appearance of, Supp. 
to B. iv., V. I. Door, turn off from it ; on which a long note, 
B. ii., V. 420. Editor of, never replies to Letters covering 
Compliments , treating such with silent contempt, B. i., v. i. 

Attentions which Hepworth was daily in receipt of, B. ii., v. 137. 

Augustan Authors, in Modern, as in Ancient days, mentioned 
with an affected contempt, and with the same motives, App., 
v. 5. 

Author of this Poem, romantic disposition of, B. iv., v. 263. A 
little disconcerted, B. iii., v. 434. Desirous of explaining that 
he is, and intends to be, serious, throughout, B. i., v. 338. 
Desire on the part of, to hide Reviewers from shame, B. ii., 
V. 399. Advises those who had been doing dirty work of the 
pen, to turn to the shovel, lb. v. 405. Gives, gratis, some 
humane advice, lb. v. 404. Has still kept within the limits of 
decorum, B. iv., v. 440. Likely to be very popular, if he 
turns Novelist, B. iv., v. 108. Means by which he salts his 
Book, B. i., V. 15. 

Authors, a boat-load of, slipped, like herrings, again into the 
water, before a particular description could be given of them : 
whence, the shortness of this Poem, B. iii., v. 406. Every 
stage of habitation, from the cellar to the garret, filled with 
them, B. i., v. 189. How they rise, and how they fall, B. i., 
V. 3. How they run in a waste of words, and void a tale, B. 
i., v. 248. 



B. 

BAINES, MfXay/i'Tjrof, B. i., V. 219. 
Bancroft, rapture of, when his Poems, at an auction, 
were knocked down, at a higher price than his History, B. iv., 
V. 225. 
Barnard, deaf, placed beside her Heaviness, who is blind, the 
one being the complement of the other, B. ii., v. 103. Made 
to hear, by means of poison poured into his meatus, lb., v. 
108. 



INDEX. 307 

Beecher, Mrs. Harriet Elizabeth Beecher Stowe, guilty of a 

breach of confidence, in telling all her friend had told her, B. 

iv., V. 285. 
Berkley, proposal to curtail him of half-a-dozen of his names, 

B. i., V. 179. How he thrashed Fraser, of the Magazine, and 

shot Magin, Ibid. 
Black and White, the resemblance between, B. iii., v. 306. 
Blank Circular, which you are to fill up, with name, accidents of 

birth, &c., B. i., v. 10. 
Blind, literature intended for, App., v. 46. 
Blockhead, as big a one as any other that ever censured poet, B. 

iv., V. 239. 
Block, you have but to cut off what hides the dunce in it, B. ii., 

V. 274. 
Blundering, and the consequences of it, shown in the Verses of 

Tennyson, B. iii., v. 177. 
Boeotians first, and Boeotians last, contrary to Homer, B. iii., v. 

60. 
Boston, that in which she delights, B. iv., v. 415. 
Braddon, Miss, examples of her style, in dress and writing, B. 

iv., v. 76. 
Brain, defecation of, by means of Writing, B. i., v. 231. 
Breeches, singular use which Carlyle made of his, B. iv., v. 169. 
Breed, how stop that of Muloch, Mayhew, Taylor, Reid, Wood, 

and the Howitts, B. i., v. 93. 
Brentano, by merit of " one grain of Thought," the most distin- 
guished Poet, as the first Bookseller, of the Period, B. iv., v. 

355- 

Browning, where nursed, by whom taught, and by whom exhi- 
bited, B. iii., v. 261. His own showman, lb., v. 274. 

Buchanan, fair specimens of his style of goods, B. iii., v. 196. 

Buchanan, Reade, like dogs, etc., B. i., v. 137. 

Bull, Mr. John, determines, seriously, to act Jack Pudding, B. 
iii., v. 219. 

BULWER, digratt virtuoso ; indefatigable search for his Works ; in 
all 999, being one short of the number to complete a Library, 
B. i., v. 61. The " barren rascal," an epithet not meriting, 
B. iii., V. 70. Runs all off to nothing, lb., v. 8g. Pun, afflu- 
ent of, lb., 92. His learning shows how much he wants, lb., 
94. Great Arthur, rises or falls with him, lb., v. 109. Author 



308 INDEX. 

gives him a little of his mind, lb. Is apprehensive lest he 
should be deemed partial in his case, lb., v. 123. 
Butler, defended against an insulting accusation, B, iii., v. 398. 



c. 

CACATA charta: Athenaeums, B. i., v, 155. 
Calcraft, the Executioner, Selections from his Writings, 

B. iv., v. 70. Dunned, like any other Author, lb. 
Calculation, how much wealth there is in England, and how many 

fools, B. ii., v, 199. 
Candidate and kicked of Marrow-bone, B. iv., v. 482. 
Carlyle, a famished innovator, B. iv., v. 146, Eorum more qui 

non proficere, sed conspici, cupiunt, lb. " What we call 

originality, signifies that^'' lb. Also, " the heroic quality we 

have no good name for, signifies that" lb., v. 154. " Cannot 

express himself, or get himself expressed," lb. 
Cause, the real one, B. iv., v. 283. 
Certain persons, distinguished by stars, thus, * * *^ addressed 

personally, B. ii., v. 413. 
Chaos ; signifies a yawn, in which, according to the Epicureans, 

all things must terminate, B. i., v. 113. 
Chignon, how adjust it to the fashion, B. ii., v. 174. 
Chcerilus, a writer with Six good verses in his Poem ; an unusual 

proportion, and for which he received proportional rewards, 

B. iii., v. 124. 
Cloaca Maxima, with its tributary Sinks, and what they contain, 

B. i., v. 154. 
Close, the Poet, placed conspicuously, B. ii., v. in. 
Common Sink, what ducked in, B. i., v. 143. 
Cracked Critick ; dispute as to the meaning of this expression, B. 

ii., v. 147. 
Crim. Con. case, with verbatim report of, B. iii., v. 286. 
Crew of Criticks, by whom kicked to their kennels, B. i., v. 52. 
Critick, in the Athenaeum, deficiencies required to complete one, 
B. ii., v. 112. To set up in the business of, what it costs, B. 
ii., v. 229. 
Critick's skull, a vacuum coacervatum, B. i., v. 38. 
Criticism on a Book you never saw, method of, B, ii., v. 311. 



INDEX. 309 

Crutch, Miss Emma, more romantically, Cora, the prostitute 
d-la-mode, B. iii., v. 17. 



D. 

DAY and Martin's blacking, or that which is bright only on 
the surface of it, B. iii., v. 174. 
Days, when sense and nature had a place in the World, App., 

V. 3- 

Dead ! dead! ! dead ! ! ! sentence passed on a Poet, B. iii., v. 203. 

Dead level, the natural tendency of things, B. iv., v. 228. 

Dead Writers, with their dead Works, the Receptacle for, B. i., 
V. 125. 

Deep, no traces of vitality in, B. iii., v. 6. 

Dickens, specimen of his style, in both sorts, the Jine and the 
fatniliar, B. iv., v. 15. 

Dixon, appointed Misguider General, by the Goddess, B. ii., v. 
334. His grand Arcanum, by which he engages to teach the 
whole Science of Criticism, in a week, B. ii., v. 299. Indig- 
nation of, against one who brought money, B. ii., v. 344. Of 
a Puritan stock j at what time his Spiritual Prostitutes came 
on town ; 3. fellow that of no college, B. i., v. 51. 

DORE and Tennyson, altercation between, B. iii., v. 144. 

Dozen Bells, with the changes on them, and sounds correspondent 
in Criticism, B. ii., v. 310. 

Drinking for a wager, B. ii., v. 291. 

Dull, a word much like a pig of lead, being short and heavy, B. 
iii., V. 434. 

Ed. Ath. asks again of the Author what he means by " a maid," 
and " once a maid," B. iv., v. 103. Constrained to admit that 
a man may lend himself to base purposes, B. iv., v. $. 



E. 

ENCYCLOPEDIA Factory, the Manager of, and one of his 
best hands, with excusable motive of vanity, B. ii., v. 92. 
Epicene gender, in Things, as well as in Words, B. iv., v. 328. 
Epidemicks which have raged on Earth, recounted, B. i., v. 272. 



3IO INDEX. 

Error, how it runs devious, and blunders back, B. ii., v. 157. Too 

late to correct one, in the age of Mesdemoiselles Sevvell and 

Manning, B. iv., v. 104. 
Eternity assured to a great number of Writers ; I promise them, 

said the Author, B. iii., v. 408. 
Executioner, perquisites of, B. iv., v, 464. 
Expense, means by which it may be saved in compiling large 

Works, B. ii., v. 295. 
Eyes, shut one of them, and wink with the other, a feat beyond 

the ability of Ed. Ath., B. iv., v. 167. 



FACES displayed by Miller and Massey, one each, B. ii., 
V. 112. 

Factory Act, a similar one for the shoddy weavers, B. ii., v. 423. 

Fashion, supreme Goddess of the Globe, delighting in change, and 
despotic of authority, App., v. 6. The offerings most accepta- 
ble to her, lb. 

Faults, of no avail to a Writer, unless they gain him ^distinction, 
B. ii., v. 268. 

* Feature,' ' Conventional,' ' Suggestive,' the vast variety of un- 
meaning contained in them, B. ii., v. 305. 

Fingers, priority of invention due to them, B. iii., v. 199. 

Five thousand a year, how much we get for it, B. iv., v. 335. 

Flogging; the business of, doubled on the Satyrist, since neglected 
in schools, B. iv., 162. 

Foetum caput, evacuation of, B. i., v. 132. 

Fools, the Limbo of, placed on the backside of the World, B. i., 
v. 102, 

Frame, with engraving of, by aid of which, mechanically, any 
one can contrive Articles to furnish the whole Encyclopaedia, 
B. ii., V. 295. 



G 



G. 

EMS from the Athennsum, B. iv., v. 446. 
J Goose, European, carving of, in the manner of Strabo, B, 
iii., V. 314. 



INDEX. 311 

Goth and Vandal, they are upon us, B. i., v. 338. 

GrcDi Virtuoso ; who was attacked with a flux enrage ev^ery 

month, B. i., v. 248. 
Greek, or Latin, after midnight, proof that one is drunk, B. iii., 

V. 145. 
Greek, should be just opposite the English, in Book of Quotations, 

B. ii., V. 180. 
Greek-fire, dangerous to be in the neighbourhood of, B. ii. , v. 106. 
Grub-Street, staircases therein tuneful, B. i., v. 6. Who and what 

were seen tinde there, B. iii., v. 254. 
Gulls, the arts by which they are allured, B. iii., v. 42. 



HACK Authors, classed into those who drink, and those who 
are drunkards, B. ii., v. 388. 

Hangmen, history of, from Gregory the Great, to our own days, 
B. iv. , V. 70. 

Harlot, to be kept in close concealment, and by what means, 
B, ii., V. 214. 

Head, the human, shown not to be round, but flat, B. iv., v. 203. 
The weight of, cause of all the dulness, perversity, and error, 
in human creatures, B. iii., v. 208. 

Hepworth Dixon, whether his writings do, or do not, exercise 
an injurious influence, B. iv., v. 469. Acknowledges that what 
is said in the Obliviad, is true, B. ii., v. 114. A follower of 
Aristotle, and in what respect, B. ii., v. 152. Matched with 
his Suttiness ; the one archangel ruined, the other, archcritick, 
B. ii., V. 133. Mounts the Rostrum; the rogue mixed with 
fool in his face; begins his Speech, through the nose, B, ii., 
V. 128. 

Her Mightiness, method of sustaining her, B. ii., v. 139. 

His Lordship, the Case, first, not having been heard, passes sen- 
tence, and orders punishment accordingly, B. ii., v. 342. 

His Reverence, with Roxy by his side, B. iii., v. 388. 

Historical Novel, the originals of, App., v. 21. 

Holy-Well, the Nymphs of, B. ii., v. 97. 

HowiTTS, Father, Mother, Daughter, an entire progeny to the 
Press, B. i., v. 94. 



312 INDEX. 



I. 



JAKES, how supplied with paper, B. i., v. 176. 
Idleness, means by which it may be made complete, accord- 
ing to Bishop Butler, B. ii., v. 75. 

Ignorance, the College of; a Gothic building, without model in 
Nature, B. ii., v, 47. The Goddess of; blots out all know- 
ledge, B. ii., V. 53 ; proves what is, is not; and confirms it 
with an oath, lb. 

Illauded, a word selected to suit the occasion, B. iv., v. 525. 

Immoral, so called, in writing, explained and defended by Ed. 
Ath., B. iv., V. 452. 

Indecency, properly exposed, the great value of, B. iii., v. 254. 

Index Rerum of a Sunday Newspaper, B. iii., v. 26. 

Influenza and the Scribbling, analogy between, B. i., v. 273. 

Joicr maigre, in Grub-street, and maigre as applied to an author, 
B. iii., V. 22. 

Itch of Writing, fire and brimstone recommended in the cure of 
it, B. iii., V. 124. 

Jury give damages for ruin to one's character, valued at 6d., B. ii., 
228. 



K. 

"XT' ETCH, Jack, fine accomplishments of, B. iv., v. 464. 



£100 reward to any one who can pick the lock on Tennyson's 
meaning, B. iii., v. 175. 
Ladies, disappointed of an attempt on their chastity, B. iii., v. 255. 
Laid next upon the bank, Ed. Ath. sees what this means, B. iv., 

V. 263. 
Laugh, the loudest, confutes in Argument, B. iv., v. 299. 
Laus Veneris, as a whole, neither profane, nor indecent, B. iii., 

v. 255. 
Legs, Mr. Swinburne's, confined by the boards, according to Ed. 

Ath., who yet declares the stocks obsolete, B. iii., 235. 



INDEX. 313 

Lent, when kept in December, and abstinence observed for the 

sake of one's genius, App., v. 3. 
Library in the College of Ignorance, consisting of Romances, of 

which a Catalogue is given, B. ii., v. 69. 
Lotos Club, at supper ; brought up in a basket, like their own 

oysters, B. iv., v. 342. 
Ludgate, left unlocked by night and day, B. ii., v. 136. 
LuLLUS, Raymundus, philosopher of Laputa, his Great Art, B. 

ii., v. 295. 
Lytton all thy Works, and Proctor thine, B. i., v. 142. 

M. 

MACKAY, poet, with but the Nine against him, B. i., v. 
141. 
Male Bawd, the difference between that and the other one, B. ii., 

v. 204. 
Marsyas, in what he resembles the hero of this Poem, B. iv., 

v. 540. 
Mat., the bad o{ '^\s poetry fills the volume, B. iii., v. 399. 
Mayhew, Henry, a short time a Scholar, and a long time an 

Author, B. i., v. 93. 
Men of the Time, how to become one of them, B. i., v. 10. 
Mercury, the god of Thieves, Liars, Pickpockets, and Reporters, 

Supp. to B. iv., V. 26. 
Milton, told to go and read his Bible, by Ed. Ath., B. i., v. 10. 
Mind, the waste of, whereto hastening, B. i., v. 123. 
Miss Dinah, in the pains of labour, B. ii., v. 33. 
Mistake committed by a Reviewer, whereby he blamed what he 

meant to praise, and praised what he meant to blame, B. ii., 

V- 313- 
Modest proposal, to flay Reviewers, and make parchment of their 

hides, B. i., v. 222. 
Morning use, what papers are applied to it, B. iii., v. 12. 
Morris, Besaleel, foretold, in the age of Queen Anne, as he who 

was to adorn that of Victoria, B. ii., v. 81. 
Mortals, the race of, B. ii., v. i. 

Moses and Hepworth, in what resembling, B. ii., v. 388. 
MoxON, from what cause forced to stop the sale, B. ii., v. 212. 
Muloch, Miss Dinah Maria, -a i^ran virtiiosa, B. i., v. 93. 



314 INDEX. 

Mute, method of strangling by means of one, B. ii. , v. 258. 
Muses, the livery of, by what art give novelty to, App., v. 6. Of 
Grub-Street, invocation of, B. iii., v. 47. 



N. 

NOISE, the great power of, as evinced in Greenland, where it 
is bottled in Winter, and comes out loud with the cork, 

B. iii., V. 420. 
iVi9«- intercourse, explicable, on theory of Spiritual wives, B. iii., 

V. 314. 
Nonsense, discovered an innate quality, B. iii., v. 172. How it 

repeats itself, as shown in verses Ancient and Modern, B. iii., 

v. 236. Superior to Reason, as that which compasses all 

things, B. ii., v, 162. 
Nook apart, on the Western side, B. iii., v. 321. 
Nose, shown to be the critical part, B ii., v. 152. 
Novelist, that creature classed by the Naturalists among the 

Ephemera; known also as the Hemerobion, B. i., v. 67. 



o. 

OBLIVION, one that was not travelling so fast thereto, B. ii., 
V. 2. Strait down, you can't miss it, B. iv. , v. 422. The 
exact geography of, being the adjoining territory to Chaos, B, 
i., V. III. Vast capacity of, argued from the number of those 
who fall into it, B. iii., v. 138. 
Old-maids, why they naturally take to the pen, B. ii., v. 378. 
OuiDA, big with Book, B. ii., v. 34. 

Our Masters, educate them, a rule applicable as well in things of 
Taste as of Government, App., v. 3. 



PARADISE Lost, tautology in, as made appear by Ed. Ath., 
B. i., V. 10. 
Paradise, the Earthly, many a weary line off, as indicated by Mr. 

Morris, B. ii., v. 81. 
Perfect love, hymencals of, B. iv., v. 530. 



INDEX, 315 

Petticoat, what it hid ; with reflections of Ed. Ath. on " covering" 
and " uncovering," B. iv., v. 52. 

Phlegm in Writers, or that which is excrementitious, B. ii., v. 36. 

Pickpockets, among Writers, exculpated, provided they acknow- 
ledge the offence, B. iv., v. 138. 

Picric, with green vitriol and galls, articles in use among Review- 
ers, B. ii., v. 285. 

Pillory, Dixon gives as proof that he was not pelted in it, as not in 
use in his day, B. iv., v. 505. 

Pimp and prostitute, bargain between, B. iv., v. 288. 

Plagiarists, the question argued, whether Pickpockets are of this 
* class, and if a purloined pockethandkerchief is the same as a 
purloined passage, B. ii., v. 131. 

Pocket, how pick it, by the method of Fagin, B. i., v. 374. 

Poets, pumpkins, and cabbage heads, relatively considered, B. iii., 
V. 326. Of past times much to be praised, as having written 
before the discovery of poetry was made, B. iii., v. 162. The 
real ones of the Earth, you may count them on your fingers. 
App., v. 3. 

Pollux, Julius, Precepts of, compared with those of Dixon, B. 
ii., V. 300. 

Prjeconium duplex, or double puff, artifices of, B. ii., v. 34. 

Precept to preserve the Knave, at which Dixon was interrupted by 
a burst of cheering, B. ii., v. 325. 

Prediction, that the rags and remnants cannot always last, B. i., 
V. 222. , 

Premature Births, how they happen, and to whom, B. i., v. 319. 

Present, a small one, and the serious consequences thereof, B. iv., 
V. 283. Another, ^\\&x\, gratis, to Mrs. Stowe, lb. 

Proletarii, authors fagoted together under this name, B. iv., v. 361. 

Prose, what it is, and Poetry, what it is not, with method by which 
they can be distinguished, B. iii., v. 162. 

Prostitutes, how carry on a trade in them, B. ii., v. 203. Where 
they may purchase obscene books, with the titles of them, B. 
ii., v. 98. 

Publisher, a bulky one, conveyed in a coach, B. ii., v. 423. Thinks 
your Work a very good thing, and states the advance he re- 
quires, B. ii. , V. 182. 

Punch and T'ldy? with their respective verses, B. iii., v. 176. 

Pujis and Punch, reflections of Ed. Ath. concerning, B. iii., v. 396. 



3l6 INDEX. 



Q 



UART, the modern, to which go three pints, B. ii., v. 285. 



R. 



RAGS, who are hkely to perish from the want of them, B. iii., 
V- 399- 

Rat, symbol of Night ; come of a hungry and hateful breed, as 
Criticks, B. i. , v. 86. An Excorcismus to expell them, lb., v. 
90. 

Raw Baboon, in Natural History, a disgusting creature, without 
breeches, B. iv., v. 170. 

Reformation, that which changes the form of the Vice, and leaves 
the Vicious the same, B. ii., v. 412. 

Reptile, pseudonymuncle, a scurrilous skunk, said of Gentlemen 
of the Athenaeum, B. iv., v. 440. 

Resurrection, the day of at hand, B. ii., v. 442. 

Reviewers, hire of, Article on by the Northamptonshire poet, B. 
iii., V. 393. How many days in the week they write, and in 
how many drink, B. ii., v. 388. How they instruct an Author 
out of his own Work, B. ii., v. 88. Of a snarling breed, and, 
like outcast curs, lean and mangy, B. ii., v. 94. Providence 
of, who retain a viaticum of three pence, being the classical 
one, B. ii., v. 391. 

Romance, a Greek one, opening with the endangered virginity of 
the heroine, B. i., v. 354. The child of Sin and Ignorance, 
and where she had birth, B. i., v. 287. The whole world con- 
verted into one, B. iii., v. 64. 

Rule, in building, that one bad brick in a wall, condemns the 
whole of it, B. ii., v. 253. 



s. 

ABIN, JOE, second class as a dealer, but first class as a 
I scholar, for he had studied at Oxford, B. iv., v. 375. Had 
the misfortune to lose his Latin, on his way to America, lb. 



INDEX. 317 

Sala, very like a whale, B. iv., v. in. His cap and bells very 

becoming to him, lb. His Travels, lb. Excluded from Rome, 

by the nose, lb., v. 127. 
Saltus and Whitman, Whitman and Saltus, B: iii., v. 334. 
Shang and Whang, and Whang and Shang, B, iii., v. 336. 
Scabies, whether utterly incurable, B. ii., v. 5. Scabies ct con- 
tag io lucri, lb. 
Scribblers, than Maggots in a carcass more numerous, B. i., v. 52. 

The common Sewer choked with them, B. i., v. 131. 
Setta de* Tenebrosi, those of the midnight school, B. iii., v. 371. 
Shoddy-Shop, artifices by which one is altered, to deceive the 

Public, Supp. to B. iv., v. i. 
Shoddy, how made, according to the description cf good old 

Latimer, B. ii. , v. 385. 
Shoulder-slipped, and buttock-slipped, terms in farriery, B. iv., 

v. 268. 
Sin, the advent of, the same as that of Error, which consists in a 

deviation from Simplicity, App., v. 17. 
Sinker, for want of a heavier, that which was made use of, B. iv. , 

v. 5. 
Skull, tympany of, relieved by paracentesis, B. i., v. 237. 
Slanderers, how they should be treated, B. ii., v. 221. 
Sla7tg, a modern word, and modern art, despised by the Ancients, 

B. iv., V. 25. 
Slave in the Triumph, what it is, B. iv., v. 170. 
Smut, the favourite topick, B. iv. , v. 345. 
Soics-a-Liner, the error he fell into, B. i., v. 6. 
Spavined Donkey; doubts of Ed. Ath. on the subject, B. ii., 

V. 22. 
Stowe, Mrs., how she searched certain parts of knowledge, to 

the bottom, B. iv., v. 298. Owns her doubts on some sub- 
jects, lb., V. 308. 
Strumpets, their wit, and in what way they show it, App., v. 57. 
Student, the modern, the missing link in Natural History ; that 

created thing which reads, but cannot reflect, B. iv., v. 92. 
Subject, method by which an author may enlarge on one, without 

addition of writing, B. iii., v. 166. 
Swinburne, difficulty of reducing him to order, B. ii., v. 217. 

Discovers undoubted symptoms of the Skallviingl, B. iii., v. 

236. Specimens of ih^i fine from his Writings, B. iii., v. 243. 



3l8 INDEX. 



TACKLE of Atlantic Cable, Author returns thanks for, B. iii., 
V. 6. 
Tale- Weavers, where they procure their materials, B. ii., v. 69. 
Taste, the revolutions of, beginning with simplicity, and ending in 

affectation, App., v. 11. 
Taylor, Ba., being jilted, how he sought consolation, B. i., v. 93. 
Tennyson, like Whachum, tries his pen on the Calendar, and 

finds his verses, like a Birth-Day Ode, out of date at the end 

of the year, B. iii., v. 176. 
Terror, the moving principle in Tragedy and Criticism, B. ii., v. 

Thieves' Literature, specimens of, B. i., v. 374. 

Trollope, a commercial traveller, of the second class, B. iv., v. 
184. Legitimate by his Mother, lb., v. 193. Specimens of 
the vernacular, in his style of writing and of eating, lb., v. 
195. 

Two ships, how an Editor came across sea in them, B. iv., v. 249. 



u. 

UGLY mark, on what creatures, and in what way, affixed, 
with that which distinguished Dickens, B. iv., v. 11. 
Ultima Thule, where situated, B. iii., v. 410. 
Unimmortal part of the creature Homo, where it goes to, B. i., v. 

128. 
Unlearning, the difficult Art of, and cost of teaching it, B. ii., v. 
90. 



V. 

VERMIN Breed ; see Criticks, B. i., v. 75. How classed by 
Hunter, the Physiologist, lb. 
Voracity, extraordinary feat of, and eating against time, B. iv., V. 

253- 
Vulcan's net, what a type of, Supp. to B. iv., v. 26. 



INDEX. 319 



w. 

WANT, vanity, and lucre, incentives to Writing, B. i., v. 2. 
Wit, a vulgar equality, though not a common one, B. i., 

V. I. 

Wood, Mrs. Henry, inherited the piquant taste of her father, 
who was of Worcester. Commencing with an abortion, threw 
triplets afterwards, and obtained the Queen's bounty, B. i., v. 
94. 

Worthless, the Receptacles of, B. ii., v. 113. 

Writers, half-a-dozen only, to the latest dates, have proved their 
skill in the World, B. ii., v. 361. 

Writing, the proper occupation of those who are born blockheads, 
or who are without hands or feet, B. i., v. 191. 



Y. 

"\ /"EAR, in what season of, it is fitting to be brilliant, and in 

\ what dull, B. ii., v. 186. 
YONGE, of \he feminine order, a shapely pillar; stands up for 

Church, B. iv., v. 104. Her novels, with a beginning, but no 

end of them, lb. 
Young reader, by what arts engage the attention of, B. iv. , v. 474. 
Yours til Death, origin of this phrase, at the end of letters, B. iv., 

v. 70. 



z 



z. 

OILUS, critick, confessed that his malignity sprung from 
impotence, B. ii., v. 229. Not an Author, but a Critick, B. 
1., V. 43- 



ADDENDA: 



PASSAGES OMITTED 



FROM THB 



OBLIVIAD. 



Entered at Stationers' Hall. 



PASSAGES 



OMITTED FROM 



THE OBLIVIAD. 



Here dragg'd to day, the monster of a birth, 

Shaggy and dark, a thing disown'd of earth, 

Grisly of front, and with a mane of hair. 

The doubtful breed of buffalo and bear ; 

Yet such that human hiding in its face ; 5 

Something like language, and of mind a trace ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 3. Grisly of front, '\ Manifestly a misprint for Grizzly, if not so 
spelled through ignorance of the Author, who had heard of the grizzly bear 
of the Rocky Mountains, so named from its appearance. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 4. dotibtfid breed of buffalo and bear i^ One of the products 

of a new state of society, such as the "half horse half alligator" gentle- 
men of a past age. 

Ver. 5. htcman hiding in its face ;] Hiding, through a sense of 

baslifulness, we suppose, from the company it fcimd itself in. Ed. Ath. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. I. dragged to day, the monster of a birth,'] 

"And drags the struggling savage into day." 

Goldsmith, Traveller. 



IV 



THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda, 



Nameless that long, and to no class confined, 

Till known as Joaquin Miller to mankind. 

From his own unplough'd plains the creature goes, 

Where muddy stream, like dark Missouri, flows ; lO 

Whence led, or lost, through sea the pathless way 

He wends, the uncaged wonder of the day ; 

From lane to lane, invites the crowd along, 

'Mid shouts and laughter, with a sort of song ; 

That light and heavy which of late so prized, 15 

And mix'd the barb'rous with the civilized ; 

Till from the rest he sees Carlyle advance, 

With Browning justled in a kind of dance ; 

Hail, hail, he shouts, as recognized each face, 

And hugs his brethren in a bear's embrace. 20 

Then, met some swarthy female to his mind. 

In gaze of all he does the deed of kind ; 

NOTES. 

Ver 10. imiddy stream^ like dark Missotiri^flo7Vs ;\ 

The Mississippi is pure and transparent, until joined by the Missouri, which 
fills it with mud, and thence darkens it all the way to the Ocean. 
" Cum flueret lutulentus, erat quod tollere velles." 

Hor. Sat. L. i., 4, v. 11. 

Ver. 17. he sees Carlyle advance. 

With Browning jiistled in a kind of dance f\ 
Carlyle attracting him by the qualities of his person, and Browning by those 
of his mind, I suppose. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 21. female to his nii7id,\ 

" The Dove of Saint Mark." 

"her shrine where naked Venus keeps, 
And Cupids ride the Lion of the deeps." 
The winged Lion, the Arms of Venice. 

IMITATIONS. 
Ver. 22. does the deed of kind f^ 

"And in the doing of the deed of kind." 

Merchant of Venice, Act i. sc. 3. 



Addenda. THE obliviad. v 

As ' but a brute ' bursts forth a gen'ral cry, 

' The fellow void of common decency.' 

'Tis said, indeed, when resolute to roam, 25 

To his sole she he Bade farewell at home ; 

Rebellious to the matrimonial rule, 

A poet true of the Byronian school ; 

Left of his loins the growth on distant plains, 

And brought abroad the product of his brains. 30 

A bard, a bard, direct from Nature sprung, 

With verse like Orpheus', when the Muse was young; 

The rugged rocks all split, at his command. 

And wolves drawn round him, in a tuneful band ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 22. In gaze of all he does the deed of kind ;\ 
It is not, therefore, without reason that the Athen^um compliments th's 
Author upon his " virile force." "Saved from mawkishness by his virili- 
ty." "Irresistible impulse." Vindicates himself from the aspersion of Per- 
sius, who doubted that the poets in his day, like those of our own, were 
emasculated : 

" Hsec fierent, si testiciili vena uUa paterni 
Viveret in nobis?" Sat. i. ,v. 103. 

Ver. 23. '« britte '] An expression which is softened in the Athe- 

NyEUM, where he is called simply "a half reclaimed savage." 

Ver. 24. ' The fellow void of common decency.'''^ 
"Mutinous from the moral standpoint," as in the Athen/EUM, still desi- 
rous to uphold the moral, for which reason it was that it brought into notice 
the most indecent passage in the whole book. 

Ver. 27. Rebellious to the matrimonial rnle^ 
A poet true of the Byronian school ;'\ 
This writer is a great master of the ambiguous ; as in these lines, which 
mean just one thing or the other. Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 33. The rugged rocks all split, at his command. 

And wolves drawn round him in a tuneful band ;'\ 
For which, consult Pausanias, Grjecise Descriptio, Lib. ix., cap. 30. 



vi THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. 

For thus in treble when a pipe is blown, 35 

Dogs join the music, with a piercing moan. 

But, ah ! too like, since thrown into a trench, 

For ever lost his Arizonian wench ; 

Who mid the war of winds, of rain the din. 

Deaf to his plaintive call, come in, come in ! 40 

The West, so vain, a hundred years now past. 
Surveys her son, and is o'erjoy'd at last. 
Yet rash who trust in all they chance to meet, 
This child of Nature is perhaps a cheat ; 

NOTES. 

Ver. 39. Who mid the ivar of winds, of rain the din. 
Deaf to his plaintive call, come in, come in /] 
Every reader of sensibility must perceive how much these circumstances add 
to this affecting scene ; when, the description of a young woman, in a jea- 
lous fit, rushing out to drown herself, is aggravated by the storm then rag- 
ing, and the rain, by which she must have been wet to the skin, and which 
was such that he could only call to her, come in, come in, not venturing out 
himself, nor wishing to seek shelter from it in the water, like Gargantua. 

Ver. 41. The West,'] Understand America in general, which had just 
completed her first centenary period. 

Ver. 42. Surveys her son, and is content at last.] 
The Athenaeum " congratulates America, upon having, at length, given 
birth to a poet worthy of her ;" which is a studied insult upon Longfellow, 
"Whitman, and, above all Bryant, who lived and wrote through nearly the 
whole epoch. 

America just saved her distance. One poet is all that can be expected in 
an age ; and, lo! just at the close, that star, for which every telescope had 
been searching, sets fire to the sky. Pretenders, as we see, are numerous, 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 37. B7it, ah ! too like, since thrown into a trench. 
For ever lost his Arizonian wench y] 
'•Quo fletu Manes, qua numina voce moveret? 
Ilia quidem Stygia nabat jam frigida cymba." 

ViRG. Geor. L. iv., v. 505. 



Addenda. THE OBLIVIAD. vii 

The Yankee hid by hair from curious eyes, 45 

And all that bearskin but a rude disguise ; 

Like Indian manufactured for a show, 

With help of ochre or of indigo. 

I've seen as sly a savage who ne'er put 

His native nose beyond Connecticut. 50 

Or, may be, with that blanket for a cloak, 

Miller but meant it for another joke. 

A modern poem would you bring to light, 
The Rules are needed ere you sit to write ; 

NOTES. 

but poets are rare things in the world, according to so sour a critick as 
Swift, who thus speaks of the mother country : 

"Say Britain, could you- ever boast 
Three poets in an age at most ? 
Our chilling climate hardly bears 
A sprig of bays in fifty years." 

On Poetry, a Rhapsody. 

Ver.'44. perhaps a cheat ;"[ I desire to say that this "perhaps" 

was hastily hazarded, as, upon inquiry, I have learned, that Mr. Miller was 
in California. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 48. With help of ochre or of indigo. ^ 
Too highly coloured. Am. Ed. 

Ver. 54. The Rules are needed\ This seems at variance with what pre- 
vails in the present day ; up to which period the world did not know "what 
poetry was." 

Ibid. The Rules arc needed ere you sit to write ; 

And^ since at first is ' nothing,'' be your boast. 

Still to the last that ' nothing ' uppermost ; 

That Aristotle may the whole defend.^ 

Alike beginning, middle, and the end ;'\ 
Aristotle is somewhat a dark writer, but his meaning, I conjecture, is this : 
A piece of writing may be a whole, anil yet be of no magnitude, or impor- 
tance, whatever. By a whole, said he, (for he finds it necessary to explau) 
himself,) I mean that which has a beginning, a middle, and an end. A be- 



Vlll 



THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. 



And, since at first is ' nothing,' be your boast, 55 

Still to the last that ' nothing' uppermost ; 

That Aristotle may the whole defend, 

Alike beginning, middle, and the end ; 

Led by whose hand, and unrestrain'd of rage, 

The rest commit to an indulgent age. 6o 

Reason too tame, let Fancy raise the theme. 

And, dull while waking, but consult your dream ; 

When immethodical let all be taught. 

And bring rebellion to the reign of Thought ; 

On things fantastical alone intent, 65 

And anarchy your native element. 

Like Sibyl's verses to the leaves consign'd, 

That toss'd about, and scatter'd by the wind, 



NOTES. 

ginning is that which does not require anything before it ; an end, that 
which nothing is required to follow ; while a middle is that which is placed 
between two nothings, and unites them : (Something as in the Galvanic bat- 
tery, when a positive is flanked by a negative on each side of it :) For so I 
understand him ; though that the Learned may have an opportiniity of com- 
paring my interpretation, or, as we call it, my rendering, with the original, 
it is as here following : 

"EffTj "yh-p 'oKov koX yinjSfj/ eX"'' fJ-fJf^os. "OKov Se fan, rh ex"" ^PX^*' 
Kal /xecrov Kal reXevrvv. 'Apxh Se ecrrtv, t aitrh fiiu f| oj'dy/crjy fj.ii juercfe 
&\\o itrrl ' /U€t' iKuvo 5' knpov iTf<pvKev elfai *) ylvea^at. TeAeur^ 5e 
rovvavTiov, h avrh fieT oAAo vicpuKev elvat, •/) e| ocaYfcrjs, tj ws iirtTonoXv • 
fiera Se rovro &K\o ovSev. Microv 5e, h Kul avrh /iiera. &Wo, Kal fier 
fKiivo eVepoc. Ae7 &pa tovs (TvyeffTctiTas fd fivAous, /J-i)^' on6^ev trvxev 
Sjxfo^^at, (uiijy oirov fTvxe TfAevrai/ • dAA.ct KexpTic^ai Ta7s etprj/ieVais 
ideais. Aristot. De Poet. cap. vii. 

Ver. 5g. tinrcstrain''d of rage,^ The present is not the first occa- 

sion on which we have been forced to object to the ambiguity of the word 
rage ; which may be the poetic fury, or that of the other sort. 

Ed. Ath. 



Addenda. the obliviad. ix 

Your numbers mov^e in an unmeasured dance, 

And left all meaning to the sport of chance ; 70 

When, sometimes, so perversely things are sent, 

Your words say one thing, though another meant. 

Some score of phrases all your stock in trade, 

Whence all those gew-gaw images are made ; 

Like shifting scenes that to the gazer ope, 75 

When pebbles toss'd in the kaleidoscope. 

No view of nature, to recall delight, 

'Tis all but random colour to the sight ; 



NOTES. 

Ver. 77. view 0/ natio-e, to recall delight^'] 

Kol rh x«^pf"' Tots fii/j-Tifiacri iravrds. Aristotle's great principle of Imita- 
tion, on which rests all poetry, with the other imitative arts. Any object, 
he declares, imitated by words, or otherwise, gives a certain pleasure, aris- 
ing from a comparison between the thing represented, and the representa- 
tion of it ; which is what we are to understand by what he calls, rb fxixv- 
edveiv, to learn, that pleasure, he asserts, natural to all men. 

De Poetica, Cap. iv. 

Ver. 78. random coloiir\ The pleasure in which case, (or when 

nothing in nature is represented,) does not come, Aristotle adds, from imi- 
tation, but from colours^ or some such cause ; 'tis an inferior and childish 
deli"ht. Idem et Ibid. 



IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 67. Like SibyVs verses to the leaves consign'd. 

That toss''d about, and scatter'' d by the ■wind^\ 

"Quaecunque in foliis descripsit carmina virgo, 
Digerit in numerum, atque antro seclusa relinquit : 
Ilia manent imniota locis, neque ab ordine cedunt. 
Verum eadem verso tenuis cum cardine ventus 
Impulit, et teneras turbavit janua frondes." 

.i^ilNEiD. Lib. ill., V. 445. 



X THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. 

In mem'ry finds no traces of the brain, 

A moment glistens and is gone again. 80 



II. 

Lo, glaring, next, where Gladstone hung to view, 

Held by such hook as once Sejanus drew ; 

(But only with this diff'rence in the route, 

One to the ditch was drawn, and one dragg'd out.) 

Grim is that face, where still the passions sit 5 

In life that had betray'd the Jesuit. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 79. In mem'' ry finds no traces of the brain ^\ 

" Something, whose truth convinced at sight we find, 
That gives us back the image of our mind." 

Essay on Criticism, v. 299. 

Pope found this in Boileau, in whose Preface we read, "L' Esprit de 
I'Homme est naturellement plein d'un nombre infini d'idees confuses du 
Vrai, que souvent il n'entrevoit qu'a demi ; et rien ne lui est phis agre- 
able que lorsqu'on hii cffre quelqu'une de ces idees bien eclaircie, et 
mise dans un beau jour." 'Tis tlie same that occurred to Plato, when he 
said, that all knowledge is but remembrance. 

Ver. 2. stick hook as once Sejamts drew /] 

"Sejanus ducitur unco 
Spectandus." 

Juv. Sat. X., V. 66. 

Ibid. hvpo.^'s Xlvec koI ijvoiri xa\/cy. 

HoM., as in Motto to this Poem. 

Ver. 5. Grim is tkat/ace,] 

"Quae labra? quis illi 
Vultus erat ? " 

Juv. Sat. X., V. 67. 



Addenda. THE OBLIVIAD. xi 

All that he once had written, all he said, 

Down in the deep, and rotting with the dead ; 

Book, speech, and pamphlet ; but no work to raise 

Perennial pillar to the writer's praise : lO 

In this, with so much more, compell'd to yield, 

Where Fame, afar, has hail'd her Beaconsfield. 

But, England's pride when like at length to fail, 

And fate stood trembling in the doubtful scale, 

Raised was that voice to stop his country's fall ? 15 

The sophist subtle to betray it all ; 

On Christian cavils boasted to rely. 

And was, in fact, her secret enemy ; 

Of art a master, how to shun the blame, 

When vice lies skulking 'neath a specious name. 20 

NOTES. 

Ver. 19. Of art a master, ^ For Master of Arts; a mere inversion of 
phrase. Ed. Ath. 

Ibid. how to skint the blame ^ 

When vice lies skulking ''neath a specious name.l 
Should any critick, whetlier of the Athenaeum, or any other sheet, clean or 
dirty, make an application of this couplet, I desire distinctly to explain, 
that it was not suggested by a certain passage in the life of a certain States- 
man, when his friends vouched for him, (for they knew,) that he was only 
aiming at reformation, at the time found, one night, with appearances 
against him. To illustrate which, the following may be quoted : 

" How Laurus lay inspired beside a sink. 
And to mere mortals seem'd a Priest in drink." 

" This line presents us with an excellent moral, that we are never to pass 
judgment merely by appearances ; a lesson to all men who may happen to see 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 10. Perennial pillar'X 

" Monumentum sere perennius." 

HOR. Car. Lib. iii., Od. xxx., v. I. 



xii THE OBLiviAD. Addenda. 

On so much mischief ask you why intent ; 

Gladstone had special insults to resent, 

Of temper jealous, who would all o'erthrow, 

To sink some rival, by a gen'ral blow. 

Or, he that Dian's Temple wrapt in flame, 2$ 

His model great to a detested fame ; 

To undermine the CHURCH, and then the State 

Urge on to ruin, in a common fate : 

The wretched recompense of all his pain, 

At most, that Gladstone work'd his worst in vain ; 30 

In him that faction for awhile had sway, 

The greatest rhetorician of his day. 

But, now, by Lords and Commons, Church and Court, 

Despised, what left him, in the last resort ? 

The Russian served him long ; the second task 35 

Suggests the Yankee, and to drop the mask : 

(Nations unlike, and opposite of ends ; 

But hate of England reconciles the friends.) 

NOTES. 

a reverend person in the like situation, not to determine too rashly: since 
an eminent casuist tells us, that if a priest be seen in any indecent action, 
we ought to account it a deception of sight, or illusion of the Devil, who 
sometimes lakes upon himself the shape of holy men on purpose to cause 
scandal." DUNCIAD, Book ii. , v. 393. 2nd. Ed., London, 1729. 

Not to the purpose ; as he alluded to was not a reverend person. 

Ed. Ath. 

Ver. 25. he that Dian'' s Temple wrapt in Jlanie,] 

Eratostratus ; who set (ire to the Temple of Diana, to eternize his name. 
" Ilia vero glorias cupiditas sacrilega.^' Val. Max. Lib. viii., c. 14. 

IMITATIONS. 

Ver. 32. rhetorician\ "A sophistical rhetorician," said the Earl 

of Beaconsfield, on a memorable occasion. 



Addenda. THE obliviad. xiii 

He turns an anxious glance across the seas 

In hopes, perchance, with fulsome praise to please ; 40 

A rival people flatters at our cost, 

How great their gain, and all that England lost ; 

Till won, what miss'd at home, the high rewards, 

For seven years seated in their House of Lords, 

NOT ES. 

Ver. 40. fitlsonie praise] Contained in an article in the North 

American Review, entitled " Kin beyond Sea." 

Ibid. The rock upon which we all split. The Yankees, in fact, dont 
care a fig what we say of them. They enjoy it mightily, and forget it. 
Kossuth, Fanny Wright, Ourselves, Lola Montes, and others, as well as 
Gladstone, has tried it, and, as far as our experience goes, only got home 
with contempt. Ed. Ath. . 

Ver. 44. seven years seated] The original object of the Constitu- 

tion being, that, when qualified by an apprenticeship^ Members might be 
sent abroad, as Ministers, or elected as Presidents, at home. 

Ibid. House of Lords,] In which, contrary to the opinion of some 

theoretical writers, there is no insuperable difficulty. 

*' A breath can make them, as a breath has made." 

Some titles are ready at hand, and, like medals, have the stamp of An- 
tiquity ; as, the Duke of Maine, the Duke of York, Lord Baltimore, and 
others ; to which we can easily add the Earl of Cornfield, for the West, 
and of Cottonfield, for the South, with that of Cottonloom, for the North, 
to suppress jealousy. The august title of the Black Prince can not fail to 
content the Emancipated, if Lord Blackamore be thought too familiar, 
though as "significant and sounding" as Baltimore, already admitted. 
More, in Celtic, signifies big, or great ; while Bal is doubtful ; but for 
Black, it needs not Heraldry. Since, in aristocratic England, a dozen Peers 
were created at once, under Queen Anne ; and since, in the days of Victoria, 
Disraeli and Cairns were simultaneously ennobled; what hinders us to follow 
the precedent, and write out two, or two dozen, patents of nobility, until 
we have enough. The Commons; nothing need be said about them. 
'• Drolede peuple," said Talleyrand, " vingt especes de religion, et une seule 
sauce." In this, indeed, there might be an obstacle; but that the question 
is already decided, as monarchal England is even now remodeling her Con- 
stitution on Disestablishment. 'I'he Throne! The Princess Louise, of the 



xiv THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. 

The traitor plots to an applauding throng, 45 

And pours the tide of virulence along. 

NOTES. 

blood Royal, offers most opportunely ; and, for the style and title of the 
Monarchy, as the Kingdom of Great Britain was easily changed into the 
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, we have but to say the 
United Kingdom of America and the Canadas, and simply drop the States; 
which, in fact, are dropped already, together with what were once known 
as States' rights; that revolution which, by a consolidation of empire, 
paved the road to this other. In this way will be renewed that Which all 
of us so ardently desire ; redeunt Saturnia regna ; auspiciously, with specie 
payments, the golden age returns; while Democracy, in the expression of 
those for whom it was more particularly founded, the vulgar, is "played 
out." 

The Marquis of Lome, let us name the Prince Consort ; and, at all events, 
one thing is certain, tliat all the Ladies, without distinction, will give their 
adhesion to the new regime, and uphold the Petticoat Government. 
Whence, as the flaunting sails of a ship fan along the heavy hull through 
the seas, the Ladies being moved, the Men move with them ; or, (to borrow 
the instance from Addison,) as Hudibras was carried apace, although he 
wore but a single spur, knowing that if one side of the horse went, the other 
must go with it. The Election is close at hand ; instead of which, we have 
but to call a Convention, when the matter may be as readily decided as 
choose a President, and even much more so, from what happened on the 
last occasion : to say notliing of the recurrence of expense, the knavery, 
perjury, and violence, to which we have submitted with so laudable 
a patience. 

Ver. 46. pours the tide of virulence along. 'Y 

England, Mr. Gladstone explains, is much to blame, that she neglects to 
circumscribe her dominions, like those of the United States, a "homogene- 
ous country," rounded off, and polished, like a mass of ice in the Atlantic, 
against which whatever strikes, sinks ineffectually : 

" In seipso totus, teres atque rotundus, 
Extern! ne quid valeat per laeve morari ; 
In quem manca ruit semper fortuna." 

England is much like what Prussia used to be, when her possessions were 
compared to a pair of garters thrown across the map of Europe, until such 
time as that great mathematician Bismarck squared the circle, and made all 



Addenda. THE OBLIVIAD. xv 

compact. The rule by which Bismarck worked was that of aggregation, 
which is precisely that which Mr. Gladstone objects against, as but adding 
to the difficulties of an empire that, like the girdle of Puck, binds, not a 
Continent, but the Earth. Whence, there is not to add, but lop off, and 
cut adrift those Colonial excrescences that retard her progress, until she 
becomes that " tight little island" slie once so much boasted herself. Or, 
if England be too small, and attempting a part she is not equal to, as Ve- 
nice, Genoa, and Holland, let us take the hint from the last mentioned of 
these States, which rather than lower her pride, proposed to sail, with all 
her wealth, to the remote Indies, and there rule without a rival. Since we 
want elbow room, therefore, let us emigrate, with our whole "plant," to 
New-Holland, where is enough and to spare, with-land at a penny the acre; 
and there "grapple with the problem of making a Continent into a State." 
What if some one were to tell Mr. Gladstone, that the British Empire is 
so much the stronger, because thus scattered over the face of the Earth, the 
products of which we collect, and thereby increase our prosperity, which, in 
other words, is our power ? These products, who is there that can snatch 
from us ? We have certain contrivances, that move about among these out- 
lying estates, the commerce with which contributes to defray the charges 
attending them ; these were able to protect our dependencies and us at that 
time when the greater part of Europe was our enemy, as they can now, I 
believe, "against a world in arms." Prussia has been overrun by France, 
and France by Prussia ; the very thought of which no Englishmen could en- 
dure, who, so long, free at home and abroad, moves, with the winds, and 
bears with him conquest to the remotest confines of the habitable globe : 

" Sive in extremos penetrabit Indos, 
Litus ut longe resonante Eoa 
Tunditur unda." 

The sea, as Sir Andrew Freeport delighted to call it, is the " British 
common," through which, by sufferance, other nations pass peaceably on 
their affairs ; and that which bounds the domain of these other powers, but 
enlarges that of the British. 

The blame, primarily, indeed, Mr. Gladstone allows, must rest with 
Providence, who has not endowed Englishmen with "brain force" in pro- 
portion with the cares of an Empire so great. In this, to the States she has 
been more liberal, who are now, or, next year, will be, by much greater 
than we are, or are ever likely to be. From the States, then, let us take in- 
struction, and do as they did, in their better day, before " State indepen- 
dence became an archseological relic, a piece of historical antiquarianism ; " 
leave separate communities to manage their own affairs, like so many parishes, 
with as little interference as possible from those wanting '' brain force" at 



xvi THE OBLIVIAD. Addenda. 

the liead of office. Our Colonists brought their municipal usages with them, 
and have not yet, by internecine blood, been kneaded into that homogenity 
which Mr. Gladstone so much admires. 

All this, however, is no concern of mine; a diver into the Bathos, or 
fisher of faults, of which the Article of Mr. Gladstone furnishes very many 
examples, and of which, agreeable to my usage, I will here give one or two : 
" Our two governments, whatsoever they do, have to give reasons for it ; 
hot reasons which will content the unreasonable, but reasons which on the 
whole will convince the average mind, and carry it unitedly forward in 
a course of action, often though not always wise, and bearing within itself 
provisions, where it is unwise, for the correction of its own unwisdom before 
it grow to an intolerable rankness. " 

The praises to Mr. Gladstone of which extract, are only such as remain 
when those due to Mr. Carlyle have first been deducted from them; from 
whom also the tautology of the following is manifestly borrowed ; 

" In the United Kingdom, the people as such cannot commonly act upon 
the ministry as such. But mediately, though not immediately, they gain 
the end ; for they can work upon that which works upon the ministry, 
namely, on the House of Commons." 

" Yet the actual attributions of the State authorities cover by far the 
largest part of the province of government ; and, by this division of labour 
and authority, the problem of fixing for the nation a political centre of 
gravity is divested of a large part of its difficulty and danger, in some pro- 
portion to the limitations of the working precinct." 

A clause meriting the praises of Addison, who was at much pains to point 
out the beauties of "a well-written piece of Nonsense." 

" There were, however, the strongest reasons why America could not 
grow into a reflection or repetition of England." 

1 would be glad to know what particular figure of speech it is which is 
here abused. 

Not that Mr. Gladstone wants the familiar, as appears by the following, 
from the school of Dickens : 

•' The nation is not at all conscious of being overdone." 
" Nothing pays better." 
However, paulo majora : 

"And it may be well here to mention, what has not always been suffi- 
ciently observed, that the distinction between continuous empire, and em- 
pire severed and dispersed over sea, is vital." 

Not always sufficiently observed ; Bacon has this Dispersion, in his Essay 
on The True Greatness of Kingdoms and Estates, but draws from it a con- 
clusion the opposite of Gladstone ; for, he wrote, speaking of the Romans, 
"Add to this their custom of plantation of colonies, whereby the Roman 



Addenda. THE OBLIVIAD. xvii 

plant was removed into tile soil of other nations, and putting both constitu- 
tions together, you will say that it was not the Romans that spread upon 
the world, but it was the world that spread upon the Romans ; and that 
was the sure way of greatness." Whence, if Cyprus assimilates with remote 
England, as with remote Rome, difference is there none, except in favour 
of Cyprus, which we approach, not with the design to plunder, but enrich. 

"The now-forgotten maxim of Judge Blackstone, who denounced as 
perilous the erection of a separate profession of arms in a free country." 

By much the wisest thing, that I know of, which has been said on this 
matter, is by Bacon, in his Essay on Empire : " For their men of war, it 
is a dangerous state where they live and remain in a body and are used to 
donatives, whereof we see examples in the janizaries and pretorian bands 
of Rome ; but trainings of men, and arming them in several places, and 
under several commanders, and without donatives, are things of defence, 
and no danger." 

However, more than half a century before Blackstone, Fletcher of 
Saltoun, an able political writer, and real patriot, published a ' Discourse 
on Government with Relation to Militias,' not likely to sink into Obli- 
vion, in which is strongly argued, and vehemently denounced, the estab 
lishment of ' Mercenary Armies, as exactly calculated to enslave a na- 
tion ; ' while is shown that ' a good militia is of such importance to a 
nation, that it is the chief part of the constitution of any free government.' 

To Mr. Gladstone I would recommend the study of Fletcher, whose style, 
masculine, perspicuous, and unaffected, is very different from that of " Kin 
beyond Sea," not less than from that of those various pieces, in prose and 
verse, on which I have reflected ; things that the admiration of the present 
age, but which will be the contempt of the next. 



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